Double Life
A Ranma 1/2 fanfic
By Jonathan Lung
“Ranma 1/2” and all characters relating to that series are owned by
Rumiko Takahashi and the series’ publishers.
Author’s forward: This is my second fanfic. This is basically a
messed-up, Otaku fic. However, I believe this particular one is
different to the typical “Demigod Otaku solves everything and
destroys all opposition” story, (although this trend is starting to
change). The main character, James Wei, HAS NO
UNBALANCING OTAKU POWERS! (as much as I _love_
giving my characters those). The only thing he got out of the
whole deal was a command of the Japanese language, some Kenpo
training, and maybe one chi-projection attack (I’ve not decided on
the chi yet.
I’ve tried to insert as much culture as I know or possibly
can. I do find it rather pathetic though, that even though I’m
Chinese, I barely know anything about Asian culture.
For those who detest either a new character taking center
stage or those who hate Ukyo, DON’T READ THIS!
I’ve always wondered what Ranma and Company would
do in an American school, but since carting them over there would
be implausible (IMHO), I just made it Ukyo, and possibly a couple
others. I’ve also wondered what would happen if some normal
(barely) people ever saw an anime character in the flesh.
Note: All names are in American standard, sorry. Only
during certain occasions will Japanese (and Chinese) standard be
used.
Second Note: Inspiration for this fic came partially from
“Sauce,” by Scott K. Jamison (yes, the dreaded “reverse self-
insertion” that spawned the infamous “revenge-fic” genre ^_^).
Chapter 1: Introduction
Thunder and lightning crashed outside. Each bolt
resounded with a tremendous boom and crash, shaking the trees
outside. For James Wei, it was the perfect type of weather. It
seemed to reflect his current mood anyway. Sullen and dark, he
quietly lay down on his bed, thinking about his day. It had started
off pretty well, until they, referring to certain people in school
started teasing him. He then started to think of how many puns you
could think of for the name Wei.
Unfortunately, that was not the only thing that earned him
such torture. If it were only that, he could have easily gotten them
in serious trouble, since the last thing that his high school needed
was a racial discrimination suit. Nah, it was his choice of hobby
that got the most kick. Japanese comics and animation were the
thing for Jim. Ever since his older brother brought home an old
manga of Akira, he was hooked. If you looked around Jim’s room,
you could see he was rather…interested in it. Those anime fans
who had such addiction were often referred to as _Otaku_. As
much as he denied being one to his friends, he had to admit it was
true.
Well, he thought, at least you don’t write fanfics…
Jim slowly got up to look for something to eat. After
several searches around the house, he decided to order a pizza.
With his parents often gone at parties and his older brother away at
college, he pretty much fended for himself during most evenings.
Just him, his anime and mangas, and several empty pizza boxes.
He picked up the phone and dialed for the pizza parlor.
Of course, with the storm all out in force, it was obvious that it
would take some time for the pizza to arrive. Thus, he popped a
Ranma 1/2 video into his VCR. He started to dial when a
tremendous thunderclap jostled him, causing him to accidentally
press the 6 key three times. Being rather unaware of such subtle
things, he continued to dial anyway.
In the meantime, a bolt of lightning struck the phone line,
screwing with the signal that Jim sent out. At the same time,
another bolt hit the power line underneath it, messing with his
VCR. While these events would have led an over-extrapolating
reader to conclude that Jim was sucked into the Ranma 1/2
universe, and gained the powers that every Otaku gets when such a
thing happens, that was not so. (That sort of happens later)
However, something not unlike that occurred.
Jim heard a couple rings before someone picked up.
“Hello, Tendo residence, Kasumi speaking.”
“Uh-huh, and I’m Ryoga Hibiki,” Jim said sarcastically,
remembering that the pizza place knew about him and possessed
Caller ID.
“Why Ryoga, do you have a cold? You sound a little
different,” the receiver asked.
In the background, Jim could have sworn he heard a faint
“Ranma no baka!”
“No! Wait! I was just kidding, I must have the wrong
number…sorry,” Jim hastily replied, abruptly hanging up.
“Whoa, that was strange…” Jim said, losing his appetite.
He had also lost his mood for anime for the rest of the evening,
dumbfounded at the call that had just taken place.
Chapter 2: School Blues
Jim woke up rather startled. He just had one of the
funkiest dreams in his life, but he barely remembered it. He
shrugged it off and got ready for school, still wondering about the
phone call the night before.
Getting ready for school consisted of a quick shower,
general maintenance of his head region (hair, mouth, face), and
grabbing a half-frozen Pop Tart. It also consisted of bringing a
comic from his collection. This time it was a Ranma 1/2 comic, as
it was Wednesday and it was the day for that series.
Most of the early half of the day was either annoying,
boring, or downright pitiful. He bombed a math test, botched a
History report, and got his comic soaked in water. He was nearly
comatose from Japanese when the bell rang, signaling lunchtime.
As usual, he bought his toxic landfill of a lunch and sat down with
his friends. Sometimes he wondered if he was the weird one of the
group. Then he talked for a few minutes and decided that he
wasn’t.
“So, what did you do last night? More anime?” Mike
asked, sitting across from Jim.
“Actually, no,” Jim responded.
“Finally found out that that stuff is scrubby, huh?” Jack
said, sitting to the left of Jim.
“Shut up!” Jim said, slapping his friend upside the head.
“Heh-heh, diesel, diesel!!!” Will said, who was to the right
of Jim. “Diesel” was Will’s expression for something he thought
was cool.
“Anyway…” Jim started, “I had one of the most whacked-
out misdials in the history of the world last night. Either that, or it
was one of the most messed-up practical jokes of all.”
“Really? What happened, dialed a 976 number instead of
the pizza place?” Mike said jokingly.
“No, but I was calling for pizza. Instead, I get the ‘Tendo’
residence, complete with Kasumi.”
The group gave him a funny, ‘he’s-lost-it’ stare.
“I’m serious! That’s what I got!” Jim yelled. Since they
were in the lunchroom, no one cared if he yelled.
“I think you need help, something along the lines of
‘Anime Anonymous.’” Jack said.
“I think so too,” Will said.
“You’re definitely over the edge here, Jim,” Mike said.
