Someone once wrote, asking why all my stories are a bit... odd. So, in
responce, here's a nice, quiet, heart-to-heart chat.
----------------------------------------------------
Ukyou Can Cook!
     or
The Way To A Man's Heart
_---- _---- _---- _---- _---- _---- _---- _---- _----

Respectfully dedicated to the Church of Ukyou

_---- _---- _---- _---- _---- _---- _---- _---- _----

Characters are all Rumiko Takahashi's, wow

_---- _---- _---- _---- _---- _---- _---- _---- _----

   When things look at their worse, when all hope seems lost, 
when the universe has turned against you... it's good to have a 
friend. With these thoughts in mind, Ranma despondently trudged 
towards the Ucchan's.

   His life had been going okay lately, which should have warned 
him. No new enemies after him for some monumentally silly 
reason. No fiancees his father had neglected to mention. No new 
special attacks, or plots, or love potions, or any of the hundreds 
of things that seemed to happen to him on a near-daily basis.

   He had even been getting along with Akane. Alarmingly well, 
actually. Ranma had recently made a startling discovery: if he 
didn't insult Akane, she didn't hit him or yell at him. Imagine! In 
fact, she could be positively... well.. nice to him.

   So the fact that she had been missing for two days was very, 
very upsetting to him.

   And he had no idea what to do, either. Akane was kidnapped all 
the time, but the abducters always did it in a highly dramatic, 
colorful, and eminiently followable manner. With this... well, she 
had just not come home from school one day.

   He had looked in all her usual places, called all her friends - 
nothing. And, aside from that, what could he do?

   Ranma hated doing nothing, and he was really worried, and he 
was desperately hoping that Ukyou would be able to cheer him up.

   Ukyou seemed to pick up on his glum mood the second he 
entered, and quickly ushered him over to the grill. The restaurant 
was empty, and she quickly began to whip up a plate of 
okonomiyaki.

   "I dunno, Ucchan." Ranma slumped over the counter, his face 
showing his concern. 

   "What don't you know?"

   "Well, it's Akane. She's been missing for two days, Ucchan. I'm... 
well, I'm sorta, y'know, worried about her."

   Ukyou nodded. "Well, Ranma, I'm sure Akane's hanging around 
somewhere. Don't worry." She smiled reassuringly at him and 
patted his arm. "Speaking of which... I got some new ingredients 
in a little while back, and I want you to try the recipe for me."

   He nodded, the motion seeming jerky and automatic. "Sure, 
Ucchan."

   "Boy, you sound excited."

   Ranma blushed. "Sorry, really I am. I'm just... you know. I'm 
really worried about her. Maybe you should get someone else to 
test your new recipe on. It'd be wasted on me, right now. "

   "You'd be wasted on it," Ukyou said firmly. "Look, this recipe 
was _made_ for you. Besides, nothing like a little food to get rid 
of your problems, right?"

   "You sound like Pop," he said, actually laughing a little. She 
grinned. 

   "Don't you dare compare me to your father, now." She walked 
behind the grill, and began to dice, fry, and cook. Despite his mood 
of gloom, Ranma's nose twitched.

  "Smells good. Beef? Pork?"

  "Yup, just swine. Ryouga would be absolutely sick, if he knew." 
She giggled. "Where is the lost boy, anyway?"

   "He went looking for Akane. Like he could even find himself..." 
Ranma trailed off, feeling his heart sink. Lifting the finished 
okonomiyaki from the grill, Ukyou hesitantly walked over to sit 
beside him.

   "Look, Ranchan... there really isn't anything you can do, nothing 
at all. Cheer up, neh?"

   He nodded miserably. "Yeah, I know, but..."

   "No buts." She pushed the plate in front of him, and stood. 
"Okonomiyaki Akane, I'll name this recipe. For you." Taking a 
bottle of sauce, she deftly sketched a the outline of a mallet atop 
the surface of the pancake. "You eat it, Ranma, and it'll be like 
she's with you. Giving you strength to handle this."

   He smiled, and took one bite, then two. "I wish that were 
true...."

   "It is, Ranma." Ukyou shrugged. "Akane's a part of you, like it or 
not. There's something of her in you, and, well, I think you grow 
on her a bit."

   "We have," Ranma paused to take another bite, "we have been 
getting along a lot better lately..."

   "Oh, I noticed. Almost didn't have time for me."

   "Hey, Ucchan..."

   She smiled. "I'm teasing. You'll always have time for me."

   "Well," Ranma grinned, "at least you can cook."

   "Ranma, Akane _will_ make good food. She just needs someone 
to prepare her, that's all."

   "Like Kasumi," he asked, dubiously.

   "Or me." Her face crinkled in a smile. "I wouldn't be afraid to 
cut into her, if she made a mistake."

   Ranma nodded. "Yeah... Kasumi'd just smile and gently try 
correcting her, an' of course Akane'd never listen. You know how 
she is."

   "Yeah, I know. Akane's not the tender sort."

   He smiled ruefully. "That's what I like about her, y'know? And I 
feel... I feel like I'm never going to see her again."

   The okonomiyaki chef turned him around, and looked him 
straight in the eyes. "Listen to me, Ranma. You will see Akane 
again within 24 hours, I'm sure of it. You just can't keep that girl 
down."

   "I thought you were rivals?"

   Ukyou shook her head. "Not now. All I want at the moment is to 
see you and Akane together, here in my restaurant. Oh, I still 
intend to marry you. But not until you've gotten her out of your 
system once and for all."

   "And if I never get her out of my system?"

   "Oh, you will. Akane... is the sort who'll make your heart burn. 
Then it passes. I'm the one who'll stay, Ranma, I'm the one who'll 
be by your side whenever something like this happens. I'll wait."

   He looked at her, and shook his head. "It might be a while."

   She smiled.

   "I'll wait until Akane's done, Ranma. Then I'll have you. I can 
wait." Clearing away the now-empty plate, she motioned for him 
to rise. "Now you go home, Ranma. You've got Akane, and I've got 
dishes."

   Halfway to the door, he turned. "Thanks, Ucchan. I feel better."

   "Anything for you, Ranchan."

   "When Akane turns up, I'll bring her by for that okonomiyaki."

   "_Her_ okonomiyaki. We'll have her for dinner, or lunch. Maybe 
both. And all three of us will be just wonderful, you'll see."

   "Yeah. Bye, Ucchan."

   The door swung shut, and Ukyou watched it for over a minute 
before laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing and

-finis-

------------------------------------------------------------------

Special thanks to Zen, Mike Loader, Kevin Eav, and RpM


- Susan Doenime, the Fanfic Writer of Fleet Street
Brisbane, U of Q
"I hit the streets / They watched me in the monitor..."