Once again, Boggs and Mizu are seated on a comfy sofa
in the middle of a high-tech control room.  Cog's
holographic sphere of gears now has a masklike
face projected in front of it.

Mizu:  Hello and welcome to the show.  Cogito Ergo Sum is 
back from his date and ready to go to work.  

Boggs:  So, Cog, was she a goer?  Know what I mean, nudge
nudge, wink wink?

Cog:  Access denied.

Mizu:  For tonight's review, we have Chapter 10 of 
Nabiki-New Horizons. Chapter is a bit of understatement.

Boggs:  It's freakin' huge!

Mizu:  256kb, or something in excess of 80 pages worth, if you
were to print it out.

Boggs:  It's freakin' huge!

Mizu:  Effectively, this one chapter about constitutes a novella.

Boggs:  It's just so huge I can believe it!

Mizu:  Will you cut that out?.  This series grew out of a new 
character fic featuring a gaijin who happened to be the scion
of a ninja clan destined to marry Nabiki Tendo who was the
heir to an almost extinct ninja clan.  Jeffrey, the character
in question, has always been kind of boring to me.  

Boggs:  'Course there's a reason why the series is named after 
Nabiki.  

Mizu:  Yes, Nabiki has given a great performance throughout most
of the series.  As ever, this fic was chosen by Cog through 
rigorously logical criteria.  And tell us, Cog, just what were
those criteria?

Cog:  The expansiveness of this narrative suggests that with 
a modicum of effort, many exploitable moments for frivolous
examination.

Boggs:  Huhn?

Mizu:  He means, "It's freakin' huge!"

                       Nabiki-New Horizons
             Chapter 10 - Return of the Cold Moon Clan
                         by G.L. Sandborn

    "Jeffrey!  JEFFREY!" Nabiki's frantic voice rang through the
Tendo compound like an alarm bell as she bolted through the gate.

Mizu:  Usually I "bolt" away and "charge" toward.  
Boggs:  So you're saying she should charge things instead?  

Quickly relaying the bad news about
Sodoshi, it was all Akane could do to keep up as Nabiki immediately
set out to find the one person she loved, trusted, and depended on for
support;

Boggs:  Her tax accountant!

her husband.

Boggs:  She married a tax accountant?  

   She collided abruptly with Jeffrey as he emerged from the
kitchen.  Clinging to her husband, Nabiki poured out her angst over
the realization that her daughter, her only child, had been kidnapped.

Boggs:  Angst?  What kind of word is angst?  Doesn't she know
that only vampires are allowed to "angst" around?  
Cog:  "Angst" is a state of free floating uncertainty and 
depression. However, it carries milder connotations than
words such as "anguish" or "panic" which might be more 
appropriate under the circumstances.

    "Why, Jeffrey?" she whined.  "She's just a baby.  What do they
want?"

Mizu:  I'll tell you right after I toss this grenade into the
all concealing shadows!

    Before Jeff could answer, another voice spoke out of the darkness
of the kitchen.

Boggs:  Why's the kitchen so dark?
Mizu:  All Concealing Shadows in a Can (tm).  Another fine product
of Shinobiclan Inc.

    "How dare you show your face here!"  Her sudden shift into attack
mode caused Jeff to change from consoling to restraining as she tried
to lunge at the old shinobi master.  "You promised protection!  You
promised we'd be safe!

Boggs:  Ya know she's right.  Why weren't there any ninja-guys 
watchin' em? 
Mizu:  There were.  But they gave Sasuke the job.  

    "Clans, clans, clans," Nabiki moaned in anger, her eyes tightly
closed as she shook her head trying to dislodge her entire shinobi
heritage.  "I'm sick of clans!  I'm sick of the shinobi!  And I'm sick
of *you*!  I just want my baby back!"

Boggs:  Hey, wasn't this a TV movie?
Mizu:  Wasn't this about two hundred TV movies? 

    "Under the circumstances, the police and governments will not be
able to effect a rescue without endangering the child," Sato

Boggs:  Hey, in a world where they have clans of super-ninja,
howcum governments don't hire some of 'em?  Weren't they 
mercs?
Mizu:  Not these ones.  These are posturing, larger-than-life
ninja far too busy being mystical and arguing with each other
to spend any time on practical matters.  

   "You are not good enough, my son.  Neither of you are."  Sato
turned away and shook his head.  "Without the other clans, you could
never hope to defeat Fukoono and rescue your daughter.  Your lives
would be wasted." 

Mizu morphs into Sato:  Yes, I just thought I'd drop by and
and tell you not to go...where EXACTLY not to go.  

 >   "I can see there is no sense in keeping the truth from you."

Sato looked directly at Nabiki while addressing Jeff.  "You would have
found out yourselves - eventually.  Your wife is most... resourceful."

Mizu (as Sato):  But instead of letting her do her own legwork
while I mount a rescue, I'm going to make absolutely sure
that you charge off RIGHT NOW!

   "The Kitami Mountains.  Near Asahikawa.  There is a cave under a
shrine to the shinobi people near the Teshio River.  It is the
traditional home of the Snow Fox Clan elders - long since abandoned.
Very remote.  Very hard to get to.  Very easy to defend.  *That* is
why you must allow the clans to rescue the child."

