(Well, it seems that I'm back in the saddle of writing. SPC: Catatonic
Saga #4 should be finished by this weekend. I'm not starting any other
series until I finish at least one of these two. Erm... oh yeah, 1:
size is relative and 2: I like to mix and match. Enjoy.)
In the vast infinities comprising the multiverse, all possibilities come
to life.
In one universe, a city populated by half-robot, half-animal beings is
under constant threat from a rat with an over-sized ego.
In another universe, five girls in sailor fukus battle with vicious
monsters attempting to invade from another plane of their reality.
Somewhere in between these two exits...
Bishoujo Samurai Sailor Moon-Pizza
by Josh Green
(sort@bucket.ualr.edu)
Episode 1
"Oh no! Usagi is an usagi!"
starring
Princess Vi as Tsukino Usagi
Big Al Dente as Tsukino Kenji
Mother Dog (Mama-san) as Tsukino Ikoku
Son Dog (Junior) as Tsukino Shingo
Ruby as Osaka Naru
Wally (Lucille's brother) as Umino Gurio
Speedy Cerviche as Chiba Mamoru
Crow Magnon as General Jadeite
with special guest
Frankie as Luna
**********
Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Takeuchi Naoko, Koudansha
Comics, TV Asahi, and TOEI Animation. The North American translation of
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by DiC Entertainment.
Samurai Pizza Cats is copyrighted by Sotsu Agency, Tatsunoko Production
Co., Ltd., Saban International Services, Inc., and Saban International
N.V., all rights reserved.
The characters are not mine (and Takeuchi-sama would probably think the
world is coming to an end if she saw this ^_^), but this story is.
Please only distribute it in the original form.
" " - indicates speech
* * - indicates thought
"* *" - indicates telepathy
_ _ - indicates emphasis
**********
Tokyo, Japan. The normal sun rising from the normal horizon signaled
the normal start of a normal day in a normal city. Well, maybe not
quite _normal_...
A herd of stern-faced buffaloes wearing business suits stampeded its way
onto a monorail, each of them contemplating the day's work ahead. A
flock of bird-like schoolgirls took time to gossip and twitter as they
walked to school.
All over the city, people of various species performed the daily rituals
of existence.
"I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL!"
Some rituals are easier on a person's hearing than others, however. The
shrill voice came from an average, upper-middle class home in a fairly
nice residential area of Tokyo. A look inside the home would show three
persons bearing a resemblance to anthropomorphic dogs sitting around a
table, eating breakfast. A bowl of cheerios at the fourth place of the
western style table remained untouched as yet.
As he lowered a cup of coffee from his lips, the older of the two male
dogs present spoke out, "Usagi-chan, listen to your mother."
"But Daddy, I hate school." The whining reply came from the upstairs
portion of the two-story house.
"Usagi, there's no question about it, you have to go to school,"
proclaimed the female dog.
Not one to miss an opportunity to make a jab at his older sister, the
young male dog spoke up, "How can she go to school? If you ask me,
she's already out to lunch."
In a matter of seconds, the missing member of this happy family was down
the stairs and strangling her brother, sending her twin ponytails
bobbing as she shook him. "Why you little brat! Take that back!"
"Usagi! Don't strangle your brother!" Tsukino Ikoku chided. "It's not
lady-like," she added.
Slumping her shoulders in defeat, the orange-haired rabbit morosely took
her place at the table and began to drown a single cheerio, pushing it
under the milk's surface with her spoon.
Noticing his daughter's visage, Tsukino Kenji asked, "What's wrong
Usagi-chan? School surely isn't that bad."
"But I'm not _ready_ to go."
"Usagi, dear. If you didn't spend so much time in the bathroom each
morning you would be better prepared," her mother interjected.
"It doesn't do her any good, anyway. Her hair's still the color of
carrots." Shingo supplied.
Usagi's face flushed.
A brief scuffle later and a sulking teenager found herself outside the
house, schoolbag and bento in hand.
"This just isn't going to be my day," she commented to no-one in
particular.