“Ugh, never mind, it was probably just the pizza guys
playing me for a fool,” Jim resigned.
“There you go,” Mike concurred.
The rest of lunch went uneventful, except for sporadic
conversation about American comics. Today’s rumor was that
Marvel was going to get bought up by DC, then how DC will
eventually get bought up by Image after that.
* * *
By the time Jim got home, he was pissed again. Those
certain parties mentioned before shook him down, all the while
taunting him with such beauties as “hey, you goin’ my WAY?” and
“hey Ani-freak, gimmie your loot.” Since Jim couldn’t, shall we
say, fight for shit, he gave them some of his money, with the rest of
it being hidden. Besides, the assholes he faced were reputed to be
freaking Neo-Nazis. The last thing he needed was a group of
skinheads knocking on his front door.
“Why don’t you fight back?” Jack had said many times
before.
“’Cause I can’t. Plus, the fact that their buddies might
torch my house?” was the typical reply Jim gave.
Thus, all Jim wanted to do was finish his work and watch
the Ranma tape he did not watch before. He finished his
monotonous assignments and was about to turn on the VCR when
it shocked him with static.
Deep within his subconscious, Jim knew that something
strange had happened. However, his conscious mind merely
concentrated on the electric shock instead.
“Ouch!” Jim yelped, and resumed turning on the VCR.
And so, after watching the Viz-dubbed video of
“Desperately Seeking Shampoo,” Jim promptly fell asleep.
Chapter 3: First Jump
Jim woke up very groggily, feeling as though he were
sleeping on the ground. In fact, he was. His eyes snapped open,
revealing a most disturbing sight to him.
He was in a large, open room, with a series of people
staring at him.
“Hello, I’m Akane Tendo, who are you?” the one closest
to him said.
Jim immediately fell asleep again. Apparently, he felt that
was not ready to get up yet. Maybe a few more minutes, Jim
thought.
He got up again, expecting to see his room and NOT
Akane Tendo. He was wrong.
“Hello again,” she said.
“Oh, hello,” Jim said, after 3 minutes of absolute silence.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Um, yeah sure, why not?”
It was then that Jim realized he was speaking Japanese,
something he didn’t normally do.
“Then you could tell us your name then,” said an elder
behind Akane, this one with long hair and a moustache.
“James Wei, sir. Could you explain to me how I arrived
here?”
“Well, Kasumi,” the man said, pointing to a young woman,
”found you outside in the rain, asleep.”
“Rain?” Jim said, then looked down to see himself
completely soaked through. “Oh.”
“So, why are you here?” the man asked.
Thoughts raced through Jim’s mind at the speed of, well,
thought. Something…something…something…something…ah-
hah!
“I am here to study at the Tendo School of Anything-Goes
Martial Arts and attend the local high school! <Yeah, that’s it…a
glutton for trouble, aren’t you?>”
“Well, then you are welcome to stay here, providing you
can pay for your training.”
“Ermmm…” Jim babbled, realizing he had no money on
him. “I can be a practice dummy,” Jim finally said. “I’ll probably
find some money later as well.”
“Good!” the man said, and bowed deeply. “I will be your
sensei. I am Soun Tendo.”
Jim bowed as best he could, dripping water in the process.
“Well, school starts in 30 minutes, so you’d better get
going,” Mr. Tendo said.
“School!?”
“Yes, you said you were going to attend the local school,
correct?”
“Oh, yeah, right.”
“You’ll be going with me and Ranma,” Akane said.
“R-Ranma?” Jim gulped.
“You know him?”
“Well, I’ve heard of him…”
“Maybe he can give you something to wear.”
“Why would I need…” Jim started, then remembered that
he was still soaking wet. “Oh yeah.”
* * *
I can’t believe it! Jim thought as he raced to Furinkan
High with Akane and Ranma. This is like all of those stupid Otaku
self-insertion fics, only I don’t have any powers. This has to be a
dream… He then put a hand to the red Chinese shirt he was
wearing and realized that this was about as real as it got. Hell,
Ranma gave this to me in person!
The trio ran on until they reached the main courtyard.
This was when Jim, being the oblivious numbskull that he was,
darted past Ranma and Akane. He thought he was making good
time when he heard HIM…
“Saotome!!! Your time has come!!!” Kuno yelled,
charging at Jim, bokken upraised.
“But I’m not…” Jim started, but then realized that he
WAS wearing Ranma’s shirt. In this case, that piece of cloth was
like a big bullseye strapped on him.
Thus, Jim did the one move that he knew. Just as Kuno
was about to reach him, Jim dived forward, tumbling Kuno over.
Kuno lay flat on his back, growling.
“You will stand your ground <ack!>” Kuno said just as he
was stepped on by both Ranma and Akane.
The trio entered the school, with one minute to spare.
* * *
School was uneventful. With every single class that Jim
went to, he realized that they were basically identical to his normal
school. The only notable exception was English class, which
replaced his Japanese class. This left Jim wondering how he could
speak Japanese AND English, even though he barely spoke the
former. That was changed as soon as he entered this new reality.
Usually, he thought, in all those fanfics, the guy-in-question gained
the ability to speak Japanese, but lost all ability to speak English.
Hmm…
* * *
Jim started his first Kenpo lesson after school. He
basically got splattered first by Mr. Tendo, then by Ranma, then by
Akane. Afterwards, the process started again, only faster. By the
time it was over, he learned to fall on the ground without getting
hurt so much, and how to punch effectively (after being punched
and thrown repetitively). Jim fell asleep on his futon with the
clothes Ranma lent him, being in too much pain after getting beaten
up, dressing, eating, then getting beaten up again. This last
thrashing occurred after he tried to make a grab for the last eggroll
during dinner. Ranma, Akane, and Genma all pummeled him
senseless over it.
Chapter 4: Verbatim
Jim woke up slowly, rolling off his bed. Since he expected
to be in a futon, he expected to fall about 2 inches. Unfortunately
for him, he was in his bed, a good foot-and-a-half off the ground.
He rubbed his head as he realized he was back in his own room.
“Yes!!! It was a dream!” he yelled, going off to his
bathroom to get ready for school. This action netted him incredible
amounts of pain as his body spazzed out in several places. His
mind also freaked as he saw himself in the mirror wearing a red
Chinese shirt.
