I warned you, folks...now witness the effects of two weeks of 14-hour
workdays, too little sleep, and too much coffee. This was written in
exactly 28 minutes. I realize that the ending--and quite possibly the whole
thing is incredibly lame. Feel free to pick it apart, poke, laugh at me,
and MST at your leisure. I'm going to bed.

Standard disclaimer: Aeon Flux belongs to Peter Chung. Please don't sue.
The Sailor Starlights belong to Takeuchi Naoko. Please don't sue. Some
naughty language and one lemon-scented scene ahead.

--------------
7981 Plant

Sometime after midnight

"Ready for the action now, danger boy..." Aeon loaded a bomb and took aim.
"Ready if I'm ready for you, danger boy..." She fired off one bomb, then
another, then another. "Ready if I want it now, danger boy?" Three more
bombs. As the bombs found spots to land, they unfolded what appeared to be
little spider-legs and began to crawl around. One dud clinked onto the
floor and lay there. The first bomb found a place to rest and dropped to
the floor. BOOM!

"How dare you, danger bo--WHAT THE HELL!?" Aeon screeched to a halt as she
made her way out of the plant. Three figures dressed very much like herself
stood on the railing above her. For a moment, she forgot that her little
toys were exploding all around her and that it might be a good idea to get
the hell out of the plant. Like immediately. 

"Princess Fireball!" one of the three nuts yelled, throwing Aeon a rope.
"We'll get you out of here! Just grab this rope!" She had black hair in a
long ponytail. Her two companions had brown and white ponytails
respectively. Their leather bikinis were slightly different from her own;
they had some sort of a badge on the chest that looked like a star with
angel wings and the bottoms weren't quite so revealing, but the similarity
was striking. Surely they weren't Monican, but if they weren't what were
they? Aeon shrugged and grabbed the rope, and the three pulled her up. 

"Look, girls." Aeon, having been unable to lose the three girls, had let
them follow her to her apartment. "I don't know what you're talking about.
And I don't know who this princess of yours is. You're starting to bug me."

"But Princess Fireball, you--" the white-haired one started. Aeon grabbed
her by her ponytail and lifted her a foot off the ground. 

"My name is Aeon! AEON!!! Four tiny little letters! Three vowels! One
consonant! What part of it do you not understand!? Jeez!" Aeon threw her
hands up and stomped away.

*			*			*

It was like this for the next three weeks. Aeon would go to the 7981 Plant
to do her thing, and the three bimbos would show just as she was starting
to enjoy herself. And worse, they STILL insisted on calling her Princess
Fireball! How am I going to get RID of these ditzes? she thought as she
fired off spider-bombs into crates of medical parts. Then an evil grin
spread across her face. They wanna play? She chuckled as she grabbed Sailor
Star Maker's rope and swung up onto the ledge. We'll play.

Aeon had gotten to know more than she cared to about the girls, who called
themselves the Sailor Starlights. One thing she could have happily lived
without knowing was that they were really men. How they produced such
realistic female...accoutrements...when they transformed from plain old Kou
Seiya, Kou Taiki, and Kou Yaten into said Sailor Starlights, she really
didn't want to know.  And she grew weary of their endless requests to drop
her transformation so they could see what she looked like as a man. She
grew even wearier of Seiya's bragging, Taiki's constant studying, and
Yaten's general and incessant obnoxiousness. Something had to be done, and
Aeon had decided what the something was going to be.

*			*			*

Trevor Goodchild yawned widely. Who was that beating on his door at such an
ungodly hour? He dragged himself out of bed and peered through the hole in
the door...then he flung said door wide open. 

"Aeon!" Aeon pushed him out of her way and strode into the room. She sat
down on the bed and dropped her head into her hands. "Aeon, you look like
hell." 

"Bite me. I've got a real problem here." Aeon gestured towards the window.
"Look out there and tell me what you see."

Trevor lit up a cigarette and crossed to the window. Peering out, he saw
three women clad in leather bikinis staring up at him. "Your new fan club?
I'd be flattered if I were you." He snickered and licked Aeon's ear. She
threw an elbow into his face.

"This isn't funny. They're not women. They're men! They show up every
goddamn night while I'm trying to blow some things up and release some
tension. They run around behind me trying to protect me. They call me
Princess Fireball--what the hell kind of name is that, anyway?" Aeon paused
as Trevor spat out an incisor. Seeing that he was about to offer no answer
to her question, she continued. "Don't get me wrong, they're tough little
things and I'm sure they could be fantastic terror agents with the proper
training...but they are ANNOYING THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME!"

"And this concerns me how..." Trevor dabbed at his bleeding lip with the
corner of the sheet. He whistled noticeably on all of the sibilants in that
last sentence.

"I've figured out a way to get rid of them, but I'm going to need some help
from you. How soon and how much can you beef up the security at, say, D
sector?"

"Give me three days, and nothing will be able to get through there.
Although as usual, I'm sure you'll have your ways." Trevor cocked an
eyebrow. "Why on earth would you want me to put in MORE guns there?"

"I'll be crossing with three pieces of cannon fodder," Aeon mused. Trevor,
already having forgotten that Aeon had just relieved him of one tooth,
wrapped his arms around her and licked her neck. 