*****
Elsewhere, in a throne room cloaked in shadows, an evil being plots to
throw the world into chaos. Its voice rang out powerfully, causing its
followers to cringe and cower.
"Jadeite! Come forth!"
A tall, beady-eyed crow stepped away from the crowd a gave a bow toward
the figure on the throne. The crow was dressed in a grey uniform with
red shoulder guards. He wore a black helmet with a red eyepiece over
his left eye and a massive ax swung from his belt.
"What would you have me do, Beryl-sama?" the crow queried.
"Go into the mortal world and capture energy for us, that we may revive
the ancient powers and take our rightful place as rulers of this
universe."
"As you command." Jadeite snapped his fingers and vanished from sight.
"I'm so evil, not even the KKK would want to recruit me," the enthroned
being chuckled to itself.
*****
Usagi dragged herself to school, not really noticing the time approach
for school to start. She was distracted from her sullen mood when she
noticed a group of young boys bent over something beside a fence.
Curious about what the boys were doing, Usagi walked towards the boys,
picking up part of their conversation.
"Hold it still!"
"I'm tryin', but it keeps tryin' to bite me!"
"Come on, I want to see what's under that bandage!"
Stopping a few feet away, Usagi suspiciously asked them, "What are you
doing?"
The tallest of the boys turned to face her and caustically replied,
"What's it to you anyway?"
Usagi sighed mentally and almost turned away, not in the mood for
another confrontation. Suddenly, much to her surprise, she found
herself agitated by the boy's attitude and released her frustration on
him. She took a step toward him menacingly. "Look kid, I'm bigger than
you, so don't mess with me!"
The boy sneered, then noticed that his friends had deserted him. Giving
Usagi a wide-eyed glance, the boy broke into a run down the street,
hollering, "Hey, wait for me!"
Usagi finally was able to see what the boys had been crouched over. It
appeared to be a small, black mouse with two bandages on its forehead.
*I wonder if it's someone's pet?* There weren't many people with pets
in Tokyo, but Usagi knew that mice, parakeets, and small black pigs were
very popular right now.
The mouse, for its part, simply stared at her. Usagi reached out
towards the mouse, trying to encourage it by saying, "Come here mousey,
I won't hurt you."
The mouse didn't respond, continuing to stare at her. Becoming annoyed,
Usagi made a lunge for the mouse. It tried to jump backwards, out of
her reach, but Usagi's hand caught the trailing edge of one of the
bandages. The bandages were pulled free by the mouse's leap, revealing
an odd, golden circle on its forehead.
Usagi boggled at the strange mouse as it turned and jumped to the top of
the nearby fence. Once on top of the fence, the mouse turned back and
resumed its piercing gaze at the orange-haired girl. Then, a clock
began tolling the hour and Usagi snapped out of her daze.
"Ah! School's started! Mom's going to kill meeeee..." Usagi whined as
she dashed down the street, forgetting about the mouse.
Unseen by her, the mouse's head developed a sweatdrop as it watched the
young girl race toward her school.
*****
After profuse apologies, the teacher allowed Usagi to take her seat next
to her best friend, Osaka Naru. By the time lunch rolled around, Usagi
was bursting with the need to talk to Naru, having not had the
opportunity to talk to her friend before class. Unfortunately, she was
interrupted before she could even begin.
Immediately after they had found a place to sit and eat their lunches,
an exuberant voice called out to them. "Usagi-chan! Naru-chan!"
"Hello, Umino-kun," the two girls droned in unison.
Suddenly, a young goat with a thick pair of glasses jumped in front of
them. "Have you heard about the new Sailor V video game?"
"Sailor V? Who's that?" Usagi's interest piqued. *Maybe I can go to
the arcade later!*
"Only the greatest heroine of our time!" Umino unrolled a poster than
depicted a young, orange-haired girl wearing a modified 'sailor' style
school uniform and a mask over her eyes. She was standing in a
ridiculous pose and carrying a laser gun. "She battles monsters and
gangs in London, I understand."
