Opening Shot:  The earth slowly revolves, revealing a shining sun.  On the
earth, we can see a city which looks vaguely like a pentacle.

Narrator:  Behold!  Da mahvellous woild of da fucha!  Thanks to da 
creation of Cristal Tokyo, which brought about da Thoid Age of Mankoind,
yumanity has entered an era of prospairity.  But behoind da shadow of such
glory-us peace, dere are --

Sheila(OS):  Hey!  Cut to the chase already!

The image freezes.  The caption, Experts of Fanfic Review:  The Text File
appears.

Cut to the inside of a theatre.  In the middle row of seats are seated
SHEILA TENKAI (friendly, open expression, with red hair tied back in a
long pony tail), RITSUKO URAWA (busily typing on a compact laptop, with
pale blonde hair and dark eyebrows), HIROE HIBIKI (cute, big eyed, short
cropped blue hair and short eartails), and RYOUKO MIZUNO (cool, distant,
frowning, with long blue hair and curled eartails.)

SHEILA:  Hello!  Despite the ... rather pretentious title, we don't really
consider ourselves to be experts of fanfic review yet --

RYOUKO:  (cold) Speak for yourself.  Anything *I* do, I do well.

HIROE:  (innocent) Then why are you always getting dumped, oneesan?

RYOUKO:  ... <glare>

SHEILA:  <snicker>

RITSUKO:  <looks up> In any event, we should perhaps introduce ourselves,
for the benefit of those unfamiliar with us.  We are the group whom H.
Torrance Griffon collectively dubbed the "Senshidottir", as we are the
children of the Sailor Senshi, not including, of course, Her Royal
Highness Small Lady.

SHEILA:  <muttered> Praise be to goddess.

HIROE:  ONEECHAN!  What a mean thing to say about Reenie!

SHEILA:  When you've had to spend as many hours babysitting her as I did,
then you can say I'm mean.

RITSUKO:  <intervening>  I am Dr. Ritsuko Urawa, only child of Lady
Mercury and her first husband, Greg Urawa.  I was named after an associate
of my mother's.  To my right is Dame Sheila Ten'ou-Kaioh --

SHEILA:  -- or just Tenkai for short --

RYOUKO:  <muttered> -- or just "the dyke" for accurate --

SHEILA flips RYOUKO the finger, still smiling as she does so.

RITSUKO:  -- only child of Lady Uranus and Lady Neptune --

SHEILA:  -- very long story --

RITSUKO:  -- and eldest adopted child of Lady Jupiter.  <looks at SHEILA
expectantly>

SHEILA:  What?

RITSUKO:  Say something to introduce yourself.

SHEILA:  <blinks; to camera> Um ... hi all you kids out there in TV land?

RITSUKO lowers her head, and lets out a profound sigh.

SHEILA:  <desperate> Write to JMS and demand a TV movie focusing on
Ivanova and Talia's relationship?

RITSUKO:  Moving along --

SHEILA:  Xena and Gabrielle 2Gether4ever?

RYOUKO:  ENOUGH!  Cease your attempts to provoke me!

RITSUKO:  <muttered> I knew this wouldn't work ... <aloud>  To my extreme
left, ironically enough, is Lieutenant Ryouko Mizuno of the Royal Space
Marine Corps, my younger half-sister, the eldest daughter of Lady Mercury
and Ryouga Hibiki, her second and current husband.

SHEILA:  She's a bastard.

RITSUKO:  <hiss> Sheila.

SHEILA:  <all innocence> It's a legal term, not a perjorative one.  Aunt
Amy and Ryouga didn't get hitched for nearly nine hundred years after she
was born.  Do you deny you're a bastard, Ryouko-chan?

RYOUKO:  <stony>  No.  Do you deny you're a pervert?

SHEILA:  Perversion doesn't have a legal definition, cousin.

RYOUKO:  I do *not* claim you as a cousin.

SHEILA:  And largely to annoy you, I *do* so claim you.

