As before, a high-tech control room with flashing lights and consoles,
a comfy sofa in the centre facing toward a large viewscreen.  On the
sofa are a burly Irishman, a short asian with bright blue eyes, and
a red-headed girl with similarly blue eyes.  Floating about the room
is a holographic image of a masculine mask in front of a sphere
of intermeshing gears.

Mizu:  Hello and welcome to the show.  I am Mizu, wellspring of 
knowledge and charm, paragon of all virtues.
Boggs:  How about modesty?
Mizu:  With me are Joe Boggs the vampire from Lower Canada, our host 
Cogito Ergo Sum an alien AI, and a special guest star, Ranma-chan, the 
female Ranma from "Daremo"!.  And in response to your question, Joe, I 
am indeed, more modest than any other being in creation.
Ranma-chan:  Sheyeah, right.  I'm a thousand times more modest than you 
are.  
Mizu:  Hah!  I'm so modest, I think I'm second-rate.
Ranma-chan:  I'm so modest, I think I'm cutrate!
Mizu:  Puddle scum!
Ranma-chan:  Dust, blowing in the wind!
Mizu:  An amoeba!
Ranma-chan:  I wish I was an amoeba!  I'm a virus!
Mizu:  In any case, our next review features a story focussing on
a Ranma with some serious self-image problems for real.
Ranma-chan:  I win!
Mizu: Right.  In any case, as ever, our target was chosen by
Cogito Ergo Sum, through rigorously logical criteria.  And tell
me, Cog, just what were those criteria?
Cog:  Joe Boggs requested lesbian interactions.
Mizu:  Right.   

                               Ranma's Curse
                       Part 3:  Destroying the Family

Boggs:  I'm in favour of that!  I'm planning on running for public
office under an anti-family values platform.  
Ranma-Chan:  Get your hands offa me, creep!

Ranma 1/2 and related characters created by Rumiko Takahashi
Inspired by fan fiction by Hitomi Ichinohei, Richard Lawson, and 
Nicholas Leifker

Mizu and Boggs:  Aaagh!
Ranma-Chan:  What's wrong with them?
Cog:  A conditioned reflex to the sight of that name, not unlike
your response to felinoids.  
Ranma-Chan:  Why, is she a bad writer?
Cog:  No.  She was rather good, actually, although rather narrow
in her focus.  She was merely discussed to an excessive and 
irrelevant extent at one time.  

In Book 2, Ranma has gained minimal acceptance as a woman.  Aside from 
the
Tendou's, Kunou, Ryoga, and Tofu, Ranma has made two friends, Atsuki 
and
Kyoko.

Ranma-Chan:  Minimal?  That's more friends than I ever had as guy OR
girl!
Mizu:  Yes, but you are still a tragic victim of OPD.
Boggs:  (yeah, you know me!)
Ranma-Chan:  Huhn?
Mizu:  Obnoxious Personality Disorder.  
Ranma-Chan:  You want me to pound your face shorty?
Mizu:  See?

really is, forcing Ranma to face the Master alone.  At battle's end, 
Ranma is
physically and emotionally exhausted.  But that is only the beginning 
for
her...

Mizu:  Physically exhausted and emotionally traumatised, I'd say.  

They quietly moved to where they could see the activity.  They were 
shocked
to see about a dozen four and five year olds running in the yard.  They 
also
saw a young red-haired woman playing with the children.

Ranma-Chan:  What the...  What's she doing!
Cog:  The Tendo Dojo has opened a day care centre.
Ranma-Chan:  But...but...
EVE-1:  In this continuity, being trapped as a female
has opened Ranma up to his nurturing side, with the 
occasional digression into psychotic rage.  
Ranma-Chan:  That's crazy!  I would never do that!
I mean it's not like I hate kids, but she's totally
changing herself just 'cause she's stuck!  Just 'cause
I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm gonna turn inta a...girl!
Boggs:  She ain't you.  
Mizu:  This Ranma has lost her self-confidence by 
destroying her own cure by accident in the Neko-ken.
Broken, and without interference by her absentee 
father, she was easily conditioned by Kasumi's persuasive
talents.
Ranma-Chan:  That's...horrible!
Boggs:  Oh, I don't know.  She's kind of cute this way.
Ranma-Chan hits Boggs with a mallet.

"But that was not enough to cover our bills.  Tatewaki and Ryoga are 
taking
lessons from Ranma.  Kunou pays for his, while Ryoga pays with his 

Ranma-Chan:  Hmm.  Kuno's pretty fast and he's got decent stamina.  
If he actually knew more than a couple of moves, he'd be almost 
dangerous.  

