Eric: *lost somewhere in Maryland* jeez she just had to go and blow
everything up... didnt she?

Cubicle: and blow us all the way to maryland...  someday i'm going to
show her...

Eric: oh stop it, maybe if you two got along better she wouldnt blow up
at the slightest thing... well we better start walking back.
_____

Jon Burke wrote:

Sarah: *standing admidst the ruins of Eric's workplace* well they tried
to stop me, someone even tried to warn Eric about the next part of this
fic, but hehe, I got it.

Computer:*tries to run away*

Sarah: well here it is and in just a few...

Computer: *cringes and trembles*

Sarah: *hears the sounds of approaching sirens* we'd better get started.
 

Alright, people, here is the Beta version of the second part of the
fiction.  I'll be delving further into the character's backgrounds(if
that's what you want) in part three, or in the second version of part
two.
Beautiful Lair - part 2

Sarah: yes by all means more background on the characters, something to
explain this madness.

Standard Takahashi Disclaimer Here

Well, because of your input, in addition to my obsession to create my
own sick little domains, I have decided to write another part to this
story.
So on, so forth…the curtains part to reveal the hidden…

…
Ranma considered his first fatal day in school.  Maybe the sheer rage of
the female inhabitants, hot and sticky, should have warned him of his

Sarah: interesting choice of words, Personally i find it mildly
offensive.

onrushing fate.  Not like it would have mattered, he was just as
enmeshed in her silken honey then as he is now.  His little match with

Sarah: are you sure you dont love Anne Rice books?

Kuno had brought him no pleasure, though.  It seemed that he had been
the first person to ever really show concern about him and his
condition.  Shame Kuno was such a judgmental bastard…

Sarah: *smirk* you're a fine one to talk, pity Kuno actually wastes his
time feeling sorry for a piece of scum like yourself.

Ranma laughed ruefully as he recalled the events later that first,
horrid day.
…
The students were all gathered together for a class meeting before
lunch.  Ranma's raven tressed temptress merely shrugged and slid her arm
through his as they walked to the auditorium.  As always, Ranma could
feel the eyes of the others beating against his soul.  Unlike him, 

Sarah: is it just me or is Ranma rathered self centered?  *the sirens
draw closer* 

Akane
seemed to bask in the filth the boring Irises spread.

Sarah: why is necessarily filth and what exactly are you talking about? 
*suddenly a green globe springs to life around her extended outwards in
a 10feet diameter circle* no interruptions.

The pair took up their assigned seats.  Akane promptly placed her hand
over his crotch and reveled in the stiffening fruit beneath it.  Ranma

Sarah: wow is she once horny girl and in class none the less.

sighed inwardly.  He'd been playing this game with many people for many,
many long years.  As Akane skillfully manipulated, satin against steel,

Sarah: you revel in this odd little usages of words.

Ranma lost his disdain and embraced the spoiled rapture that her sensual
(to whit, all) acts brought him.  He fell again into his accustomed 

Sarah: he really likes her more then he likes himself.

role

of hired pleasurer, but sought not the gold of the earth, but rather the
bitter salts of loving approval.  Thus they continued, almost

Sarah: humm he'll probably do anything for her.*a helicopter appears
overhead*

unconscious of, but still basking in, the essential sordidness of their
public display.  Perhaps Ranma could have rationalized his acquiescence
to his upbringing, or perhaps to his engagement, but rather he did
neither of these things, only riding in the sheer animal pleasure.
Unfortunately the world continued its breakneck ramblings, the bird

Sarah: those words almost seem to contradict each other, breakneck
ramblings and so on.  *notices cops and stuff surrounding the area*

sung in the air, and the flower spread its pollen.  Sharing the 

Sarah: The birds and the bees, a story these two i'm sure are familiar
with. *closes her eyes and unleashes a short burst of energy through the
ground*

contact

of ages, the pair sat oblivious through the speeches of their peers,
until a certain preacher took the stand.  His damning speech against
their union shook them of Hell's reverie.

