Hi, Toshiro-san!  I have to say that the writing in this story is very 

well

done indeed (actually I've only seen this RECENTLY RELEASED part), can 

you

sent me the first two parts. 

BUT, there is this ONE thing that bugs me about this series . . . WHY 

DID

YOU TURN COLOGNE AGAINST MOUSSE?!?!?!?!

Note: I haven't, as yet, seen the fanfic referred to. However, the 
facts shown here can be pretty straightforwardly debated without it,
methinks.

Even though Cologne did told Mousse off about marrying Shampoo in Manga 

5,

she had NEVER INTERFERED with Mousse's pursue of her 

Great-granddaughter.  In 

Manga 27(the magic glasses chapter), she SAID IT WAS A GOOD THING FOR
Shampoo to date Mousse!   I AM TIRED OF SEEING WRITERS BLAME MOUSSE'S
FAILURE IN WOOING SHAMPOO ON THE OLD AMAZON!!!!!!!  It was SHAMPOO who
reject Mousse, not her Hiba-chan!!

Alright, this is true enough.  Shampoo rejects Mousse.  Cologne simply
doesn't care, or consider Mousse a credible threat.  But make no 
mistake:
when and if Mousse gets in the way, Cologne disposes of him as 
ruthlessly
and efficiently as she would anyone else.  Note the Reversal Jewel story
in Volume 22 for proof of that.  Were Cologne to think Shampoo actually
WAS falling for Mousse, then I have few doubts she would act to prevent
it.  She cares about her granddaughter's welfare, but only up to a
certain point.  Her duty comes before her feelings.

Besides, she DIDN'T HATE Mousse!!  She had helped in SAVING Mousse 

VARIOUS

times, like when that Japanese deity tried bewitch Mousse (manga 33), 

when

she thought Mousse was under attack from Shampoo's Amazonian techiques
(manga 34) and some other times that I can't remember just yet.

Both times it was at Ranma's behest, however, and that renders her 
motives
suspect.  The more so because both times she was losing one of her
workers, which she probably can't afford to do.  I might add that
Shampoo showed EXACTLY how much she cares about Mousse (which is to
say not at all) in Volume 33, which again reassures Cologne.  Finally,
she treats Mousse like dirt, and as a slave, and he frequently is
resentful of and insults her.  Remember, what did Mousse do as SOON
as he figured out the use of the glasses?  Beat the crap out of 
Cologne!  Sorry, there is no love lost between the two, even if she
doesn't actually hate him (it's more like contempt).

Besides, Cologne cared for Shampoo all through the manga and the anime
episodes (so many instances that I lost count).  She would NEVER try to
break them up if Shampoo geniues loves Mousse, like you said in the 

manga.

Bull.  Cologne is concerned with following the law, and what Shampoo
wants be damned.  If she wanted only what was best for her granddaughter 
so bad, she wouldn't have tossed her into Jyusenkyou and dragged her 
back to Japan.  If she thought Shampoo genuinely loved Mousse (a
snowball's chance in hell, but anyway) she would get rid of Mousse,
one way or the other.  If she was feeling magnanimous, she might only
sternly talk to Shampoo on the subject, but that's iffy.

One more thing, COLOGNE IS NOT the POWER-MAD villain that YOU SET HER 

UP TO

BE!!!  If she is, then she would have made Shampoo MARRY HERB OR 

SAFFRON IF

SHE REALLY WANTS TO STRENGTHEN THE VILLAGE.

Saffron and Herb didn't BEAT Shampoo, though, did they?  Besides which,
she would probably consider them threats to her power, as Saffron was
even more powerful then her, and Herb was powerful enough to make her 
wary even at a young age.  They would be very hard to control, and
they would both expect their OWN tribes to take precedence over the
Amazons.  If you like, I can dismiss all the other more-powerful-than-
Ranma-guys as well:

Ryouga: He's gullible and incompetent and gets lost all the time.  
Terribly unreliable, stubborn as a mule, and hard to keep track of.
Also, Shampoo doesn't particularly like him.  All in all, Ranma's a
far better choice for her purposes.

Konatsu: She's never met him, Shampoo would dislike his demeanour
and appearence, utterly devoted to Ukyou.

Pantyhose Tarou: He apparently knows about the Amazon laws and took
great pains NOT to beat Shampoo in combat; he's easily capable of
disposing of Shampoo to prevent an unwanted marriage, and even if
he chose to marry her, he would be next-to-impossible to manipulate
or control.

Kumon Ryuu: Never met him or heard of him.

I know I seem to be quite harsh in my criticism of your fic, but only
because IT WAS SO GOOD, and I wouldn't want you to spoil it by making 

these

common mistakes that MOST WRITERS make of COLOGNE.

I guess it could be a mistake or not, depending on the precise 
situation in the fic.  I'll have to look for it...


Blade
*********
High Priest of the Goddess Ukyou 
Official Fanboy of Pantyhose Tarou
Founding member of the Viz-basher-bashing Club
Author of unbelieveable talent
Debater beyond compare
Really humble guy  

"Reality is for those who cannot handle fantasy."






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