Subject: [FFML][C&C] [MB/etc.] Mustard Girl - Side Story 1
From: "Scott Schimmel" <schimmel@seas.upenn.edu>
Date: 10/20/1997, 10:38 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com

[Black.  Lights come up, revealing a largish room, empty but for a
sofa, TV/VCR, and, shoved against one wall, a table laden with piles
and piles of paper.  Atypical college student (and host) Scott is
sitting at the table, shuffling the papers from one pile to another,
apparently at random.  Akane is sitting on the sofa.  Yuu is not
present.]

Scott:  (looking up) Hi again.  I'm Scott Schimmel, from the comment
patrol, and I review fics involving several (lamentably overlooked)
anime series.  Akane, ObPlug, please?

Akane:  (sighs) Fine.  (to camera) The Comment Patrol is located at
http://www.io.com/~hcobb -- if you haven't gotten any C&C on a fic,
and you'd like some, try looking there.

Scott:  Thanks.  Yuu couldn't be here, since he's not Not Appearing In
This Fanfic, so we're bringing in a different guest.  Sort of the
opposite perspective.

Akane:  Tell me you didn't invite Miki.

Scott:  Hey-- uh, never mind, let's not get into that now.  No, we
invited his former girlfriend, instead.

[Arimi enters from near the camera, waves, and walks to the couch.]

Akane:  Wow, I didn't know Yuu dated Ayanami Rei.

[Arimi facefaults.]

Scott:  Enjoyable as the in-jokes are, we should be getting on to the
fic now...

[He stands, crosses to the couch, sits down again.  Arimi picks up the
remote and presses a button.]

 A side story to the Marmalade Boy/Ranma 1/2 alternate history
			     crossover
				 
 
			   MUSTARD GIRL
				 
			   Side story #1

Scott:  "#1" is promising.  It sounds like there are going to be more.

Akane:  I'm not sure I want to know what's happened to me.  I still
shiver when I think about Narrabundah 1/2.

Arimi:  But you got off pretty easily there...

Akane:  On the other hand, I wonder what happened to Arimi, here,
since she seems to have been replaced by Ukyou and Shampoo.

Arimi:  (sweatdrop)

Scott:  Maybe she's with Tsutomu in this reality.

Arimi:  (queasy) All right, I admit, you have a point.  Can we talk
about something else now?

			   by Urac Sigma

[Arimi fast forwards through the author's notes.]

	       1. STREET.
 
	       [It's  a nice sunny day. Walking down the  street
	       is  the  youthful  good-looking blonde  known  as
	       Matsuura  Yuu.  He  is  dressed  in  his   school
	       uniform,  and carries his schoolbag. He's  in  no
	       hurry.]

Scott:  I always thought women were "blonde" and men were "blond."

Akane:  Doesn't matter, he's bishonen. ^_^

Scott:  (flipping through a dictionary) Actually, it seems "blond" can
be used as an adjective for either sex, and "blonde" as a noun is only
used for females.

Arimi:  And now that you've wasted three lines nitpicking, we'll move
on...

	       2. OUTSIDE MATSUURA HOME.
 
	       [We  see  Yuu's mother, Chiyako, waiting  at  the
	       door,  looking  more than slightly worried.  Yuu,

Arimi:  Chiyako looks worried about something?  It must be -really-
serious.

Akane:  Unless she's trying to talk Yuu into something.

	       approaching, sees her, then quickens his pace  as
	       he  gets  near  enough  to  see  her  expression.
	       Chiyako leans into the house.]
 
CHIYAKO:     Youji! He's here!
 
	       [Her  husband Youji emerges. Yuu arrives  on  the
	       doorstep.]
 
YUU:         Tadai--
 
	       [He is cut off as Chiyako embraces him.]
 
CHIYAKO:     Yuu! Thank Goodness you're home!

Akane:  (Chiyako) Where have you been, these past three months?

Scott:  (Yuu) This guy named Ryouga invited me to his house, and we
got caught up in trying to find it.