"You don't really think girls would go around fighting in short skirts
like that, do you Umino-kun?" Naru asked.
"Of course, I heard about her on the Internet! I'm starting a chapter
of the Sailor V fan club at our school! Maybe she'll come to Tokyo
someday and I can meet her!" Umino carefully re-rolled the poster and
put a rubber band around it.
"Let's just be glad that we don't have to worry about any monsters
around here," Usagi said.
*****
Standing against a completely black field, Jadeite, General of the Dark
Kingdom, prepared to call forth one of his own subjects.
"Jewel, I have need of you."
A white-feathered, female crow appeared, wearing a blue evening dress
and a necklace with a large sapphire.
"What is it Jade-chan?" the woman asked mischievously.
Jadeite's eyebrow twitched, but he ignored her tone of voice. "I have a
plan that will bring us great favor in the sight of Beryl-sama. The
denizens of this city spend great amounts of energy in an activity which
they call 'shopping.' You will drain this energy from them while they
are distracted and transfer it to me."
Jewel pouted for a few seconds, then smiled at Jadeite and said, "As
long as I get to wear something fashionable."
Jadeite sighed and tried to rub the bridge of his nose, only to find his
eyepiece was in the way.
*****
After school, Usagi sprinted out of the school yard with Naru on her
heels, attempting to pace her. "Hey, Usagi! Slow down! Where are you
headed so fast, anyway?"
Usagi dropped into a walk, allowing Naru to catch up. "I thought I'd go
play the new Sailor V video game. Why? Do you have a better idea?"
"Well, my mom is having a sale-"
"Why didn't you say so?!" Grabbing Naru's hand, Usagi accelerated
again, dragging her friend along. "Your mom has the coolest
accessories! Maybe I'll find something that I can afford."
After calming herself, Naru sighed as they seemed to fly by the other
pedestrians. *At least this will cheer Usagi up. She seems to be
depressed today.*
Unnoticed by either of the girls, a small mouse watched them from a side
alley, pondering the mysteries of the universe.
*****
When they arrived at the jewelry store, they noticed that a huge crowd
had already gathered. Some of the ladies seemed to be close to blows,
fighting over the items on sale.
Naru's mother appeared suddenly as they entered the store. "Naru-chan,
you're home! Usagi-chan, nice to see you again!" Mrs. Osaka had the
same red hair and blue eyes as her daughter, but was taller and more
poised. She wore a blue Chinese-style dress and a silver necklace with
a large sapphire. "Come with me you two, I have something I just _know_
you'll be interested to see."
Usagi let herself be led to a display case, where Naru's mother took out
a set of matching jewelry. "Wow! Those sure look good for cubic
zirconia," Usagi commented, noticing how the light played on the
gemstones.
"Cub zirconia? Don't be silly, child. These are diamonds! They'd
normally cost 100,000 yen, but I'll sell them to you for 3,000! After
all, you are Naru-chan's best friend."
Naru gave her mother a confused look as Usagi squealed, "Diamonds!
3,000 yen?!"
A bovine shopper suddenly shouldered Usagi and Naru to the side and
moo'ed, "Mine!"
Naru looked at her mother, who didn't seem to have noticed them getting
pushed away, then faced Usagi. "Sorry, Usagi-chan."
"That's alright. I don't have the money, anyway." Usagi gave Naru a
weak smile and said, "See you tomorrow. Ok, Naru-chan?"
Naru smiled and nodded at her friend. Watching Usagi leave the store,
Naru's smile faded and she cast a worried glance at her mother, who had
erected a podium and seemed to be auctioning off the whole store.
*****
Usagi moped along the street, her head hanging down. Not thinking of
anything in particular, she kicked a small rock ahead of herself.
Growing tired of this simple activity, she kicked the rock harder.
"Ow!"
Usagi looked up to see a white-haired, handsome cat wearing blue jeans
and a leather jacket. He was currently rubbing his forehead, where a
large red spot was developing. Usagi blushed guiltily and started to
apologize, "I'm sorry, I-"
"Why don't you watch what you're doing, silly."
