Thursday's Child Has Far to Go, Which May Explain Ryouga


by SKJAM!


(Scene: The interior of Chez Garcon, a fancy French restaurant. As is
traditional for this sort of place, it's dimly lit, with candles on the
tables providing either a romantic or a dismal atmosphere, depending on
your mood. A scattering of customers are at various tables, eating and
chatting.)

(At one table we see a man informed fans will recognize as Picollet,
speaking to a long-haired waiter whose back is turned to us.) 

Picollet: Pardon, mon ami, but you are not the regular waiter, oui? 

Waiter: No, I'm filling in for a sick friend. 

Picollet: Ah. My appetite is light today, I'll have one. 

Waiter: One what? 

Picollet: Of everything, of course. Say, do I know you from somewhere? 

Waiter (bigsweating): I'm sure I couldn't say. One of everything...the
wine waiter will be with you shortly. 

(The waiter turns, and we see that it is in fact Souun Tendou in formal
wear. He heads towards the kitchen.) 

(Akane and Mikado enter, escorted by the Maitre'd. Akane is hanging on
to one of Mikado's arms, and we can hear his bone creaking under the
pressure.) 

Maitre'd: Right this way, sir, madamoseille. 

Akane: Oh, Mickey-chan! This is so romantic!

Mikado: No more so than your soft, full lips, which I shall grace--

Maitre'd: Please be seated. 

(Mikado shoots an angry glance, which the waiter ignores, being a master
of Restaurant Arts Unfazability... The couple is seated.) 

Maitre'd: Your server will be with you momentarily. 

Mikado: Where was I? Ah, yes, which I shall grace with a kiss. 

Akane: That's sweet of you. (a sudden tremor hits her) [But what about
Ranma, I love him too, shouldn't I kiss him first? But Mikado's so
suave! What to do?] Perhaps after the meal? 

Mikado: [Curses! She keeps backing off!] I can wait, my dear. 

(The Maitre'd walks in behind Mousse, who is not wearing his glasses.)

Maitre'd: M'siuer! You are going the wrong way! 

Mousse: No, don't worry, I can find my own seat. 

(They exit into the kitchen. We hear a loud crash, a splash, and
frenzied quacking.) 

(Ryouga and Shampoo enter. Though their arms are linked, neither of them
looks particularly happy to be with the other.) 

Ryouga: That's odd. Isn't there normally someone to see you to your
table? 

Shampoo: Ryouga has been French places before? 

Ryouga: Well, only as a dishwasher. None of those jobs lasted too
long... . 

Shampoo: This good table. We sit. 

(She puts Ryouga in a chair facing away from Akane, and seats herself
with a clear view of Akane and Mikado.) 

(Mousse emerges from the kitchen, his hair a sodden mess, but human. The
Maitre'd seats him in a normally undesirable corner.)

Maitre'd: Stay! 

Mousse: Hmph. "Canard l'Orange" indeed. 

(Souun enters from the kitchen, and proceeds to the table his daughter
and her date are at.)

Souun: And what would you like to or--Akane, is that you? 

Akane: Daddy? What are you doing here? 

Souun: Filling in for a sick friend. (Turns) You aren't Ranma. 

Mikado: I should hope not!

Akane: Mickey-chan is treating me to dinner!

Souun: But Ranma is your fiance!

Akane: Oh, I like him too. But I see him all the time. Do you suppose we
could have Mikado move in too?

(Mikado starts sweating.)

Mikado: [Kissing is one thing, but a long-term commitment?] Ahem. Could
we order now? I'm here to eat, after all?

Souun: (to Akane) We'll talk later. (normally) And what will you be
having today? 

Mikado: I'll have the filet mignon. And you, lovely one?

Akane: The lobster thermidor, please! 

Souun: Very well. (heads off to the kitchen.)

(Ranma and Ukyou enter. She looks happy, he doesn't. The Maitre'd shows
them to a table.) 

Ukyou: Isn't this a romantic place, Ranchan? So dark and quiet... .

Ranma: I ain't got time for romance, Ucchan! I gotta stop Akane from
making a horrible mistake! 

Ukyou: Relax, Ranma. Nothing bad is going to happen. You're on a date
with me, remember?

Ranma (mumbling): You're not the one who has to pose in a teddy... 

Ukyou: Didn't quite hear that, Ranchan.

Ranma: Uh, can you make heads or tails of this menu? 

Ukyou: Not a clue. There doesn't seem to be okonomiyaki on here
anywhere. 

(Picollet and the wine waiter confer in the background. Mousse (his
glasses on now) starts inching his table closer to his target.) 

(Souun approaches Ryouga and Shampoo's table.)

Ryouga (in passable French): Where is Furinkan High School? 

Souun: Eh? 