Sarah: humm this is interesting you almost lost me and then your shocked
me.  *a geyser of stone erupts amongst the cops and scatters them into
the surrounding woods*

"My children, it has come to my blessed attention that whore of Babylon

Sarah: what about the great dragon? has he fallen to the earth yet. 
coincidentally is Nabiki hanging around at school?

has managed to ensnare another victim in her web of corruption.  You

Sarah: that vicious little black widow.

know as well as I that God shall smite the Unholy, but it breaks my
heart to allow such an innocent to be held under by such a foul being.
Thus, we do not fight the harridan to reap the Lord's vengeance, but
rather to save the soul of a lost sheep.  That poor, wayward child's
name is Saotome Ranma."

Sarah: have you ever read Good Omens?  I mean Kuno hear talks just like
the witchfinder general. 

(overhead the helicopter comes by for a pass, and hovers overhead, the
cops start coming out of the woods)

The words overcame Ranma's pleasurable obliviousness.  Sodium and
Potassium ions danced their primal dance, control wanes, animal
instincts overcome reason, reason agrees with the animal instincts.
Ranma leaps to his feet, disturbing Akane.  He screams, "I AM NOT YOUR
SHEEP!"

Sarah: HEY! you switched to present tense?  why?  coincidentally you are
getting VERY wordy. *glows green for a second and fires a warning shot
across the nose of the helicopter which retreats*

Air parts, allowing the moving to reach their goal.  The light seems to
dim as the shocked students stare at the leaping Ranma.  Ten, twenty

Sarah: really why are you switched to present tense.

feet are consumed by his ravenous anger.  Great Aeolus looses the west
winds, as pure anger heats the air.  Cat's feet land silently on the
podium, while bestial rage overcomes speakers.

Sarah: and the sun turned dark as night and the moon became red as
blood. blah blah blah.

The flawed speaks.  "Now listen.  Akane is MY fiancée.  Whoever lays 

Sarah: do you realize that in a way this is becoming very biblical.

so
much as a fucking finger on her will be landed in the hospital for a
fucking week.  DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!"

Sarah: cripes this is silly and almost getting tedius.

Silence overcomes the room as the Temptress reveals a little grin.
Temptation's sister only shakes her head at how fast he became a slave.

Sarah: at last Nabiki rears her head.  arent they in seperate classesm
oh wait this is an assembly.

Finally the student body meekly acquiesces to the enraged worm.  Fury

Sarah: very biblical and VERY sexual.  the imagery presented here is
both disturbing and erotic.
(the helicopter maintains a safe distance and the cops start to come
back out of the woods)

_____

Eric: this is silly its going to take us forever to walk back, i wish i
had money with me at work.

Cubicle: we could hitch hike?

Eric: and where would you sit?

Cubicle: ...

Eric: anyways we better hurry, I'm really worried about Sarah.

(neither notice a blue glow on the horizon)
____

overcomes holiness as Kuno attempts to strike Ranma, only to discover
what ten years in Hell can do to one's skill.  Demon verses Angel, the
dance continues.
Ranma launches a quick attack, fist blurring.  Kuno, startled by the
rejection of his Faith, could only block the furious blows.  

Sarah: he's startled?  he should've seen it coming, i mean it was not
unprecedented.  I guess Kuno's as much an idiot in this one as he is in
most others.*unleashes a powerblast the spreads outward in a circle
knocking the cops on their butts*

Staggering
backwards, Kuno reels under the force.  He holds his hand up to Ranma in
the universal sign of pause.  Ranma smirks, confidence filling his
frame.  Maybe if he beats this asshole in front of his "congregation,"
they would all just leave him alone.  Kuno catches his breath, then
opens the Bible and starts to pray.

Sarah: but he waits anyways.

"I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard me cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him for as long as I
live."
A faint golden sheen covers Kuno's features.