Her face turning red for another reason all together, Usagi replied,
"I'm not silly, it was an accident."
"Well, I don't know many people who could accidentally kick a rock that
hard, odango atama."
"What did you call me?!" Usagi shrieked.
"Don't get so steamed, dumpling head. You might cook that hair of
yours," the young man said as he walked by Usagi.
Usagi stood and fumed for a few seconds before continuing her walk home.
*****
Jadeite stood alone against the black field. He could feel the energy
flowing through the mortals inside the jewelry store. The energy
reached it's peak and Jadeite signaled Jewel. "*Now.*"
*****
Naru was studying her homework when she felt a cold wind blow through
her room. Going downstairs to her mother's store, she gasped at the
sight before her. All the customers were slumped on the floor
unconscious and streams of mist seemed to be rising out of their bodies,
into her mother's hand.
"W-what's going on, mom?"
Her mother turned towards her and looked at her with blazing red eyes.
"I am not your mother, fool! You will yield your energy and become a
slave of the Dark Kingdom!" The being that looked like Naru's mother
shot forward and clamped her hands around Naru's neck.
"Help... mother, no..." Naru choked out.
*****
Usagi stomped into her room and slammed her door closed. Flopping onto
her bed, she thought, *Why did that jerk have to pick on me? With
everything else that's happened today, why did I have to run into
_him_.* She sat up and looked at herself in a dresser mirror. She
admitted that her hairstyle was odd. Tied up into two spheres on either
side of her head behind her ears, each with a long ponytail trailing
behind it, her hair didn't look like any of the current fads. But to
Usagi, the style just seemed right. Usagi then noticed the reflection
of a small mouse standing in her windowsill.
Turning around, she recognized it as the mouse she had saved from the
group of boys earlier. The mouse jumped onto her bed and Usagi reached
out a hand toward it. "Hi mousey. What are you doing here?"
"My name is Luna. And I 'ave been searching for ye for a long time,"
the mouse replied with a Celtic accent.
Jumping off her bed in fright, Usagi stared at Luna. "I've heard of
rats that could talk, but mice-"
"Din'na be so insultin'," Luna huffed. "Ye are a warrior of the Pizza
Kingdom of the Moon. It is yuir responsibility to defend the Moon-Pizza
Princess and defeat the evil warriors of the Negaverse."
"The nega-what?" This was all coming too fast for Usagi to understand,
let alone believe.
Luna sighed and looked into Usagi's eyes. She could tell that it was
going to take more to convince her of the truth. "'Ere. Take this
locket." Luna performed a backflip and a locket appeared in a flash of
light. She pushed it toward Usagi, who timidly picked it up.
The locket seemed to be made of gold and it had a detailed engraving of
a full moon on the front. "Oh... pretty!" As Usagi studied the locket,
Luna continued to talk.
"Our mission is t' defeat the evil forces that 'ave invaded our world
and find the other warriors like yuirself. As well as protect the
Moon-Pizza Princess once we find 'er."
"Whoever made this drew the shadows wrong," Usagi said as she compared
the engraving to her memory of what the full moon looked like.
"Never ye mind that now. 'Old up the locket and say 'Moon Pizza
Power'."
Usagi giggled at the wording, but didn't see what harm it could do. She
held up the locket and said, "MOON PIZZA POWER!" Her words seemed to
reverberate in her mind and she momentarily felt lightheaded. When the
feeling passed, she noticed that her clothes had dissolved. She
instinctively held the locket in front of herself and ribbons exploded
from it, wrapping around her to form new clothing. When the
transformation was complete, Usagi looked at her reflection.
She now wore an outfit similar to what Sailor V was shown wearing in
Umino's poster. The major difference seemed to be the colors. Usagi's
outfit had red bows and a blue skirt. The locket that Luna had given
her was now set in the middle of the front bow. Her red boots each had
a small image of a full moon near the top and her white gloves had red
trim. A thin tiara with a small red stone graced her brow and two gold
and red hairpieces had appeared on her 'odango's.