“Oh, SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!” Jim yelled as he plopped on the
bathroom tile. Luckily for him, his parents were DEEP sleepers.
Okay, think, he thought. He looked at the clock/calendar,
it was Thursday, which meant that he did not lose a day while
staying with the Tendos. This meant that either he had jumped
into the Ranmaverse, or he was completely nuts and got the outfit
while sleepwalking. Jim, being the Otaku that he was, chose the
former and got ready for school, still amazed at the thought.
* * *
School seemed to be a blur for Jim. Rather dazed, he still
wore the stuff that Ranma had given him. Each class to Jim seemed
pointless. That was because by some coincidence, he learned the
same thing in each class during his day at Furinkan.. Lunch came
soon enough, after he astounded his Japanese teacher with his
sudden command of that language. Apparently, whatever gave him
that ability carried over to his reality.
“So, did ya misdial again and get the Tendos?” Jack asked
sarcastically.
“No…what would make you say something like that?” Jim
said cautiously.
“Sorry, just kidding man. You look a little tense.” Jack
said.
“Bad night.”
“Hey, Jim. Where did you get that weird shirt? Mike
asked.
“I dunno, found it in the closet,” he said warily.
“Looks diesel on ya,” Will said.
“Yeah, sure,” Jim said, growing increasingly cynical.
“Hey, doesn’t that shirt look familiar to you guys?” Mike
said.
“Yeah, it does…” Jack agreed.
“Well, I’ve not a single clue what you guys are hinting
at…” Jim said, realizing that they would catch on eventually.
“Ranma 1/2!” the three exclaimed in unison.
“Oh god…” Jim said, tucking his head under his arms,
ready for the various jokes that would soon ensue. They did, and
he was none too happy about it.
“Could you please…SHUT UP!!!” Jim yelled at his
friends, after about a dozen jokes, “I am not feeling so good right
now and I am getting PISSED!!!”
“What are you goin’ to do, amaguriken us?
HAHAHAHA!!!”
Jim sighed, got up slowly, and walked away. Gawd, he
thought, if they only knew.
* * *
Jim once again fell asleep, thinking that his jump was a one
time thing. And once again he was wrong. He woke up to the
sound of yelling.
“HURRY UP STUPID OR YOU’RE GONNA BE
LATE!!!” Akane yelled.
“Dear God, no…” Jim whispered in English.
He got up, and went though the motions of the previous
day. You know, school, Kuno-thrashing on Ranma and Akane’s
part, being thrashed (AKA practice), and dinner (which inevitably
led to more pain)
* * *
Jim walked back to the Tendo dojo, his stomach
grumbling. Due to an unfortunate food fight at school, he did not
manage to eat lunch. On his way back, he stopped by a restaurant.
“Hmm…Ucchans…” Jim wondered. Being the pseudo-
Otaku that he was, he calmly walked in, knowing full well who
owned the place and what was served there. Oh, did I mention that
Jim was back in one of Ranma’s shirts? Yeah, he got soaked again
when he got booted into the carp pond during a sparring match
between Ranma and Genma.
“Hi, Ran-cha…oh, sorry, I thought you were someone
else,” Ukyo Kounji said, approaching Jim.
“Oh, the shirt, actually, Ranma lent me this,” Jim replied,
explaining his garment
“Well anyway, I’m Ukyo, and welcome to Ucchans.”
“Thank you, I’m James Wei, but please, call me Jim.”
“What would you like?”
“Well…I guess the okonomiyaki sounds pretty good about
now.”
“Good choice, Jim,” Ukyo said, walking to the kitchen,
pausing only briefly to boot a curious-looking plant out of the
restaurant.
“Stay out, Tsubasa!” Ukyo yelled after she heard a faint
crash.
Jim chuckled a little at that exchange, as he had when he
saw scenes similar to it on video.
After about 6 minutes, Ukyo came out with a sizzling
okonomiyaki.
“Mmm…” Jim said, savoring the odor. Even though he
never had it before, excessive contact with Ranma 1/2 made him
like it. He finished it in about one minute.
Afterwards, Ukyo and Jim chatted, as he was the only
customer at the moment.
“So, you’re training with the Tendos?” Ukyo asked.
“Yeah, it’s okay I guess,” Jim said, all of a sudden feeling
every bruise and bump that was on him. He flinched visibly and
spazzed of a fraction of a second, long enough for Ukyo to notice.
“Your really not suited for it, I guess,” Ukyo said.
“Probably not, but it’s worth it,” Jim said, getting up. “I’d
best be going, more ‘training’ awaits me.”
“Could you give this to Ran-chan for me?” Ukyo asked,
holding a take-out bag.
“Sure.”
When Jim got back to the Dojo, Ranma and Akane were
arguing as usual. This time seemed to be about the food fight.
“You didn’t have to use my lunch, Ranma!” Akane
bawled, mallet at ready.
“But did you see what it did!? It took out half the
lunchroom! It was better as a weapon than as food!”
“Jerk!” Akane yelled, placing her mallet neatly into
Ranma’s skull.
“Um, excuse me you two.”
“Oh, hi Jim.” Akane said, removing her hammer from the
indentation it made in her fiance.
“I passed by Ucchans today, Ukyo wanted me to give this
to you, Ranma,” Jim said, placing the bag next to Ranma’s half-
caved head.
“Ukyo!!! Argh!!!” Akane exclaimed as she swung again at
Ranma, knocking him across the room.
“I’m going upstairs now…” Jim said, once again amazed
at the sudden violence. It was one thing to see it in the manga or
on video, but seeing every day in the flesh was a little disconcerting
for him.
* * *
A whole month went like this, with Jim jumping back and
forth between universes. At first it was extremely disorienting. He
often mixed up names and places, much to the discontent to his two
sets of friends (his friends in the real world and Ranma and Co.)
Soon, his real world friends were seeking mental help for him, to
his horror of course. Days spent in the Ranmaverse were actually
starting to be more enjoyable than those in the real world. The
Jusenkyo curses on Ranma and Genma had stopped to surprise him,
as it had the first time he had seen it in person. He was really
starting to enjoy his now daily chats with Ukyo, much to his
surprise. Dammit! He thought, I need proof of this place. He
slammed his fist against the dojo wall, then realized what he
needed.