Ryouga: Mr. Tendou? When did you put all these tables in the dojo? 

Souun: No, no, son, this is Chez Garcon. And I must say I'm pleased to
see you and Shampoo getting on so well! 

Ryouga: Um, er, you see...

Shampoo: Ryouga just take Shampoo eating! No date! 

Ryouga: Like she said...

Souun: Very well, what are your orders? 

Shampoo: What you recommend?

Souun: Our special today is roast suckling pig in apple sauce, with--

Ryouga: No! No pork!

Souun: Funny, you don't look Jewish. Perhaps the vegetarian salad? 

Shampoo: That sound good. Two of salad. 

Ryouga: Same for me. 

(Shampoo glares at him. It goes completely over his head...)

(The first of many dishes is brought out to Picollet. Through the
remainder of the scene, he is making food vanish faster than it can be
supplied.)

(Souun takes Mousse's order; we don't hear what it is.)
(But it sure isn't duck.)

(Mikado and Akane stare at each other in that intense manner people who
aren't in love find incredibly creepy.)

Ranma: I gotta stop them!

Ukyou: They aren't doing anything yet. Oh, here comes the waiter.

(Souun walks over. He is surprised to see Ranma and Ukyou, though why he
should be, considering everyone else is here, is a mystery.) 

Ranma: Uh, hiya, Mr. Tendou. Small world.

Souun (giant demon head): Why aren't you with Akane!? Have you no shame? 

Ranma: I can explain! Well, I think I can, anyhow--

Ukyou: We're keeping an eye on Akane. She may be under a love spell. [Or
she might finally have wised up. Who can tell?] 

Souun: Ranma, Akane is your fiancee! You must fight for her! 

Ukyou: I'm his fiancee too. Can't ignore that.

Souun: [Genma, you idiot...] *sigh* Your orders, then? 

Ranma: Um, er, (sticks his finger randomly at the menu), Esu-karu-gotto! 

Souun: That's "escargot", son. The 't' is silent. Are you sure that's
what you want?

Ranma: Yep, absolutely!

Souun: Right. And you, Miss Kuonji?

Ukyou: Which of these is okonomiyaki?

Souun: Well, there isn't exactly an exact parallel. Would you like to
try Crepes Suzette? It's prepared much like okonomiyaki, but sweet. 

Ukyou: Okay-doke!

(Souun goes back to the kitchen.)

(Akane and Mikado are served. She starts feeding him, but keeps missing
his mouth.)

(Mousse starts assembling a fishing rod from parts hidden up his sleeve.
Thankfully, it's not a koi rod.) 

Ryouga: There's something I should tell you, Shampoo. 

Shampoo: Mm? (She's too busy watching Akane like a hawk to pay
attention.) 

Ryouga: Well, it's about us and being here and all. I don't want you to
get mad, but this is really important. 

Shampoo: Mm?

Ryouga: I just checked my wallet, and I only have 200 yen.

Shampoo: Mm? 

Ryouga: I don't want to look bad in front of Akane's father, do you have
money?

Shampoo: Does Shampoo look like Nabiki?

(Their food arrives and Shampoo digs in, not taking her eyes off the
other couple.)

(Mousse makes a cast, but only succeeds in capturing some man's toupee.) 

(Ranma and Ukyou's food arrives.)

Ranma: What...is...this...?

Souun: Escargot. Snails.

Ranma: Why didn't you tell me?

Souun: You're not with Akane.

Ukyou: Crepes 'r' pretty good. Maybe I should add them to the menu...

(Mousse makes another cast, this time catching Mikado's sleeve. The
skater is tugged out of his chair before the Chinese boy realizes his
mistake.)

Mikado: What th--

Mousse: Dammit! 

Shampoo: So that where stupid Mousse is! You no interfere with date! 

Mousse: Shampoo!

Ranma: Shampoo? Geez...

Ryouga: RANMA! This is all your fault! Prepare to die! [With any luck we
can carry it outside before the check arrives...]

Akane: Ranma? What are you doing with Ukyou?

Ranma: No, Akane, I can explain!

Mikado: I don't know who you are, four-eyes, but no one interrupts the
great Mikado Sanzenin's dates and lives!

Souun (to Picollet): Would you like a dessert mint? They're wafer thin.

Picollet: No thank you, I've seen that movie. (Ducks under the table as
all hell breaks loose...)

         TO BE CONTINUED


Hi, I'm Scott K. Jamison, aka SKJAM! I've written stories like tha award
winning "Sauce" (which spawned the revengefic craze), "Deep Reflections"
and "Misconception." I'm also a published Champions (tm) author, most
notably of the Allies book. Most of my completed stories can be seen at
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/8190 
Comments to majks@cyberx.com ...

Thanks for your attention!
SKJAM!