Standard Disclaimer:
Ranma 1/2 is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Kitty Films, Shogakukan, and Viz Entertainment
The Wizard of Oz is the property of the L. Frank Baum estate and MGM.
This story is written on a non-profit basis. Any unauthorized (ie for-profit) use of this story is strictly prohibited. Let it be on your head if the above people should find out that you have done so anyway.
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THE WIZARD OF ODD
by
Thurston Sherman
It is a normal day at the Tendo dojo when a loud splash is heard from outside.
"You pig! When I get my hands on you, you little...!" screams Ran-chan.
With a sigh of exasperation, Akane gets up. Summoning her hammer, she goes outside to settle the little "dispute" once again.
"Ranma no baka!" Akane yells as she swings. The hammer blow lands perfectly, knocking Ran-chan back outside and unconscious....
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Ran-chan wakes up to a silent, empty house. "Uhnnn...Akane really got me that time, " she mumbles painfully as she rubs her head. Looking around, she calls, "hey! Where is everybody?!" She thinks for a moment and then gets up. Looking at the darkening sky, she notes, "man, the sky looks bad. Must be a big storm on its way..."
Ran-chan goes into the house. She can hear the radio playing in the background, "...big tornado. It is advised that everyone seek shelter immediately to wait out the storm...." She considers what she's heard. "Tornado? I'd better get to the shelter too..." As Ran-chan heads off to the shelter, she hears a faint scared "Bweee!"
Ran-chan stops for a moment, considering. "No. As big a jerk as Ryouga is, I couldn't just leave him out in the storm. Besides, it'd break Akane's heart." She looks around and sees P-chan pinned beneath a fallen tree limb outside. The winds continue growing stronger and stronger as she goes back outside. "Hmmmm....better hurry!"
Straining, she is able to free P-chan when she sees a dark funnel cloud approaching. "Shit! I'll never get to the shelter in time!" She looks down at P-chan, who returns her terrified glance. "Come on, P-chan! We need to find somewhere safe to hide until this blows over!" She runs back inside the house with P-chan in her arms.
As objects are picked up and whipped around by the ever-stronger wind. Ran-chan looks around desperately for a place to hide. Suddenly she is blindsided by a flying hammer. The last thought going through her mind before darkness claims her is "oh, no! Not again!"
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Ran-chan is woken up by the feeling of motion. Groaning, she holds her head. "This is _not_ a good day!"
"Bweee!" insists P-chan, repeatedly nudging her.
"Yeah? What is it?" she asks, looking at him. P-chan runs over to the window, pointing outside.
Ran-chan gets up slowly, straightening her dress. "Dress?! What the...?!" she thinks, looking down to see she is wearing a gingham dress. She is shaken from her confusion as the whole house is tossed around.
"BWEEE!" P-chan screams, running over and dragging Ran-chan to the window.
Ran-chan looks outside to see a vast expanse of sky. Looking down, she sees the ground far, far below. "Oh, my....," whispers Ran-chan. Feeling faint, she leans against the window frame. "Well, Ryouga, it looks like we're in for it this time," she says, looking down at him.
"Bwee?" P-chan nudges her, pointing in the distance where a figure can be seen to be approaching. Ran-chan looks at the object in curiosity, wondering what it could possibly be.
As the figure approaches, it is revealed to be Cologne, riding her staff as a witch would her broom. Ran-chan looks on in amazement, listening to Cologne's cackling laugher. Suddenly the house lurches, as if dropping from a very great height.
"Oh...my...," Ran-chan whispers, sitting on the floor and holding onto P-chan. P-chan is quiet, shivering in fear. The descent suddenly stops with a sharp crash, sending loose objects flying everywhere. Dusting herself off, Ran-chan opens the door and looks around outside. She looks around at a scene from out of a fairy tale.
"Ryouga -- I have a feeling we're not in Nerima any more, " she half-whispers in wonder. Putting P-chan down onto a road composed of gold-colored bricks, Ran-chan looks as a large bubble floats toward them. Ran-chan shakes her head, rubbing her eyes in disbelief, as Kasumi steps out of the bubble. "I just can't believe this...," Ran-chan mutters to herself.
"Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" asks Kasumi, dressed like a fairy princess.
"Who, me? You know me, Kasumi. I'm Saotome Ranma of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts," Ran-chan announces non-plussed.
Kasumi blinks. "Oh. Well, is _that_ the witch?" she asks, pointing at P-chan. P-chan stares back at Kasumi, bewildered.
P-chan and Ran-chan trade perplexed glances. "Who, P-chan?" she asks Kasumi. "He's just a pig, " she announces, whereupon P-chan bites her.
Kasumi looks at the two of them with a vacant smile. "Well, I'm just a little bit muddled. The Munchies told me a new witch had dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East. There's the house, and here you are, and that's what's left of the witch," she notes, pointing under the house where Cologne's feet stick out. "So...are you a good witch or a bad witch?" Kasumi prompts in exasperation.
"I've already told you. I'm not a witch. Witches are old, ugly women!" insists Ran-chan. Suddenly laughter erupts all around her, startling Ran-chan. She looks around warily.