Arimi:  (Chiyako) Oh, okay then.  Did you bring any souvenirs?

	       [They  separate,  and  Yuu notices  his  parents'
	       worry.]

Scott:  I thought he noticed Chiyako's worried expression earlier.

Arimi:  Yuu and Shinnosuke:  Separated at Birth?

YUU:         Okaasan? Otoosan? What is it? What's wrong?
 
	       [Youji looks a bit confused.]
 
YOUJI:       Haven't you heard, Yuu-kun?
 
CHIYAKO:     Where have you been?

Arimi:  (Yuu) Beijing, Paris, Luxembourg, Sydney, Boise, Antarctica,
and Burkina Faso, in that order.  Ryouga really gets around.

YUU:         At   school.  [Bewildered]  Heard  what?   What's
	       happened?

Akane:  (Youji) We could tell you... but then we'd have to kill you.

Arimi:  (Youji) Plus, we couldn't build up suspense like we're going
to do by dodging the issue.

Scott:  (Youji) Plus, we're having fun playing with your mind, and we
know we can get away with it.

YOUJI:       Let's go inside.

	       [The two of them lead the nonplussed Yuu in.]
 
 
 
	       3. MATSUURA LIVING ROOM.
 
	       [On  the  door  to  the hall, we  see  Youji  and
	       Chiyako lead Yuu in. As soon as Yuu looks to  the
	       centre of the room, he stops dead and gapes.]

Scott:  He's dead, Jim!

Arimi:  No, no; it's him that's gaping, not a wound.

	       [Cut  to  the rest of the room. Seated  awkwardly
	       on  one  of  the sofas is a large man with  horns
	       wearing a tiger-striped jumpsuit.]
 
YOUJI:       Yuu-kun, this is...Invader-san.
 
	       [Picture freezes.]

Akane:  Is it cold in here, or is it just me?

Scott:  Quick, thaw it out.

	       [TITLE CAPTION:     A Mustard Girl side story
			      URUSEI MATSUURA     ]

Scott:  I still can't believe that pun.  That's... it just...  (sighs,
then grins) Good work.

	       [Unfreeze.  Back on Yuu, who is showing  as  much
	       surprise  as he can (that is, he looks  like  any
	       other   person   does  when  they're   reasonably
	       bemused).  With  no  other  option,  he  bows   a
	       greeting.]

Akane:  The most surprise Yuu can manage is "reasonably bemused?"

Arimi:  He does occasionally do the 'eyes-get-just-a-little-bit-
wider' thing, too.

Scott:  (Yuu) I do not understand this 'emotion' of which you speak.
It is not logical.

YUU:         Ha...hajimemashite.
 
	       [Invader bobs his head in return.]
 
INVADER:     Nice to meet ya, boy. Invader's the name.

Akane:  (Yuu) Yes, I know.  Dad just told me.

Arimi:  (Invader) Oh, sorry.  I read the second scene, and I thought
you might have problems remembering things.

	       [He  reaches into his jumpsuit and pulls out  his
	       card,  which  is the size of a gaming  board.  He
	       hands  it  to  Yuu, showing that  it  bears  some
	       alien  writing and childish picture  of  Invader-
	       san. Yuu looks at it for a moment, then tries  to
	       put  it  in  his pocket before realising  that'll
	       never  work and placing it on the table. He looks
	       up at Invader, then back at his parents.]

YUU:         Ano...how does this concern me?

ANOTHER VOICE:    It concerns you, Matsuura Yuu...

Scott:  (Yuu) Wrong!  It was a trick question!  I'm too cool and
unemotional to be concerned about this.
  
	       [Yuu  turns  to  face  one of  the  other  sofas.
	       Sitting   next   to   his  brown-school-uniformed
	       cousin  Yui  (who, with her blonde hair,  doesn't
	       look  unlike  Yuu himself), there is  a  hitherto
	       unnoticed man in a black trenchcoat.]

