Well, okay.  I probably should not have mentioned it.  But I've been so inundated with requests, I better post this.

This is *very* rough; I haven't yet cleaned up a lot of stuff, or incorporated some excellent suggestions I received.  So keep in mind that this is far from final.

But heck, what's the FFML for if not to help polish up rough drafts.  :)

This is a crossover between "Thy Inward Love", by myself, and "The Bitter End", by Zen.  This is done with Zen's permission.  THIS STORY CONTAINS SPOILERS; it gives away the endings to both TIL and (more importantly) TBE.  READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Anything you have to say, I want to hear.


-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

                 ~~~*~~~
All of my fanfics can be found on my fanfic web page.
http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm
                 ~~~*~~~



O, for my sake do you with Fortune chide,
The guilty goddess of my harmful deeds,
That did not better for my life provide
Than public means which public manners breeds.
Thence comes it that my name receives a brand,
And almost thence my nature is subdued
To what it works in, like the dyer's hand:
Pity me then and wish I were renew'd;
Whilst, like a willing patient, I will drink
Potions of eisel 'gainst my strong infection
No bitterness that I will bitter think,
Nor double penance, to correct correction.
Pity me then, dear friend, and I assure ye
Even that your pity is enough to cure me.

-William Shakespeare
 Sonnet CXI


Goddess of My Harmful Deeds

by Richard Lawson


Everyone is granted one wish during their lives.  The 
problem is that they don't know when it will be granted.

We all make dozens of wishes a day.  We may not 
explicitly say, "I wish for a million dollars."  But we 
look at the light and wish it would turn green, watch a 
baseball game and wish to see a home run, wait in a 
restaurant and wish our food would arrive.

The problem is timing.  No one lets us know that our next 
desire will come to pass - that knowledge is allowed to 
only a select few.  Almost everyone wastes their wish.

Sometimes, though, someone's desire for a major change 
coincides with their time to have a wish granted.  And 
then magic happens.

In this instance, the sighs of a young man as he walked 
with the woman he loved gave voice to wish.  One that 
happened to be granted.

---

Akane stretched, feeling uncomfortable for some reason.  
Still, being able to sleep in was a luxury.  The baby 
wasn't crying - not yet, anyway - so any moments of peace 
were precious.

She smiled, her eyes still closed, and turned on her side 
to hug her husband.  Reaching out, her arm smacked the 
wall instead.

Wall?

Akane's eyes flew open.  She was facing a soft wall of 
some sort.  She wasn't in her bed, she was on a cot.

She threw the blanket off of her and scrambled to her 
feet.  The room was quite small and covered with dull 
gray cushions.

"What the hell?"  Akane shook her head, wondering if she 
was still dreaming.  She slapped herself once, hard.  It 
hurt.  A lot.

She cursed, then stormed over to the door, only then 
realizing that it didn't have a handle.  She grit her 
teeth and began pounding on it. "Hey!  Let me out!"

A window on the door was pulled open.  An impassive face 
stared at her through the Plexiglas.  "Akane?  Up 
already?  And so active.  Time for your medication."

"Medication!"  Akane looked down at herself, seeing that 
she was physically unhurt.  "What medication?  What's 
going on?"

The window was closed.  She heard the sound of a lock 
turning and she stepped back.  The door opened, and a man 
nearly the size of the Dojo Destroyer entered.  He had a 
small paper cup in one hand, a baton slung through his 
belt, and a patronizing expression on his face.  "Come, 
time to eat your candy.  Just like every day.  Then you 
can have breakfast and maybe sit out in the yard for a-"

There followed the sounds of a surprised yelp and a cot 
being smashed.

Akane stepped cautiously out into the hallway.  She had 
no clue as to what was happening, but she was certain she 
needed to get out of this place, and right now.

---

Ranma blearily examined Nouma.  Why the boy insisted on 
waking up at five every morning was beyond him.  Ranma 
loved his six-month-old son but wished he'd sleep until 
at least eight.

Nouma finished his bottle and tossed it aside as best he 
could.  Ranma picked him up and held him over his 
shoulder.  Nouma began playing with his hair.

Ranma smiled and walked out of the nursery and down the 
hallway.  He decided to go sit on the porch for a while 
and watch the sun come up and let Akane sleep.

He looked in the door as he passed the bedroom and 
stopped.  Akane wasn't there.  Ranma shrugged mentally 
and continued on to the porch.