"What do I get out of this?" he purred. Aeon grinned and was about to give
him a bit of advance payment when the door to the room fell over with a
resounding crash, having been knocked right off the hinges by Sailor Star
Fighter's boot. Aeon groaned and shook her head.

"Princess Fireball! What's he doing to you?" cried Sailor Star Healer. "Let
go of her!"

"I'm fine," mumbled Aeon, rolling her eyes. She looked at Trevor and said,
"See what I mean? I can't have ANY fun as long as they're alive!"

Trevor was already getting dressed. "I'll have those turrets up in three
HOURS. Don't worry about paying me back for this. Please, just get RID of
them! in fact, I'll owe YOU big-time if you can pull it off!" He dashed out
the bedroom door, barking orders at various and sundry bootlicking toadies
to get fifty more guns up at D sector yesterday.

*			*			*

Bright and early the next morning, Aeon and the brothers Kou stood looking
at D sector. "Look," she said, pasting on a smile. "I keep trying to tell
you, I'm not your Princess Fireball. But I know where she is."

As she expected, the faces of the brothers lit up. "Where!?" they queried
in unison.

Aeon grinned evilly and pointed. "Right across there. Just a few little
leaps." She surrepetitiously took a look around. As Trevor had promised,
there were fifty shiny new guns ready to shoot the Starlights right out of
the air as they leapt. "Shall we?"

"Let's go! Fighterstar Power, make up!"

"Makerstar Power, make up!"

"Healerstar Power, make up!"

Aeon was by no means a prude, but as the brothers transformed, she averted
her eyes. She had absolutely NO desire to watch the three young men grow
boobs right before her very eyes. When she was satisfied that the
Starlights' transformations were done, she stepped towards the threshold of
D sector. "Let's go!"

She leapt into the air, flipped, deftly avoided a shot from one of the
brand new turrets, and lit in a crevice unaccessible to the gunfire. Sailor
Star Fighter jumped next and barely avoided being granted a new orifice by
one of the guns.

"I'll clear the way! Star Serious Laser!" As Aeon watched in horror,
Fighter fired off hundreds of laser beams, knocking each and every gun
turret from its post. the dead guns clattered to the concrete, smoking and
sparking pitifully.

Aeon's jaw dropped. But she regained some semblance of hope as several
hidden guns rose from their hidey-holes and pointed themselves at Healer.

"I've got these! Star Sensitive Inferno!" Those guns, too, dropped to the
ground in charred and smoking heaps.

Aeon stared, wide-eyed, at the smoking remains of the guns. "Ha ha." She
began to laugh hysterically. "Guns. Guns all gone! No guns! Ha! Ha ha!"

Apparently, Trevor had stashed one last ace up his sleeve during the
last-minute fortifications. As Fighter attempted to cross the border, a
tangle of wires caught her by the legs. Healer was likewise trapped. Headed
for them were robotic arms holding syringes of something or other...some
sort of anaesthetic, Aeon deduced after seeing the robot arms that waited
to do their work...they were tipped with nasty-looking saws.

"Hang on! Star Gentle Uterus!" Maker called. Wires and bits of robotic arm
flew hither and yon, and the Starlights were free.

Aeon stopped her hysterics and pulled a face. "Star Gentle WHAT!?"

"Come on! It's safe now!" Fighter bounded across the threshold, followed by
Maker and Healer. Aeon watched them and then did something nobody had ever
seen her do in her entire life. She burst into tears.

"This SUCKS!" she wailed. After a few more minutes of waterworks, she
calmed down. Ah well. If you can't beat them...

*			*			*

"Oooh, look!" Minako jumped up and down excitedly as she saw the poster
stuck on the window of the cafe. "The Four Lights are playing tonight! We
gotta go in there!"

Ami rolled her eyes. "I don't understand why you get so worked up over
those guys! All they do is sing!"

"They sing, and they're CUTE!" Usagi grabbed Minako and the two paraded
into the cafe. There on stage was the hottest new band in Japan, the Four
Lights. Minako pretended to swoon as they begain to sing.

"Yaten is soooo cute!" she sighed.

"You can have him, but Seiya's mine!" Usagi's eyes turned into hearts as
she watched and listened. Minako did facevaults.

"What!? What about Mamo-chan?"

"Oh, please...I'm not married or dead, I can look."

On stage, while Seiya, Taiki, and Yaten played and sang, Aeon--Kou
Ion--played the saxophone. As soon as she'd stepped through the Starlights'
portal from Monica to Tokyo, she had indeed transformed into a man. Her
hair stayed more or less the same; but it was a bit shorter now. She was
starting to forget about her old life in Monica; what she did remember
seemed like some strange dream. She no longer had to remind herself to use
the mens' room instead of the ladies' room. 

As her--HIS--turn to sing came up, Ion glanced out over the faces in the
crowd. One looked like it should have been familiar...male, thin face,
short blonde hair. The man shook his head sadly as Ion took the microphone.
He grinned.

"Ready for the action now, danger boy?" he sang, and the crowd went wild.

--fin

---------------
Send all questions, comments, bitches, gripes, groans, and death threats to
morrigu@mindless.com 

--Sailor "I need crappuccino for my bunghole!" Solathei