Sarah: well looks like god answers some prayers.  *the cops start to
surround the building*

"The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of Sheol came upon me; I
was overcome by trouble and sorrow.  Then I called on the name of the
Lord; 'O Lord, save me!''

Sarah: i'm suprised Ranma is standing still throughout this whole thing.

Kuno's battle aura grew.  Golden purity cooled the air, feeding Ranma's
rage.  How dare he…
"The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he 

Sarah: and apparently the simpleminded.

saved

me."
The glow stifled Ranma's confidence.  He had never seen such a martial
arts chi aura.  Could it be that God touched Kuno?  The idea enraged
Ranma.  All his life "God" had allowed him to be defiled, sold, 

Sarah: actually you blind idiot you allowed yourself, i'm pretty sick of
you playing the victim.

beaten,

corrupted.  He finally met someone who loved him and here was a "holy
man" telling him that their union was unholy?

Sarah: hah! love, you are a blind idiot and you deserve anything that
comes your way.  *A booming voice orders her to surrender*

Red light flickered from Ranma's skin as he focused on his anger,
decay.  Red and black warred against golden purity.  The soiled spoke.
"Your God is dead.  His promises are lies.  Feel the power of the life I
live and see if you can hold up to your own standards."
Hell's gates opened.  Abyssal brimstone flared against Ivory gates.
Light and dark, innocent and corrupt, the eternal strife localized into
a single point.  Ivory tarnished, light fades and the darkness scream
its triumph to the heavens.

Sarah: an horrible victory indeed.  Really this fic is bordering on
tedious now and retains none of its sparkle from the first.*the cops
pull out guns*

Ranma confidently stepped over Kuno's prone body and up to the podium.
His lips moved, still glowing with the colors of his Rage.  "This
meeting is over."
Furikan High met its new minister.  And wept.
…

_____
Eric: *notices the blue glow* uhhh whats that...

Cubicle:*screams and tries to hide behind Eric* its Sarah!

Eric: no Sarah is green. this is different.  *notices a young girl
walking over the hill towards him, bathed in blue*
_____

Ranma sighed.  Reflecting on the past, his display did little to alter
the situation.  True, the girls no longer greeted Akane at the gates of
the school in the morning, but then, she had never worried about them.
Kuno had no real change in attitude, other than a stronger determination
to "save me."

Sarah: not that you deserved to be saved, in fact you only deserve to be
shot.

. Ranma was absolutely unable to figure Kuno out.  After all he'd done
to him, he still mercilessly tried to convert Ranma.  Oddly enough,
though, Kuno was absolutely unable to grasp the fact that he was the
same as his cursed form.

…

Misery was, it seemed, a rather integral part of this day.   His father
true to form had decided to spar with him.  Ordinarily, that would not
have been a problem, but this morning Mr. Tendo decided to join in.  "I
guess the old bastard finally figured out that I am too much for him and
enlisted some help."  Between the two of them, they gave Ranma quite a

Sarah: if you are stronger then why are you still hanging around?

beating.  They had, after all trained for years under the same master
and were accustomed to working in a group.  Ranma was hesitant to strike
the father of the girl he loved, as so was swamped by the combined
attacks of the two older men.
Akane watched the whole display, and when Genma carelessly flung
Ranma's bruised form towards the house, she just looked at him with
disgust in her eyes.  Breakfast was made even more miserable by Kasumi's
little comments.  "Stupid bitch." Ranma thought as he sipped his tea.
"Doesn't fight a damn bit, and then asks me if I would be okay fighting
two obviously superior foes.  And she did it so blaze.  Damn her!  I

Sarah: she set herself on fire to say this?

couldn't even snap back."  Ranma's inner distaste grew only further as
Kasumi subserviently cleared the dishes from the table.  He knew quite
well that Kasumi disapproved of his past.  Like he had any choice in the
matter.  Yet she remained polite to his worthless father, while giving
him that evil, yet somehow vapid look in her eyes.  Akane seemed to
notice, yet she did nothing.  The injustice of it all bit deeply.

