Author's Warning: This was done on very little sleep, and may be
considered rather offensive to fans of FY and people who dislike cussing.
:)  I am not responsible for any reactions to this little thing.

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The Spirit of Fushigi Yuugi

created by Kevin Eav

Original idea taken from "The Spirit of Christmas", by Trey Parker and
Matt Stone, transcription by Paul Swanson

Cast:

Tamahome
Amiboshi
Tasuki
Chiriko
Seiryuu
Suzaku

[Music-- Iitoshii hito no tame nii.  Scene: Suzaku Temple.]

Seishi
      Iitoshii hito no tame nii
      ima nani ga, dekiru kana
      kawaranai yume wa nai yo--

Tamahome
      Whaaat?  Hold on just a moment.

Amiboshi
	What?

Tamahome
	Aren't you a Seiryuu Shichiseishi, Amiboshi?

Amiboshi
	Yeah, I think so.

Tamahome
	Dude, Seiryuu's people don't help call Suzaku.

Amiboshi
	What?

Tamahome
	You're supposed to help call Seiryuu!

Amiboshi
	Oh, Seiryuu, come to us in our time of need
	So that we may beat down Suzaku's people
	And take all their land

Tamahome
	That's a stupid ritual.

Tasuki
	Yeah, Seiryuu sucks shit, dude.

Amiboshi
	Don't you oppress me, fanboy.

Tasuki
	Don't call me a fanboy, buttfucker.

Amiboshi
	Then don't belittle my people, you fuckin' *FANBOY*!

Tasuki
	Goddammit don't call me a fanboy you buttfuckin' son of a
Seiryuu!

	[Suzaku floats down from the sky.]

Amiboshi
	What the--

Chiriko closes his robes.

Suzaku
	Behold my glory.

Tamahome
	Holy shit, it's Suzaku!

Tasuki
	What're you doin' in Konankoku, Suzaku?

Suzaku
	I come seeking... retribution.

Tamahome
	*gasp* He's come to kill you 'cause you're Seiryuu Shichiseishi,
Amiboshi!

Amiboshi
	Oh fuck! I'm sorry Suzaku. Please don't kill me.

Suzaku
	Nay, fear not, for I love All My Children.

Amiboshi
	*whew*

Suzaku
	You call me tomorrow. Yet all is not right.

Tamahome
	Miaka's your Miko? That sucks, dude.

Suzaku
	I must find a place called... "Kutoukoku".

Amiboshi
	We'll take you to Kutoukoku, Suzaku.

Tamahome
	Yeah! It's over this way.

	[Tamahome and Amiboshi exit.]

Tasuki
	*ugh* Goddammit, you stepped on my foot, you pigfucker.

Tamahome
	Dude, don't say pigfucker in front of Suzaku.

Tasuki
	Eh, fuck you.


[Scene: A richly appointed palace.  Blue Eyes Blue is playing in the
background.]

Tamahome
	Here we are, Suzaku.  Kutoukoku.  Who are you looking for?

Suzaku
	Him!

Seiryuu
	Oh, ho, ho. We meet again, Suzaku.

Suzaku
	You have blemished the meaning of the Shijintenchisho for the
last time, Seiryuu.

Seiryuu
	I bring death and destruction to Shichiseishi all over the world.

Suzaku
	The Shijintenchisho is for bringing two loves together.

Seiryuu
	The Shijintenchisho is for bringing about glorious fights.

Suzaku
	I'm here to put an end to your blasphemy.

Seiryuu
	This time we finish it. [stands] There can be only one.

Tamahome
	Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.
	
	[Suzaku and Seiryuu fight.]

Seishi
	Go Seiryuu! [Suzaku looks at them.]  Uh, go Suzaku!
	[Seiryuu and Suzaku fight more, Mortal Kombat style.]

Amiboshi
	Oh my god! They killed Chiriko!

Suzaku
	Boys, help me put an end to him once and for all.

Seiryuu
	No, boys, help me, so that I can put an end to him.

Suzaku
	Taiitsu-kun is watching you, boys.  You know who to help.

Seiryuu
	Tamahome, remember when I let you almost score with Soi?

Suzaku
	I brought you Miaka, boys. Don't forget that.

Tamahome
	I don't know what to do, dude.  Who should we help?

Tasuki
	I say we help Suzaku.

Amiboshi
	Eh, you're just sayin' that 'cause you're his seishi.

Tasuki
	Hey! I don't need to take that kinda shit from a Seiryuu.

Amiboshi
	You're such a FANboy, Tasuki, that when you walk down the street
people go god DAMMIT that seishi's a big drooling FANBOY.

Tasuki
	Oh yeah? Well listen up...

Seiryuu
	Buttfuckin'....

Amiboshi
	I'm not the buttfucker, you're the buttfucker...

Tamahome
	Wait, wait, just a second.  Now we've got to think here. Now
let's see. What would Hotohori do?

Tasuki
	Yeah. What would Hotohori do?

	[Legacy starts playing.  Hotohori appears.]

Hotohori
	Did someone say my name?

Tasuki
	Hotohori!

Tamahome
	What incredible irony!

Tasuki
 	Yeah, it's Hotohori!

Hotohori
	What's going on, Seishi?

Tamahome
	Okay, Hotohori! Who would you help in a fight, Suzaku or Seiryuu?

Hotohori
	Seishi... you shouldn't think about things like that.  This is
the one time in the series when we all try to get along, no matter what
we believe in.  This is the season just to be good to each other.
Bi-eee!

	[Hotohori strides away.]

Suzaku
	You fuckin' pussy!

Seiryuu
	C'mere! Come on!

Tamahome
	Hey Suzaku!  You have to understand that Seiryuu is keeping the
love alive by contrasting it with death and destruction.

Amiboshi
	Yeah.  And Seiryuu, you need to remember that without Suzaku, you
wouldn't have any happiness to destroy!

Seiryuu
	You're right kids. I'm sorry Suzaku.

Suzaku
	No, no, it's me who should be sorry.  I've been a right bastard.
I'm sorry Seiryuu.

Seiryuu
	Thank you, boys.

Suzaku
	Yeah, thank you, boys.  Come on, Seiryuu, I'll buy you an orange
smoothie.

Seiryuu	
	Oooh!

Tamahome
	*whew* That sucked.

Amiboshi
	Yeah, but just think.  Today we actually met--we actually
spoke--to _the_ Hotohori.

Tamahome
	Yeah.  And you know? I think I learned something today, it
doesn't matter if you're Suzaku or Seiryuu or Byakko or Genbu.  The
Shijintenchisho is still about one very important thing:

Tasuki
	Yeah, sake.

Tamahome
	No not sake you damn fanboy!

Tasuki
	Fuck you!

Tamahome
	The Shijintenchisho is about something much more important.

Amiboshi
	What?

Tamahome
	Merchandising.

Amiboshi
	Ah.

Tamahome
	Don't you see, Amiboshi?  Merchandising.

Amiboshi
	Hey man, if you're Seiryuu you get a higher pay rate.

Tamahome
	Wow, really? Count me in.

Tasuki
	Yeah, I'll be a Seiryuu Shichiseishi, too.

The seishi walk away, whistling Blue Eyes Blue.


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