"Oh, that's the Munchies! They're laughing because I'm a witch. I'm Kasumi, the Good Witch of the North," explains Kasumi, giggling.
Ran-chan looks askance at Kasumi. "Kasumi, I've known you for years. You're not a witch!" she declares.
In response, Kasumi smiles at her blankly. There is laughter from all around once more. Ran-chan and
P-chan look around cautiously.
"The Munchies are happy because you have freed them from the Wicked Witch of the East," Kasumi explains, smiling.
"Just what _are_ these Munchies?" Ran-chan asks, looking at Kasumi suspiciously.
"The little people who live in this land. It's Munchieland, and you are their heroine," Kasumi answers. "It's all right!" she says, " you may come out and thank her."
A chibi-Ukyou and chibi-Mousse pop up out from behind the flowers.
Kasumi starts singing," come out, come out wherever you are ~ And meet the young lady who fell from a star~ She fell from the sky, she fell very far~ and Nerima, she says, is the name of the star~"
Ran-chan and P-chan look at Kasumi non-plussed, their jaws agape. A chibi-Azusa and chibi-Akari emerge from a manhole in the Yellow Brick Road. Seeing P-chan, they squeal in joy and both grab him, starting a tug-of-war. Kasumi, meanwhile, leads Ran-chan around by her hand as she continues to sing, joined by the Munchies. "Ding Dong! The Witch is dead!~ Which old Witch?~The Wicked Witch!~Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is Dead!~"
Ran-chan is eventually lead to the city square, where chibi-Ukyou tells her, "we thank you very sweetly for doing it so neatly." Chibi-Mousse pulls a bouquet of flowers out of his sleeve and says, "you've killed her so completely that we thank you very sweetly." Ran-chan looks around, feeling trapped. Kasumi smiles at her vacantly.
Chibi-Azusa and chibi-Akari dance up to Ran-chan, holding P-chan up between them, and begin singing. "We represent the Kawaii Guild, the Kawaii Guild~and in he name of the Kawaii Guild~We wish to welcome you to Munchieland!~" P-chan looks up to Ran-chan with a pleading look in his eyes.
Suddenly a ball of black smoke explodes on the Yellow Brick Road. The Munchies run away, dropping P-chan. Kodachi steps out of the smoke; instead of her typical leotard, she is wearing a clinging Elvira-type dress. "HOHOHOHOHO!" Kodachi laughs. Ran-chan and P-chan exchange bewildered glances and shrug.
"This is the Wicked Witch of the West, and she's worse than the other one was," Kasumi warns, smiling.
Kodachi looks at Cologne's remains and turns to Kasumi. "HOHOHOHOHO! Who killed the Wicked Witch of the East?" she asks. Kodachi turns to Ran-chan and demands, "was it you?!"
Ran-chan shakes her head, thrown off-guard. "No...It was an accident. I didn't mean for her to die," she defends.
Kodachi looks appraisingly at Ran-chan. "HOHOHOHOHO! Well, _I_ can cause accidents too!" she warns.
Kasumi intervenes, pointing at Cologne's body. "Aren't you forgetting something?" she inquires.
Kodachi goes over to Cologne's body, rubbing her hands together. "HOHOHOHOHO! The ruby sandals are mine, all mine!" As she reaches for them, however, they disappear and Cologne's feet curl up under the house. Kodachi snarls and turns toward Ran-chan.
Ran-chan looks down at her feet to see ruby ladies sandals on her feet. "What the...?!" she asks, looking at Kasumi.
"Keep them on, Ranma. Their magic must be very powerful, or she wouldn't want them so badly," instructs Kasumi.
Kodachi laughs, "HOHOHOHOHO! I challenge you, my pretty! I'll beat you...and your little pig, too!" Kodachi disappears in another cloud of smoke.
Kasumi gives the Munchies the "all-clear" sign. "Pooh! What a smell!" she says, waving away the smoke. "I'm afraid you made an enemy of the Wicked Witch of the West. The sooner you get out of Odd, the safer you'll be, my dear," she says, smiling at Ran-chan.
Ran-chan looks around confused, her mind racing. "Wait a minute! What do you mean _I_ made an enemy? _You_ put these sandals on my feet!" Ran-chan exclaims. Kasumi just smiles vacantly at her. "And what's this about Odd?" she inquires.
"The only person who may be able to help you is the great and powerful Wizard of Odd himself," Kasumi answers.
Ran-chan looks suspiciously at Kasumi. "Who's this Wizard guy?" she asks.
"He is very good but very mysterious. He lives in the Jade City, a long way from here. Do you have your broomstick?" Kasumi replies, smiling.
Ran-chan looks askance at Kasumi. "No...I'm afraid I forgot it," Ran-chan answers.
Kasumi smiles, motioning the Munchies forward. "Well, then, you'll have to follow the Yellow Brick Road," Kasumi responds. The Munchies surround Ran-chan again, singing.
"Follow the Yellow Brick Road~Follow the Yellow Brick Road~Follow, follow, follow, follow~Follow the Yellow Brick Road!~" Kasumi and the Munchies intone. P-chan jumps into Ran-chan's arms as chibi-Azusa and chibi-Akari approach.