Sarah: what injustice?  the only thing i see is an idiot to stupid
realize he's a victim and do something about it.

Something else bothered him as well.  He noticed that Kasumi never
looked at him in the way that women usually do.  He never saw desire 

Sarah: thats odd?  i wonder are all women drawn to you?  Or maybe you're
so self centered its almost pathetic.

in

her eyes, only that blissful look of disgust.
The walk to school was even worse.  Two-thirds into the trip, some dumb
ol' hag splashed cold water onto him.  Anger accompanied the change.
Ranma looked over to see the source of his antagonism.  What he saw only
caused the bile to rise further in his soul.  She was a wrinkled old
lady, complete with the stale stench that all elders seem to carry with
them, like the touch of rot reminding of the grave so soon approaching.
The obvious desire in her eyes curdled his heart.  Flashes of that 

Sarah: you know i'm getting sick of everyone wanting him.

night

in China, Kuh Lon's lustful, grabbing hands…
Ranma let the cesspool in his chest rise to his lips.  "You
wr-hrrrmmmph!"  Akane's hand clamped firmly on his lips.  "Damnit
Ranma!  How dare you even start with an old lady!  Look at you, you're a
girl again.  Let's go get some hot water, unless you want to show up for
school like that."
Akane got a thoughtful little look on her features.  "That wouldn't be

Sarah: as opposed to a thoughtful large look i take it?

such a bad idea…I know lot's of girls who go for this sort of thing."

Sarah: humm first sign she's getting ready to sell him off.

Then she shook her head, midnight locks sliding like silk across her
shoulders.

…

____
Eric: *watches the approaching figure apprehenisively while Cubicle
hides behind him*  Umm who are you?

Laura: you mean you dont know?

Eric: Laura?  but you died...

Laura: actually i only ascended... i see you've managed to screw Sarah
up a bit.

Eric: wasn't my doing...

Laura: no she's smart enough to take responsibility for herself, but you
helped, no i'm here to help.  

Eric: hummm.... she's gone off the deepend.

Laura: she's just mad, but when she's mad she gets stupid, now lets get
going before she does something really stupid.*the blue light flickers
and fades taking with it Laura and Eric*

Cubicle: damnit i have to walk back?!?
_____
 

Ranma sat back.  That was when he first met Him.  The psychopath.  The
freak.  The damn fine doctor, though.  That guy had patched up more
wounds on him than he could count.  And in only three months.  He didn't
like the method of payment, but Ranma had certainly had worse.  Much
worse.

Sarah: hehe no one in this town is right.  I can see how Happosai
might've screwed up Genma and Soun and in return those two could've
screwed up a lot of people but Tofu?  
 

…

Akane sauntered into the doctor's office.  "Stay here Ranma, I'll get
you some water."  With that Akane giggled a little and walked out of the
room.  Ranma took a moment to appraise the waiting room.  Spartan, with
a couple of couches and a few nice pictures.  No wait…those pictures
were not as nice as they seemed at first glance.  He'd never been a fan
of modern art, but he could make out forms in the wavy lines and
peaceful colors.  Figures in positions of agony.  One seemed to be
doubled over with some sort of object thrust through his abdomen.
Another was attempting to keep her face from being ripped off by what
appeared to be hooks.  "Interesting pictures for a doctor's office."

Sarah: ahh straight out of the hell raiser movies...

"You like them."  Ranma leaped into the air and landed in a combat
stance.  Nobody snuck up on you without harmful intent.  His life had
proved that enough times.

Sarah: well if someone is sneaking up behind you Ranma, i'm sure you're
used to that... *laughs at her own joke*
(the cops stare, unamused)

The man in front of him seemed amused by his reactions.  Brown hair
framed soft features.  Glasses covered his eyes.  But what Ranma
noticed, cataloged, and reacted two was the man's body.  Normal people

Sarah: reacted to

would not have noticed, but Ranma saw the image of a skilled, deadly
martial artist.  And what he saw made him even more wary.

