Sarah: ARGGG!!! You wake me up at 6am to watch Tazmania and now
you insist on reviewing fanfics.

Eric: shhh... it'll be good for you.  who needs sleep anyways?

Sarah: you'll sing a different tune in about four hours when you
debate pretending you are sick so you can call of work!

Eric: what?  i need a vacation.

-----Original Message-----
From: Gary Kleppe <KLEPPE@execpc.com>
To: fanfic@fanfic.com <fanfic@fanfic.com>
Date: Monday, October 13, 1997 10:22 PM
Subject: [FFML] [Spamfic][Ranma] The Right Choice

This can be best described as... the result of insufficient

amounts of

sleep. :-) I hope it gives someone a laugh or two.

Sarah: i can sympathize with the lack of sleep thing *yawn*

    THE RIGHT CHOICE

Eric: I hope they have the RIGHT stuff.

Sarah: was that supposed to be funny?

Eric: no.

Sarah: good cuz it wasn't.  Right choice... now what would you
know about that Eric?

Eric: Quiet You!

    a CUSTOMIZABLE Ranma 1/2 Spamfic
     by Gary Kleppe


The question "Who is Ranma's Best Babe?" has been widely debated

on

Eric: Kodachi.

Sarah: Akane.

newsgroups and mailing lists. Finally, there is a spamfic that

YOU to

Eric: no debate.

can use to show how much better YOUR choice is!

Sarah: but if everyone uses it... wont the arguements all be the
same?

Eric: just have fun with it.  roll with the flow.

This spamfic has been designed to be *fully customizable*

according to

the individual reader's preferences. In the following, <Fiancee

A>

represents the one you think ought to end up with Ranma.

<Fiancee X>

represents the one you *least* want to see with him, or the one

you feel

Sarah: oic...  hummm.. .Fiancee X would then be Shampoo

Eric: Ukyou for me.

Sarah: why not Ukyou?

Eric: She deserves better then him.

is the greatest threat or obstacle to his happiness with

<Fiancee A>.

<Consolation Prize> is someone else who loves <Fiancee X> who

you think

Sarah: consolation prize?!?  Humm... lemme think... Shampoo
certainly doesnt deserve having to go through hell with Mousse.
*ponder*  how about... Kuno!

Eric: hehehe Consolation Prize *grins evilly* ... oh yes Kuno is
a great choice.

ought to get her instead of Ranma.

Eric: a thousand names come to mind for Ukyou but one in
particular stands out.

Using a global search and replace, you can edit the text of this

so that

*your* preferences are reflected. You may also wish to edit

dialog to

reflect the particular fiancees' speech patterns.

If you redistribute this fic, please send the original

uncustomized

version only; let each individual reader make his or her own
substitution.

Standard disclaimer applies.

Sarah: and dont forget the disclaimer that I snip stating how
much you love Sarah Leahy.

[Scene: Ranma is walking along the streets of Nerima, looking

contented.

Eric: oh oh Contented... i dunno seems to odd.

A voice comes down, seemingly out of nowhere.]

Sarah: Arthur!  Oh stop your groveling... I command you seek out
the Holy Grail.

Voice: Ranma Saotome!

Eric: well so much for Arthur.  I wonder if Ranma recently
visited Camelot at least.

Sarah: he probably went else where, its a silly place you know.

Ranma: [Looks around a bit, then up at voice] Yeah?

Sarah: well he's doing better then Arthur and his knights-

Eric: K-nig-gits thank you very much.

Sarah: who just groveled.

Voice: Where are you going?

Sarah: on a short visit to a Koi pond.

Ranma: Gonna go see Ukyou.

Sarah: go visit Shampoo then...

Eric: i'm taking over and that means Its Ukyou he's going to go
visit. 'kay?

Sarah: i suppose i'll throw you a bone.

Voice: So, you've finally decided, eh?

Sarah: he rolled a 1d20 last night.

Ranma: Uh, yeah. I, y'know, love her and so I'm gonna marry her.

Eric: do you now?  is that why you ran off without her... tsk.

Voice: What about Kodachi?

Eric: yes Ranma lets not forget about our favorite ribbon
wielding woman.

Sarah: i thought that was Kurumi for you.

Eric: for todays fic its Kodachi.

Ranma: Well, she's all right, but I only like her as a friend

and stuff.

Sarah: for some reason i cant see Ranma saying that about
Kodachi.

