Gary Kleppe wrote:

On Sun, 12 Oct 1997 10:39:22 -0400, Emily Siazon
<emily9@bellatlantic.net> wrote:

    When Akane finally managed to open the door, she was almost
knocked off her feet by an enthusiastic Shinnosuke.

    o/~ Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you... o/~

He managed to remember that, I see....

Unfortunately, I forgot to tell how he knew it was her birthday.
*grumble* I had it circled in my outline, too.

    "They're so in love it makes me sick," Nabiki continued, not
seeming to have heard Akane's remark. Her eyes, however, betrayed her
real feelings. It was obvious that she had feelings for Dr. Tofu.

    "You love him, don't you?" Akane wasn't really asking.

Sheesh, everyone loves Tofu.

It has to be the hands. He can... Well, let's not get into that.
All I'm going to say is it's very versatile ^_^

"Yeah. As long as I can remember," she sighed. "It hurts, you know?
It's so obvious that they're in love, but I can't seem to let him go."

This bit is kind of hard for me tro believe. More explanation is needed
of how Nabsy, the girl with a heart of cold cash, could be in love with
Tofu. I also think she admitted it way too easily.

It shows just how much experience I lack when it comes to writing Nabiki, 
doesn't it?  I'll work on this part a bit more.

    "Honestly? Yeah, sometimes. But I'm not mad. I mean, how else
could we have become friends?"

    "I can think of other alternatives," he answered with a rueful
smile.

Ryoga seems a bit too confident here, unless his crush on Akane is not
as strong as in the original.

Yep. They haven't spent enough time together for it to be as strong
as in the original.

    She let out a gasp of surprise while she took out the contents of
the cheery red and yellow box. "My necklace! H-how did you find it?"

Aw, that's nice.

Yeah. What was I thinking?! 

AUTHORS NOTES: Can anyone guess what Shinnosuke's other present is?

The same necklace? Maybe it's one of those kinds that's sold in stores
everywhere for $19.98.

Nope. Try again.

  Hope you liked the waffy parts of this chapter because I'm going to

I did.

thanks!

put the characters through emotional hell in the next part.

Cool! heh heh

Ah, a fellow sadist ^_^

  Why? I'm doing that because it's very important to the plot. Its
not like I _enjoy_ making them suffer <innocent look>

Hey, *I* do, I admit that freely.

Why bother writing fanfics if you can't kill any of them or make them
go through hell :)
 

Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics