At 06:33 PM 11/20/97 +0000, Thomas Schmidt wrote:

Hmm...Destruction and Justice...an interesting combination.  Good 
first chapter, Raoh.  I'm struck by how much your writing has 
improved since the first time I read anything by you, which was the 
first chapter of Stained Glass Mind, I think.  Flow, description, 
phrasing, dialogue; everything's gotten a lot better.  

Thank you.

There are a lot of interesting questions this fic asks, and I think 
you need to consider them as you plot out where this is going.  Why 
does Ranma love Akane, and why does she love him?  If Belldandy falls 
in love with Ranma, as I rather expect she will, why does she?  She's 
so lonely; I wouldn't be surprised if she fell in love with anyone 
who was kind to her.  How you answer these questions is 
going to define what happens later...don't let your plot take over 
your characters.  

You hit the nail right on the head.  This story is about *why* Ranma
and Akane are together and *why* Belldandy causes the tension between the
two (it's not her fault, honest).  And if Ranma is so easily swayed by someone
like Belldandy, why has he stayed with Akane all this time?  I honestly
haven't decided how to end this yet.  

I hope you won't ignore the logical progression of events, which is 
that (after she destroys that country) Akane moves in with Belldandy 
and Ranma.  If this does happen, it'll be interesting; I doubt Bell 
will take easily to Akane's godly responsibilities.  

Akane won't exactly move in, she decides... well, you'll see what
happens in the next chapter...  But Belldandy and Akane do eventually
have to face each other.

Let's see...the only real problems I had with the writing style were 
in the paragraphs right before Ranma appears in Bell's house, when 
she thinks about her parents.  The phrasing is a little stilted; you 
might want to take another look.  

Thanks, I'll look over it.  Maybe you can tell me a bit more during
FFIRC on Sunday. =)

I liked this a lot, and am anxious to see what happens next.  

Thanks, 

Thomas Schmidt
Tschmidt@trader.com

Anand Rao
_______________________________
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| O  Y | "If you can't fight, |
| L  M |                      |
| L  P | and you can't flee,  |
| I  H |                      |
| D  O |   flow."             |
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