Eric: actually i cant see anyone saying that about Kodachi but
launching Ranma into a world of insanity and pain cant be all fun
and games.

Voice: Are you sure you're making... the *right choice?*

Eric: no but this is more fun thank you very much.

Ranma: Whattaya mean?

Voice: Have you thought about what your life could be like if

you chose

Kodachi?

Sarah: waaawaaahhahahahaha waaahahhah..

Ranma: Well, I dunno....

Eric: you are always so sure of yourself Ranma.

Voice: Watch this!

Eric and Sarah: *watch in rapt attention commanded by God to pay
attention.*

[Scene dissolves. We see a much older Ranma, his hair mostly

gray,

together at a dinner table with Kodachi who still looks as

beautiful

as ever.]

Sarah: GAH! thats horrible what kinda male generated fantasy is
this?

Eric: what do you mean?

Sarah: Ranma gets older but the fiancee stays you and virile?  I
bet you they have sex still as well. In fact... are we perhaps
suggesting *starts to glow a bright green* that for Ranma to
actually pick a certain fiancee she has to remain beautiful
looking?  Are we just proprogating a fantasy?  Maybe we should
change the name to Kasumi!

Eric: dont you think you are gonig a bit overboard?

Sarah: *erupting into flames* NO!!!!!  *powerblasts Eric out the
window*

Eric: *crawling back in* its a good thing i had the glass
removed.

Ranma: Honey, it's been a great life. I'm so glad I chose you!

Sarah: *glowing brighter* oh HE CHOOSE HER!!?!?!  HE's THE ONE
WITH HTE POWER!?!?  you know what i'd like to see?!

Eric: *cringing* what?

Sarah: I'd like to see a fic where all of Ranma's fiancee's get
together and DUMP HIS SORRY LITTLE BUTT.  YOU WILL WRITE ME ONE
WON"T YOU ERIC?!!?

Eric: *ulp* yes?!

Kodachi: Me too, honey.  Waahhahaha  Waah waah...wahhha We've

raised

four wonderful children, saved
the world from hordes of demonic invaders, taken long walks in

the

park...

Eric: they go hand in foot you know.. after saving the world its
always necessary to go for a walk in the park to reflect.

Sarah: and howabout one without any children!?

Ranma: And the sex has been great!

Sarah: of course!  its ALWAYS great.

Eric: do you understand the meaning of SPAMFIC?!

Sarah: So what?!

Kodachi: [slightly embarrassed] Right, darling. We've had so

many

Sarah: and remember to have sex again.  In fact retreat to the
kitchen where you belong woman!

wonderful years together, filled with joy and happiness...
Ranma: ... and sex...

Sarah: *glows brighter* Oh again with the sex... its all Ranma
thinks about... do i notice a distinct bow leggedness to the UMF?

Kodachi: Right, honey. Waaahhhhaahahha WAAhhh wahhah!

Ranma: Did I mention the...

Sarah: yes yes you did more than enough times!

[The door crashes open. We see Ukyou storm in. She has obviously
deteriorated over the years. Her face is distorted, with some

hair and a

Eric: What have i done to Ukyou?!!?

Sarah: oh yes without Ranma, the other women will obviously get
old and whither away.

few teeth gone. Though still muscular, she has gained a bit of

weight in

all the worst places. She looks angry.]

Eric: oh no Ukyou what have I done!

Ukyou: RANMA! How DARE you be happy!

Sarah: thats right honey you kick his sorry ass.

Ukyou pulls out a spatula and charges forward at Ranma, but she
slips on a banana peel and ends up stabbing herself in the

heart.]

Eric: GAH!?!!?!  OH MY GOD?!  WHAT HAVE I DONE!

Sarah: You killed Ukyou!  You bastards!!!!

Kodachi: Oh NO! Please don't die! Ranma, help me get her to the
hospital!

Eric and Sarah: *sobbing*

Ranma: Too late, she's dead. [strikes dramatic pose] Why, oh

why,

couldn't she just accept the inescapable threads of destiny that

binds

me to Kodachi?! If she had only accepted Eric's love,
everything would have been all right. But no, she had to

struggle

against what had to be. It was her tragic flaw.

Eric: NO!!!! This isnt supposed to be how it ends!!!!

Sarah: What a horrible story this is turning out to be.

Kodachi: Her tragic flaw?