"If I fight anyone, for any reason, I'm going to either put them in a 
hos-
pital or kill them.  That is something I can no longer accept!"

Ranma stood there, shaking from her sobs.  Akane and Kasumi braced her.

Ranma-Chan:  AAAH!  It's character assassination I tell ya!  She'd
at least try ta fake it with Oyaji watching!  
Mizu:  It's just a different interpretation, that's all.  Besides,
Soun cries all the time.  
Boggs:  Makes me wonder how much Kasumi made Soun what he is now
just by coddling him all these years.  

Genma's voice broke into her mind, "Coward.  A true warrior does not 
give up
after winning one battle.  A warrior must overcome and improve with 
each new
battle!"

Mizu:  What, Genma's using telepathy now?  

"I LOST CONTROL AND ALMOST KILLED A MAN!  I AM NOT A COWARD OR A 
KILLER!  I
WON'T BECOME ONE EITHER!"

Ranma-Chan:  Says you.  You're both.  You're actin' like a victim,
and that'll attract the sharks.  Rejectin' the art means when you
get cornered, you won't be able to control what you do when you 
get cornered.  That makes you a murderer just waiting for the
right moment.

face twitched as he took in the exchange.  The women wanted to go after
Ranma, to comfort her, but needed to stay.  The men had to be made to 
understand.

Mizu:  So how come Akane doesn't chase Ranma while Kasumi talks it out?
You'd think that at least one of the three would decide that Ranma's
the higher immediate priority, just on the off chance that Ranma's gone 
off to kill herself, or someone else.  

Before anyone knew what happened or could react, Kasumi was in Genma's 
face.
She had an impossibly menacing expression on her face. 

Mizu:  Quick!  Hide the axes!

I'd like to be that friend.  I promise never to hurt you again.  
Please?"

"Thank you."

"I think we're close to the Nekohanten Cafe.  Let's go there."

"I can't go there.  They're the ones who made me into a weak girl."

"Weak?  Who the Hell says you're weak?"

Mizu, Boggs, Ranma-Chan:  WE DO!

"Honestly, Ranma.  I don't know if I like you better like this or the 
way you
were before:  when you were obnoxious and obsessed with your manhood."

Boggs:  Nope.  You definitely like him better like this.
Mizu:  Not surprising.  Since she's one of the clique leaders, she'd
be delighted to have a follower who does whatever she's told to fit
in, a slave for nothing but a kind word.  

to have someone like you.  I can tell you, with all honesty, there are 
a lot
of girls at school who would jump at the chance to date you, even in 
your
current condition," concluded Kumiko with a warm smile.

Boggs:  Yep.  Girls are leaping out of the bushes hoping for 
relationships with depressed lesbians with murderous impulses.  

I don't see a future with him.  He just sees me as being weak and being
turned into a girl," concluded Ranma with a sad sigh.

Ranma-Chan:  Then show him some strength!  Fer cryin' out loud, stand
up to him!

"Well you have become a woman."

Ranma-Chan:  That must explain the breasts!  And I thought they were
just triceps!

"I have?"

"Hai, in a way.  When you came here, you were brash, egotistical, and 
obses-
sed with your manhood.  Since you lost your one, easy chance at 
becoming a

Mizu:  Any bets on how often she's gonna use the expression "obnoxious
and obsessed with your manhood" over the rest of the school year?
This is twice in one conversation so far.  
Ranma-Chan:  What better way to keep the poor sap from ever standing
up for herself?

"So you ran out of the house when your father called you a coward.  

>From what

I've seen, you needed to.  This is going to sound harsh, but you need 
to hear
it.  You destroyed a cure for your present condition.  You also nearly 
killed
a man.  You feel you're losing control, and because of that, you needed 
to
leave before you would lose control again."

Ranma-Chan:  How the heck is she supposed to know this?  She wasn't 
there and she doesn't know Ranma at all well.
Boggs:  Ah, she's the type who think they know everything. 
 

"We knew you hated being female.  That's why we didn't understand why 
you
came dressed like one.  We thought you were playing a cruel joke.  It's 
for

Mizu:  Which brings up the question.  Why _did_ you come dressed like 
"one"?  

"You're now more careful about what you say and do around people.  You 
don't
want to offend or embarrass anyone.  You've grown up.  You care about 
others.

Ranma-Chan:  Turning into a mouse ain't growin' up!  

"So you see, you are a woman.  But you are also a man.  You've matured 
faster
than the rest of us.  So have Akane, Nabiki, and Kunou.  You four have 
shown
us what tragedy does to people.  It's made you stronger.