He stepped outside and froze.  Akane was wandering around 
the yard in her nightgown, without so much as a robe or 
slippers.  She seemed to be mumbling to herself 
excitedly.  Ranma took another step forward, and realized 
she was clutching a pillow and talking to it.

"Isn't this nice, P-chan?  Home again, home again.  Is 
this home?  It seems so familiar.  Must be home, must be 
home, that other place isn't home.  Time for breakfast?  
They'll come to give me breakfast, the nice colored 
candy, and then some other stuff like eggs or rice."

She stopped and brought the pillow close to her face, 
speaking in a whisper Ranma could barely hear.  "You know 
what, P-chan?  I hate the candy.  I hate it."

Ranma's head was buzzing slightly.  This was so... weird.  
Even more so than usual.  "Akane?"

Akane snapped her head to the side and looked at him.  
Shock covered her face and the blood drained from it.  
"R-Ranma?"

"What's going on?  Are you feeling okay?  Come inside and 
put a robe on."

Akane continued to gape at him.  A small kind of squeal 
started in her throat.  It began to build in volume and 
intensity until she was screaming loud enough to wake the 
dead.

Ranma ran over to her, mindful of the baby on his 
shoulder.  He clutched Akane to his other shoulder.  She 
was as stiff as a statue.  "Akane! Calm down!  
Everything's okay, it's okay!"

Akane collapsed into him.  Ranma wasn't sure if she was 
conscious or not.

Ranma swallowed in a mouth gone dry, very sure that 
something was horribly wrong.

---

Akane shivered in the morning air.  These strange pajamas 
she was wearing did not insulate her from the cold very 
well.  Yet, as she had sneaked through the building she'd 
awakened in, she had the distinct impression that she 
should not ask anyone there for warmer clothing.  The 
place had seemed very much like a prison.

Akane had no idea how she'd ended up in it, but was 
certain that she didn't belong.

She'd found a barred window that had proven to be no 
barrier to her.  She was still an Anything Goes martial 
artist, after all.  She'd run through the parking lot and 
out a gate, ignoring the shout of a guard.

Running was something else she was good at, and she'd 
quickly made her way through the city.  Now she was still 
jogging, doing her best to keep warm.  She was still in 
Tokyo, she was glad to note.  She got her bearings, and 
headed towards home.

---

Ranma had his son on one shoulder, and his wife slung 
over the other.  He'd tried, but he had not been able to 
come up with a better alternative.

He came to the nursery first, and gently set Nouma in his 
crib.  Nouma, fortunately, appeared to be in a good mood, 
and began pulling at his stuffed animals.

The master bedroom was next door.  Ranma gently laid 
Akane on the bed.  She sprawled on it gracelessly.  She 
*was* unconscious.  Ranma examined her face.  The same 
familiar features, but there was something wrong with it, 
something he couldn't put his finger on.  As if the slack 
expression she had in sleep was the one she used most 
often when she was awake.

Ranma shook off these strange thoughts and went over to 
the phone.  Whatever was wrong, he was in over his head, 
and he needed help.

---

Akane sighed in relief as the Tendo home came into view.  
Her feet were numb and she was cold and miserable.  The 
sooner she got out of these stupid clothes and into a hot 
bath, the better.

She pulled on the gate, but it was locked as usual.  She 
growled and took a step back.  She wasn't quite in 
Ranma's leaping league, but she could do okay.  Focusing 
her mind, she blew out a breath and jumped.  She grabbed 
the top of the wall and pulled herself up and over.  She 
walked around to the back door, which was usually 
unlocked in the morning when Ranma went to the dojo to 
train.

The smell of breakfast cooking caused Akane's stomach to 
rumble as she stepped inside.  She went to the master 
bedroom to change out of the strange pajamas and to 
gather her bath things.  Her plan was to think things 
through while soaking in hot water.

She stumbled into the bedroom and over to the closet.  
She opened the door and blinked.

Someone else's clothes were in the closet.

She ran her hand through the dresses.  They looked 
familiar.  She stopped on a blue one and frowned at it.  
Kasumi.  They were Kasumi's clothes.

Akane was getting very angry.  The world was conspiring 
against her, trying to find ways to make things as 
difficult for her as possible.  It had been a long time 
since she'd last felt this way, and she'd forgotten how 
much she hated it.