Arimi:  "His cousin Yui?" O_o

Akane:  Come to think of it, they do look a little bit alike.

Scott:  Fushigi, ne?

[Akane hits Scott with a Nerf mallet.]

Akane:  No more bad puns.

Arimi:  (rolls her eyes) Right...

TRENCHCOAT:  ...because the fate of the planet Earth  lies  in
	       your hands!
 
	       [Yuu just blinks: What's he talking about?]

All:  He's talking about the fate of the planet!

YUU:         The fate of the planet?

All:  Yes!

YUI:         You should listen, Yuu-kun. It's all true.
 
TRENCHCOAT:  Invader-san  represents a race of  aliens  called
	       Oni.  They would invade out planet en masse  were
	       it not for one condition.

Akane:  Looking ahead, we find that this condition never is spelled
out.  Just why -are- they forced to offer a challenge, anyway?

Scott:  The most unstoppable force of all:  Tradition.

[All three shudder theatrically.]

INVADER:     Our  computers  randomly chose  an  Earthling  to
	       meet our challenge.
 
	       [Yuu  starts to realise that these people  really
	       are speaking the truth.]

Scott:  (Yuu) On second thought, screw logic.  I'll just go with what
feels right.

YUU:         Challenge? What kind of challenge?
 
INVADER:     The national sport of our planet.
 
YUU:         Aa...and  what's  your national sport?  [Actually
	       gets  a  bit worried. Yuu doesn't do that  often,
	       but  then  he isn't often being faced down by  an
	       alien  about  four times his own mass threatening
	       to  ravage his homeworld.] Fire-wrestling?  Laser
	       duels?
 
	       [Invader looks worried.]
 
INVADER:     Hell!  No,  nothing like that. [Wipes his  brow.]
	       Sheesh, what kinda planet do you run here?

Akane:  (Yuu) The basis of our planet is that for every two new people
you meet, at least one will be interested in you romantically, and/or
vice versa.

Arimi:  As if you should talk, Akane.

Scott:  It's true; Marmalade Boy love geometry puts Ranma to shame.

	       [Yui  looks  almost amused as she  announces  the
	       next bit...]
 
YUI:         Their national sport is tag.

Arimi:  And she knows this -how-...?

Akane:  She spends a lot of time at the library.

Scott:  (Meiko) You can find lots of interesting things in those old
books.

Arimi:  (Yui) Oh, let me look... Wow!  Ancient China!

Akane:  (Yui) I know they say "Books are the way to the worlds of the
imagination" but this is ridiculous.

	       [Yuu  sighs  heavily, in his  patented  'It's  so
	       hard  being  the  only  sensible  person  in  the
	       country' way.]

Scott:  (laughs) Point, Ratbat.

YUU:         Tag.
 
	       [The guy in the trenchcoat nods.]
 
TRENCHCOAT:  Tag.
 
	       [Yuu sighs again.]
 
YUU:         OK.  So,  in order to save the planet, I have  to
	       beat you at tag.
 
INVADER:     Not quite.
 
	       [There is a rumble from outside.]

Akane:  FOREshadowing!

Scott:  Thank you, "Godspell."

INVADER:     Ah, that should be your opponent now...

Arimi:  (Yuu) Thor?

Akane:  (Invader) Not yet, but you will be after the challenge.

Scott:  What was that you were saying about puns?

Akane:  This is different.  I said -bad- puns.

Arimi:  Are there any other kind?

Akane:  Yes.  -My- puns.

	       4. SKY.
 
	       [The  clouds  swirl together to form  a  sort  of
	       whirlpool,  which then spins violently  until  is
	       creating  a  kind of 'hole'. From this,  a  large
	       bolt  of  light shoots out and aims itself  right
	       at the side of the Matsuura house.]
 