Setting out on the Yellow Brick Road, Ran-chan shakes her head as she leaves Kasumi and the Munchies behind her. "I _have_ to find a way out of here...." she grumbles.
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Ran-chan and P-chan reach a fork in the road. "Well, Ryouga, which way do we go now?" she wonder aloud. P-chan shrugs. She smirks. After all, who in their right mind would ask the eternally lost boy for directions?
"Aiyaa! Right good!" a voice cries from behind.
Spinning around, Ran-chan only sees a scarecrow standing in the middle of a rice field. "You know...there's something familiar about that scarecrow," Ran-chan muses. She then turns back towards the road, considering her choices.
"Left good too!" the same voice cries out from behind.
Ran-chan turns back around warily. "All right! Who's there?" she calls.
"Shampoo no know. Where you go?" the purple-haired scarecrow tells her.
Ran-chan jumps back, startled. P-chan just stares in disbelief. "This place is getting weirder and weirder..." mumbles Ran-chan. P-chan looks up at her and nods his silent agreement. "Excuse me, but were you talking to me?" she asks the .
The Scarecrow rolls her eyes. "No one else here!" she points out.
"Uh...right." Ran-chan pauses. "I'm Saotome Ranma. Do you know how to get to the Wizard of Odd?" she inquires.
"Nihao! Me Shampoo," the Scarecrow answers. "No. Shampoo stuck here. No go anywhere...ever," she sighs.
"That has got to be boring. Here, I'll get you down," Ran-chan says as she walks behind Shampoo. "Here's your problem. This nail's got you...."
"Shampoo know tha...," Shampoo starts. "Aiyaa!" she yells as she falls off the post, stuffing falling out. "Shampoo fall to pieces!" she giggles, stuffing the straw back in her.
Ran-chan winces at the bad joke as she helps Shampoo to her feet. "You OK?"
"Fine." Shampoo stretches. "Finally free," she replies, smiling. She turns to Ran-chan, a concerned look on her face. "Shampoo scare you?"
"No. Not really," Ran-chan responds.
Shampoo pouts. "Shampoo no good scarecrow. No brain."
Ran-chan raises an eyebrow. "What would you do if you _had_ a brain?" Before Shampoo can answer, Ran-chan interrupts, "and no singing, please."
Shampoo looks at Ran-chan quizzically and then thinks. "Hmmm....Shampoo find strong husband...lead village...no stand in field!" she declares.
"Well, I'm going to see the Wizard of Odd. Maybe he can help you too," Ran-chan suggests. Shampoo looks hopefully at Ran-chan. "But I've got some witch mad at me, and she could be trouble," Ran-chan explains.
"Aiyaa! Witch no scare Shampoo!" Shampoo exclaims, jumping to her feet. "Shampoo help fight witch! I go?" she asks Ran-chan.
"Heh! Sure," Ran-chan answers, grinning.
"Shampoo see Wizard!" Shampoo giggles, jumping in the air and clapping her hands. Shampoo starts off down the road with Ran-chan and P-chan following. Watching Shampoo, Ran-chan giggles. Catching herself, she clears her throat and laughs.
After traveling a short distance, Ran-chan, P-chan, and Shampoo pass by some plum trees. Ran-chan reaches up to pluck one of the plums, smacking her lips. Suddenly the tree snatches the plum, hitting Ran-chan on top of the head.
"Hey! What the...?!" exclaims Ran-chan, rubbing her head.
"What do you think you're doing?" the tree snaps. "Would you like me to come along and take something off you?"
Ran-chan looks at the tree, dumbfounded, and shakes her head.
"Ranma no want rotten plums!" Shampoo yells at the tree. The tree snarls and throws a plum at Shampoo, hitting her in the head. Enraged, Shampoo charges the tree, pummeling it with a pair of clubs. Ran-chan and P-chan watch, bemused. After a few moments, Shampoo walks back with a bag of plums. The downed tree groans quietly in pain. "Here, Ranma! Shampoo get plums," she laughs, tossing a plum to Ran-chan.
Ran-chan shakes her head, grinning, as she eats.
"Bwee!" P-chan calls to them from the bushes.
"Hmmm? What's wrong, Ryouga?" Ran-chan asks, going over to where she heard P-chan.
"BWEEE!" P-chan calls.
"All right, all right! I'm coming!" she calls when she suddenly runs into someone, knocking her down onto the ground. "Hey! Why don't you watch where you're going?!" she snarls, looking up at Akane. "Akane? What are you doing here?" she starts, perplexed, until she sees that Akane appears to be made of tin. "What the...?!"
"Ranma! You OK?" Shampoo calls from behind.
"Yeah! I'm fine," she calls back, looking at the Tin Karateka.
"Oil can...oil can..." Akane cries.
"Huh?" Ran-chan says unbelievingly. "Did you say something?"
"Oil can, no baka!" Akane shouts.
"Why want oil, Ranma?" Shampoo asks, coming up beside her.