She whirled and stormed out of the room.  Time to find 
out what the hell was going on.

"Yes, sensei?"  A voice from further on down the hallway.  
Akane turned to see Kasumi's back.  She was on the phone.  
Akane started towards her.

"Oh my!"  There was real shock behind Kasumi's usual 
exclamation.  Akane slowed and stopped just behind her.

"Was anyone hurt?"  Kasumi sounded a little frightened.  
After a few seconds a pained sigh escaped her lips.  She 
leaned forward, putting her hand on the table and 
supporting herself with it.

Akane took a step backwards, trying to be as silent as 
possible, fighting back a feeling of dread.

"Yes."  Kasumi sounded on the verge of tears.  "Yes, I 
will let you know.  Please try not to hurt her."

Akane swallowed heavily.

"I understand.  Th-thank you, sensei."  Kasumi slowly 
hung up the phone.  She stood for a minute with her head 
hung.  Then she began sobbing, her shoulders shaking with 
the force of them.

Akane took another step backwards, then turned and ran 
lightly down the hall.  She ran into the master bedroom 
and tore off the pajamas.  She hastily put on some of 
Kasumi's clothes, including a pair of her tennis shoes.

She walked back to the door.  She carefully looked up and 
down the hallway.  Kasumi was nowhere to be found.

Akane briefly considered her options.  Confronting Kasumi 
struck her as being the wrong thing to do.  She was under 
no circumstances going back to that hospital.  That left 
her one choice, as she saw it.  Ranma.  She had to find 
Ranma.  No matter what was going on, he would stand by 
her.  He always had.

She nodded to herself, then ran down the hallway.  She 
almost made it, too.

Kasumi's short scream spun Akane around.  She looked up 
at her sister at the top of the stairs.  Kasumi had both 
hands covering her mouth, as if she had used them to 
block the scream.

Akane felt fear from Kasumi.  Real fear.  From Kasumi, 
who had never had any reason to be afraid of her.  Who 
had been a mother as much as a sister these past few 
years.  Kasumi.

Speech was difficult, but she forced.  "Older sister.  
Can you tell me where Ranma is?"

Kasumi lowered her head until her hands covered her face.  
She began sobbing again.

Akane couldn't stand it.  She turned and fled.

---

Tofu felt Akane's head carefully, then turned to Ranma.  
"There seems to be nothing physically wrong with her.  
She may have just been still been dreaming."

"Sleepwalking?"  Ranma furrowed his brow.  "She's never 
done that before."

Tofu looked behind Ranma.  Ranma turned to see Kasumi 
shake her head.  "Never to my knowledge."

Ranma felt himself regaining his balance.  He knew that 
calling the Onos was the right thing to do.  They were 
taking control of the situation; they would make things 
all right.

"Hmm."  Tofu sat back.  "I would like to wait and have 
her wake up naturally.  Give her mind a chance to rest 
from whatever shock it experienced this morning."

Ranma nodded just as the baby started crying.

Kasumi quickly rose to her feet.  "Allow me."  She waited 
for Ranma's nod, then rushed out of the room.

Ranma chuckled.  "I bet she can't wait for her own.  How 
much longer?"

"Six months, give or take a few days."  Tofu spoke in an 
affectionate and slightly awed tone of voice.  "I, too, 
am looking forward to it."

"I'll bet."  Ranma clasped Tofu's shoulder.  "You guys 
are probably going to be the best parents in Japan.  Much 
better'n me and Akane."

"I would not say that."  Tofu spoke with a slight smile.  
"I happen to think that Nouma is quite fortunate to have 
you two as his parents."

Ranma grinned, then sobered.  "I dunno.  Sometimes I 
wonder why we did it.  I mean, just out of high school, 
we could have waited a few years, at least long enough 
for Akane to graduate from college.  But she wanted to 
get pregnant and... well, I couldn't deny her."

Tofu lifted an eyebrow.  "Do you have any regrets?"

"No," Ranma said quickly.  "I mean, I like the little 
rugrat.  But... well, I sometimes worry that we weren't 
quite ready to be... good parents for him."