* * *
It had taken several days to get what he needed, and vast
amounts of pain. By the time it was over, he managed to get the
four items he was looking for.
[FLASHBACK <in script>]
Jim <in best Ranma-chan impression>: Hey Kuno baby! <hiding
around corner>
Kuno: Oh, my Osage no Onna!!! I come! <goes around corner>
<CRACK!>
Jim <wielding blackjack>: Sorry, but you have something I need.
<takes bokken>
***
Jim: Hey, Ukyo?
Ukyo: Yes, Jim?
Jim: Do you think I could borrow a spatula?
Ukyo: Sure, I have plenty of them.
Jim: Thanks, this means a great deal to me.
***
Jim <with camera>: Hey Ranma, Akane, wanna get a picture?
Ranma and Akane: No!…tomboy…hentai…
Jim:<sigh>
<Thirty minutes of pleading and the rest of the gang later>
Jim: Smile! <setting timer>
<click>
[END FLASHBACK]
Jim placed all of his stuff into a small bag and fell asleep
with it.
Chapter 5: The Truth Revealed, I Guess
Jim woke up with a start. The first thing he realized was
that he was back in this room again.
The second thing was that he was wearing a training gi. The third
thing was that he still had his bag, just as he had expected.
“Well, better get changed,” he mumbled. Today was the
day to prove to his friends that he was not nuts.
He got the small bag from his bed and sifted through it.
“Good, everything’s still in here.”
Jim walked out of his house, humming to himself.
* * *
“So let me get this straight,“ Mike started. “Every time
you go to sleep, you ‘jump’ into the Ranma universe.”
“And every time you sleep there, you jump back here?”
Will said.
“Yep.” Jim said, going to his backyard. Mike, Jack, and
Will followed.
“You, REALLY need help.” Jack said. “As a favor to
you, we will take all of your mangas and anime off your hands.”
Jack gave a rather stupid grin after that.
“Shut up, I’m serious,” Jim replied, slapping Jack upside
the head.
The group went inside and marched up into Jim’s room.
The once cluttered room was cleaner now, with all the mangas off
the floor and on the shelves. Jim picked up a small bag and opened
it. From it he produced a red Chinese shirt, a small, yet familiar
spatula, and a snapped bokken. He also produced picture of him
posing with Ranma and Akane, along with much of the crew behind
them, trying to get in the picture.
“Well?” Jim asked
“Okay…” Jack said.
“Yikes…” Mike said.
“Diesel…” Will said.
“Believe me?” Jim said.
“Yeah…sure…uh-huh,” the trio sputtered.
“Good. Remember, this is a secret, ‘kay?”
“Okay,” the trio said in unison.
They seemed to take it well, Jim thought.
Chapter 6: A Visitor From The Other Side
James Wei whistled as he entered Ucchan’s. He felt very
happy for the first time in a while. Ukyo seemed to be the only one
that he could talk to without any annoyance. When around his
friends, they wanted stories about the Ranmaverse. When around
Ranma and Akane, they would fight so much that the subject of the
conversation was lost immediately.
He once again wore a red Chinese shirt. In fact, he had
worn it so much Ranma said to keep it.
“Doesn’t really matter,” he had said.
“Hi Jim-chan!” Ukyo exclaimed, coming over to him.
This was new, he thought, I never heard her say “Jim-
chan” before. Ah, well.
“So, what’s new?” Ukyo asked.
“Well, nothing much, just more training, more Kuno-
grinding, oh, and Akane bashed Ranma’s head in again,” Jim said,
as nonchalantly as possible.
“Oh,” Ukyo said, for a split-second a small smile reaching
across her face.
“It seems,” Jim said, ”that you enjoyed hearing that.”
“Well,” she replied. “It gives me hope…”
“Hey! As much as I know you want to marry Ranma,”
Jim said, irritated. Even though he knew that it would ALWAYS
be like this, he didn’t have to hear it all the time. “Hoping for
something like that is not that kosher.”
“I’m sorry. I just think that Ran-chan would be much
better of with _me_, rather than Akane.”
“It’s okay. I’ve seen what you mean.”
* * *
Just outside of Ucchan’s, a figure in a leotard watched the
two figures talk. Even though she couldn’t make out their faces,
she knew that the one with the large spatula was that hussy, Ukyo.
The other in the red shirt HAD to be Ranma.
Kodachi Kuno laughed to herself, a low, maniacal
rumbling originating from her diaphragm. The plan was simple, yet
perfect. She would leap down, spray them with the water gun filled
with sleeping formula, and carry Ranma off to the Kuno mansion.
Kodachi leapt down and sprayed the two figures within
the span of a few milliseconds. Neither seemed to react in time,
which was odd for Ranma and Ukyo. Kodachi’s smile of triumph
dissolved into a scowl as she turned over the male.
“Damn!” she said when she found out that it was not
Ranma, but someone else.
She decided to leave the two alone, who were sprawled on
top of one another. No skin off her nose, she thought.
* * *
Jim woke up suddenly, sitting upright in his bed. Back
here?! he thought, I didn’t go to sleep yet though. He then
remembered the girl in the leotard spraying him and Ukyo, then
darkness. Oh yeah. Just as he got out of bed he realized there was
someone else in there as well.
“Yipe!” Jim squealed rather pathetically, pulling off the
covers. And there she was.
Ukyo Kuonji lay there on Jim’s bed, dozing lightly. She
wore the same things that she had when they were talking earlier.
This included the giant spatula on her back and the bandolier of
smaller spatulas strapped on her.
How is that possible? he thought. He remembered how
when he fell asleep with his bag in one world, he woke up with it in
the other.
Jim then remembered Ukyo falling on him when they were
hit by the sleeping formula.
“Oh…shit,” was all he could think of to say.
It was then that Ukyo woke up.
“Wah…huh…where am I?” she mumbled.
“Um…in my room?” Jim said, as innocently as possible.
He did NOT want to get on Ukyo’s bad side. Having his face
flattened two-dimensionally by a large weapon was not on his
agenda.