Sarah: a very large erection?

Akane stepped up beside the doctor with a kettle in hand.  She stood on
her tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the cheek.  "Ranma, this is our
family doctor, Dr. Tofu.  Dr. Tofu, this is my fiancée, Ranma."

Sarah: well i suppose anyone serving THAT family would have to be
screwwed up.

The doctor gave Ranma another appraising glance.  He shook his head.
"I didn't know that lesbian marriages were legal. "  He broke out into a
large smile as he looked down to Akane.  "So, what turned you off from
men?  Not myself, I hope?"

Sarah: oh and he's just as cheerful as ever.

Akane just laughed and poured the hot water onto Ranma's head.  "Nope,
I still like my men, even though I do…wander.  Don't worry, you can
continue to sell me those pills."  Doctor Tofu gave Ranma yet another
appraising glance.  This time it carried a little more…intent.  Ranma
almost winced at what he was so used to seeing in those eyes.  "No, not
again…not now that I've found somebody I can truly love…" Ranma's

Sarah: *laughs outloud at the ridiculousness*

thoughts reflected the bitter wings that beat there crimson path across
his mind.  "Not again…"
Akane and Tofu busily discussed her nights with Ranma, oblivious to his
presence.  Tofu whistled softly at the tails of his…performance.  He

Sarah: at the details of his 

then motioned Ranma over.
"Akane, why don't you wait here.  I have something that Ranma and I
need to discuss.  You know, a doctor patient talk."  Akane just nodded

Sarah: you should have a second paragraph here.

and sat, blissfully thumbing through a teen's magazine.

Sarah: a teen magazine?  seems very out of place in this office.

Dr. Tofu shut the door behind them.  Ranma sat uneasily on the bed as
Tofu looked up at the ceiling, gathering what he was going to say.  He
then looked down at Ranma and raised an eyebrow.  "Jusenkyo, I
presume?"  Ranma could only nod, surprised by the doctor's knowledge.
"You do know the cure for your curse, don't you?"
At this, Ranma couldn't suppress a grimace.  "Yeah, we figured it out
right quick.  But the damn old man decided that we were better off with
the curse.  As a disguise, because that old bastard picked up enemies
left and right."
Dr. Tofu just sighed knowingly.  "And because it was more profitable to
have you have both forms, no?

Sarah: maybe its the world these wackos inhabit.

"Yeah, you could say th…HEY!  How did you know what the Hell I did for
a living!?!"

Sarah: *smirk* its probably the size of your ego.

"Nobody your age is THAT skilled at keeping Akane happy unless you are
a professional.  What I'm worried about is if you have any…diseases that
you might give to your fiancée."
"Don't worry about that doc.  I found out the hard way that my curse
does have some positive aspects.   It would seem that when I change
forms, any and all microbes are flushed out of my system.  Same with 

Sarah: that would make for a disgusting display.

any

fetuses.  The John's were always happier not to have to wear any
protection, so I guess that worked out in my 'favor' as well."
Dr. Tofu just looked at Ranma, a small grin creasing his features.
"Such pain in your life, Ranma.  Such pain."  A dangerous glint entered

Sarah: oh oh a sadist.

into the doctor's eyes.  His features grew somehow stronger, as if more
of his soul was tearing it's way to the surface.  "Do the other know of
your life?  Do they reject you, judge you?"  Tofu seemed to get more
excited, his tone raising slightly.

Sarah: humm this could be disgusting.

"Yeah," Ranma answered, blind to the doctor's increase excitement. "But
the only one of the Tendos who's had any inkling would be Kasumi."
The doctor froze.  His calm features were replaced by a look of utter,
animal hatred.  The words came out in a hiss.  "Never say that name in
my office again."
Ranma looked up, surprised.  "Who, Kasumi?"
Dr. Tofu's inhuman scream raked across the Nerima morn.  Soon, a
second, equally inhuman scream added to the hellish chorus.  The agony
laced in the cries were enough to cause an old man walking down the
street to shake his head sadly.  "It seems someone was foolish enough to
mention HER.  May the gods have pity on their souls."