 
 
	       5. MATSUURA LIVING ROOM.
 
	       [The beam smashes a hole in the wall, kicking  up
	       a  lot  of dust, smoke and light. When it clears,
	       there  is a shapely female of about Yuu and Yui's
	       age  and  height, with long green hair, the  same
	       horns  as Invader-san, and a tiger-striped bikini
	       with matching boots.]

Scott:  (Yuu) Green hair... where have I seen that before?

Akane:  (looks at Arimi) They do look a little alike.  But not as much
as Arimi and Rei.

INVADER:     My  daughter  Lum.  Lum, you'll  be  playing  tag
	       against this boy here.
 
	       [Points a massive finger at Yuu.]
 
LUM:         Pleased to meet you-cha!
 
	       [Yui, Chiyako, Youji and Yuu are just looking  at
	       her.]
 
CHIYAKO, YOUJI, YUU & YUI:  Konnichiwa.

INVADER:     You'll  have  a daily tag session every  day  for
	       ten  days.  If  you manage to catch  Lum  by  the
	       horns...

Scott:  There's a saying about catching certain creatures by the horns
that would apply here.

Akane:  Bulls?

Scott:  No, honest, there is.

Akane:  ...

	       [Lum  bends  over and obligingly  points  to  her
	       horns. Yui curiously fingers them.]
 
INVADER:     ...then we leave Earth in peace. If not...
 
	       [Lum  walks  over to a globe on a side-table  and
	       slaps  a  sticker on it that reads  'PROPERTY  OF
	       THE ONI'.]

Arimi:  Why do they want it in the first place?

Akane:  Don't you watch movies?  The aliens always want to either make
contact with Earth, or take over.  They never just ignore it, despite
the differences in technology and philosophy.

Scott:  That, and it would make the story a lot shorter.

[The others nod sagely.]

TRENCHCOAT:  The contest will begin tomorrow.
 
	       [He and Invader make for the hole in the wall.]

Akane:  (Invader) Yeah, it's just this hole-in-the-wall place, you
know, but it has, how do I put it...?  A certain charm.

TRENCHCOAT:  Good evening.
 
	       [He  touches the brim of his hat, and they leave.
	       Lum  goes  over  to  Yuu and  pecks  him  on  the
	       cheek.]

Scott:  Ah, yes.  I see the Yuu Factor is still working.

LUM:         See you tomorrow, Yuu-san-cha!

Akane:  (chanting) Yuu. San. Cha-cha-cha.  Yuu. San. Cha-cha-cha...

Arimi:  That she can, but can she can-can?

	       [And  she  leaves  too. After a  moment,  Invader
	       pokes his head back through the hole.]
 
INVADER:     Oh. Thank you for the tea.
 
	       [And  he's gone again. Everyone is silent.  Youji
	       regards the hole in the wall.]
 
YOUJI:       I think I might need some spakfilla.
 
	       [Dissolve.]

Akane:  First it froze, then it dissolved.  This fic has the worst
luck...

	       6. HIGH STREET.
 
	       [The  next  day. An establishing shot shows  that
	       the road has been cordoned off, and that quite  a
	       crowd  has  turned  out to see their  planet  get
	       saved.  A  red-faced piscine dappa monster  paces
	       before  the  crowd with a tray around  his  neck,
	       selling  choc-ices.  Yuu (wearing  running  gear)
	       and  Lum stand slightly apart from each other  in
	       the  middle  of the street. Youji is  talking  to
	       Yuu.]
 
YOUJI:       You  think  you'll be able to manage  this,  Yuu-
	       kun?
 
	       [Yuu looks over at Lum limbering up.]
 
YUU:         She   looks  pretty  good...but  I'm  fairly  fit
	       myself. I think I can beat her.
 
	       [There  is  the squeal of a PA system coming  on-
	       line,  and  Youji returns to the  crowd.  We  see
	       that Invader has got himself a microphone and  is
	       addressing the crowd.]

Scott:  And when he finishes, he's going to stamp and mail the crowd.

INVADER [PA]:Ladies   and   gentlemen...both   of   the   home
	       ground...
 
