Just a note, the series will be rewritten in script form. Chapter one will
keep plot and a couple lines, but is otherwise tossed in the trash.
Everything still happens, but over a period of two, maybe three days.
I will still make comments on the C&C as some of the scenes in question
may stay.

Chapter 2 and 3 remain largely intact with scenes to be added/altered.

It looks like the draft of Chapter 4 will be out on time. (I hope) It is
done in script format.

On Fri, 10 Oct 1997, David Johnston wrote:

This is the first draft of Trapped Chapter 1. Chapters 2 and 3 should
follow tonight. Chapter 4 will hopefully be out next Sunday, rounding 
out
volume 1 of the new series I'm making. I'm currently calling Ranma 1/2
Teen Marriage (If you have a better name suggestion please tell me).

Cog:   		Compatible Interface
EVE-1:  	I Adore Akane
Mizu:   	Dimwits in Love!
Boggs:		Thrashing Sex Monkeys!

 
Ugh, I said better suggestions. Right now I'm leaning towards 
Saotome: 1 Whole. (But I'd really like a better suggestions, it sounds
hentai.)

This story somewhat seriously deals with marriage and hazards delt
within, so parts of this story (and some of the series) are lemon 
scented

Boggs:  So you're saying sex is a hazard of marriage?
Mizu:  Well Akane is kind of rough trade.

No, sex isn't the hazard. It's the potential result of sex that is the
hazard, not to mention other problems.

The main part of the series will have some sexual references, but I 
will
try to keep it less than what one normally sees on TV and Ranma 1/2.

Boggs:  Why?
Mizu:  That's OK.  He'll try, but he'll fail.  

The first draft of chapter one failed.
A better reference is to keep the main story PG-13.

 It was a quit Saturday morning in January at the Tendo Dojo. The

Boggs:  So everyone gave up.
Mizu:  Come to think of it, everyone does quit, except Mousse.  

Gaa.. Where are all these typos coming from?
<Searches computer and pulls out what looks to be a six legged rabbit.>
How did this get here?   (I'll skip over rest of the typos.)

Cog:  As an informative note, Japanese High Schools have classes
on Saturday.  Sunday is the only day they have off during the 
school year.  

I know this. They never had the chance to get to school, so they will be
absent... again. 

weather was unseasonably warm, and forecasts for next several days have
highs in 60 to 70 degrees.

Cog:  The author needs to go over his manuscript and change the
the present tenses to past tenses.  Often, they are in conflict
even in the same sentence.

I'm tring. Reworked versions will go through proof readers and written
with keeping action in past tense in mind.

"Do you have any idea how to get them out?" asked a half-angry 
half-sad Soun.

Boggs:  So his left half's angry and his right half's sad?
EVE-1:  This reaction doesn't ring true at all.  The question
is calm, and Soun's emotions aren't that subtle.  He should
either be an towering rage, bullying Happosai into an answer,
or in the depths of despair, weeping about how it could be
centuries before his daughter finds a way to escape.  

This will be fixed. Either Nabiki gets the line or it gets changed all
together.
 

[You forgot how to get them out!] a signed stated and a loud growl is
heard from Genma as he batted Happosai over Japan using the sign as
baseball bat.

Cogg:  "was heard from Genma...as _a_ baseball bat"
Boggs:  More like a cricket bat, or a polo mallet really.  

To avoid particular sports references, changed to:
"...as he used the sign to bat Happosai over Japan." 

 Mean while in an impossibly big empty spheroid room, 2 small

Boggs:  So, who's this guy "Mean", anyway?

figures appeared. Despite no visible source of light, anything that can
be seen is visible, and what is visible is a very naked Ranma and Akane.

Boggs:  Yes!  I smell lemon!
Mizu:  It's plainly visible that the word "visible" isn't as 
funny as you think. 
Cog:  Although Ranma and Akane may seem dwarfed by the emptiness
surrounding them, they are not in fact "small figures" except by 
comparison.  
Boggs:  Well we can all visibly see that.
Mizu:  Nope.  Still isn't funny.
EVE-1:  Where did Mean go?  

It's visible that I need to rework this paragraph.
 

       Ranma while still looking away responded, "I guess so, um do have
any idea of how to get out here." Ranma thoughts are, "I don't need 
this.
I'm trap with no visible means of escape. And I'm naked with a boner, I
hope Akane doesn't notice. She'll think I'm some pervert that wants to
take advantage of this situation."
 
Boggs:  Lemme get this straight-
Mizu:  Bad word.
Boggs:  Uh, whatever.  Ranma and Akane spend the rest of this
chapter and a chunk of the next buck naked, complete 
with an erection for him, and this guy claims that he's 
trying to keep things less lemony than what is
normally on Ranma 1/2 or television?
Mizu:  He didn't say he was trying really hard.  Besides
maybe he had the Playboy channel in mind.  

<Bangs head into desk.>
Gomen, will rework. 
 

"Yes marriage does mean commitment to one person and increased
responsibilities. But in terms of not doing things without thinking of
your family first, you should also do think about others in general
before doing something."

EVE-1:  This speech is rather impersonal.  Akane should talk to
Ranma and not at him.  

The statement made was about marriage in general, and was not suppose to
be personal. If it was personal she would likely refer to herself as the
spose, and at this point she wanted to avoid this.
  

"I wished she had other friends than just us and Konatsu. She'll need
someone to talk to that doesn't remind her about us. Konatsu will help,
but his feelings for her might cause a problem. It's caused me trouble 
in
the past."

"It has?"

"How am I supposed to talk to Ukyou about certain problems concerning
you, when she wants me to dump you and marry her?"

Mizu:  Personally, I think Ukyou and Akane would make a cute
couple.  Akane should consider the offer.  
EVE-1:  I believe that was Ranma speaking.
Mizu:  Hard to keep track when the last speaker I.D. was
10 paragraphs ago.  

This will hopefully fixed by switching to script format.
 

She grabbed Ranma and turns him around and sees in his face that he is
either nervous or scared. "If you aren't nervous, then you're scared.

Mizu:  So she's saying it's visible that he's nervous or scared?
Cog:  The distinction between "nervous" and "scared" is one of
degree, not of kind.  A more salient dichotomy would be between
guilt and fear, two emotions which are not the same, both of
which he has reason to feel.

Exactly if Ranma is excessively nervous it would be because he's afraid,
there for if he denies he's nervous then he's scared.

Mizu:  And don't repeat yourself.  We heard you the first time.

Gomen, Sorry.

       Ranma sat down facing away from Akane. Their backs were a 
couple
feet apart.Ranma started talking again after a few moments, "After a 
full
week of cooking, you should be able make something editable."

Cog:  Previous experience suggests that is not the case.  Instead
her frustration builds with each failure, causing the next attempt
to be progressively more demented and ambitious.
Mizu:  Nah.  I'm sure after a week she can easily make something
that should be deleted.  Editable, not edible, after all. 

<Pulls out another six legged rabbit thing.> 
We'll find out. Volume 2 or 3 will have a cooking lesson ala Ranma.
 

"Think Ranma, as I said before we're alone, naked, and have no where to
go. The trigger might be us having sex."

Boggs:  Yes!  It's not real likely, but what else do two naked
people trapped for all of eternity have to do?

Better explained how it got to this point in rewrite. Really it is, I
think.
 

"I am serious, besides we're officially engaged now, our parents have
absolutely no objections what so ever to us doing it." 

Mizu:  Kasumi's gonna plotz.

Plotz? <Checks dictionary> Oh faint. If anyone plotz, it will be Soun or
Nodoka.


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