Sarah: now this is interesting.

The screams continued, accompanied by crashes, popping, and shattering.

Sarah: well Ranma gets what he deserves.

(The Cops demand her surrender again)
 

…

Ranma smiled ruefully at the memory.  It seemed the good doctor had
some problem with Kasumi.  "Despite the pain, which was agonizing at
best, the worst part about it all was the fact that Akane just shook her
head at my suffering and called me an utter idiot for not seeing the
obvious. "  Ranma shook his head slowly, as if to erase both the 

Sarah: why did you put that in quotes?

memory

and the self-loathing.  It didn't work.  "I guess I am pretty stupid…he
did give me warning.  Damn fine martial artist, though.  I learned quite
a few pain grips from that little…encounter."
As hard as it was to believe, Ranma's day only traveled downhill.

Sarah: considering the direction this fic is taking it seems only
logical it can go downhill.*erupts into a geyser of flame*

(the cops nervous fire a warning shot which hits the green shield and
explodes)
 

…

Ranma left the office, his male body still shaking from the intense
doses of agony.  Akane just shook her head at his suffering and told him
to hurry up, or they would be late to school.  As they journeyed on, the
day grew darker, shadows gathering where sunlight had played.  Above,
ominous rolling darkness clumped, promising to weep upon the
unsuspecting.  The celestial gates parted, as it were, just as the
regent and thrall approached the gates of Furinkan.   Despite the
downpour, Kuno stood stolidly, waiting for the pair.  A soft golden glow
covered his features as he noticed the figure standing beside Akane.

Sarah: another fight with Kuno?  Boooooring.

"So, foul spawn of the darkest pits of Sodom's corruption, I see you
have brought one of your tainted succubae with you.  I, Tatewaki Kuno,

Sarah: ahh i see the purpose is to prove that he can't distinguish
between the two. i forgot that in all the fancy prose.

protector of the Bible club, shall not allow you to spread further the
corruption upon the blessed land of Furinkan High.  Look, even the

Sarah: with the amount of stupidity and corruption present here i'd say
that furinkan is anythign but blessed.

purity of heaven's tears cannot remove the stain you leave upon this
earth.  It would seem the only pure thing about you is the excrement you
leave.  You will release the chains or sin that you have forged around

Sarah: well that worthless pile of sh*t.

Saotome Ranma!  You shall send this foul, withered hag back unto the

Sarah: maybe Kuno's a repressed homosexual.

Hell that spawned her!  You shall no longer sully--URK!"
Kuno's speech was ended quite forcefully by the interjection of Ranma's
knuckles into Kuno's personal space.  The red and black mural of Ranma's
aura grew in the cold rain.  Brutally he drove his fists into Kuno's
prostrate form while Akane just watched with a little grin.  A bell

Sarah: akane seems to have no personality.

chimed in the distance.  Oblivious, Ranma continued to pummel the priest
until Akane slapped him aside the head.  He just looked in dumb shock as
she grabbed his hand and ran them into the school building.  "Damn it,
Ranma, you made us late!"  Akane and her fiancée burst into the room

Sarah: odd she'd be worried considering she has one of those powerful
martial artists and she probably wouldn't be afraid to use him either.

just as the bell rang a second time.
The teacher looked at the pair in surprise.  "Tendo Akane, just who is
your friend?  And why were you almost late for class."
Akane just blinked a couple times.  "We got caught in the rain.  And
this is my fiancée, Ranma."
"Um, Akane…I'm a girl right now…" Ranma whispered, mortified.
The class was abuzz with mutterings, curses, and low whistles.  The
teacher just raised her eyebrow.  Then she relaxed, a slightly predatory
grin crossed her face as hunger flashed in her eyes.  "You two will see
me after class.  We need to discuss your…grades."

Sarah: oh christ another one?

The room fell silent as the couple took their seats and the lesson
began.