“WHAT??!!!!” she yelled, and sprang out of the bed,
battle-spatula ready to plaster Jim. “HENTAI!!!”
“No-wait-I-can-explain!” Jim sputtered, mere centimeters
from being flattened into human okonomiyaki.
“You have 2 minutes,” she said, her tone turning Jim’s
blood ice cold.
“Okay, it goes like this…” he started, and within 1minute,
59 seconds, explained everything he thought he could. Just as soon
as he finished, he dropped back onto his bed, out of breath.
“So you’re saying we’re in another universe?” Ukyo said,
putting the spatula on the bed next to Jim.
“Yes.”
“And that…wait. I just realized this but, I’m speaking
English now!” Ukyo said, rather surprised.
“I think that’s a side effect of the jump. Jumping gave me
the ability to speak Japanese.”
“Cool.”
“Well, anyway, until we fall asleep again, you’re stuck
here for the day.”
“So what am I supposed to do, just twiddle my thumbs
until tonight?”
“I dunno, you can come to school with me, I guess.”
“Why not, but how am I going to get in?” Ukyo asked.
“That’s easy. Many students bring people from out of
town for a visit. What’s the difference if the person’s from another
universe?” Jim said, stretching. “Well, I’d better get ready. Oh,
you’d better change into something else, Ukyo.”
“Why?”
“Well, you do kinda smell like okonomiyaki…”
“Shut up!” she said, smacking Jim upside the head.
“Ow, anyway, you should leave the spatulas here also.
The teachers at my school are VERY paranoid of anything remotely
sharp.”
“Okay, but I am bringing one of them with me.”
“Sounds okay,” he said, figuring it would be relatively
easy to hide it.
Thus the day started for Jim with one other coming to
school with him. He got out a change of clothes and went into the
bathroom to change and take a shower. After he got out, he snuck
Ukyo in. She came out wearing a pair of trousers she borrowed
from Jim and the shirt he was wearing earlier.
“You look very nice.” Jim whispered.
“Thank you. So now what?”
“Well, my parents should be up in about five minutes, so
we’d better hurry.”
“Son?” Jim heard his dad say.
“Um, yes dad?”
“Are you talking to yourself or something?”
“Ah, no dad, you’re just dreaming.”
“Oh, okay,” Jim heard his dad mumble.
“Great, they’re already up. Come with me.”
Jim grabbed his schoolbag and calmly walked out of the
back door, with Ukyo in close proximity.
* * *
Tien Wei groggily trudged himself to his son’s room. He
decided to have a talk with him before school. Lately, young Jim
had been acting rather strangely. He kept strange hours, and his
behavior had become more erratic. His PE teacher had recently
been complaining of his performance. She had said that Jim shirked
all activities, stating, “I gave at the dojo, go away.”
Tien wondered about that comment. Was his son taking
Martial Arts without permission? As an expert in martial arts, he
often tried to teach his son how to fight. Every single time he
refused, citing some ridiculous excuse. Now he was learning on his
own? It really didn’t add up.
“Son, I need to speak with…” Tien started, but then
realized that Jim’s room was empty.
* * *
“Wu Chen?” Chen Wei heard her husband say.
“What is it, wouda arien?”
“Where do you think our son could have gotten something
like this?”
Tien held up a large object. The staff of it was long, with
a ring pommel and a pair of grips at the end. The top ended with a
large flat surface.
It looked like a giant spatula.
“How am I supposed to know? Could it be some kind of
martial arts weapon?” Chen asked.
“I have never seen anything like this. Even in my years of
training, I’ve never even heard of it. For all I know it could be used
to make pizza or those Japanese pancakes, okono-something-or-
another.”
“I think you should stay home today. Have a little chat
with Jim.”
“I agree.”
* * *
Jim and Ukyo walked the way to school. During that
time, Jim spoke about school in general, so that it wouldn’t be quite
a shock for Ukyo. Even though she DID attend Furinkan High,
almost any American public school would screw with anyone’s
senses.
“So what happens if we’re late?” Ukyo asked, rummaging
through a bag that Jim gave her to keep stuff in.
“Well, they just vent a little steam and mark it on their
attendance list.”
“No buckets of water?”
“They might have done that, but either a) they were afraid
of what students might do with the water, or b) they probably
couldn’t afford the buckets.”
Ukyo chuckled a bit at the last remark.
The two entered the school and went to the main office.
“I’d like to enter a visitor?” Jim asked the secretary.
“Your name, please? Surname first, then personal. ” the
secretary said to Ukyo.
“Kuonji, Ukyo” she said.
“Good, you’re all clear,” the secretary said, typing away
into his terminal.
“Well, that wasn’t so hard,” Jim said as the two left the
office.
* * *
Jim and Ukyo entered the Japanese class and found a pair
of seats in the back. When class began, the teacher started to write
on the board various kanji and kana symbols. Normally, Jim would
have been copying them down, but since his first jump, he
understood all of them.
“Shouldn’t you be concentrating?” Ukyo whispered.
“Nah, thanks to you guys, I don’t need it anymore.
Continual exposure and the effects of the jump did something to
me. Now I can read and write kanji and kana, I think. Haven’t
really tried it yet.”
“That’s good, so now this class is useless to you.”
“Basically.”
“Jim!” the teacher suddenly said, “since you were paying
SO much attention, perhaps you could tell us what this means.” He
pointed to a series of symbols.
“Sure,” Jim started, a hint of cockiness in his voice.
Afterwards, he went off in a blur of Japanese, with perfect tone and
clarity, startling his teacher. “It means, ‘you should pay attention
to your teachers more, they actually know stuff,’” Jim finished.
“Very good, hmm, it seems we have someone new here,”
the teacher said, glancing towards Ukyo. “Perhaps you would like
to tell us a little about yourself?”
“Remember, say nothing about Ranma or Akane,” Jim
whispered as Ukyo got up to the front of the class.
“Konnichi-wa, Kuonji Ukyo desu,” she started, bowing
slightly as well. “Well, I’m from Japan, I attend high school in
Tokyo. During after-school hours, I run a restaurant.”
“Hey, that’s the same name of a character from…<oof!>”
a student began, but was cut off by a quick elbow by Jim.