	       [He waves a hand at a crowd of humans.]
 
INVADER [PA]:...and the away team!
 
	       [His wave encompasses a gathering of Oni.]

Akane:  A "gathering?"  You'd think there'd be a word for a group of
Oni.

Arimi:  Like a 'murder' of crows, a 'school' of fish...

Scott:  A 'Nerima' of fiancees...

Akane:  ...

INVADER [PA]:We  are  proud to present the interplanetary  tag
	       game  for  the  fate  of the  planet  Earth!  The
	       champion,  from  the planet  Uru,  our  very  own
	       Redet Lum!
 
	       [Lum  dances about enthusiastically  as  the  Oni
	       gush over her.]
 
INVADER [PA]:And  the  challenger  - but  Earth's  champion  -
	       Matsuura Yuu!

Akane:  When did Yuu become Earth's champion at Tag?  It was a random
selection, right?

Arimi:  The Computer said so.  The Computer would never lie to you.
The Computer is your friend.  Trust The Computer.

	       [The Terrans cheer Yuu on.]

Scott:  This raises a question:  Will mention be made of this in
Mustard Girl?  It seems like the sort of thing that'd be heavily-
publicized, and it -is- supposedly the same continuity.

Arimi:  That opens the ground for a crossover, too, you realize.  That
could be messy.

Scott:  Nobody said it had to be crossed-over.  Just referred to.
It's kind of hard to believe that at least Miki or her parents
wouldn't notice.  They watch TV all the time.

INVADER [PA]:To  the  winner, freedom! To the loser, invasion!
	       [Pause]  Actually, that bit's only if we  win.  I
	       mean,  it's  not  like the Earthlings  are  gonna
	       invade   us   or  anything.  Ja,  they  couldn't,
	       really. Well, they could, but they wouldn't  win.
	       Hey,  they  wouldn't have to, though, because  of
	       the   tag.   But  then,  they  don't   have   big
	       spaceships, and--
 
	       [Another  Oni comes over and gives him a  massive
	       electric shock. Once the arcs and the smoke  have
	       cleared, Invader cuts to the chase.]
 
INVADER [PA]:Ready...set...go!!
 
	       [Yuu  leaps  from his starting point  and  rushes
	       towards Lum. Lum doesn't appear to care.]
 
YUU [VO]:    Why  isn't  she  running? At this rate  I'll  win
	       right away...
 
	       [He   nearly  gets  to  her,  reaches   out   and
	       grabs...]

Akane:  Hentai!

Arimi:  O_O

	       [...nothing.  Lum  has leapt to  the  air.  She's
	       flying way out of Yuu's range. He looks up.]

Akane:  (blushes) Ehehehe... sorry.  I guess I anticipated...  (trails
off into incoherent mumble)

YUU:         ...aa...
 
	       [Over  by  Invader, who is watching  the  action,
	       Yui starts to get annoyed.]
 
INVADER:     Hm? Why isn't he trying to fly after her?
 
	       [Yui gets more cross.]

All:  o/~ Why do we... crucify ourselves... every day...?

YUI:         Because humans can't fly!!!
 
	       [Invader looks stunned.]
 
INVADER:     They can't?
 
YUI:         Of  course we can't! Why didn't you tell  us  you
	       could fly?!!?
 
INVADER:     [Sniff!] You never asked.
 
YUI:         But how were we supposed to know?!

Arimi:  (Invader) You should have read further in the book.

INVADER:     How were we supposed to know you couldn't?
 
	       [Yui  just  falls quiet, grumbling but  defeated.
	       Yuu continues to look up at the sky.]
 
YUU:         Oh boy...
 
	       [Cut to:]

Akane:  Frozen, dissolved, and now cut.  This fic is having a lousy
day.

Arimi:  This joke is wearing thin, too.

	       7. HIGH STREET.
 
	       [A  different day. Now we're into quick cuts, and

Akane:  All right, then I guess I won't say anything here.