Ranma-Chan:  GAAAAH!  She AIN'T stronger!  She's fallin' apart!
Mizu:  Yes, but it could be a constructive, self-fulfilling lie.

Ranma's eyes widened.  The only man she knew who cried was Tendou Soun. 
She
had never considered the possibility that other, grown men cried.

Mizu:  Actually Genma has wept once or twice about how unmanly and
dishonourable his son is.

Ranma bowed deeply, "I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way.  If I 
have
disgraced myself, or insulted you, I will not return; if that is your 
wish."

Ranma-Chan grinds her teeth:  Now she's goin' around apologising to 
everyone that looks at her!  Let me slap her, please?
Mizu:  Apologising to every man who stares at her certainly must
keep Ranma busy.  

shoulder harness.  Ranma continued talking, her voice a mixture of joy 
and
sadness, "It's great to see you again.  There's so much I want to talk 
to
about.  Man, this is so wild!  I didn't expect to ever see any of my 
old
friends again!"

Ukyou was about to throw the spatulas.  The last comment changed his 
mind.

Mizu:  Why?  That's exactly how Ranma behaved toward her in the 
main continuity.  

Ranma fumed, yelling at her father, "If my home and sisters are 
threatened, I
WILL FIGHT TO PROTECT THEM!  I don't care what you think, I fight 
because I
have to."

Mizu:  OK, so is he afraid he might kill someone or not?  When did
he reach the decision that he was prepared to be a martial artist 
again, something that he was renouncing at the start of the fic?
That's a critical decision, and I want to see his precise line of
reasoning.  
Boggs:  I figure it must have been when everyone complimented her
on her on defending the school against Happosai.  

"Shampoo make Ranma uncomfortable.  Ranma no love Shampoo.  Ranma love 
Akane.
If anything happen to Akane, Ranma either kill Shampoo or kill self."

Mizu:  Shouldn't this conversation with Cologne be in Chinese?  

"True.  I think it'd be best to practice twice a day.  Once in the 
morning,
and once in the evening.  And if we can, at noon," suggested Ryoga.

Ranma-Chan:  In other words, the exact same way I train every day.

Mother's Rock inspired by Richard Lawson's Sunday

Thy Inward Love, Magic, and related stories, and Thy Outward Part by 
Richard Lawson

A Son's Duty and An Alternate History of Ranma 1/2 by Hitomi Ichinohei

Mizu and Boggs:  AAAGH!

The Clothes Make the... by Nicholas Leifker and Hitomi Ichinohei

Mizu whimpers.  Boggs just closes his eyes and puts his hands over 
his ears.  

Sunrise and Sunrise Chronicles by Nicholas Leifker

A Lesson in Love by Marisa Price

Sins of the Father by Lisa Prior

There are several other stories that have helped in the creation of this 
tale
since its inception.  To those authors, thank you.

Ranma-Chan (huffily):  Betcha "Daremo" wasn't on the list!

Can anyone guess what will happen next?  No cheating now.  If you think 
you
know, drop a line. (I believe in the Honor System.)

Boggs:  A big fight with Cologne?
Mizu:  Ranma breaks a nail?
Ranma-chan:  Kasumi runs amok with an axe?
Everyone stares at Ranma-chan.  
Ranma-chan:  It could happen!  

Seriously, it may look like Shampoo gave up way too easily, but keep in 
mind
Ranma rejected her consistently throughout the story.  Also, when Ukyou 

Ranma-Chan:  So what?  I consistently rejected her in the real Dojo 
Destroyer story!  Heck, I wouldn't even kiss her with a cure at stake!

Some of the side stories will be coming out later this year or early 
next
year.  I'm finishing up graduate school, so my time is being wasted on 
study-
ing.

Mizu:  Summing up, any opinions?
Ranma-chan:  I'll sue!  Where's this Neef guy live?  I'll mprphlgh!
Boggs (holding hand over Ranma-Chan's mouth):  Well, it wasn't that bad. 
 Kumiko kind of went on at excessive length, but there were three 
lesbian kisses, and a good fight scene.
Cog:  Very few spelling errors.  
Mizu:  Possibly an excess of lecturing, and a strange lack of direct 
looks into Ranma's mind.  In particular, I want to know what thoughts
Ranma was thinking at the moment she decides, "Yes, I am still a martial
artist".  I don't think this one hangs together as well as the previous
two, but it still had significant points of interest.
Ranma-chan breaks free:  Neef!  I'll find you and...

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY
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