"It wasn't me. It was her," Ran-chan answers, pointing at the Tin Karateka. Ran-chan begins looking around for an oil can, when she feels a tug at her skirt. Looking down, she sees P-chan nudging an oil can out from beneath a bush. Ran-chan picks up the oil can and begins oiling up Akane.
"Oh, thank you! It's been so long since I could move and talk!" Akane exclaims.
"How you get stuck?" Shampoo asks.
"About a year ago, I was chopping that practice dummy," Akane answers, pointing at an old wooden practice dummy, "when it began to rain. In the middle of a chop, I rusted solid. I've been that way ever since." Akane frowns in thought.
"Well, you're fine now," Ran-chan pronounces.
"Fine? Fine?! You call this fine?" Akane snaps, rapping on her chest, making a hollow echoing sound.
"Good echo!" Shampoo declares, smiling at Akane.
Akane looks askance at Shampoo then looks sad. "The baka tinsmith forgot to give me a heart," she mourns. P-chan jumps into her arms, nuzzling her cheek.
Ran-chan grabs P-chan by his bandanna and snaps at him, "cut that out!" She hits P-chan on top of his head and tosses him over her shoulder.
Shampoo and Akane watch Ran-chan, perplexed.
"Shampoo go see Wizard. Akane see Wizard!" Shampoo finally announces.
"Hey, yeah! We're going to go see the Wizard of Odd. You can come with us and ask him for a heart," Ran-chan suggests.
"HOHOHOHOHO!" Kodachi laughs from the top of Akane's dojo. "You dare help my enemy? I'll use you to line my stables," she says, pointing at Shampoo. Kodachi then point at Akane, declaring, "and I'll make a hibachi out of you!" She turns back to Shampoo. "Want to play, Scarecrow?" Kodachi then throws a fireball at Shampoo.
"Aiyaa! Shampoo on fire!" Shampoo screams, trying to put out the flames.
Akane dumps a pail of water onto Shampoo, turning her into a cat. Ran-chan runs off down the road, screaming. Kodachi, Shampoo, and Akane watch Ran-chan with confused looks on their faces. Kodachi laughs and disappears in a ball of smoke.
Akane shakes her head and picks up Shampoo and the semi-conscious P-chan. Walking after Ran-chan, she mutters, "Ranma no baka!"
After walking thirty minutes, Akane, Shampoo, and P-chan finally catch up to Ran-chan, who is still breathing hard. Looking around at the darkening forest, Akane exclaims. "I don't like this forest. It's getting dark and creepy!"
"It be much darker soon," notes Shampoo.
Ran-chan looks around a bit nervously. "I wonder if there are any dangerous animals?"
"Lions...," notes Shampoo.
"and tigers...," adds Ran-chan.
"and bears...," muses Akane.
"Bwee!" warns P-chan, spotting a large figure moving behind a nearby tree.
"GROWR!" shouts a large panda, jumping out from behind the tree.
Surprised, Ran-chan blasts the panda with a chi-blast, Shampoo flails it with her clubs, and Akane wallops the beast with her mallet. Shaken by the group's response, the panda pulls out a tire and begins playing with it. Turning its head to look at them, it picks up a sign. The sign reads, "I'm just a harmless panda".
Ran-chan snorts in disgust. Going over to nudge it with her foot, the declares, "you're just a coward!"
The Panda responds by breaking into large tears, nodding its head.
Akane walks up to the Panda. "You poor thing. Maybe the Wizard can help you find some courage," she encourages the Panda. Akane and the Panda look hopefully at Ran-chan.
"Sure, why not?! Why not invite the rest of Odd while we're at it!" rants Ran-chan in exasperation. The Panda, Tin Karateka, and Scarecrow look dumbfounded at Ran-chan. Recovering herself, Ran-chan says, "all right, all right! He can come. Besides, at least I don't have to worry about him suddenly breaking into song."
The Panda looks quizzically at Shampoo. "No ask," she replies. "It's a long story," responds Akane.
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In the tower of a dark, gloomy fortress, Kodachi and Happosai are looking into a crystal ball, watching the group. Kodachi laughs as she mixes up some poison and pours it over the crystal ball. "HOHOHOHOHO! So they continue? I'll take care of them now. When I have the ruby sandals, my powers will be the greatest in Odd! And now something with poison in it! Roses! Roses! Roses will put them to sleep! HOHOHOHOHO!" cackles Kodachi.
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Ran-chan points, seeing the outline of a city in the distance. "Hey! There's the Jade City! We're almost there!" she exclaims. "Wow! It's something. I never knew it would look like this. This guy just might _be_ a wizard to live in a place like that!"
"Aiyaa! We hurry now!" Shampoo says excitedly.
"Race you!" Akane shouts grinning, getting a head start.
The Panda grunts and lumbers after the others.
The group begins crossing a huge field of flowers when Ran-chan holds her head, feeling dizzy. "What's happening? I'm so sleepy. I'll just rest here for a while...," she yawns, falling asleep. The loud snoring from behind indicates that the Cowardly Panda has also fallen asleep.