Ukyo finished the brief summary of her life, minus Ranma
and Co. She appeared to impress the group, although there were
occasional comments about her extremely long hair and rather
strange clothing.
“So, how was I?” Ukyo asked as she sat down.
“Just great, although he,” Jim said, pointing to the
wheezing kid next to him, “got a little too annoying.”
“What did he do?”
“Um, he um…drummed his fingers on the desk a lot.”
“Oh.”
Chapter 7: Lunchtime
Every step of the way, Jim feared lunchtime. How in hell
was he going to explain Ukyo to his friends. “Oh, hey guys, this is
Ukyo, you know her right? She one of Ranma’s fiances.” Yeah,
that’s really gonna work. Even though they believed Jim about his
jumping, barely, they wouldn’t be ready for this. He still wasn’t
sure they had recovered from the picture of him with the whole
gang.
“Okay, here’s some money for lunch, please try to stay
away from the school lunches,” Jim said, handing a five to Ukyo.
“Why? Is it bad?” Ukyo asked, looking warily at her
friend.
“Well, let’s just put it this way, it makes Akane’s cooking
look good.”
“It can’t be THAT disgusting, can it?” she asked, barely
able to comprehend such toxic substances.
“No comment.”
The two sat down at Jim’s usual table across from each
other. Although his friends were not there yet, they would be soon.
“What’s that?” Ukyo asked, looking at Jim’s lunch.
“Well…its either hamburger or ground-up basketball,” Jim
said, cautiously prodding the sandwich with a plastic spork. “I was
better off with chopsticks…” he muttered. “What did you get?”
“Instant ramen. The broth looks a little green though…”
Ukyo said, trying hopelessly to use the bastardized utensil. Finally,
she pulled out a pair of chopsticks from her bag and started eating.
“Hey Jim,” Mike said, going to his normal chair. It was
about a foot away from it that he realized that someone else was in
it.
“Hey, your in my chair,” he said to Ukyo.
“Oh, sorry...” she replied, her mouth full of noodles.
“Perhaps you should sit in another chair, hmm?” Jim
suggested to Mike.
“Why? This messes up our order, remember? You sit
there so you can get a better slapping…”
“Shut up, she happens to be a friend of mine, ‘kay?”
“Fine, I’ll move, but don’t blame me when you can’t reach
over to hit Jack.” Mike then sat to the right of Jim.
Ukyo gave Jim a rather harsh glare at the last remark.
“Well, Jack gets annoying and he needs to be reminded of
that occasionally,” Jim said.
She seemed to accept that. After all, she DID hang out
with Ranma and Akane frequently.
“So, you’re a friend of Jim’s?” Mike asked her.
“Yes, I’m Ukyo.”
“Ukyo…that sounds very familiar,” Mike wondered.
“Um, Mike? You know that jumping thing I was talking
about earlier?” Jim said, deciding to come clean with Mike. He was
a little more stable that his other friends, and could bear to hear the
truth.
“Yeah?”
“Well, Mike, I’d like you to meet Ukyo Kuonji, manager
of Ucchans okonomiyaki restaurant.”
Mike sort of stared at Ukyo for a moment, then Jim, then
Ukyo again. The connection was finally established after Mike’s
common-sense collapsed under the force of his weirdness lobe.
“Holy shit…you’re from that alternate reality.” Mike said,
his brain slightly numb from the mental struggle.
“Listen, Mike,” Jim whispered to him. “We’ve got to
keep a lid on this. You may recognize her, but Jack and Will don’t
know about her.”
“Gotcha,” Mike said, after his common-sense and
weirdness started to agree with each other.
“Um, Jim? How exactly did your friend know about me?”
Ukyo asked, realizing that if Jim only told some of the story to his
friends, how would Mike know about her?
“Um…how should I explain this. I didn’t get a chance to
tell you this morning,” Jim said.
“This morning?” Mike inquired.
“Yeah, Ukyo and I jumped into my room this morning.”
“Heh-heh, heh-heh.”
“Shut up, you’re starting to sound like Will now.”
“So you were saying?” Ukyo interjected.
Jim took a deep, long breath. What the hell, he thought,
put it blunt. “Well, it goes like this. You, Ranma, Akane, and
everyone else were, in this universe, the creation of a woman
named Rumiko Takahashi.”
“What?!” Ukyo exclaimed.
“All of the things that happened to you guys were
chronicled in a comic series called ‘Ranma 1/2.’” Jim continued.
“One-half?” Ukyo asked lamely, her mind still juggling the
new information. It wasn’t every day someone told you that you
were a character in a comic.
“That’s in reference to Ranma’s curse.”
“Okay…So, let me get this straight…me, and virtually
EVERYONE I know are the works of some comic writer?!” Ukyo
fumed, her hand subconsciously going for her battle-spatula. Since
it wasn’t on her back as normal, she stopped and put her hand on
the table.
“In this universe though!” Jim said, hoping to stave off
any more trouble.
“Yeah,” Mike added, “for all we know, our universe could
be the creation of some other person’s insane mind.”
“Okay…I can accept that. Stranger things have happened
to me,” she said. “Is that why you didn’t want me to say much in
class, because of the series?”
“Yes, if you had said anything about Ranma and Akane,
I’d say a good half of the class would have recognized it. They
probably would have thought you were crazy.”
“I am not crazy!” she yelled. Luckily, since it was the
lunchroom, nobody heard it.
“Listen, if I spouted out a comic book as my life, you’d
think I was crazy, right?” Jim proposed.
“Well, yeah.”
“Don’t look now, Jim, but Jack and Will are coming,”
Mike said, pointing to two figures across the lunchroom.
“Okay, here’s the plan, we say nothing about this. Ukyo,
try not to say much about yourself. They haven’t seen any comics
with Ukyo in it yet, and I’ve only made passive references about
you.” Jim said. “They kinda find Ranma 1/2 rather stupid, so they
probably weren’t paying attention, despite the fact that they know
about my jumping.”
Ukyo bristled at that.
“Here they come,” Mike said.
Jack and Will came up to the table. Both looked strangely
at the odd seating arrangement, but shrugged it off. Jack sat next
to Jim while Will sat next to Ukyo.
“Hey Jim, Mike,” Jack said, opening up his soda.
