On Fri, 18 Jul 1997, KOUMA RYODACHI wrote:

[Snip!]

I chose Nabiki for a specific reason, and I know Nabiki fans are 
going to hate me for this. But when I began writing the test scenes, 
I was trying to think of who to use in this part, and an image of 
Nabiki as the serpent in the Garden of Eden popped into my mind. That 
was a powerful image, and that's why I went with it.

Hmmm... that is a powerful image.  Unfortunately I have to agree that it 
doesn't work in this case.  Nabiki carries no emotional impact with 
Hikaru and simply seems out of place.  You might try putting some scenes 
of Nabiki and Hikaru becoming friends (well, interacting in a 
non-adversarial fashion anyway) as it stands Hikaru has only seen Nabiki 
in passing.

Here's a suggestion for a better test. Put Ranma and Hikaru in a 

situation 

where only one of them can survive, and the survivor gets the body. 

The test will not change...and that is certainly *not* a better way 
of handling it. I refuse to put them in a position where either could 
actually be kicked out of the body.

Actually the tests in the original MKR all took place while there was an 
ongoing fight involving the other Magic Knights, and in each case the 
wrong choice would most likely have resulted in dead or seriously hurt 
Magic Knights, not to mention what the Mashin do to those who fail.

All in all your test seems a walkover compared to the original.  In MKR 
it was clearly shown that the wrong choice would have consequences, in 
yours...  we all know that Hikaru and Ranma are going to pass, but you 
were rather blatant about it.  It felt like you were preaching to the 
reader on correct behaviour, not that your characters were facing a 
critical decision.

Still, the rest of your story is interesting enough to hold my interest 
despite this.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The Major"                     |  "Funny Games, Strange Cartoons, Confusing
David Bateson                   |     Computers and too many Books!  No 
                                |     wonder you're weird."
major@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au     |       - My Sister.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|******************  E N D  *  O F  *  M E S S A G E  ***********************|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------