[Christopher Angel, God of Moments, comes running unti the theatre,
followed by Urd, Belldandy, and Skuld.]
Chris: [Hiding behind a pillar] Aww come on, it was just a joke!
Belldandy: It wasn't funny.
Skuld: [takes a swipe at him with her hammer] Stand still!
Urd: [tosses a force bolt] BAKA!
Chris: [roars] STOP BLOWING UP THE THEATRE!
<Lurker and Hikaru appear just in time to cross the path of Urd's
force bolt and Skuld's hammer. Both are knocked to the ground.>
Lurker: I...tai....no da...
Hikaru: <eyes swirling> Oh, look at all the Mokonas flying around!
How kawaii!
So I hope you enjoy and (if God-Boy and Lurker are reading this)
MST
this flashback to my early attempts to write this story (before I
had
any idea it would turn into an epic).
[The carnage pauses]
Chris: Ladies, I believe we've been challenged.
Urd: He asked for it...
Lurker: And our contribution will be an MST of their MST. <evil grin>
Hi. This is the Flashman. You are going to a place where the
normal
rules of right and wrong no longer apply. A place where the
light
enters but it looks all technicolory. A place known only as MY
MIND.
Welcome and enjoy.
Lurker: <looks around> So this is Flashman's mind, huh?
<the entire gang is standing in a vast cavern. Aside from the
occasional drip of water, and a few cobwebs hanging here and there,
the cavern is a void.>
Hikaru: Wow, it's so...so...
Lurker: Empty.
TRIO
How it began:
Lost Memories
Urd: [pointing at the title] Take note.
Chris: What's that supposed to mean?
Bell: YOu have to admit, Oniichan, you aren't very good at coming
up with
titles.
Skuld: You suck at this game!
Chris/Urd/Bell: ^_^;
Chris: [muttered under his breath] Note to self, no more Total
Carnage for
Skuld.
[to the others] Why do you think I have prereaders?
Lurker: So you can ignore them when they try to correct a hideous
spelling mistake? <g>
The moon hung full in the sky. The figure threw several curses
in
its direction because it made his stealth mission that much more
difficult with the extra light it was giving off. The figure was
hit
by a sudden shaft of moonlight and was briefly illuminated before
it,
no, he ducked back into the shadows.
Skuld: BATMAN!
Chris: [groaning] Here it comes...
Skuld: He's so KAWAI! [Chris facefaults]
Chris: [picking himself off the floor] Bruce Wayne or Batman?
Skuld: [blushes] Yes.
Chris: [points to Skuld] See...she picks guys I like!
Urd: He's such a goth, though!
Skuld: But..[pauses]..he has the coolest toys!
[Chris/Urd/Belldandy facefault]
Lurker: Saw that coming? <both Lurker and Hikaru raise their hands>
In that short period, if ones eyes were fast enough, they would
have
almost instantly noticed that the figure was not completely
human.
He was dressed in camouflage armor from head to toe. His eyes
burned
with an inner molten red fire. He was covered with layers and
layers
of rock hard muscle. However, he seemed to carry his weight in a
way
that suggested that he was very fast as well as strong.
Chris: Translation: He wore a big neon sigh that flashed "Mean
Mother<bleep>"
Bell: [disapproving] Christopher James Angel, watch your language.
Skuld: Ooohhh...you're in trouble!
Chris: Yes, mother.
Lurker: <snicker>
"Sorry," Warp replied as she straightened her pink bodied,
yellow
masked, green gloved, red caped and blue booted spandex costume.
(Don't worry folks. Those convulsions are a normal reaction.)
"So,"
Warp continued as she looked in the same direction the first
figure
was looking, "Is that where we strike Snatcher?"
Lurker: <speaking into a microphone> Warp's outfit provided by Ted
Turner...
Chris:...
Skuld: <giggles> She looks like a clown!
Urd: She's gotta be color blind.
Bell: [shakes her head in dismay]
Chris: I will NEVER, EVER say anything about your three's fashion
sense
again.
Lurker: Hey! What's wrong with the way they dress? I think Skuld's
outfit looks very kawaii!
Hikaru: You mean you just think Skuld is very kawaii. <smirks>
Lurker: <blushes> Well...yeah...
Snatcher nodded once and replied, "Yes. We move on three, you
know
what to do?"
Warp laughed and said, "Of course. Though I may dress like it,
I'm
not a complete fool you know."
Chris: The burning question being...
Urd: ...why do you dress like that then?
Lurker: It's one of those things man was never meant to know.
Warp opened another portal and stepped through. Snatcher stood
and
brought out a HUGE gun. (Think of the Proton Cannon Iron Man
used in
Marvel Super Heroes and you'll get the basic idea.) He fired at
the
gates to the research facility, unleashing the weapons purple
laser
beam and naturally, a big BOOM resounded as the gate collapsed.
This
brought a whole platoon of specially armored guards to the front
gate.