“Hey,” Jim responded, “how ya doing?”
“Just fine, thanks. Who’s she?” Jack asked, pointing to
Ukyo.
“Oh, well, guys, I’d like you to meet Ukyo, she’s a friend
of mine from out of town.”
“Hi…hey,” Jack and Will said.
“Hello,” she replied.
“Um, Will, what exactly are you eating?” Mike asked,
looking in Will’s ramen cup. Although it was not unusual to see
him with one, this particular cup had a dark brown soup, as
opposed to the normal yellow-green color.
“It’s noodles, what else would it be?” Will said, sounding
rather agitated.
“I think he means the broth,” Jim said.
“Oh…well…I accidentally put coffee in the cup instead of
water…” Will said.
“Stupid, Will, a very scrubby thing to do,” Jack said.
“Shut up! I’m diesel! Diesel, diesel, diesel!” Will ranted.
“I just didn’t notice it, that’s all.”
“How can you NOT notice the difference between a dark
pot and a clear pot?” Mike added.
“He must be as blind as Mousse…” Ukyo said under her
breath. Unfortunately for her, Jack managed to hear it, despite the
noise circulating around the lunchroom.
“Mousse…” Jack wondered, “you a Ranma 1/2 fan?”
“Well, sort of…” Ukyo replied, knowing not to reveal
anything.
“Looks like we have another Otaku…” Will said.
“Shut up! I am NOT a naffing Otaku, dammit!” Jim
bellowed, tired of hearing the word “Otaku.” He was ready to go
ballistic at that point.
“Well, you HAVE done what others have been wishing for
years, we think,” Jack said, “and you are quite obsessed.”
“Okay, you got me there…” Jim conceded, deciding not to
go ballistic after all.
“What’s an Otaku?” Ukyo asked, thoroughly perplexed.
She knew the Japanese term…just not the American slang version.
“Someone who’s obsessed with Japanese animation, like
poor Jim here,” Will said. “It can get really bad eventually.”
Mike, Jack, and Jim gave Will an odd stare. It was not
like him to say something that made COMPLETE sense.
“Well, I DO pay attention to what goes on around here,
you know,” Will said.
“Anyway…” Jim began again.
“Where are you from, Ukyo?” Jack asked, trying to break
the ice.
“Japan, Tokyo area,” she replied.
“Cool, hey Jim, you’ve ever been to Japan?” Jack said
stupidly, trying a verbal jab at Jim. It was quite obvious what he
was hinting at.
“Um, no. Never got the chance.” Jim had to play along.
It was the only way to make sure that Jack and Will were kept in
the dark.
“You should, it’s very nice,” Ukyo said, also knowing to
act clueless. “You can stay at my place.”
“Ooh…Jim. A little more than a friend isn’t she?” Will
suggested.
Just as Jim was ready to slap Will upside the head, a flash
of metal contacted his friend in the head and knocked him silly.
“Will-san no hentai!” Ukyo bawled, her small spatula
following-through away from Jim’s direction.
“Oww…sorry…” Will said, rubbing the new bruise on his
cheek.
“Oops, overreacted a bit, I apologize, Will,” Ukyo said,
giving a slight nod with her head.
“It’s okay,” Will mumbled, deciding to keep his mouth
shut in case anything else stupid comes out.
Jim and Mike stared a bit at Ukyo, then proceeded to eat
again. Jack whistled a bit, admiring the accuracy of the strike. Will
sort of cowered a bit, then started to eat as well.
The rest of lunch was rather uneventful. The normally
loud and talkative group of friends fell silent after Ukyo’s little
outburst. It is interesting how sudden violence can shut people up
quickly.
Chapter 8: Hoops
“Hmm, that went well, didn’t it?” Jim asked Ukyo.
“At least they didn’t find out,” she replied.
The two were in physical education “class.” Of course,
that meant little, as PE was one of the most disorganized classes in
Jim’s school. This was obviously due to the massive overcrowding,
with at least a hundred people in a single gym at a time. The room
was hot and foul-smelling from the immense amount of people.
Luckily, it was spring time, so eventually PE would be held outside,
rather than the gym.
However, that wouldn’t happen for a least another week.
In the meantime, Jim and Ukyo sweated along the sidelines. The
main body of the gym was used for basketball, and at the moment,
neither felt like playing.
That is, until Ukyo got off the sidelines and strode off to
one of the groups playing.
“What are you doing?” Jim asked her, jogging to catch up
with her.
“I’m going to play, what does it look like I’m doing?”
Ukyo responded. “Com’on, it’ll be fun!”
“But…” Jim started.
“But what?”
“I…can’t play. I suck too much.”
“Well, you can’t get better through sitting around, can
you?”
“I guess you’re right…but don’t expect me to be good or
anything.”
And so the two walked to one of the courts, one
confident, one unsure.
***
“Over here!” Ukyo shouted in mid-air. Jim, who
possessed the ball at the time, passed it over the flailing arms of the
opposing team. Ukyo caught it and drove it home with a
thundering slam dunk. As he saw his friend play, Jim could really
do nothing but marvel at the skill Ukyo had at basketball, even
though she claimed she only played occasionally.
Hmm, Jim thought, must be all that roof-hopping she
does…
“Hey!” one of Jim’s teammates shouted. “Where’d she
learn to play like that?!” He was pointing to Ukyo, who had just
made a perfect lay-up.
“I dunno, comes natural for her, I guess,” Jim responded,
whistling at Ukyo’s skill.
***
“Really, you did fine, Jim-chan,” Ukyo said brightly. It
was nearing the end of the period and the crowds were gathering
near the door, urging to exit the sweaty gym.
“Please! I must’ve bricked at least a dozen shots!” Jim
responded. “Compared to you, I was…” Words failed him.
“Com’on, I wasn’t that good,” Ukyo said.
Jim looked back at the court that the two were playing on,
and saw that the opposing team was still on the ground, groaning in
pain.
“The opposing team still thinks otherwise, Ukyo,” Jim
said, a touch of humor in his voice. The two laughed a bit at that.
The bell rang, signaling the end of the period. Jim and
Ukyo barely managed to keep from being trampled by the huddled
masses yearning to break free. And thus school ended for the day.