Scott:  You just did.

	       the   jaunty  look-what-mess-they're-in-this-week
	       music  from Urusei Yatsura plays over the scenes.
	       We  see Yuu twirling a lasso, and tossing it.  Up
	       in  the  air,  the loop goes around Lum,  but  as
	       soon  as  Yuu tries to pull it, she's  flown  out
	       again...]

Arimi:  Good thing, too.  She'd probably lift him off the ground, and
then he wouldn't be able to do anything but hang onto the rope or
fall.

	       8. TOP OF BUILDING.
 
	       [A  different day again. Yuu stands  towards  the
	       edge  of a roof of a high building, and tries  to

Scott:  Yuu must have lost.

Arimi:  I've never seen him this depressed before...

Akane:  And yet, he's still not crying.

Arimi:  He only does that when Miki's involved.

	       tag  Lum  as  she  goes past, but  she's  out  of
	       reach.  He  hangs his head, and she  floats  just
	       out of range sticking her tongue out.]

Scott:  Oh.  Never mind.

	       9. HIGH STREET.
 
	       [Another  day.  Yuu runs up to a  mini-tramp  and
	       bounces off it. He has altitude, and he's  aiming
	       for  Lum...unfortunately, he ends up slamming his
	       head into her back, which sends her spinning  off
	       course, and him to an undignified landing on  the
	       ground.]

Akane:  (Lum) Ow!  Whiplash!

Scott:  (narrator tone) Matsuura Yuu saved the earth, but the courts
awarded Lum $7 million for injury and mental trauma.

Arimi:  Shouldn't that be in yen?

Scott:  I know, but that kind of court-system thing is so American...

	       10. YUU'S BEDROOM.
 
	       [The montage music fades out as Yuu comes in  and
	       flops  down onto his bed, bushed. After a moment,
	       the phone rings and he picks up the extension  by
	       his bed.]
 
YUU:         Moshimoshi?
 
	       [Wipe to:]
 
 
 
	       11A. YUU'S BEDROOM. SPLIT-SCREEN.
	       11B. YUI'S STUDY. SPLIT-SCREEN.
 
	       [The  study,  surprisingly enough,  contains  Yui
	       talking on the phone.]
 
YUI:         Yuu-kun?
 
YUU:         Yui-kun!

Arimi:  "-kun?"  That's a little unusual.

Akane:  So is Yuu.

Arimi:  (sighs) Point.

YUI:         So, have you beat that alien girl yet?
 
YUU:         No...
 
YUI:         Yuu!  You've still got a day left, and you almost
	       sound like you're ready to give up!
 
YUU:         Yui  - I've tried everything to catch her. Ropes,
	       high  places...even dropping coins  to  pick  up.
	       That  one always used to work on Rokutanda...none
	       of  it  worked. [Sighs at himself.] She can  fly.
	       It doesn't matter how fit I am, I can't do that.
 
YUI:         Yuu.  You're not just fit, you're smart. I  think
	       you can do this! I know you can do this!
 
YUU:         You do?

Scott:  (Yui) Well, no, but I'm trying to cheer you up, here...

YUI:         Yuu,  I've even been keeping up the work on  that
	       assignment we've got for school.
 
	       [Yuu's   eyes   widen  slightly  in   the   just-
	       remembered style.]
 
YUU:         The shukudai...

Arimi:  (Yuu) ...If I lose, I won't have to hand it in!

YUI:         I've even found a book I think we should look  at
	       for  it! Now, would I have spent all day  in  the
	       library doing that if I thought we were about  to
	       get taken over by aliens?

Akane:  (Yuu) Yes.  You go to the library all the time.

Arimi:  (Yui) True.  But I would have done something more interesting,
like check out the Important Documents reference room...

	       [She's  smiling despite herself: she does believe
	       in him, and she wants him to too.]
 
YUU:         A book?
 