Lurker: I think I like that weapon.
Hikaru: <giggles> It figures.
Skuld: [points at the gun, tries to speak] I...I...want one!
Chris/Urd/Bell: NO.
Skuld: [pouting] Nobody lets me have any fun.
Chris: You can have fun without weapons that violate arms reduction
treaties.
Lurker: Maybe just get her a little one...? I mean, it fires purple
laser beams! That's cool!
Hikaru: ^_^;;;
They fired their weapons at Snatcher to no avail. He simply was
too
fast for them to hit. They however, were easy pray for him as he
mercilessly shot them one after another after another. Suddenly,
a
young womans voice cried out, "HOLD IT PAL!"
Urd: "Hold it pal?"
Chris: Aside from the fact there should be a comma after 'it', this
is NOT
usual Sailor Moon. They just say "Hold it."
Bell: That was really petty, Chris.
Lurker: <smirks>
Snatcher looked at the source of the voice and saw five figures
silhouetted against the moon. The middle figure started a whole
routine of complex arm motions as she said, "I am Sailor Moon the
champion of..... eep!"
Chris: Saw that coming? [Four hands go up]
Lurker: The champion of eep?
Hikaru: <giggles>
She and the others were cut off as Snatcher brought his weapon
up
and with a cry of, "Yak, yak, yak," fired.
All: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Hikaru: The dialogue is getting silly...
Lurker: I have news for you. It already *got* silly.
"What is it with you super hero types and corny lines?" Snatcher
quipped.
Bell: It's in the code.
Lurker: Mokona?
Mokona: Puu?
Lurker: Do me a favor. Go find the Yggdrasil code and eat it.
Mokona: <eyes light up> PUU!!!!! <bounces off happily>
The two attacks merged and they hit the gun, blowing it into a
million pieces. Snatcher leaped back, away from the explosion,
then
thrust out his hand and a long chain, hidden under his armor by
the
left wrist, shot out and wrapped around Tuxedo Kamens cane.
Snatcher
pulled and Tuxedo Kamen went flying forward because he had
neglected
to let go of the previously mentioned cane.
Chris: To quote Elmer Fudd: "No more buwwets!"
Urd: [sighs] 'Niichan, please stop quoting Looney Tunes.
Lurker: <Bugs Bunny voice> That's the smartest thing I ever 'urd.
Hikaru: <groans>
The three Senshi turned and saw a young man dressed in a red
Chinese
shirt, blue silk pants and having black hair done with a short
pigtail in the back, rush into the yard, leap up into the air and
deliver a picture perfect drop kick to Snatchers head.
[Chris holds up a placard with an 9.4 on it. Bell had a 9.2, Urd
has an
8.4, Skuld a 8.9]
Chris: Nice entrance.
Lurker: Martial artists are good at that.
It was a bad day to be Ranma Saotome.
Chris: Is it EVER a good day to be Ranma?
Lurker: Only if he managed to split away his female side and she
bonked him...
Hikaru: <scowls>
Lurker: ...uh-oh.
Hikaru: SCARLET LIGHTNING!
Lurker: <barbecue>
He had already argued with
Akane 15 times in two hours, had fought with Mousse, Ryoga and
Kuno,
and to top it all off, he had gone up against a perverted Wind
Elemental (Don't ask.) So, when he had seen the fight he decided
that...
Urd: Perverted Wind Elemental?
Chris: [shaking his head] Don't ask. Trust me, just don't ask.
Lurker: I believe Flashman already said "don't ask".
Hikaru: <thinks> [Perverted wind elemental?]
1) It was his duty as a martial artist to help stop crime when he
could.
2) He could blow off some steam by pounding this loser.
&
3) Showing up the semi-famous Sailor Senshi would make him feel
better.
Skuld: <snicker> Classic Ranma.
Lurker: <chuckle>
Snatcher hit a button on the side of his armors left arm and the
chain released. The sudden end to the resistance made Tux fall
backwards as his momentum made him lose his balance. Then
Snatcher
got into a fighting stance and said, "Let's dance!"
Chris: [singing] YMCA! [gets pounded by Skuld]
Bell: [disapprovingly] Skuld?
Skuld: [blushes] Sorry Oneesama.
Bell: [smiles kindly] Ask me first, I wanted to hit him.
Chris: Owww.....
Lurker: <recovered> 'Scuse me a sec, Hikaru.
Hikaru: Whatever happened to ladies first?
Lurker: <smirks> Did you ever frequent trash disco clubs in your
teens?
Hikaru: ...good point. Go right ahead.
Lurker: Thank you. <powers up, his hair turns dark purple and spikes
up. Grabs God-boy by the neck, and suplexes him first into the
ceiling, then into the floor of the theater.>
Lurker: <powering down> Mentioning the Village People around me is a
*bad* idea.
Then they heard a voice say, "All right egg head! This had
better
be the right place."