RITSUKO:  <despairing> To my immediate left is Dame Hiroe Hibiki --

HIROE:  HIII!

RITSUKO:  -- whom you may have guessed is the youngest member of our tiny
cadre at seventeen years of age.  She is also a daughter of Lady Mercury
and Ryouga Hibiki.  Is there anything you'd like to say, Hiroe-chan?

HIROE:  Yes!  First, I'd like to say that I am not, not, NOT related at
all to anyone else with my name and general features, and if you think
that I am you're ecchi.  Second, I really wish my oneesan and my oneechan
would stop fighting.  And third, I think my oneesama needs to loosen up.

RITSUKO:  Hiroe-chan, when you have spent as much time keeping these two
from mutual homicide as I, then you may judge my personality.  <beat>  In
any event, we will be examining the most recently released work of Mr.
Travis Butler, the "manager", as it were, of Windir, Frito, and Lyra, who
are in fact this work's principal characters.  Sheila, as senior, I feel
that you are within your rights to --

SHEILA:  ROLL 'EM!

The story so far (from "A Pair of Jokers"):

Windir: <Ahem> In the beginning, the Universe was created. Endless swirls 
of cosmic dust coalesced into --

RYOUKO:  Hmph.  Evolutionists.

Frito: Boot ta the head!

Windir: OUCH!

Lyra: Didn't you already try an opening like that, Windir?

SHEILA:  Oh dear Goddess, she's gorgeous.

RYOUKO glowers at SHEILA.

Windir, Frito, and Lyra, taking a break between fanfic reviews, stumble 
upon the dead body of Ranma Saotome... the third example to show up that 
week. After talking to their friend Kaede the ex-ninja, they realize that 
this is far higher than it should be -- worse, they weren't intended by 
the authors. Another dead Ranma turns up, his throat cut in a way 
strongly reminiscent of the Bloody Card; a deduction confirmed by an 
attack shortly after, on another encounter with Kaede in front of a bank. 
The evidence hints at the Dirty Pair's responsibility -- a possibility 
Lyra and Frito don't want to accept, until some fairly conclusive photos 
from the bank surveillance cameras turn up. With a note of sad 
determination, they accompany the police lieutenant as he arrests the 
Pair

RITSUKO:  A nice recapitulation of the events of the preceding story,
however ... given the fact that that work was re-released immediately
before the initial publication of this, I wonder if it was truly
necessary.

SHEILA:  Well, presumnably Travis is going to release it to raac, and
there was a debate recently on whether this sort of thing is needed or
not.  I think it should stay.

HIROE:  Me too!  

The mysterious figure stood on the roof, laughing evilly as he looked 
down at the bank and listened to the bug planted in the vending cart. As 
the conversation reached a critical point, he dug inside his jacket... 
and, with the flick of a wrist, sent the Bloody Card screaming down on 
the foursome, skimming it 'round in patterns that just missed the 
panicking crew. He indulged himself in a final, cruel chuckle as the 
ninja eventually brought down the card; a hand signal sent an 
impersonator running away down the alley, long black hair streaming over 
her 3WA uniform...

RYOUKO:  Ah, the mysterious mastermind behind it all is hinted at.  Shall
we guess?

HIROE:  I bet it's Uncle Ranma.

RITSUKO:  Hiroe, why on Earth would Ranma Saotome conspire to commit
repetitive suicide?

SHEILA:  It doesn't really seem IC, kid.  My bet is on Mousse -- he
probably could handle the Bloody Card.

RITSUKO:  For my part, I would suggest that it is the legendary character
Pantyhose Tarou, or possibly his principal apologist.  What do *you*
think, Ryouko?

RYOUKO:  It's dad.

HIROE:  ONEESAN!

SHEILA:  <muttered> Oh, no unresolved feelings of hostility here, no, not
at all.

RITSUKO:  The tactics employed by this person do not quite match with
those customarily employed by Ryouga Hibiki, sister.

