<Scene opens on a theater overlooking a theater.Standing before the large
viewing windows is a figure wearing dark purple robes. His hair is
lavender, and his skin looks somewhat like granite. A violet eyepatch
covers his right eye. He smiles evilly down at the theater below. Behind
him, a petite girl with long braided red hair looks confused.>

Hikaru: We're doing an MST of an MST, Lurker-kun?

Figure: <evil chuckle> Yes. I figured it would be...fun. And the name's not
Lurker, it's...<pauses dramatically> ...Lurkadis.

Hikaru: <rolls eyes> Oh wonderful. Now it's a Slayers phase...

<Lurkadis sweatdrops>

Chris: [looking at the Norns] What happened to you three?
Dark Queen Skuld:[spooning ice cream into her mouth between words] He's
been reading Biles again.
Chris: [whining] Lemon Sherbert?  [sighs] MAKEUP!

Lurkadis: Since when is he a Sailor Senshi?

[A huge black cloud flies in the theatre, obscuring Chris.  Seconds

later,

it leaves, leaving Chris in a white and orange.]

Hikaru: Eeew. 

Lurkadis: I prefer purple myself...

DK Chris: [stabbing the intercom button] What are you doing with the

Saber

Marionettes up there?
Male Voice: [petulant tone] If Biles can do it, so can I.  Now, leave me
alone and get reviewing, or I'll make you life even more lousy.  [pause] 
And get out of that uniform.  We look lousy in white. [pause]  Now...it
was Lime's turn last time I checked...

Hikaru: <smirks>

Lurkadis: Obviously, he has no taste in women. <takes Hikaru's hand and
kisses it>

Hikaru: <blushes, smiles> (Thinks: Okay, the stone lips have *got* to go.
Cold!)

[Chris frantically releases the button]

DK Chris: He has GOT to get out more.  MAKEUP!

[In moments, all of them are back to normal.]

Lurkadis: Normal? Normal, he says? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! <regains his
stony demeanor>

Hikaru: <winces> (Thinks: Yep, he still does the puns...)

				     TRIO:
				THE HOME FRONT:
				WHERE ARE THEY?

Chris: As the sh*t hits the fan...

Lurkadis: Well put.

Chris: Ami and Gohan sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Urd: Must you act so...juvenille about it.
Chris: [shrugging] Worked for me so far.
Skuld: [retching sound]

Lurkadis: <eye slightly narrows>

	A beeping sound made the blue haired girl sit up, throwing off the 
covers and turn her head back to her table.  It was her communicator. 
 The sound made Ami fully wake up and she grabbed the beeping object. 
 She looked down uncomprehendingly as Makoto appeared on the view 
screen.  "Sorry," Makoto said, "I know you're still getting over your 
trip, but we need your help."

Chris: Of course they need her help.  She's the only one with brains in
her head.
Skuld: I thought you liked Rei-chan.
Chris: That was Crimson.  [pause] I wonder if he's done being evil yet.

Hikaru: Hmmm....(Thinks: Wonder if whatever hit Crimson hit Lurker-kun?
..nah.)

	The villain reached into an unseen pocket and pulled out a small, 
purple, oval shaped object.  He threw it and when it landed, the 
object grew to human size, grew arms and legs, and a demon face 
appeared on the little LCD screen in the middle.  "Tamaganchin," 
Raksis ordered, "ATTACK!"

Chris: KILL IT!
Urd: I think I'm going to be ill.
Belldandy: [frowning] Those things are so annoying.
SKuld: [sniffs] Cheaply made pieces of junk. [cheers] I'll invent
something better!
Chris/Urd: NO!

Lurkadis: That thing is as annoying as my last real pet.
Hikaru: <blinks> Lurker-ku...err, Lurkadis...you had a pet?
Lurkadis: <nods> A chihuahua. Annoying as hell.
Hikaru: What happened to it?
Lurkadis: <evil smile> I ate it.

	"Yes," Luna replied, "we don't know what his motives are but he 
always shows up every two days or so, steals toys and turns them into 
monsters."

Chris: If this is a replacement for R and S....I like it. Anything to

kill

Super S.
Skuld: What's wrong with SuperS.
Chris: Two words.  Chibi. Usa.
Urd: Better not let those four guys hear that.

Lurkadis: Chibi-usa...so...annoying...<licks lips>
Hikaru: <shudders>

	Amis' sudden outburst made the others look at her with confusion and 
Makoto asked, "Come again?"

Urd: I thought she liked Gohan.
Belldandy: [blushing] Urd...
Chris: [shaking his head in dismay] Urd, that was really perverted, and
really obscure.  [smirks] Well done.
Skuld: [confused] Huh?

Lurkadis: <smirk>
Hikaru: (Thinks: At least now he's not a pervert...)

	"Because," Ami licked her lips, "one of those people was Usagi."

Urd: I thought she would have liked her lips at Gohan...
Chris: Urd, get off that already!

Lurkadis: I thought *Ami* was the one who got off on that...
Hikaru: Lurkadis no HENTAI! <bonks Lurkadis with her sword.>
Sword: *gonnnnnnnnnng*
Hikaru: O_O
Lurkadis: <slight evil smile>

	On an impulse, she looked down and noticed the building across the 
street.

	It was a bar.

Chris: Oh PLEASE.  Just because Mamoru is of drinking age, why does
everyone think every time something goes wrong in his life he gets drunk?