Boggs:  Hey, ya old fart!  If it's easily defended, you don't
wanna take a whole army with ya anyway.  By the time ya get
past the defenses, they'd already have whacked the kid!

    "That 'girl' in there is the only link we have to the
kidnappers."  Watanabe stepped back slightly as he growled at Tofu and
waved his hand at Kasumi's door.  "As an investigating officer, I
insist on speaking with her."

Boggs:  Investigating officer?  You're a beat cop!
Cog:  Watanabe is taking a terrible risk here.  All
they have to do is threaten to report him to the 
real investigating officer.   

Such was dangerous to Fukoono's plan.

Mizu:  And so, Such must die!

    "I can take care of myself," Ranma growled while abruptly
standing.  "I'm supposed to be Sodoshi's protector."
    "A noble and honorable position, young man.  But that doesn't
address the foolishness of getting yourself killed for no reason."

Boggs:  Boy, they sure grow those Ninja martial arts masters
wimpy, don't they?
Mizu:  Master Sato certainly doesn't seem to have a traditional
Japanese perspective on this sort of thing.  Dieing while 
trying to rescue a child that you are sworn to protect isn't
foolish, it's Ranma's only alternative to winning.  In fact
if there is no way for Ranma to rescue the kid, he has to
seriously consider the option of suicide.  

Sato nodded his agreement and took another sip of his tea.
    "As long as we can keep Jeff and Nabiki from Hokkaido..."

Boggs stands up, slams his head into a console.  Sparks fly.
Boggs:  If you DIDN'T want them to go to Hokkaido,
you shouldn't have TOLD them that the baby was IN
Hokkaido!  Ya ninja martial arts master dummy!

   Soun and Genma had spent the entire day planning for the ninja
onslaught predicted to come.  Like two schoolkids planning an
elaborate prank, they scurried about the compound, giggling to
themselves and laying their traps.
     To ensure Kasumi's safety, they had her spend the night with an
old school friend.  Collateral damage was always a possibility

Boggs:  They woulda looked pretty dumb, if the ninjas'd just 
kidnapped Kasumi after she left the house, since she's the
only one they're after.  
Mizu:  So what else is new?
 
    Come night fall, everything was set and the fathers retired to
the main room to play shoghi and drink tea.

Cog:  "nightfall", "shogi"

     "Hey!  Pistols are not fair."  Genma said as he noticed the
ninja's weapon.  "Hardly the weapon of a noble warrior."
     "Yes, I agree.  Most outside the rules, old boy," Soun noted with
a sad look.
     "Very well," the ninja leader replied with an evil grin as he
slipped the pistol inside his yukata and slowly drew his katana.

Cog:  Ninja=Moron.  The equivalence is approaching unity.  

    Finally, there was the sight of six naked males tied together in
the middle of their family dojo in such a way that it was hard not to
notice their unclothed state.  Kasumi shuddered again and shrunk from
Tofu's consoling touch.

Boggs:  Guess they didna use enough rope.

   "I feel so.... dirty," she whimpered with a sniff.  "How can you
touch such a dirty person?"

Mizu: With rubber gloves?  
Boggs:  Good thing Doc Tofu has some.  

     Suddenly, Tofu's eyes went wide with recognition.  It WAS a
warning - loud and clear, like a shout in his head.

Mizu:  My pervert-sense is tingling!

    As the ninjas closed in, a sudden blur of dozens of black and
yellow projectiles mowed down the entire front rank of the attackers.
Stunned at the reversal, the ninjas seemed to back off slightly;
unsure of where the attack came from and from whom it originated.

Mizu:  You know, that bandanna trick really is better suited to
a target-rich environment.  I'm glad to see it being used properly.

stealth, Ryouga Hibiki seemed to appear at Ranma's side, clearly in
the mood for a fight.
    "How did you get here?" Ranma shouted as he continued to
aggressively posture.

Mizu morphs into Ryouga:  I took a left turn at Albuquerque!
Boggs:  If Ryouga is Bugs, does that make Ranma Daffy?

     "Just watch me, Saotome."  Ryouga began to glow with his
gathering chi.  In seconds, he built up enough to try his 'breaking

Mizu:  That's kind of odd, considering that the Breaking Point 
technique doesn't require large amounts of technique, merely
perception and precision.  

going on than a simple disagreement over the purchase of a puppy.
Both were beginning to breathe.... funny.
    "Wastrel."
    "Cheapskate!"
    "Thriftless!"
    "Skinflint!"
    "Furo?"
    "Drained."
    "Love hotel?"
    "When?"
    "Now."
    "You Pay."
    "Half."
    "You're on."

Boggs:  I like it!  Great way to end the fic.  Well
it woulda been better if they'd finished in the love
motel.  When are we gonna get a lemon to review?  

Mizu:  No, the finish has exactly the right tone as
is.  In any case, Kasumi really shines in this fic in
a fairly rare dramatic role, amply justified by 
circumstances.  Nabiki also shows up to advantage.
I wasn't all that fond of Sato or Abe, or for that
matter any living shinobi save the kidnapper.  But 
there was certainly plenty here I did like.  In terms
of basic writing, there were few problems.  Any 
other thoughts Joe?

Boggs:  It was freaking huge!  Can I go to bed now?
My coffin's calling.  

Mizu:  Good night all!