"Ranma."  Tofu spoke in a chiding tone of voice, but with 
a smile.  "I have seen men twice your age who have no 
idea how to be a parent.  I've seen you with Nouma, and 
Akane too.  You both dote over him, and do everything you 
can to make sure he never wants for anything.  Which, 
given your curse and Akane's course schedule, is 
remarkable.  Don't ever sell yourself short as a parent, 
Ranma.  I think you're going to have a wonderful family 
life."

Ranma smiled at Tofu, letting him know that he was 
grateful for the words.

The sound of Akane's groaning cut through the 
conversation.  Ranma whipped his head around to see his 
wife stirring restlessly.  She was frowning and mumbling 
incoherently.  With a small shout, her eyes shot open.

Tofu immediately bent over her.  "Akane?  Are you all 
right?"

Akane focused on him, her face confused.  "Sensei?"

Tofu put his palm on her forehead.  "Do you know where 
you are?"

Akane chewed her lip.  "Home?  I think I remember being 
home."

"Very good.  Can you tell me what day it is?"

"Day?  Um..."  She bit her lip again, being to look a 
little frightened.

"Never mind."  Tofu spoke in a calm, utterly soothing 
voice, and Akane relaxed a little.  "Can you tell me your 
name?"

"S-Saotome Akane."

Ranma blinked.  Saotome?  Why did she think her name was 
Saotome?

"I see."  Tofu seemed to take it in stride.  "And can you 
tell me who this is?"  He indicated Ranma.

Akane met his eyes.  As before, shock covered her face.  
"No," she whispered.  "No.  No no no no NO NO NO 
NONONONONO!"  She began screaming and violently thrashing 
on the bed.

Ranma's gut wrenched again.  He moved over to try and 
calm her down, but his approach only sent her into 
greater convulsions.  Finally, Tofu applied a pressure 
point, and she lapsed back into unconsciousness.

Tofu spent a few minutes examining Akane again for signs 
of injury while Ranma sat on the bed next to her, holding 
her hand and feeling her slip away.

Finally Tofu sighed and sat back.  "She didn't hurt 
herself, thank goodness.  This is very serious, Ranma.  
We need to admit her to a hospital right away.  She's had 
a trauma of some sort, and I cannot tell what it is."

Ranma looked into Akane's face.  Once again it looked 
peaceful but... haunted.

Ranma shook his head.  "No."

Tofu clearly hadn't been expecting that.  "What?"

"No.  She stays here."

"Ranma.  She may have had a stroke, or beginning to 
suffer from an aneurysm, or any of a thousand other 
things that might be life-threatening.  We need to get 
her to a specialist right now."

"No."  He looked up at Tofu.  "She was fine until she saw 
me.  I think... I think this might be a spell of some 
sort.  Or something like that."

"Ranma."  Tofu was able to convey professional urgency 
quite well.  "I know that many of the things that you 
face are... unusual in nature.  But this may not be one 
of them.  There may be sound medical reasons for this 
behavior.  Please, you must let me take her to a 
hospital.  If nothing else, we can eliminate the 
physiological possibilities, and you can work on the... 
more esoteric explanations."

"No."  Ranma had some difficulty meeting Tofu's gaze, but 
he did.  "I... it has to happen here.  And now.  
Whatever's gone wrong, I have to be the one to set it 
right."

Tofu thinned his lips, looking very sorry for what he was 
about to say.  "Ranma.  Such an attitude may kill Akane.  
Are you certain you want to take such a chance?"

"Ranma-kun."  Ranma turned to see Kasumi standing in the 
door, holding Nouma in her arms.  "Are you saying that 
you're willing to risk my sister's life based solely on 
your intuition, disregarding Tofu's medical advice?"

Ranma cringed slightly.  "Kasumi.  I know she's your 
sister.  She's my wife, too.  I would never put her life 
in danger if I can help it.  But this thing... I... I 
know that it's nothing... nothing a hospital can help 
with."  Ranma swallowed.  "I can't explain it any better 
than that, but I know it's true.  You gotta trust me."

Kasumi looked into his eyes for a long time.  Ranma 
looked back at her, at the same time squeezing Akane's 
hand.

Finally Kasumi looked down at Nouma.  "Will you allow me 
and Tofu to stay here?  I can watch over the baby and 
Tofu can be around in case he can help you in any way."

Ranma smiled.  "I'd like that a lot.  Thanks, Kasumi."

Nodding serenely, Kasumi turned her gaze to her husband.  
"I'll take Nouma with me and go back to our house.  I'll 
pack a few things and be back in time to fix lunch."

