At 04:19 AM 7/14/97 +1000, David Bateson wrote:

This is a partly-old/partly-new story... outline that I was going over 
recently.  DO people think it is worth continuing?

  You're right, it's an outline.  Is it worth developing into a story?
Yes, depending, of course, on the quality of the writing, plot development,
and character development.  However, I do wonder about couple points.

  First, Mousse is a member of Shampoo's tribe.  Justify Shampoo setting
him up in this fashion.  Is it proper for her to trick a another member of
her tribe into such a situation?  Wouldn't Cologne have forseen the
possibility of sex and marriage?  She is not just Shampoo's
great-great-grandmother, but also an tribal elder. By knowing of the plan
in advance, she bears responsibility for its outcome.  Is such a plot
proper under tribal law and tradition?

  Second. Nabiki is too clueless here.  She can get bodyguards without
owing a favor per day to Shampoo.  I especially can't see Nabiki agreeing
to write blank checks, so to speak.  Also, even before Kodachi's attack,
Nabiki would be aware that people would suspect her and would be wondering
herself who was responsible.  I don't think that it would take Nabiki very
long to realize that Shampoo and Cologne are among the usual suspects.

  I also think that Mousse and Kodachi are too easily reconciled to their
new circumstances.  Both are obsessives.  There should be more sturm und
drang on their parts.  All this said, I think that you have an interesting
idea.  In fact, it was somewhat reminiscent of that darkfic "Black Roses"
by Shazorn.  I think that you should write this story. 

                                                                          dml