RYOUKO shrugs.

As the laughter faded off into the distance, the table surface swam back 
into focus in front of her... the photos on the table as well. *Those* 
photos. Damn them.

SHEILA:  Wait.  Now I'm confused.

RYOUKO:  And here I thought that sexuality was predetermined.  Bit late to
start claiming to be bisexual --

SHEILA:  <annoyed> What I mean is, are we meant to think that the bit
before the title was actually just part of Lyra's dream?

RITSUKO:  There is a compelling reason to believe otherwise, Sheila.

SHEILA:  What?

RITSUKO:  Consider the amount of time we spent speculating as to the
identity of that character.  If he doesn't exist outside of Lyra's mind,
we will seem ... foolish.

"Correct." A slight smile appeared on his face as well, for a moment, 
before vanishing. "However, would this, in fact, have a substantive 
impact on the situation?"

RITSUKO:  Might I suggest that the author specify exactly what is meant by
"this"?  One presumes that it refers to Windir-san's own modicum of doubt,
but ... um, is something the matter?

RYOUKO, HIROE, and SHEILA all stop staring at RITSUKO, and turn to stare
at the screen once more.

"Look, dat thing stinks on ice," Frito said. "'Course da murderer just 
happened ta use da Bloody Card, and a'course she attacked us right in 
front of the bank, where she'd get caught by da cameras. Just right, 
everythin' pointin' to da guy right off da bat. An' I got some nice 
beachfront property down in Kansas. Uh-huh."

SHEILA:  I think this paragraph would work better if the "just happened"
was repeated, as follows. <fair impersonation of FRITO> "'Course da
murderer just happened ta use da Bloody Card, and a'course she just
happened to attack us right in front of the bank, where she just happened
to get caught by da cameras."

RITSUKO:  It *does* stress the improbable coincidences involved.  Also,
unless I'm mistaken, that "everythin' pointin' to da guy" should be
"everythin' pointin' to da gals".  If I follow Frito-san's speech
patterns correctly.

"Hey, I was in shock, OK?" Frito pulled himself up to a seat on the edge 
of the table. "It ain't like I see two a' my favorite bombshells accused 
a' killin' people every day, neither. Got it?"

RYOUKO:  <dry> As opposed to their normal habits of drinking tea and
engaging in poetic competition.  It should probably be "murderin' people".
While the Lovely Angels do, within the context of their operations, kill
those opposing them, they aren't murderers, despite the calumny
perpetrated by the makers of "Fatal But Not Serious".

SHEILA: <aside> Really obvious that she's related to Ritsuko sometimes,
innit?

The first murmurs were audible about a block and a half away from the 
studio. As the trio walked closer, chorused shouts began rising out of 
the clamor; at about half a block, they became clear enough to 
understand. Chants of "U-KO-YO!" alternated with "O-O-C!" as the studio

HIROE:  Um ... who's Ukoyo?

SHEILA:  Good question, kid.
 

Frito looked nervously from side to side as the trio walked between the 
rows of protesters, and Lyra hunched her shoulders guiltily; Windir, 
however, strode proudly to the entrance, head held high. Surprisingly, no 
one threw tomatoes or eggs, though the volume of shouting did rise 
slightly. Off to one side, a short, cute young woman with 
shoulder-length, wavy brown hair and round glasses stood taking notes; a 
press card was clipped to the collar of her sailor fuku.

SHEILA:  Hm.  Smells like a cameo.  Anyone wanna take a crack at it?

RITSUKO:  I believe that it must be Fuu Huonji, of the Magical Knights
Rayearth.

RYOUKO:  Nope.  I'm thinking it's 

Their steps echoed across the cavernous room as they emerged from the 
stacks of equipment, props, and just plain junk scattered around the 
edges of the soundstage. Over in one corner, a young woman with long, 
light-brown hair, wearing an apron, looked up; her eyes flashed angrily 
for a moment, then she got up and strode across the room to meet them, 
her face set. "Well, glad you could make it!" she commented, an edge to 
her voice. "Now what the *hell* is going on with this script?" She waved 
the script in his face for emphasis.