Ranma: Well... that and a few other things. But let us not think

about

that. Let us simply remember her as having nobly sacrificed her

own life

so that the two of us could be together.

Sarah: THATS IT!  *erupts into a pillar of flames* HE's DEAD!

Eric: you go get him!

Kodachi: Oh, Ranma!

[Return to original scene with normal-aged Ranma]

Voice: Still think you're making the *right choice*?

Eric:*sobbing* no I admit i made the wrong one!  I should never
have put Ukyou into that role.. Curse you Gary... Curse you I
say!

Sarah: ahem... there are more than a few reasons to curse gary.

Ranma: Well, uh... I dunno...

Sarah: thats it Ranma must die... right after the end of this
fic... BOOM!

Voice: Then watch this!

Eric and Sarah: *watch in rapt attention*

[Scene dissolves again. We see a barren landscape strewn with

corpses.

Demonic creatures are running around, killing whatever people

happen to

be left. A young adult version of Ukyou stands amidst the chaos,
smiling evilly. Ranma is slumped on the ground next to her,

looking

emaciated and completely out of it.]

Eric: ahh revenge this is worthwhile.  You shoulda done this ages
ago Ukyou.

Ukyou: NYA HA HA!

Sarah: i like the turn of this sequence better.

[Kodachi runs over to the pair of them.]

Eric: kill her too Ukyou!

Kodachi: NO!! What are you doing to Ranma?

Sarah: killing him hopefully!

Ukyou: TOO LATE! I've tapped into his ki energy so that I may

use

it in my evil plans! Nothing can stop me from taking my ultimate

revenge

on anyone who ever insulted me or parked in a space where I

wanted to!

Eric and Sarah: *sweatdrop* parked in a space?!

Ranma: I had jello today.

Sarah: thank you bill.

Kodachi: Oh Ranma! What a fool I was to let you marry Ukyou! I
only wanted you to be happy! Please, you have to reject your

foolish

misguided love for her and fight back!

Eric: no no DIE!!!!!

Ranma: It had little pieces of fruit inside it.

Eric: what about marshmallows?  did it have those as well?

Ukyou: There's nothing you can do, my dear. My demons will

ravage

the world, killing everything that lives! NYA HA HA!!

Eric: its a cross over with Hellraisers!

[A demon slashes its claws into Ukyou from behind, ripping out
several organs.]

Eric: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not again!  Curse you Gary!  Curse you I
say!

Ukyou: ... okay, maybe I could've thought this thing through a
little better... [dies]

Sarah: they killed Ukyou!  You bastards!!!!  *erupts into a
pillar of green flame and pulverizes the demons*

Kodachi: Oh, Ranma! And to think you could have prevented all of
this just by choosing me!

Eric: *sobbing* no no this isnt how it was supposed to happen!

Ranma: It was orange flavored.

Eric: damnit, but did it have Marshmallows!

[Kodachi weeps as she and Ranma are mauled by hordes of demons.

The

view pans back as the entire Earth becomes a lifeless wasteland.

It then

fades back to the original scene.]

Sarah: oh this is just grim!

Voice: Still want to marry Ukyou?

Eric: i say we kill them all!

Ranma: No way! I'm making the RIGHT CHOICE!

Sarah: you go do that...

Voice: Kodachi. The *right choice*. Appearing in fanfictions

near

you!

Nabiki: [From out of shot] Cut!

[We pull back to see Nabiki, along with Hiroshi and Daisuke.

Hiroshi is

carrying a camcorder. Daisuke has a microphone and has obviously

been

doing the voice-overs.]

Nabiki: Thank you, Ranma.

Ranma: Okay, I did your dumb commercial. This means I don't owe

you that

money no more, right?

Sarah: WHAT?!

Eric: YOU KILLED UKYOU FOR A COMMERCIAL!

Nabiki: Your debt is... reduced.

Akane: My own sister!

Nabiki: [counting a wad of bills that Kodachi has just handed

her]

Sorry sis, but cash is thicker than blood!

Nabiki: [counting money from Akane] Hey, if you've got the cash,

I'll do

one for you too!)


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics

Sarah: a commercial?!  THIS WAS A COMMERCIAL?!

Eric: thats it go get him Sarah.

Sarah: *erupts into a pillar of flames and starts walking out of
the computer* You just wait... i'm coming...  Right Choise, my
butt!