"Ranma no baka! We're nearly there. Don't go to sleep now!" prods Akane. Looking around, she cries, "where's P-chan?! Oh, Shampoo, have you seen P-chan?" As she continues to search frantically, Akane bursts into tears.
"Aiyaa! Akane no cry! Akane rust!" Shampoo insists. "Ranma! Panda! Wake up!" When neither waken at her repeated attempts, she sits down defeated, her head held in her hands. "Is witch magic!" she cries. Suddenly she hears faint singing as if from a great distance. Looking up, Shampoo notices that it has started to gently snow. As she hears Ran-chan, P-chan, and the Panda awaken, hope rekindles in her eyes.
Retrieving the oil can, Shampoo and Ran-chan re-oil Akane and set across the field to the Jade City of Odd. "Shampoo much happy now!" she exclaims smiling, walking arm-in-arm with Ran-chan and Akane.
As they approach the gates, they suddenly hear singing. "You're out of the woods ~ You're out of the dark ~ You're out of the night ~ Step into the sun ~ Step into the light ~ March up to the gate ~ and bid it open -- open ~ " Ran-chan looks around quickly with a panicked expression on her face. She rings the bell. A window opens in the door and Nabiki , all dressed in green, sticks her head outside.
"Who rang that bell?" Nabiki asks, looking at Ran-chan sharply.
"We did!" they reply in unison.
"Can't you read?" Nabiki inquires critically.
"Read what?" they reply in confusion.
"The notice, of course!" snaps Nabiki.
"What notice?" they respond perplexed.
Nabiki pulls out a sign and hangs it on the door. "_This_ notice," Nabiki snaps, closing the window. Ran-chan scratches her head, bewildered. Shrugging, she reads the sign out loud, "bell out of order -- please knock." Grasping the large jade knocker in her hand, Ran-chan knocks, whereupon Nabiki opens the window once again.
"Yes? Come now, I don't have all day!" Nabiki prods, "state your business!"
"We want to see the Wizard!" answers Ran-chan as Shampoo, Akane, P-chan, and the Panda nod their agreement.
"Oh....'we want to see the wizard', huh?" Nabiki mocks. "No one sees the Great Soun!" she declares.
"The Great _Soun_?" Ran-chan mumbles in disbelief.
"Of course, for the right price...," Nabiki continues.
"Oh, please, we've got to see the Wizard. The Good Witch sent us," implores Akane.
Nabiki looks at her suspiciously. "Prove it!" she demands.
"Ranma wear ruby sandals!" exclaims Shampoo.
Nabiki looks appraisingly at Ran-chan and leans down to check. "Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? Time is money! Come on in!" she says, opening the gates.
The group walks inside to see a fantastic city completely made of green jade. Everyone in the city is singing. "Ha - ha - ha ~ Ho - ho -ho ~ and a couple tra-la-las ~ That's how we laugh the day away ~ In the Merry Old Land of Odd!" Ran-chan looks around frantically only to see Akane and Shampoo singing along, even the Panda and P-chan are humming to the song. Ran-chan shudders.
"HOHOHOHOHO!" Kodachi laughs from the sky. Looking up, everyone sees Kodachi riding a broom. She is skywriting with the smoke trailing from the back of her broom. The message reads: SURRENDER DOR -- RANMA. The townsfolk are milling around the town square. "Who is Ranma?" "Why does the Witch want her?" "What should we do?" "The Wizard will know!" "To the Wizard!"
Ran-chan looks at Shampoo, Akane, and the Panda. "We need to get to the Wizard...and quick!" she notes. They run, with the crowd close on their heels, only to be stopped by Nabiki.
"All right! Settle down! The Wizard is busy and can't see any of you! Go on home! There's nothing left to see here!" Nabiki shouts, making shooing motions.
Ran-chan, Akane, Shampoo, and the Panda shove their way through the crowd. "Excuse me, but we need to see the Wizard right away!" shouts Ran-chan.
"Break it up! I said _no-one_ sees the Wizard!" Nabiki snaps, looking hard at Ran-chan.
"But it's an emergency!" explains Akane.
"Hmmm...maybe...for the right price," muses Nabiki.
"Aiyaa! Greedy girl! This Ranma!" shouts Shampoo, pointing at Ran-chan.
Nabiki looks thoughtfully at Ranma for a moment. "Wait right here...," she says and walks into the palace.
The Panda holds up a sign. The sign reads: All right! Suddenly the Cowardly Panda breaks into song(?) and lumbers around the square in an apparent attempt to dance.
"You _do_ realize that we can't understand a single word you're saying, don't you?" Ran-chan asks the Panda critically.
The Panda holds up a sign: Don't Spoil My Big Moment! He then promptly smacks Ran-chan on top of her head with the sign.
Nabiki walks back out of the Palace and raises an eyebrow at Ran-chan and the Panda. Turning towards the group, she shouts, "go away! The Wizard refuses to see you!"
"Go away?!" shouts Ran-chan, Akane, and Shampoo. The Panda and P-chan growl loudly. Nabiki backs away from them and closes the palace doors.
"All this way for nothing!" bemoans Ran-chan.