Richard swallowed nervously; the trio seemed rooted in place, with 
stunned expressions on their faces. Finally, Windir managed a nervous 
stammer: "K-K-Kasumi?"

"Yeah, that's me," she said, seeming to notice them for the first time. 
"Who the hell are you?" she added, spearing them with a piercingly 
intelligent and less than tolerant look.

RITSUKO:  Interesting ...

Kasumi stood lost in thought for a moment. "Not him, either," she said 
quietly. "At least not at first -- he's arrogant, thoughtless, and 
couldn't pick up a clue if it was delivered by bokken... but he's loyal, 
honorable... and he also cares, deep down." She shook her head. "Later, 
after a new one has a chance to settle in and pick up on the celebrity 
lifestyle, well... let's just say we enjoy the good times while we can."

SHEILA:  Veddddy interesting.

RITSUKO:  This supports your hypothesis, Hiroe.

HIROE:  <blink> It does?  <blink>

RYOUKO:  I can see it.  Sometime ago, Ranma gets killed, and a new Ranma
is activated.  (Incidentally, the world that this story is setting up
reminds me of what the makers of "Fatal But Not Serious" would have us
believe the 3WA was like.)  This new Ranma decides that he wants to live a
long time, and so he *fakes* his own death.  In order to prevent any
future Ranma from duplicating his accomplishment, he keeps murdering them.
<beat>  How framing the Lovely Angels fits into this, I'm not sure.

RITSUKO:  But aside from that, it does seem to explain much.

SHEILA:  Yeah, it works.  Good job.

At SHEILA's words, RYOUKO's pleased expression freezes.  Her jaw works
silently for a moment.

RYOUKO:  <strangled> Of course, I could be completely wrong.

Everyone else sighs.

Lyra frowned at him. "What's your name?"  

"Questions, questions, always questions," he said, shaking his head in 
mock resignation. "You'd think people would get tired of them by now.   
Call me Roku, if you like. I just dropped by from BritWorld, to do a 
little job for an old friend."

RITSUKO:  Oh, good grief.  Under the circumstances and given his dialogue,
I think "Ni" would have been more appropriate.

SHEILA:  Uh, Ritsuko, you do realize that none of the rest of us have the
slightest idea what you're talking about?

Author's notes: 
--------------- 

Yes, this a *lot* later than I'd hoped to get it out. I'm a fairly slow
writer, and it's been a *busy* year. Only a couple of people have bugged
me to get it out; I'm not sure if that's good or bad. ^_^ 

HIROE:  Didn't our author prod Travis-san to get this released, once?

RYOUKO:  I don't think so, although he was very happy to see it at last.

SHEILA:  But I think he has the same complaint that I do:  WAY TOO SHORT.
<beat> Also, the fun version of Natsumi and Miyuki in "Pair of Jokers"
are absent in this story, much to its detriment.

RYOUKO stares disgustedly at SHEILA.

RYOUKO:  Why do you insist on ascribing to other characters your
perversion?

SHEILA:  Hey!  The subtext is *there*.

RYOUKO:  Methinks that the dyke sees what she wants to see --

SHEILA:  And methinks that the homophobe should get her <bleep> out of her
ass!

RYOUKO:  That's *it*!

RYOUKO yanks at the collar of her military uniform, pulling it away to
reveal a suit of powered armor which is a *bit* less chilly than the
Akagiyama power suit that it's modeled on.  She leaps up, breaking a hole
through the roof.  SHEILA follows suit ... in leaping, at least.

RITSUKO:  I believe I can say that we liked it, correct, Hiroe?

HIROE:  Yeah!  I can't wait for the next part!

RITSUKO:  Good.  Shall we flee before the collateral damage impacts on us?

HIROE nods.  Exeunt all, under the sounds of the fight.


Chris Davies.