<Lavender mists billow into the theater. Lurkadis, lights glinting off his
stone skin, strides into the room, followed by Hikaru, who for some strange
reason is now wearing a sorceress' costume.>

Lurkadis: Well, well...it seems God-boy has sent the revision of Chapter 7
of Oh! My Brother out. <evil grin>

Hikaru Inverse: This should be fun...

I love my schedule.  Tuesdays and Thursdays especially.  Sure, I have to
get up bright and early, but at least I get the afternoon off. 
Unfortunately, I have these three sisters who are suffering under the
delusion that this means I'm all theirs.  

Lurkadis: Delusional goddesses are indeed a pain.

Somehow, I got roped into going to watch another of those races the

idiots

at Keiichi's Motor Club participate in.  Before you ask, no, I don't

think

much of that club.  Call me silly, but I believe before you go designing
vehicles you should have at least ONE mechanical engineer on the staff. 
Or one Skuld, but they don't let her at the blueprints for some reason.

Hikaru Inverse: Gee, I wonder why...

So while Keiichi parked his bike, I landed, Skuld hopped out of a puddle

I

made with a water bottle and Urd stepped out of the portable TV I

brought.

 The girls love this little arrangement.  I have to admit, it does bring

a

whole new meaning to the phrase 'at the last second.'  I just what to

know

exactly when I volunteered to be their chauffeur, as it were.

Lurkadis: <snicker>
Hikaru Inverse: Didn't you know? In a family, the eldest is automatically
volunteered for everything whether they like it or not.

"Urd's here too! Yow!"  Urd, well, acted like Urd.  Somehow the word

flirt

doesn't come close to the way she acts around men.  I would have growled
at them, but it hurts Urd's feelings when I do that.

Lurkadis: <snicker>

I stopped, stunned, and looked down at Skuld.  "When did I get a fan
club?"  I asked her.  She shrugged, and pointed off to the side.  Looking
in the direction she indicated, I had just enough time to notice a
policeman's uniform before I was...well...glomped on.

Lurkadis: Ah, arrive part of the triangle..

Look, you find a single word to describe what happens when an attractive
woman jumps at you, knocks you off your feet, and initiates lip-lock. 

Get

back to me, I want to know.  Until then, I'm going to call it glomping.

Lurkadis: Hmmm...<looks over at Hikaru>
Hikaru Inverse: <scowls> Don't even *think* about it.

To say my thought processes were in disarray would be an understatement. 
To say I was frigging confused, however, would be more or less on the
mark.  It took what felt like forever for some observations to filter

into

my brain.  Feminine curves.  Very nice ones.  Soft arms that were

stronger

than they looked.  Red-brown hair.  A tongue like a battering ram.

Lurkadis: <snicker>
Hikaru Inverse: <smirk>

Brain to body:  *Hey, it's Ami.  And man, can she kiss!*

Body to brain: *Congratulations, dimwit, I knew that.  Now, shut up, I'm
enjoying this.*

Lurkadis: <chuckle>

"Just the ones I really like," she cheerfully replied, and then a spark
lit in her eyes.  "Besides, you're not just my friend, you're my
boyfriend."  She rolled off me and got to her feet.  I looked at the sky,
or rather, what I could see of it though the gawkers.  

Where exactly did Urd get that camcorder from?

Lurkadis: You don't want to know.
Hikaru Inverse: HENTAI! <throws a fireball at Lurkadis>

Poor Rachel.  We hadn't even gone on our first date, and the poor girl

was

already involved with me by decree of Yggdrasil.  Sometimes life sucks. 

I

expect that's somewhere in the source code of the universe too.

Lurkadis: Of course.

"Crowd control," she responded.  She yelled over to one of the other cops
that she was going on break, and we walked after the goddesses, while I
tried to reconcile the image of the overly affectionate girl I knew with
the image of a cop dealing with a rowdy crowd of race-goers.  A girl her
height, no less.

Look, we've established I'm obsessed with height, haven't we?

Lurkadis: <smirk>
Hikaru Inverse: <frown> Keep that up, and I'll show you a short girl with
crowd control you'll never forget.

We reached the booth, and I was struck by a rather amusing sight.  Tamiya
and Ootaki were staring slack-jawed at the booth bunnies that were
wandering around, and Keiichi was trying very hard not to.  He was
succeeding, too.  Of course, Belldandy's painful grip on his ear might
have had something to do with that.

Lurkadis: <snicker>

Maybe I should explain to you all my definition of girlfriend - the

female

you report to.  I've found it makes dealing with women so much easier

when

I keep that in mind.  It also helps me avoid doing things that might get
me in trouble.