"Now Sailor Moon-Pizza, ye are truly ready for battle!" Luna proclaimed
grandly.
"Battle? But I don't know how-" Usagi cut off as she heard Naru's
voice come from one of her hairpieces.
"Help... mother, no..."
"What's happening, Luna?" Usagi asked frantically.
Luna grimaced. *I had been hoping for some time to train her, but
that's no longer possible.* Stilling her expression, she said, "An evil
youma from the Negaverse is attackin' yuir friend. Ye must save 'er,
Sailor Moon-Pizza!"
*****
Just as Naru thought that she would lose consciousness, she heard a
crash at the entrance to her mother's store. Both Naru and Jewel looked
toward the front of the store and blinked at what they saw.
Silhouetted against the door was a young girl with two long pony tails,
wearing a very short skirt. "Get away from Naru-chan, Negasleeze!" the
girl said as she stepped into the room.
Naru thought at the time that she was imagining Sailor V come to rescue
her.
Jewel blinked and wondered, *Nega-what?* Jewel dismissed the thought,
annoyed by the interruption, but then smirked as she thought, *It just
means more energy for me to give to Jadeite.* Ignoring Naru, Jewel
said, "And just who are you supposed to be?"
The girl began a series of ridiculous poses and stated, "For love,
justice, and good take-out, I am the pretty sailor-suited warrior,
Sailor Moon-Pizza! On behalf of the Moon and 30-minutes-or-your-money-
back deliveries, I shall right wrongs and triumph over evil! And that
means _you_!" She ended with her right arm crossed over her left and
her finger pointed at Jewel.
Jewel laughed. "Very well, Sailor Moon-Pizza. I accept your
challenge." Sailor Moon-Pizza looked vaguely nervous at this, but Jewel
continued, "Arise my minions! And destroy Sailor Moon-Pizza for the
good of the Dark Kingdom!"
Sailor Moon-Pizza started as the bodies laying around the store
twitched. The unconscious shoppers rose to their feet and looked at
Sailor Moon-Pizza with blank eyes.
Sailor Moon-Pizza noted Luna standing in the doorway and called to her,
"Help me, Luna! What do I do?!"
Luna responded, "Kill the Negaverse monster with yuir tiara! Take it
off and say 'Moon Tiara Pizza Magic'."
Sailor Moon-Pizza began to comply, but the controlled shoppers rushed
forwards, attempting to capture her. Sailor Moon-Pizza was forced to
dodge out of the way. After almost getting caught several times, Sailor
Moon-Pizza grew tired. Panting for breath, Sailor Moon-Pizza stumbled
to the floor and said, "Luna, I can't take much more of this."
"Well, then, allow me to end it for you," Jewel said and then lunged at
Sailor Moon-Pizza.
Sailor Moon-Pizza screamed as Jewel flew toward her, but Jewel's path
was stopped by something streaking through the air. Jewel jumped back,
her cheek sporting a small cut. Both Jewel and Sailor Moon-Pizza looked
to where the streak landed and were surprised to see a red rose with its
stem embedded in the floor.
Turning her head to look at the source, Sailor Moon-Pizza gasped when
she saw a man in a tuxedo with a large cape swirling around him,
standing in a high window of the store.
Jewel narrowed her eyes at the man and ground out, "And just who are
_you_?"
"I am Tuxedo Kamen. You have the power to destroy this evil, Sailor
Moon-Pizza. We shall meet again." With that, the mysterious man was
gone.
Jewel snarled at the empty window while Sailor Moon-Pizza stared at
the place where the man had stood with an infatuated look.
"Now, Sailor Moon-Pizza!" Luna yelled.
Sailor Moon-Pizza blinked, then stood up and removed the tiara from her
head. The tiara began to glow and formed a solid golden disk. Sailor
Moon-Pizza prepared to throw the tiara, focusing her attention on Jewel
and shouted, "MOON TIARA..." As she released the tiara, she finished by
saying, "PIZZA MAGIC!"