Tofu looked at Kasumi evenly.  It was the first time 
Ranma had ever seen anything like tension between them.  
Finally, Tofu spoke in a cool tone of voice.  "Very 
well."

Kasumi lowered her eyes, and Ranma could see flickers of 
regret in her usually serene manner.  Then she turned and 
left the bedroom.

Tofu looked at Ranma's face, and again Ranma saw a first:  
Tofu looking slightly angry.  "I truly hope you know what 
you are doing, Ranma.  It would be a terrible tragedy if 
Akane were to die.  Terrible if it could have been 
prevented."

"I know that!  Don't you think I don't know that!"  Ranma 
pounded his free hand on his thigh.  "I'd like nothing 
better than to take Akane to the hospital, have them give 
her a pill or something, and cure her on the spot.  But I 
know that won't fix it; it'll make it worse.  If I wasn't 
sure of that, I'd be on the way to the hospital with 
Akane right now."

Tofu spoke softly.  "You are certain, Ranma?"

"It's my wife's life we're talking about!  Of course I'm 
certain."  Ranma looked down at Akane's face.  "As 
certain as I can be."

"Which means that you may be wrong."

Ranma spoke in an agonized whisper.  "Yes.  Damn you, 
yes.  I might be wrong.  But if I always took the safe 
way, I might be dead - or worse - a dozen times over 
already.  Akane, too.  This feels right.  Right enough 
that I'm betting her life on it."  Ranma looked into 
Tofu's eyes again.  "Mine, too."

Tofu winced.  "Very well."  This time the words seemed a 
lot more conciliatory.  "We will speak no more on this.  
You have experience I have trouble conceiving of, but you 
are right; it has stood you in good stead before.  Please 
know, however, that I stand by my opinion that she needs 
to go to a hospital, and that you have merely to give the 
word and I can have half a dozen specialists examining 
her within the hour."

"Okay.  Thanks, Tofu-sensei."

"You are welcome.  If you will excuse me, I would like to 
talk with my wife before she leaves.  Call me if you need 
anything."

Ranma nodded.

Tofu left the room.  Ranma stayed with his wife and 
prayed to whomever might be listening that he hadn't just 
condemned her to death.

---

The Saotome home was quite small.  Ranma's family was by 
no means rich, and sustained itself on the commissions 
Nodoka earned in her work.  Still, it did well enough for 
Nodoka to support herself and her husband.

Akane glanced at the familiar family name next to the 
door, then gathered herself and knocked on it.

After a moment, the door was swung open.  A familiar face 
looked out at her.

She bowed.  "Father-in-law.  I am sorry to bother you 
this morning.  Can you tell me where I might find Ranma?"

Silence.  She straightened and looked into his impassive 
face.  Sometimes it was quite difficult to figure out 
what he was thinking.  This time was no different.

He continued to stare at her until she shifted in place.  
"Please.  Something's gone wrong.  I know I can set 
things right if I can find Ranma."

Genma closed the door.

Akane felt it like a blow to the gut.  Genma had always 
liked her, even if he had sometimes acted like a jerk.  
He had been so eager to see them married, and had been as 
proud as anyone on the day of their marriage.  He had 
never been this... cold to her before.

She was about to knock again when there was a cry from 
inside.  A shout of anguish and anger.  It was followed 
by the sound of something being smashed.

Another cry and sound of destruction dispelled all such 
notions.  Akane clutched her hand in her heads, feeling 
like she was going mad.  The whole world was askew and 
blaming her for it.

She turned and walked down the street.  She felt like a 
coward for fleeing from one place to another.  But she 
seemed to be causing pain with her very presence.  She 
needed to understand what was happening, and she needed 
to find Ranma to do that.

"YOU!"  Akane whirled to see Nodoka standing on the 
street behind her.  Her face was bright red and she 
pointed at Akane as if to smite her with her anger.  "You 
took my future!  The future of the Saotome clan!  And now 
you come back to... to torment my husband, to further 
ruin my family!"

Akane spread her hands.  "Please, Mother-in-law..."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"  Nodoka was now screaming at the 
top of her lungs.  "GET OUT!  GET OUT AND NEVER COME 
BACK!"

Akane grit her teeth.  She had had enough.  If this was 
about the damn family name, they could talk about it, but 
Akane was certain she didn't deserve Nodoka's unreasoning 
hatred.  She began to take a step forward.