Hikaru Inverse: Smart one.
Lurkadis: <sweatdrop>

"Right," I said condescendingly.  "And you just HAPPENED to be on duty

for

this little event."  She blushed a little more and I sighed.  *Oh well,

so

she's got one little fault,* I mused to myself.  Skuld caught my glance
and made a show of rolling her eyes.  *Man, I'm going to have such fun
when she starts dating.*  "So how'd two pros get in with an amateur
event?"

Lurkadis: Skuld, dating...that's a scary thought.
Hikaru Inverse: <nod>

Ami shrugged and made hushing noises at me as the race began.  We watched
as Belldandy pulled ahead to an early lead, then spun out on the first
turn.  Awfully amateurish error to make, in my opinion.  "Skuld," I asked
the teen beside me, "does Belldandy know how to drive?"  Skuld shook her
head vigorously, and I groaned.  "This is going to be fun."

Lurkadis: Much like a root canal.
Hikaru Inverse: <smirk> 

Belldandy got back on the track, and was about two car-lengths behind

that

Yankee girl (look, I'm Canadian, all Americans are Yankees in my books). 
She seemed to be doing a little better, but she wasn't gaining much on

the

other driver.  As the two rounded a curve, I realized why.  Belldandy was
copying the other driver!

Lurkadis: <mental image of Belldandy running the American driver through a
Xerox machine> <shudder>

"Nice work, Bell-chan," I said, and she gave me a wan little smile, and
went to wish Keiichi good luck in his heat.  He took it with little

grace,

and climbed into the kart for his heat.  *What's his problem?* I

wondered.

 Belldandy went to change, her face etched with worry.  She returned a

few

moments later dressed in tights, a short skirt, and a leather jacket.  It
looked like something Urd would wear.

Lurkadis: O_O
Hikaru Inverse: <boggle>

I threw up my hands in disgust, and went to watch Keiichi's race, trailed
by the goddesses.  Keiichi was doing great, coming up fast from the back
of the ranks.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a flash.  Looking
over, I saw Aoshima signaling someone with a mirror.  Almost immediately,
Urd started yelling about some jerk in kart 666.

Lurkadis: It figures.

Sometimes, Urd is brilliant.  This was not one of those times.  She
flipped Belldandy's skirt up 'for inspiration.'  It inspired Keiichi all
right.  It inspired him to drive straight off the side of the track.   On
the upside, the guy in kart 666 also went off the track.  The rest of the
Motor Club went into gales of laughter, and even I snickered, more at the
cause of the accident than the accident itself.

Lurkadis: <snicker>
Hikaru Inverse: <eyeroll>

"Only one thing to do, sis," Urd said with a gleam in her eye.  She and
Belldandy began to chant.  "Wild rampaging steed...Let thy wounded
forelegs be healed!"  I felt a tug on my jacket, and I looked down into
Skuld's panicked face.

"Quick," she said, "Take cover!"  She began to drag me off to hid behind

a

nearby stack of hay bales (What do you think they use at go-kart

tracks?).

 "Urd's improvising, and that's trouble."

Lurkadis: <shudder>

I gave Skuld an amused glance.  "You are hardly one to talk, Skuld."  She
returned an irritated glare.

Lurkadis: <snicker>

The two goddesses were still chanting.  "Calm thy raging heart and
race...Forward, forward, o'er the road beyond."  Belldandy stopped, and
staggered a bit, looking drained.

"And let thyself run...Wild and free!"  Urd finished, pointing at the
kart.

Lurkadis: Uh-oh.

I was about to go see if Keiichi needed help, when I felt a strong grip

on

my arm, and I was whirled around.  I registered Rachel's presence mere
moments before she would up and slapped me.  "Playboy!" she growled, and
ran off.

Lurkadis: <smirk>
Hikaru Inverse: <snort>

I had SO much explaining to do...and I didn't even know where to start. 
How do you tell a girl the guy who asked her out is a god?

Lurkadis: Very carefully.
Hikaru Inverse: <facefault>

I was getting really tired of this game.  I froze time, walked around to
in front of her, and set it going again.  "Damnit, LISTEN to me!"  Well
THAT worked.  She slapped me, and tried to storm off once more.

Lurkadis: Good going.

Freeze. Walk. Un-freeze.  "Will you calm down already?" Slap.  Turn, walk
away.  Freeze. Walk. Un-freeze.  "It's not what it seems!" Pause. Slap. 
Turn, walk away.  *Cool, I'm getting to her.*  Freeze. Walk. Summon

armor.