"Yes. Yes," A nasally voice replied, "It's in there. Please,
don't
kill me!"
"Awww. I won't kill you. I'm just gonna send you on a little
trip.
To the top of Niagara Falls that is. Yee hee ha ha!"
Urd: Her maniacal laughter needs work.
Skuld: <nods> Definitely.
Chris: Indeed. Something along these lines. [throws back his head
and
does a classic mad scientist laugh] Would have been much better.
Bell/Urd/Skuld: ^_^;
Urd: Does does he do that?
Lurker: Like this. <throws back his head and laughs megalomaniacally,
purple lightning arcing from his eyes>
Hikaru: o_O
The two Senshi turned the corner and saw Warp as she threw a man
that looked like a real techie type, into a yellow portal and he
disappeared with a pop. "Hold it!" Sailor Moon shouted, "You
shall
pay for your cold blooded actions and your color blind fashion
sense!
I am Sailor Moon the Champion of Justice!" (Insert the rest of
the
speech here, I'm feeling lazy tonight.)
Lurker: Insert rest of speech? Okay. <writes a quick script, and
hands it to Hikaru>
Hikaru: <reads it> No way. I'm not saying this.
Lurker: Please?
Hikaru: <sighs> Oh, alright. <performs silly hand poses> Hold it! You
shall pay for your cold blooded actions and your color blind fashion
sense! I am Sailor Moon, the champion of justice...and clothes that
don't flash! On behalf of the moon, and all the respectable tailors
in the world...I'll punish you! ...and give you a few fashion tips.
Lurker: <grin>
Hikaru: You realize I'm going to hurt you for this later.
Lurker: <gulp>
A yellow portal opened and Warp, still holding her chest, walked
out
and gasped, "Got... what... we... need.... go.... now..... can...
we?
"
Chris: [frowns] That seems a little wordy. Try "Got it, we go
now?"
Lurker: <shakes head> Too Amazon. Try this:
"Got...need...let's...go...."
The third mini portal that had unconsciously fired from Warp
traversed space and time. So the third person who would be taken
would be very different.
Chris: This was my main point of complaint with this series. WHY
did it
pick those people? WHY did two portals stay in one time and the
third one
go far off into space?
Urd: WHY do you care?
Bell: It doesn't really make a difference, does it?
Skuld: It bothered me too.
Urd/Belldandy: [exchanging a look] Engineers.
Lurker: <snicker>
The attack came from the north. Gohan had expected this and he
blocked the incoming blow. He reached deep inside himself and
called
forth his ki. His black hair turned blond and he felt his power
grow.
The golden flame that represented his ki flared around him.
Skuld: KAWAI!
Chris: Gohan? You're kidding me.
Urd: What's wrong with him?
Bell: He seems like a nice boy.
Chris: HE CAN DESTROY PLANETS!
Skuld/Urd/Bell: [exchaning a look] So?
Lurker: <snicker>
Urd: [sighs] He is so...dreamy..
Chris: Look, I've said it before, Piccolo is a definite NO.
Urd: [scowls] He's a nice guy!
Chris: This is the same guy who was the villain all through Dragon
Ball!
Bell: He did reform himself.
Chris: Not enough for me!
Urd: [slyly] I could go for Raditz....
Chris: [veins shoing up on his forehead] NOT ON YOUR LIFE! I'd
rather see
you date Piccolo!
Urd: [hugs Chris] Thank you, 'Niichan, I knew you'd say yes!
Chris: [confused] What the...[scowls] HEY!
Urd/Skuld/Bell: <giggle>
Lurker: <chuckle> Look at it this way, Chris. Namekkuseijin are
asexual. At least you wouldn't have to worry about them doing...you
know...<grin>
Hikaru: <pales> I don't even want to *think* about that.
Carl continued the questioning with, "Where did you come from?
Do
you have any family I can contact?"
Dead silence. All three of them looked at each other, then
looked
at Officer Molaris and said together, "I don't remember."
<*crack*boom*ominous thunder*>
Urd: [wrestles a tape recorder from Chris] Give me that!
Chris: HEY! I went through a lot of trouble to get that!
Urd: [takes out the tape] DELETE! [the tape disappears]
Chris: [angrilly] What the hell did you do that for?
Skuld: it was getting annoying, Oniichan.
Bell: Yes, it was.
Chris: [evil grin] That's OK. [Pulls open a panel on his armrest.]
I
wired it into the threatre.
Urd/Bell/Skuld: O_O
Chris: [smirk] It's good to be the author!
Urd: <sigh>
Chris: Anyway, there you go, Flashman!
Lurker: <chuckles> I will be laughing *so* hard when Blade and
Epsilon come to reclaim their sound bite from you...
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"Kakeru-niisama? Bathe."
--Shidou Hikaru, Onna: Red Side chapter 20
---
The Eternal Lost Lurker
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net
"Ore wa bakemono? Che...ore wa akuma da."
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