"If only there was some way...," Akane adds thoughtfully.
"Shampoo have idea," Shampoo declares. Pulling out a gold brick from her stuffing, she knocks on the door and talks quietly with Nabiki. After a few minutes, Nabiki announces, "the Great and Powerful Soun will see you now!" and leads them inside the palace.
"What did you do to change her mind?" Ran-chan whispers to Shampoo.
"Greedy girl like gold. Shampoo give her gold," Shampoo explains simply. When Ran-chan looks at her questioningly, she notes, "yellow brick road gold not brick."
"Oh," Ran-chan explains, surprised. Noticing the Panda lagging far behind, she turns to him. "And what's _your_ problem?!"
"Oh, leave him alone, Ranma. He's scared," says Akane. She goes back to the Panda. "Remember, the Wizard's going to give you courage. Come on," she directs, leading the Panda by the hand.
"Come forward!" commands Nabiki.
Entering the throne room, they see plumes of smoke and blazing flames pouring from the throne. The Panda turns around to leave but is grabbed by the scruff of his neck by Ran-chan. A giant disembodied oni-head appears over the throne.
"I am Soun, the Great and Powerful!" the head announces. "Who are you? Who are you?"
Swallowing hard, Ran-chan approaches. "I'm Saotome Ranma. We've come to ask you...."
"Silence!" commands the Wizard. "I know why you are here! Step forward, Tin Karateka!" Akane approaches. You dare come to me for a heart? You clinking clanking clattering collection of junk?"
"Junk?! JUNK?! Who are you calling junk, you big fat floating head?!" declares Akane, enraged. The Wizard appears taken aback but recovers.
"Silence! And you, Scarecrow, have the effrontery to ask for a brain, you billowing bale of equine litter?" the Wizard demands, glaring at Shampoo.
"Aiyaa! You big ball stupid smoke!" Shampoo snarls, seething. The Wizard looks shaken but recovers.
"Enough!" he orders. "And you, Panda!" The Panda walks forward, looks at Akane and Shampoo, and looks back at the Wizard. "WELL?!" demands the Wizard. The Panda shrugs. The Wizard frowns.
"The beneficent Soun has every intention of granting your requests," the Wizard explains. "But first you must bring me the broom of the Wicked Witch."
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Ran-chan, Akane, Shampoo, and the Panda are walking through a desolate forest when they come upon a road sign. "Kuno Estate one mile," reads Ran-chan aloud.
"I've heard there are mamono in this forest," murmurs Akane, looking around anxiously. The Panda raises a sign: Mamono?! He turns around to leave but is grabbed by the scruff of his neck by Ran-chan. "And just where are you going?" she asks.
"There are no such things as mamono," Ran-chan states implicitly. Suddenly Shampoo is lifted into the air, struggling.
"Put Shampoo down!" Shampoo shouts, whereupon she is dropped back onto the ground. "Aiyaa!"
The Panda gets down on his knees and begins praying, making signs to ward off evil spirits.
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Kodachi watches the hapless adventurers in her crystal ball. Happosai, adorned with wings and a monkey tail, sits on the window ledge laughing.
"HOHOHOHOHO! Go to the Haunted Forest and bring me that girl! I will have those ruby sandals! Fly! Fly! Fly!" she commands, pushing Happosai out the window.
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Drawn by the sound of lecherous laughter, Ran-chan looks upwards in curiosity. She sees an army of flying monkeys, all looking like Happosai, darkening the sky. "What the...," she starts, only to be interrupted by the Happosais' suddenly diving to glomp her. "Eeek!"
As Ran-chan tries to ward off the Happosais, Shampoo and Akane are engaged in similar battles. As the Panda cowers behind a tree, Ran-chan, Shampoo, and Akane are overwhelmed. The Happosais suddenly take off, carrying away Ran-chan and P-chan. Shampoo lies scattered over the forest floor as Akane and the Panda start putting her back together again.
"Aiyaa! Help Shampoo!" cries Shampoo. "Ugly hentai monkey men pull Shampoo apart!"
Akane looks around, wondering, "where's Ranma?" In response, the Panda points after the departing Happosais.
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Inside a dark shogunate fortress, Kodachi has P-chan strapped to a butcher's block. Ran-chan watches helplessly, paralyzed by Kodachi's potions. "HOHOHOHOHO! What a nice little pig! He should make excellent stir fry!" Turning towards Ran-chan, Kodachi smiles. "It was so nice of you to drop in for a visit, Ranma!"
"Let us go, you crazy nut!" snarls Ran-chan.
"HOHOHOHOHO! All in good time, Ranma, all in good time. But first give me those sandals!" Kodachi replies.
"But Kasumi told me not to," Ran-chan protests.
"Very well then," Kodachi proclaims. She motions Happosai forward, who has all manner of paraphernalia in his hands. Looking at Ran-chan, Happosai chuckles lecherously. Ran-chan shivers.
"No! NO!! Here! Take the sandals! But let us go!" implores Ran-chan frantically. Kodachi reaches down to take the sandals but is thrown across the room by a surge of electricity.
