(Scene: the floating mountain in Cephiro, former home of the Mashin,
Windam. The three Magic Knights, Hikaru, Umi, and Fuu, are stretched
out on lawn chairs, wearing sunglasses, totally relaxed. With them,
also relaxing on a lawn chair, is the Eternal Lost Lurker.)
Lurker: Hello everyone! Welcome to the very first installment of the
Cephiro Fanfic Review Club. I'm your host, the Eternal Lost Lurker,
and here are my co-hosts, Cephiro's own Legendary Magic Knights!
(The Magic Knights wave.)
Lurker: Okay, let's get the ball rolling! Today we're going to review.
..
Blaster Master (A Ranma 1/2 fanfic)
by Fable
Umi: (frowns) Wasn't that the title of an old video game?
Fuu: I believe so.
Lurker: The author explains in his preamble that he's writing this
from the first-person perspective of Akane.
"Uh... you're not cooking tonight, are you?" Ranma looked scared.
"Yes I am," I said in a serious tone "You will like it this time!"
I >rolled up my sleeves. I'm sure that I got the receipt down this
time. I >shall cook a grand and delicious feast for my family. I
started to giggle.
Hikaru: <blinks> Why would she need the receipt?
Fuu: Perhaps she wants to give it to Nabiki, so she'll know how much
the meal cost.
Lurker: In any case, if she's gonna cook, she needs a recipe.
"Quit it, Akane," Ranma started to back away. "You're freaking me
out..."
Umi: Why do people always have to spout lines that appeared in the
VIZ dub of Ranma a grand total of one time as if they were major
running gags?
Lurker: I never could figure that one out.
"Oh, you hush now!" I said, grabbing his shirt.
Lurker: O_O Whoa.
Fuu: Akane-san is very bossy.
Hikaru: She must love him a lot to be so forceful.
<everyone stares at Hikaru strangely, with sweatdrops on their
heads>
I let him go, and headed towards the kitchen.
I entered the kitchen.
Fuu: Fable-san seems to think repeating himself is very important.
"Hello, onechan!" I greeted my older sister Kasumi.
Umi: No kidding.
"Oh my," she said. "That's not soy sauce! That's BBQ sauce."
I didn't hear her. I had over heard my father and Mr. Saotome
carrying on a conversation.
Hikaru: Anou...if she didn't hear her, then how did she know what
Kasumi said?
Lurker: <shrug> First-person omniscient?
Umi: If Akane was omniscient, she'd have enjoyed some fresh bacon a
long time ago...
I heard a loud racket. I stepped outside the kitchen. I looked
around, only to find that the whole house was now empty, except for
Kasumi >and me.
Fuu: Ara...
Umi: <cringes> Don't DO that!
"Oh my," Kasumi said. "I just remembered that I have to return this
book to Dr. Tofu."
Lurker: SUUUUUUUUUURE you do, Kasumi.
"Hmm..." I took out a pair of chopsticks and twirled them through
my
fingers. "and I worked so hard on this too." I picked up a morsel
of my >home cooking, and placed it in my mouth. I chewed on it for a
while, then
everything went black.
Lurker: Point of fact: Akane never eats her own cooking unless
someone challenges her to.
Fuu: Hai...Akane-san would be more likely to set the table anyway,
and use a hot plate to keep the food warm until everyone returned.
"P-chan want to eat my cooking?" I asked.
Lurker: <falsetto> Aiyah! When point of view change to Shampoo all of
sudden?
P-Chan moved his head around like he was drunk, moving in circular
motions.
Lurker: I guess that's for those of us who never saw someone get
drunk before.
Fuu: *hic*
Lurker, Umi, Hikaru: O_o
Fuu: ^_^ Just joking!
<collective facefault>
As Ranma hit my pet, I hit him, ala circle of life.
Lurker: More like the food chain...
Hikaru, Umi, Fuu: <giggle>
"Don't worry baby... Mommy will give you a nice hot bath!" I said
talking to P-chan like one would talk to a baby.
All: UH-OH!
"No you don't Ranma!" I called forth the legendary Dimensional
Mallet, and sent it crashing to Ranma's thick skull. Ranma was out
like a >light.
Hikaru: KO!
In one smooth motion, I had called forth the mallet of death,
knocked out my
fiancee, and used it to gain momentum for my chase.
Lurker: And the instant replay, for those of us who blinked during
the previous sentence...
We ran for about a good five minutes. We were deep in some forest.
Fuu: How did they get from the Dojo, in the suburbs of Tokyo, to some
forest, in five minutes?
Lurker: <shrug> With Ryouga's sense of direction? Anything's possible.
The strange green glow was coming from a box.
Lurker: It's the Mask! The mask of Loki!
Fuu, Umi, Hikaru: <giggle>
P-chan jumped on it, and started to grow bigger. His shape almost
became humanoid. The P-chan mutation jumped down a hole.
Lurker: Much like this fanfic.
Hikaru: Lurker-kun! Don't be rude!
"P-Chan!" I cried out. I looked at the box. The box was labeled
toxic. I looked down the hole that P-chan had jumped down. It was
pitch >dark. I could see no bottom in sight. Should I jump in? P-chan
is probably >hurt. I got to save him!
Lurker: Considering that he just jumped on a box labeled "Toxic", and
mutated into something humanoid, I doubt he's going to be fazed by
something like a hole in the ground.
I jumped down the hole, hoping that the bottom wouldn't be very far.
>As I fell, I figured this would probably hurt.
Lurker: Yes, usually jumping down deep holes in the ground kinda
smarts.
I was soon enveloped in darkness.
Hikaru: I thought she was already enveloped in darkness...
"Sophia third?" I pronounced.
Lurker, Umi, Fuu: O_O
Lurker: That definitely explains the title...
to be continued.
Umi: And just when it was getting bad, too...
Hikaru: Umi-chan! That was mean!
Lurker: Anyway, this could be interesting...provided anyone remembers
Blaster Master. The game's practically a fossil.
Hikaru: I've never heard of it.
Umi: You never heard of RPGs either.
Hikaru: <sweatdrop>
Lurker: Until next time, farewell from Cephiro! <fade out>
____
------------------------------------------------------------
Ryodachi Kouma
"The Eternal Lost Lurker"
squn29a@prodigy.com
My Web Page is UPDATED! Check it out!
http://pages.prodigy.com/EtLostLurker
no da.