I don't think he'd EVER drink.
Urd: Umm....Chris...he thinks Usagi's dead.
Chris: [sighs] Look, if one of you died, or Rachel, or Ami, I wouldn't go
drinking.  [pause] But then, I don't drink.  [long pause, shakes his

head]

There are other ways to deal with sadness than alcohol.

Lurkadis: Yes. Like...
Hikaru: <CLAMPs hand over Lurkadis' mouth> We don't need to hear this.

	The man burst into tears and people at the tables around him backed 
away from the extreme velocity of water that came out of the eyes of 
Soun Tendo.

Chris: Well that answers that question.  Ryouga hasn't made it there.
Urd: Or he's gone pig.
Belldandy: Or he can't tell Akane.
Skuld:  Or he's waiting for Ranma to come back so he can dishonor him.
Chris: HEY! So the guy has a few problems. [pause] Skuld, I thought you
liked Ryouga.
Skuld: [disgusted] He pretends to be Akane's pet pig.  He SLEEPS with

her.

 He's a creep!
Chris: [pouting] No one understands him...

Lurkadis: <raised eyebrow> You expected the goddess of mallets to take
anyone's side other than the tomboy of mallets?
Hikaru: <blinks> Did that make sense to anyone?

	Ami decided, then and there, not to mention what was happening with 
Ranma.

Belldandy: Wise decision.
Urd: Smart girl.
Skuld: Very smart girl.
Chris: [smirks] Hey, I told you, she's the brains of that outfit.

Lurkadis: Even when wearing an brainless outfit.
Hikaru: <groan>

	"Usagi and martial arts?" Rei asked incredulously, before she 
snorted and added sarcastically,  "THAT'S something I'd like to see.
"

Chris: I want to see Usagi kick Rei's butt!

[A small statue appears above Chris and lands on him]

Voice: Watch it, boyo...*I* happen to like Rei.

Lurkadis: <snicker><blinks at the statue>
Hikaru: <frowns> If you *dare* say you're related to it...
Lurkadis: <shakes his head> Nope. It's limestone. I'm granite. No possible
relation.
Hikaru: <facefault>

	Ami blushed further but all three girls looked up as Mamoru 
exclaimed, "So what are we waiting around here for?!  Let's teleport 
to New York and help her!"

	"I am afraid," a new voice, that came from the person who entered 
the room said, "that is not possible."

[the goddesses growl]
Chris: You have to admit, she knows how to make an entrance.

Lurkadis, Hikaru: <nod>

	Inwardly, Setsuna added, "At least to me, it is important."

Chris: You don't think...her and Trunks?

[Chris and the goddesses exchange a look]

C/U/B/S: NAHHH.

Lurkadis: She's not Trunks' type.
Hikaru: How do you figure?
Lurkadis: She's nothing like Japhia.
<Several dozen angry DBZ fans loom over Lurkadis, who gulps. Mass violence
ensues.>
(Hey, so I happen to know people who *despise* that fic. <shrug>)

	The others nodded in agreement and Mamoru said, "I have been lax in 
my duties.  You're Usako's friends, she would probably throw a fit if 
she ever found out that I didn't do all that I could to protect you 
as well.  If you need me, call and I'll be there."

Urd: Go lift weights. Get a tattoo. You're on vacation!
Chris: THis is Sailor Moon, not the Merchant Marines.

Lurkadis: <nod> In the Merchant Marines, you just moon sailors.

	"WHY?!" THUD! "WHY?!" THUD! "WHY?!" THUD! "WHY?!" THUD!

Chris: Let me field this one.: 'Cuz you suck!

Lurkadis: <snicker>

	Raksis grew pale as the meaning behind the emphasis on the word 
"see" hit home.  "You mean... he's HERE."

Skuld: [giggling] He's in trouble! He's in trouble!
Belldandy: Skuld, don't pick up bad habits from Chris.
Chris: HEY!

Lurkadis, Hikaru: <snicker>

	He opened the door and when he entered the almost pitch black room, 
he kneeled before the figure on the golden leather throne and said, 
"It is an honor for one as high as yourself to visit one as low as 
myself.  Hail the Eclipse."

	Eclipse Lord looked down at his servant and said, "You grovel well.  
What do you wish to ask of me?"

Chris: [nodding] Nothing worse than minions that grovel poorly.
Urd: Yes there is.
Chris: [arches an eyebrow] Hmm?
Urd: Read Lemon Sherbert. [shudders] Fabioite?

Lurkadis: <snarl>
Hikaru: <backs away nervously>
Lurkadis: Fabio...that beefbutt buffoon wrecked a perfectly good
statue...to say "I con't beleef iss naht bahtah..."
Hikaru: <holds back a snicker>

	"Good.  Now, I must leave, I have business in Nemira that need 
attending too."

Chris: COOL! The Nerima crew get trashed!

[they all stand]

Belldandy:  Very interesting reading.
Urd: I still think they need my help...
C/B/S: NO.
Skuld: I hope Ranma-kun and Usagi-chan stay together. They're a much

nicer

couple than Usagi-chan and Mamoru-kun.
Chris: Good work, Flashman.

Lurkadis: Agreed.

[They leave.  A few moments later, the intercom cracks to life.]

Voice: [breathless] Uhh...girls...gimme a break here...
Female Voice 1: But's it's my turn!

Lurkadis: <throws a Mono Bolt at the intercom>
Hikaru: <cheers>

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-Lurkadis Lavenwers-

EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net

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