"hohohohoho....," Kodachi laughs feebly, completely disheveled.
"Uh...sorry about that," Ran-chan mumbles, shocked at the incident.
Kodachi shakes herself off and rises to her feet. "HOHOHOHOHO! As long as you live, Ranma, those sandals can never come off," she announces.
Ran-chan looks nervously at Kodachi. "Now don't do anything rash, Kodachi!" she warns.
"Bweee!" yells P-chan, having finally squirmed free of his ropes.
"Run, Ryouga! Get help!" Ran-chan encourages.
P-chan runs between Kodachi's legs and swerves around Happosai, charging out of the room. Happosai follows hot on his heels. Kodachi turns to Ran-chan. "Your little pig may have escaped, but you won't!" Kodachi sets down an hourglass in front of Ran-chan. "When the sand runs out, so does your life!" Kodachi informs Ran-chan. Kodachi then leaves the room laughing, "HOHOHOHOHO!"
Finally throwing off the last of Kodachi's potions, Ran-chan slowly looks around the room for a way to escape. Beating her head against the crystal ball, she mumbles, "baka...baka...baka...baka...."
Suddenly Ran-chan hears a familiar voice issuing from the crystal ball. "Ranma? Ranma? Where are you?"
Ran-chan looks up quickly at the crystal ball, surprised to see Nodoka's face. "Mom? Is that you, mom?"
"Ranma? Where are you, my son?" calls Nodoka.
Ran-chan looks down at herself, remembering the last time she had seen her mother and the promise her father had made before they left. She shakes her head slowly. When she looks back up at the crystal ball, it is Kodachi's face she sees, not Nodoka's. "Son? SON?! HOHOHOHOHO!!!" Kodachi laughs mockingly. The crystal goes black.
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P-chan continues running until he is well and truly lost. "Bwee," he cries, despairing.
"P-chan? Is that you?" calls Akane from nearby.
"Bwee!" P-chan cries, running in the direction of Akane's voice. Seeing Akane, Shampoo, and the Panda walking towards him, P-chan runs up to Akane and jumps into her arms.
"P-chan? Where's Ranma?" Akane wonders. Shampoo points at a sign that reads: Kuno Estate This Way. Looking around a bend in the road, they see an ancient black fortress.
"Ranma's in that awful place!" exclaims Akane.
"Shampoo free Ranma!" Shampoo declares with a grim look on her face. She starts forward when the Panda hooks her arm, holding her back. When she looks at him angrily, he motions her to be quiet. He points down below where a patrol of guards are passing. As they go, he motions Akane and Shampoo to follow.
Walking up behind a pair of lone sentries, the Panda smacks them over the head with a sign. As the guards slump to the ground unconscious, he holds up the sign. 'Disguises' it reads. Nodding, Akane and Shampoo put on the armor. Akane looks at the Panda critically.
"Now what do we do about you?" she wonders. "You'll never fit into this armor."
"Make Panda prisoner," suggests Shampoo.
Akane considers the idea. "Hmmm...it just might work," she declares.
With the Panda in tow, Shampoo and Akane march their way towards the fortress.
"Where we go now?" asks Shampoo once they reach the courtyard.
P-chan jumps out from beneath Akane's cape and runs up the tower stairs. "Bwee!" he directs.
Akane, Shampoo, and the Panda follow close P-chan's lead. Stopping at the top of the stairs, Shampoo and Akane knock and whisper, "Ranma?"
"Yeah, it's me," Ranma calls from the other side of the huge steel doors.
Akane hefts her mallet and Shampoo pulls out her clubs, both read to smash down the doors, when the Panda walks up and simply pushes them open. Akane and Shampoo blink at the Panda, bemused. Turning towards them, the Panda raises another sign: Coming? Ran-chan walks into the hallway, joining her friends.
"Now which way?" Ran-chan muses, looking around the courtyard as it suddenly fills with guards. Smiling grimly, she notes, "looks like it's the hard way."
"HOHOHOHOHO! Seize them!" Kodachi commands, appearing on the stairs above them. She throws the hourglass, which erupts into a fireball. As Kodachi leaps to attack Shampoo, Happosai leaps onto Ran-chan, repeatedly glomping her.
Enraged, Ran-chan runs after Happosai, knocking out any guards that foolishly get in her way. Avoiding Ran-chan, Happosai dives to glomp Akane but is thrown back by her tin body. Wielding her mallet, Akane sends Happosai flying unconscious. Meanwhile, Kodachi has paralyzed the Panda and trapped Shampoo with a burning broom.
Hearing Shampoo's cries for help, Ran-chan picks up a bucket of water and throws it towards her. The water drenches both Shampoo and Kodachi.
"HOHOHOHOHO! I'm melting...," wails Kodachi. Akane watches Kodachi with a mixture of disgust and astonishment. Shampoo and Ran-chan, however, have their own concerns at the moment.
"Meow?" purrs a grateful Shampoo, now a wet cat clinging to Ran-chan's back.
"Aaaaaaa...!" screams Ran-chan, running around the court yard in panic.