	       [Cut to:]
 
 
 
	       12. YUU'S BEDROOM.
 
YUI [VO]:    Yes, it's at the national library...
 
	       [Yuu  only appears to be half-there. He's looking
	       at his own bookcase.]
 
YUI [Distort]:    Yuu?
 
YUU:         Aa. Yui-kun...can you come out tomorrow?

Arimi:  Hmph.  He never asked -me- out like that...

	       [Dissolve.]
 
 
 
	       13. HIGH STREET.
 
	       [Lum  and  Yuu are in the ready positions  again.
	       Yuu,  however,  is  fully  dressed,  not  in  his
	       athletic  gear (which is probably a relief  after
	       he's  been wearing it for nine days). His parents
	       eye this from the crowd.]
 
YOUJI:       Maybe he finds this more comfortable...
 
	       [Chiyako  shrugs. Lum also looks at Yuu, slightly
	       curious,  but Yuu's returned to the Matsuura  Yuu
	       we  all  know. He stands there, cool and unfazed.
	       Nothing worries him.]
 
INVADER [PA]:Ready...set...go!!
 
	       [Lum  looks  curious for a moment more,  but  Yuu
	       hardly  moves, just scratching the  back  of  his
	       head.  She  makes  to approach  him,  but  thinks
	       better of it and takes off...]
 
	       [...then  a  whistle blows loudly. Confused,  Lum
	       comes  in  to land. Yui emerges from  the  crowd,
	       wearing  a  baseball  cap  and  jacket  over  her
	       uniform,  looking  for  all  the  world  like  an
	       umpire  of  some sort. Carrying a book under  one
	       arm, she points at Lum with the other.]
 
YUI:         Foul.

Akane:  That's not a very nice thing to say...

	       [Invader-san and Lum just stare at her.]
 
LUM & INVADER:    Foul?
 
	       [Yui reads from the book.]

Scott:  This surprises no one.

YUI:         This  dictionary  defines tag  as  'a  children's
	       game  in  which one player runs after the  others
	       until they touch one of them...'
 
	       [She closes the book and looks at Lum.]
 
YUI:         'Run'. Not 'fly'.
 
	       [Lum  turns  to Invader-san, who has  got  out  a
	       mini-rulebook of his own.]
 
LUM:         Is that right-cha?

Arimi:  Everyone knows that the dictionary is the ultimate authority.

	       [Invader flips through the book.]
 
INVADER:     Uhh...yeah.  Looks  like  if  we're  playing   on
	       Earth,  we  gotta play by their rules.  And  that
	       means no flying.
 
	       [He  shrugs.  Nothing he can do.  Meanwhile,  Yuu
	       has approached Lum from behind, and grabs her  by
	       the horns.]
 
YUU:         Tag.
 
	       [Lum  sags,  disappointed.  Yui  grabs  Invader's
	       mike.]
 
YUI:         Ladies  and gentlemen - the new reigning champion
	       of interplanetary tag, Matsuura Yuu!

Akane:  (Yui) How -did- you do it?

Scott:  (Yuu) Practice.  Lots of practice.  And cheating.

Arimi:  (shrugs) All's fair in love and war.

Akane:  Which is this?

Arimi:  Does it matter?

	       [Yuu  modestly  lets the applause go  right  past

Akane:  ...injuring three in the crowd as it smashes into them.

Scott:  (Yuu) Yes, I'd have to say that my best feature is my modesty.
I'm the most modest person I know.

Arimi:  The worst part is, that's probably true.

	       him. Lum approaches him, big eyes. Yuu holds  out
	       his hand to shake.]
 
YUU:         Lum-san. Aa, no hard feelings?
 
	       [She  takes the hand, but uses it to move  closer
	       to him. She looks right into his eyes.]
 
LUM:         Yuu-san  -  I've had my eye on you for  the  last
	       ten  days.  And, now that our planets  aren't  at
	       war-cha...

YUU:         Un?
 
	       [Lum brightens into her usual bouncy self.]
 