Sarah: was it filled with whips and beatins and belts?
 

….

Ranma shook his head and sighed.  He seemed to do that too much when he
remembered his past.  That was when he discovered that his fiancée
didn't mind sharing… as long as she said so.  That was the first of the
many humiliations he bared for her.  "Damn it!  Damn it!  Why did his

Sarah: beared not bared.

life treat him this way?  Why did everyone he loved sell him off?"  

Sarah: because you let it.

Tear

Sarah Tears.

sprung unbidden to his eyes.  Gone were the concerns with manhood,
pride, and machismo.  Rather, pain, emptiness, and disappointment were

Sarah: I'd say you left those behind ages ago.

the only companions to his soul.  His ribs felt tight against his 

Sarah: no a distinct lack of self respect is the only companion to your
soul.  Suddenly i understand Kasumi's dislike of you, it makes sense she
realizes your stupidity.

heart,
an all too familiar sensation.  The world went from gray to the deepest,
impenetrable black.  Love battled hatred, as his soul seemed content 

SaraH: not another bout of this prose.

to

shred itself.  Even the sex began to feel machinelike…giving without

Sarah: really and how long have you been having sex, that it didnt seem
machinelike?

receiving.  The calm he had experienced earlier in her arms seemed to
leave after that day.  "Does she love me, or is she just like the old
bastard, using me for her own advantage.  Dear Lord, I can't stop loving
her!  Why must pain be the only emotion I know. Why can't love find 

me?"

Sarah: oh christ your pathetic.

Sadness cycled into anger, a more comfortable emotion.  "Damn my father
anyhow.  I'm gonna give that unrepentant bastard such a beating that
he'll be bleeding from every hole in his body."  Ranma cracked his
knuckles as he paced out of his room.  He saw his worthless father
playing yet another one of his pointless games of shogi.
"Yo, fat-ass.  It's time to get the beating you'll never forget."
"Boy, I'll show you what a beating really is.  You having been 

Sarah: haven't

training

as hard as a true martial artist should!  I think your fiancée is making
you soft."

Sarah: actually she's making him hard.

Ranma's eye narrowed.  He hissed out his anger, then sprung at the
source of all his pain.  Despite his greater experience, Genma was a
poor contest against Ranma's unholy fury.  Genma was treated with the
sight of his son's red and black battle aura before the lights turned
out.
"Heh.  That was satisfying."

…

End part 2-Beautiful Liar.

Well, I decide to keep the episodes short so as to make publishing and
proofing faster.  As always, comment and criticisms are welcome, as well
as flames.  I know that the writing style did change some as the story
continued, but you'll see that happen throughout.  If you have problem
with that, feel free to tell me.

Sarah: *still wrapped in a geyser of flames* Well.. the fact that the
writing style changes is annoying and so is the switching of tenses
right in the middle.  The problem you are now faced with is that your
story no longer retains its shock value.  You have a COMPLETE lack of
likeable characters.  Moreso than anyother story that i have ever read. 
It is IMPOSSIBLE to even begin sympathizing with anyone in the story. 
In fact i find no redeeming characteristics in any of them except Kuno
and Kasumi.  Your wordy, purple prose is annoying.  But then that isnt
consistent.  Sometimes its there sometimes its not.  The dark nature of
the fic also grows tedious, okay so everyone wants to hurt Ranma? nah i
doubt it, but hey.  On the positive side the erotic/biblical imagery at
the beginning was well done.  Anyways its time to finish this little
scenario i've bred.

Sarah: *looks at the cops, her green bubble wavers and falters, the guns
come up.*  Okay you snide little jerks lets see what you got.

	Shots ring out and the cops open fire as Sarah unleashes an expanding
geyser of energy.  Time slows and a calm blue glow engulfs Sarah.  The
green energy pillar winks out of existance and the bullets fall
harmlessly to the ground.  When the blue and green fade, Sarah is gone.

 

Send email to: JoBurke3@vt.edu
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