The captain of the guards walks over to Ran-chan. "She...she's dead...You've killed her," he proclaims. When he fails to get a response from Ran-chan, he embraces her in his arms, refusing to let her go despite her struggles to get away. "I am Tatewaki Kuno, rising star of the Weewilliewinkies! I would date with you, my pig-tailed goddess!" he declares, smiling down at her.
Ran-chan looks back up at Kuno, saying simply "ROWR!!" She then proceeds to teach Kuno a couple things about Kat Fu Fighting. Once Kuno is a semi-comatose mess, she leaps onto Akane's lap, purring.
"Hail, Ranma! The Wicked Witch is dead!" cheer the guards. They then begin singing, "Ding Dong! ~ The Witch is dead! ~ Which old witch? ~ The Wicked Witch! ~ Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead!~"
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Ran-chan, Akane, Shampoo, and the Panda enter the Wizard's throne room again. The giant ghastly oni-head stares down at them. "Why are you here?!" it demands.
"We did what you said. Here's the broom you wanted!" announces Ran-chan, tossing the broom towards the throne.
"And the Witch?" asks the Wizard.
"Uh...well...she kind of melted," Ran-chan mumbles.
"Good...good...you may leave," the Wizards commands.
"LEAVE?!" they shout in unison.
"We held up our end of the bargain. Now do your part!" instructs Ran-chan.
"Silence! Do not presume to tell the Great and Powerful Soun what to do!" Soun shouts back.
"Hmmph! If you were as great and powerful as you _think_ you are...," starts Ran-chan.
"Do you dare criticize _me_?!" exclaims the Wizard.
P-chan pulls aside a curtain to the side to show Soun working a series of levers and bellows. He is speaking into a megaphone. "At one word I can have you all destroyed on the spot!" threatens Soun.
"I'd like to see you try!" challenges Ran-chan angrily. Akane, Shampoo, and the Panda look at Ran-chan and the Wizard in great worry. The oni-head swells in size and becomes more fearsome to behold.
The fanged mouth opens as if to swallow them, screaming, "BWEEEE!!"
Ran-chan, Akane, Shampoo, and the Panda stare at the Wizard dumbfounded, their jaws agape. After a few moments, Ran-chan and Shampoo trade confused glances. The Panda raises a sign that reads: What the...?! Akane, meanwhile, has noticed that P-chan is missing and goes to look for him.
As a look of shock crosses the Wizard's face, he recovers, declaring, "I am the Great and Powerful Soun!" Akane finds P-chan over by Soun and motions the others over. "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!" Soun proclaims weakly. He looks around at glares, feeling the strengthening of battle auras. He swallows loudly and breaks into tears.
"Who you?!" Shampoo demands.
"Me?" Soun asks weakly. Recovering a little, he declares, "I am the Great...and powerful...Soun..."
"You're just a fake!" seethes Ran-chan. Soun begins crying again.
"What about the heart you promised Akane?" Ran-chan demands.
"And Shampoo's brain?" Akane asks.
The Panda growls.
"How Ranma go home?" Shampoo exclaims.
Soun begins stammering, wipes his eyes, and looks around. Looking up he sees a giant bubble floating towards them. The others look to see what Soun is staring at. While they are watching the bubble, Soun escapes through a back door. When the bubble lands, Kasumi steps out, smiling.
"Oh, Ranma, are you _still_ here?" Kasumi asks, looking at Ran-chan.
"Where _else_ am I supposed to go? I can't go home!" Ran-chan snaps impatiently.
"Oh, Ranma, you've always had the power to go home," answers Kasumi brightly.
"I have? Why didn't you say so?!" Ran-chan demands in frustration.
"You wouldn't have believed me. You had to find out on your own. Although I didn't think it would take you this long," replies Kasumi simply.
"I still don't believe any of this," grumbles Ran-chan. "Well, what do I have to do?" she prompts.
"Just click your heels together," Kasumi says, pointing at the ruby sandals, "and repeat 'there's no place like Nerima'."
Ran-chan shrugs. "Why not? It's no crazier than anything else that's happened." She clicks her heels together and begins chanting, "there's no place like Nerima...there's no place like Nerima....there's no place..." As Ran-chan fades away, she can hear the others shout, "what about us?!"
After Ran-chan has disappeared, Akane picks up P-chan, muttering, "Ranma no baka!"
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Ran-chan awakens to darkness and a throbbing pain in her head. Groaning, she opens her eyes to see Kasumi, Soun, and Genma.
Kasumi smiles down at Ran-chan. "Are you all right, Ranma? You had us worried?"
Rubbing her head, she moans, "man, what a dream!" She turns to Kasumi. "You were there..." She looks at Soun. "And you were there...and you were there." She indicates Genma.
"Bwee!" P-chan runs in to throw water onto Ran-chan.
"Oh, dear! Ranma's all right now, P-chan," Kasumi exclaims.
Spluttering, Ran-chan gasps, "you pig! When I get my hands on you, you little...." She jumps up and runs after P-chan.
Soun and Genma sigh. Kasumi murmurs, "I never did get to ask Ranma where she got those darling ruby sandals."