Un-freeze.  "There's a good explanation?"  LONG pause.  Hand lifted up to
slap.  Dropped.  Turn, walk away.  Freeze. Walk. Un-freeze. Smirk at her
shocked expression.  "Are you ready to listen to me now?"

Lurkadis: <chuckle>

Rachel put her hands to her mouth, and stared at me in horror.  "What ARE
you?"

"A god," I told her simply.  Why not start with the truth?

Lurkadis: <groan> This is the opposite situation for what happened on top
of the tower in Ghostbusters.
Hikaru Inverse: (Thinks: at least he didn't say *inverse* situation...)

I don't know what I expected from her.  Disbelief, I could expect.  Anger
(and another slapping), highly likely.  Laughter, unlikely, but sure. 
Prostrating herself in front of me and begging forgiveness, not in a
million years.  "I'm so sorry, my lord, I didn't mean to hit you!  Please
forgive me!"

Lurkadis: <chuckle>

I looked around frantically, and saw a couple people gawking.  *This

seems

to be my day for entertaining people.*  I banished my armor, knelt down

to

Rachel and lifted her up by her shoulders.  "PLEASE don't do that, it's
humiliating."  I helped her stand, and scowled as she cast her eyes to

the

ground.  "Stop that," I said peevishly.  *Hmm...let's try laughter.* 

"I'm

still Chris, you know.  The devishly handsome guy who asked you out?  The
brilliant engineer who takes delight in arguing with that dimwit of a
sociology prof?  The..."

"...Guy with no sense of modestly?" she snidely finished for me, then
gasped, covering her mouth with her hands again.  "I'm so sorry!"

Lurkadis: Girl has a little complex around deities...
Hikaru Inverse: <nod>

I sighed and grumbled something about stupid patriarchal societies.  I

was

willing to bet the girls never had to go through this.  An attractive

girl

tells you she's a goddess, and if she proves it, everything's hunky-dory.

Not me, oh no.  I had a sudden understanding why it was called the

GODDESS

Relief Office.  It's too much trouble for the guys.  

Lurkadis: <chuckle>

Another heartfelt sigh from me.  "Rachel you have nothing to apologise
for, I deserved that.  I'm still the 22 year old college student who was
nervous about asking you out.  I'm still the guy who wants to go out with
you."

That put her back on familiar territory.  "You're also the jerk who was
rolling around with that tramp earlier."

Lurkadis: Yep, she's back to normal.

"Ami is NOT a tramp!  She's a nice girl, just...enthusiastic."  I blushed
as Rachel gave me a hard glare.  "OK, VERY enthusiastic."

"If she's such a nice girl, why the hell did you ask me out?" she
demanded.

Today seems to be my days for sighs.  "Because I hadn't met her yet." As
the words left my mouth, I mentally kicked myself.  *Idiot.* "Wait, let

me

rephrase that."

Lurkadis: Definitely.

"So you like her better?  Then go date her, you jerk, and leave me

alone!"

 Rachel turned to leave, and I panicked.

"I don't WANT to date her!  I want to date YOU!"  She whirled, and looked
at me in disbelief.

"You weren't exactly fighting her off!"  

Lurkadis: <chuckle> We have here a full-blown case of Saotome Syndrome.

Whoa, time to get a third party in here.  I looked around, and spotted a
guy reading on a nearby bench.  "One second." I walked over to the guy,
and Rachel followed.  "Hey, settle something for us.  Hypothetical: an
attractive woman comes out of nowhere, tackles you, and kisses you like
you've never been kissed before.  Do you resist?"

The guy looked at me in confusion. "Uhh...no?"  I grinned at him.

Lurkadis, Hikaru Inverse: <behind one of the podiums on the Family Feud
stage, clapping> Good answer, good answer!

"I don't know," I said honestly.  "As far as my sisters can tell, the
definition of a 'chance' is pretty vague."  I looked miserably at the
ground.  "All I wanted was to ask a pretty girl out, and stop another one
from crying.  Now the second is throwing herself at me and the first

wants

nothing to do with me."

Next thing I knew, Rachel had grabbed me by the front of my shirt and was
kissing me fiercely.  After what seemed like forever, she let me go, and
looked me in the eyes sternly.  "Tomorrow.  Eight o'clock.  You WILL be
there."  She turned and walked away, leaving me stunned in her wake.

Lurkadis: Forceful woman.
Hikaru Inverse: <smirk>

I was bewildered.  Again.  I tried to work my mouth to say something.

"Gah?"

I will NEVER understand women.

Lurkadis: Nobody does. 
Hikaru Inverse: <smirk>

--------------------------------------------------------------------
-Lurkadis Lavenwers-

EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net

-------------------------------------------------------------------