LUM:         Marry me-cha!!

Akane:  And the winner for "Worst Marriage Proposal in a Side Story"
is...

	       [Looks  as  loveable as possible. Yuu  considers.
	       There  is  a  gorgeous,  semi-clad  alien  beauty
	       before  him,  ready to pledge her  life  to  him.
	       What else can he do?]
 
YUU:         No, sorry.

Arimi:  (nods) Typical.

Scott:  I think we all saw that one coming.

Akane:  It's still funny, though.

	       [Casually turns and walks off. Yui goes to  catch
	       up with him.]
 
YUI:         It  worked! See, Yuu, didn't I tell you you could
	       do it?
 
YUU:         And you were right.
 
	       [They stop walking a moment.]
 
YUI:         It's  nice  to  have someone else besides  me  do
	       that...
 
	       [Yui  playfully hits him and they  start  walking
	       again.]

Scott:  I can't help but notice that this universe's Lum gives up much
more easily.  The original would probably have tackled him by now.

YUU:         So tell me about this book you found...
 
YUI:         I  haven't read it yet, but it's in the old books
	       room.  It's  called...[thinks]...Four  Gods'  Sky
	       and Earth...

Arimi:  Hmm... if the two of them read it together...

Akane:  I wonder what kind of project they're doing.

Scott:  They're working with Makoto Mizuhara on this dimensional
engine...

	       [Yuu  nods and they move into the distance as  we
	       return  our attention to a downcast-looking  Lum.
	       She sniffs. Chiyako comes up to her.]
 
CHIYAKO:     Lum-san?
 
	       [Lum looks at her.]
 
LUM:         What's the matter with your son? Doesn't he  like
	       girls?

Akane:  (Chiyako) Of his own species, yes.

	       [Chiyako shrugs.]
 
CHIYAKO:     He  had  a girlfriend once, but that was quite  a
	       while  ago. I wouldn't worry about him  too  hard
	       if I were you...
 
	       [Lum's mood starts to clear as she realises  it's
	       a  Yuu  thing.  Chiyako puts an  arm  around  her
	       shoulder.]

Arimi:  "A Yuu thing."  I wonder if I should be insulted.

Scott:  Don't bother.  It's not worth it.

Akane:  Yeah, at least things worked out for -you-...

Scott:  And for Yuu, too.

Akane:  Are you kidding?  I got stuck with a status-quo ending!

Scott:  (facepalm)

CHIYAKO:     Now, tell me, Lum...
 
	       [She starts to lead her away.]
 
CHIYAKO:     ...have  you  ever thought about appearing  in  a
	       commercial?

Scott:  Chiyako never changes...

Arimi:  (Lum) No, but I did a music video once...

	       [Fade out.]

[Arimi fast-forwards through the credits and more notes.]

Scott:  Okay.  Overall comments?

Arimi:  Well, the OOC was mentioned in the endnotes, but I don't think
it was that bad on the MB side.  Lum seemed far more OOC.  The
crossover was done fairly well, too.  Nice way to get out of the
clothing-stealing trick that Ataru used to win the race in the
original.

Akane:  It's really too short to say much more.  A lot of the dialogue
was inconsequential, but that's more or less the point in UY.  This is
a one-situation fic, too, so there's that.

Scott:  Not a bad job.  It doesn't have the same humor as the main
series, but I think that's mostly a result of Yuu being a more serious
character than most of those in the main series.  Definitely more than
the original UY cast.

Akane:  Anyway, it still works pretty well as an aside.

Scott:  (nods) I'm looking forward to part 3 of Mustard Girl.  (to
Arimi) I guess that wraps it up, then... thanks.

[Arimi just smiles.  Pointing the remote at the camera, she presses a
button.  All goes black.]



Scott Schimmel                http://www.seas.upenn.edu/~schimmel/
Ex ignorantia ad sapientium;  "You really aren't normal, are you?"
ex luce ad tenebras.              -- Miki Koishikawa