“Seriously now,” Jim started, while the two were walking
back to Jim’s house. “Where did you learn to play like that?”
“I play every now and then,” Ukyo began. “And being
around Ran-chan and everyone else helps you a lot.”
“I’ll say…think maybe after a few more months, I’d be
able to leap rooftops and dunk?” Jim mused.
A funny look and a smile from Ukyo brought that thought
down.
Chapter 9: An Explanation
As Jim and Ukyo approached the Wei residence, neither
had expected what was coming. The two had decided that Ukyo
would hide in various places around the house (even on the roof if
it wouldn’t rain), until nightfall. Jim’s parents wouldn’t have to
know about Ukyo, and everything would be alright.
Unfortunately, Jim hadn’t expected his dad to stay home
for the day.
“Hello, son,” Jim’s dad said to the two teenagers when
they entered the house. He held Ukyo’s combat spatula in his
hands. “Care to explain this to me?”
“Uhh…I can explain this, really dad!” Jim started, utterly
shocked. “Um…I’m taking cooking lessons?”
“Honestly son,” Tien Wei said, twirling the spatula like a
bo staff. “If you wanted to take martial arts lessons, you could
have told me first. Just what in God’s name is this thing anyway?”
He stopped twirling.
“It’s mine, and it’s a spatula” Ukyo said, approaching
Tien, her hand out.
“Oh, and who is this, Jim? Friend of yours?” Jim’s dad
asked, handing the spatula to Ukyo.
“Yeah, you could say that. She’s an exchange student
from Japan and I’m showing her around.” Yeah that’s it, Jim
thought.
“Ah, so desu ka…” Tien said, startling Jim. I didn’t know
dad knew Japanese, Jim thought.
“So,” Jim’s dad said, talking to Ukyo, “where are you
from, uh…may I inquire your name?” His Japanese was somewhat
ornate, and it reminded Jim of Kuno.
“I’m Ukyo. I’m from Tokyo, Mr. Wei.”
“Ah! Tokyo, what ward?”
“Nerima, sir.”
“Hmm…”
Tien’s gaze passed from Ukyo, to the spatula, to Jim, back
to Ukyo, and then back to Jim.
What’s he looking at, Jim thought. Then a shocking
revelation hit him…
Jim remembered his dad watched Ranma 1/2 also, quite
frequently also. It was in an attempt to “bond,” so to speak, with
his son that he got hooked on the series. Hell, even he bought the
occasional tape to add to the family collection.
Shit! I forgot that _he_ was the one that bought “Ukyo
Can Cook,” also!
“Um…dad?” Jim said, deciding to reveal the truth instead
of lying his ass off as usual. “I have something to tell you…”
A few minutes later…
“Son, I wouldn’t have believed it if it was anyone else who
was saying it,” Jim’s dad said, his gaze passing back and forth
between Jim and Ukyo. The three, who had been standing at the
doorway before, had since repositioned themselves in the living
room.
“It’s the truth, dad. This is Ukyo Kuonji from Ranma1/2,”
Jim stated again. “I’ve been leaping back and forth between
universes for a couple of months now. Thanks to some sleeping
potion, now Ukyo’s stuck here for the day.” Ukyo, who had been
listening to the conversation between Jim and his father, decided to
keep quiet for the moment.
“You know, I had originally stayed home to ask what has
been going on with you recently,” Tien stated. “Well…this was a
little more than what I expected.” The elder Wei sighed deeply, the
whole ordeal taking a toll on him.
“So, what do we do about mom, dad?” Jim asked. He
knew that his dad could take it, but his mom? Hell no!
“We say _nothing_, son,” Tien said. “Ukyo, do you think
you can keep up the ‘exchange student’ facade?”
“Of course, “ Ukyo answered.
“Good. So, I guess it will be four places at dinner tonight,
eh?” Jim’s father said.
***
Getting past Jim’s mother had been easy. A quick
explanation, along with the backing of his father, Jim managed to
convince his mom that Ukyo was an exchange student, who needed
a place to spend for the night. Luckily, the matron of the Wei
family never watched Ranma1/2.
Speaking of which, Ranma1/2 was exactly what Ukyo and
Jim ended up watching after dinner was done.
“I want to see just how you managed to know so much
about me and everyone else,” Ukyo said wryly.
So they did, starting with the first volume. As the two
were watching, Jim’s thoughts wandered a bit. He noticed the fact
that Ukyo didn’t really _look_ that different from the cartoon, aside
from the lack of the typical “anime features.” If she’d looked like
how she does in the anime, it would have been _much_ more
difficult to explain her in school…
Chapter 10: Back Again
When Jim woke up the next morning, the first thing he
realized was that he was laying down on something hard. As he got
up, he realized that he was still on the floor of Ucchan’s, and that
Ukyo was next to him.
“Hey, Ukyo, wake up,” Jim whispered, shaking the
okonomiyaki chef a bit. She stirred, then woke up.
“Hmm…why am I on the ground?” she asked groggily.
Then she remembered what had happened. “Cool! We’re back!”
“Yeah. Well, that was fun, wasn’t it?” Jim said brightly,
standing up and stretching.
“Hmm, I guess so,” Ukyo responded, getting up herself.
“Hey Ukyo?”
“Yeah?”
“I think we’d better keep quiet about this.”
“Me too.”
***
Once Jim got back to the Tendo residence, he was
approached by Ranma.
“Hey, where were ya last night?” he asked.
“Oh. Kodachi sprayed Ukyo and I with sleepy stuff. We
were out all night.”
“Too bad, man. Anyway, how’s Ucchan?” Ranma asked,
sounding a little concerned about her.
“Ukyo’s fine. I think she’s readying up for the lunch
crowd now.”
And so they left it at that. Ranma knew that if Kodachi
was the reason, sleeping or paralysis would have been involved.
The rest of the day consisted of the usual for Jim, sparring,
wandering around Nerima, and generally doing nothing the whole
day. When night came, Jim prepared for bed, glad that the whole
Ukyo deal was done with.
***
When Jim woke up in his bed the next morning, he once
again noticed someone else in it.
Both Ukyo and Jim woke up simultaneously.
“AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” the two of them screamed.
The End, I think…