The discus flew through the air and began to change again, the glow
becoming an aura around the tiara as it turned a color that resembled
pizza crust. Jewel screamed as the energized pizza hit her and caused
her body to disintegrate.
The customers collapsed to the floor again, but they all seemed to be
conscious now, groaning or blinking their eyes. Sailor Moon-Pizza
stared at the pile of dust that was quickly dissolving for a second
before turning to Luna. "Come on, let's go home."
*****
Jadeite impassively watched the fight from his sanctuary. He cursed the
fool Jewel when she was defeated and he lost the energy that she had
gathered. It was obvious that neither the girl nor the boy who had
interfered had much experience at fighting. They were more of a
nuisance than anything. But they would delay his plans. And since his
plans were delayed...
*How do I explain this to Beryl-sama?*
*****
Usagi stumbled through her bedroom window. Sighing, she reverted to her
normal clothes and threw herself onto the bed. "All I wanted was a
nice, normal day," Usagi mumbled to herself.
Luna silently padded over to her and said, "Good work, Usagi. Ye've
defeated yuir first enemy. 'Owever, there will be many more t' come."
She then sighed in defeat as she noticed Usagi had already fallen
asleep. "'Til tomorrow then. Aye, 'til tomorrow."
*****
Jadeite timidly approached the throne of the leader of the Dark Kingdom.
He gave a low bow and then stood at attention, awaiting Beryl's wrath.
"Report, Jadeite," the shadowy figure growled.
"My plan to capture energy worked perfectly. But, I encountered...
resistance."
"What kind of resistance, Jadeite?"
Jadeite gulped at the frosty tone that Beryl had taken and stammered his
reply, "A-a female w-warrior, who calls herself S-sailor Moon-Piz-"
"WHAT?!" Beryl roared, shutting off Jadeite's explanation. "The Pizza
Kingdom was destroyed millennia ago! There could not have been any
survivors!"
Jadeite shifted his stance uneasily as Beryl's gaze pierced him, but he
ventured no reply.
The being sitting on the throne visibly calmed itself. When Beryl spoke
again, Jadeite knew fear for the first time in his existence. "I trust
there will not be any more incidents such as this?"
Though Jadeite knew it had not been a question, he answered, "No,
Beryl-sama." Bowing, Jadeite then turned and left Beryl's court. He
clenched a fist and mentally cursed a certain young girl. *I will _not_
be humiliated again!*
**********
End Notes:
For those who read the teaser for this series, I'm sorry that it's taken
me so long to get started on it. School is underway, however, and I've
been fairly busy.
Don't assume that because something happened a certain way in Sailor
Moon that it will be that way in my fanfic series. Also don't assume
that because two characters in Samurai Pizza Cats like/dislike each
other that they will in this story. I don't want this to be just a SPC
story with different names stuck on the characters. I also don't want
it to be a SM story where the characters look like animals. I'm trying
to make this a _fusion_ of the two series. Let me know how I do! I
will be most grateful for any suggestions or comments.
I'm trying to decide whether to let the characters 'Break the 4th Wall'
or not. Right now, I'm pretty much thinking that I'll leave that
_particular_ kind of silliness for my normal SPC fics.
Besides what I've read in some FAQs and fanfics, I'm only familiar with
the DiC version of Sailor Moon. I know, I know... I've mixed the two
versions together somewhat in this series. Anyway, the transformation
and attack phrases will be mostly taken from the North American version.
Don't expect me to remain consistent on that, though. Whatever the
source, the attacks will be sliced, diced, chopped, stirred, and baked
at 350 degrees (Fahrenheit!) for a half hour before being placed in a
fanfic. If some of the attacks sound strange at first, don't worry.
They'll become stranger.
BTW, before I get too far into writing this series, I want to take a
poll of my readers: should I keep the names in Japanese order (with
family name first) or put them in Western order? I don't want to use
the North American names for various reasons, but I don't really care
whether I use 'Tsukino Usagi' or 'Usagi Tsukino.'