A strong hand clasped her shoulder.  A voice called out 
to Nodoka.  "Saotome-san, please, allow me to handle 
this.  She will bother you no more, I promise."

Nodoka heaved a couple of breaths, spluttering, trying to 
get something out.  When she couldn't, she spat on the 
ground and stalked back into her house.

Akane sighed.  She glared over her shoulder at the couple 
behind her.  "Well?  Are you going to treat me like that 
too?"

Ryoga sighed, looked into Akari's eyes, then back at her.  
"Akane-san, we must talk."

---

Ranma sat on a chair next to the bed where his wife lay 
sleeping.  He had yet to let go of her hand. 

Tofu was looking at the alarm clock next to the bed.  
"She should be waking up very soon now, Ranma.  I don't 
think you should be here."

Ranma started.  "What?"

"If what you say is true, she has reacted very badly to 
your presence twice already.  Let me try and talk to her 
first.  Let's see if she can stay coherent for more than 
a few minutes."

Ranma bristled at the suggestion.  Yet, he could find 
nothing unreasonable in it.  What's more, while he had 
felt quite strongly that taking her to the hospital would 
be disastrous, he had no such feelings about Tofu's 
latest suggestion.

He stood up, leaned forward, and kissed Akane.  Then he 
walked over to the door, took one step out, one step to 
the side, and slid down the wall until he was sitting on 
the floor.

Almost on cue, he heard Akane stirring.  Tofu spoke to 
her in that same soothing, professional voice.  "Akane.  
How do you feel?"

"Where-  where am I?"

"Don't you remember?"

"Home.  Home again.  But it can't be home.  Nope, not 
home."

Akane spoke with a kind of scared urgency.  "It just 
isn't!  Not home, not home!"

"Okay, Akane, relax.  Where is your home?"

"The nice place with the candy."

"I see," Tofu said after a few seconds.  "And how long 
have you lived there?"

"How long?  Long.  Forever.  Except I hate the candy."

"Do you remember ever living here?"

"Will you feed me candy?"

"Do you want me to give you candy?"

"I hate the candy."

"Then I won't feed you any."

"This... I think... it looks familiar.  Do I know you?"

"Who do you think I am?"

"A sensei."

"Yes.  I am."

"Everyone's a sensei.  Everyone."

"Are they?"

"Except when they aren't."

"Oh.  Do you remember ever calling me Tofu-sensei?"

"Tofu-sensei?"

"Yes."

"You... you wouldn't... no.  I don't know you."

"What wouldn't I do?"

"Do I know you?"

Silence for a long while.  Ranma wrung his hands, trying 
to make sense of the conversation.  Even he could tell 
that Akane was avoiding something.  What, he couldn't 
guess.

Tofu spoke again.  "Akane, what is the last thing you 
remember?"

"Remember?  I... I don't like remembering."

"Why not?"

"Because!  Remembering is remembering.  Isn't that right, 
P-chan?"

"Who is P-chan?"

"This is P-chan.  He's my pet."

"I see.  He's a nice pet."

"The man named him for me.  It was the right name, too.  
The man was very smart."

"Which man?"

"The man."

More silence.  Tofu was evidently running out of ideas.  
Evidently he decided to try a more direct approach.  "Do 
you remember your husband."

The change in Akane's voice was immediate.  It bordered 
on hysteria.  "Husband?"

"Yes.  Do you remember him?"

"What's a husband?"

"You know what a husband is, don't you?"

"Someone you marry."

"Yes.  Do you remember marrying someone?"

"Marrying... someone?"

"Yes."

"No.  No.  No no-"

"That's okay, Akane.  Do you remember your son?"

"Son?"

"Yes.  Your baby."

"I don't have a baby."

There was something different about this denial.  While 
the others had seemed slightly forced, this one seemed to 
be pure puzzlement.  Ranma tried to think why that should 
be.

"Akane.  I know you don't like to remember.  I know it's 
painful.  But please, try for me.  I'd like to know what 
you remember."

"I... I was walking around the yard.  I was here, at my 
not home, instead of my home.  And it felt kind of good, 
and then... and then..."

"Yes?  And then?"

"He... he shouldn't have... she was trying to... the 
brazen hussy wanted him, but he... he was *mine*!"

Ranma rose to his feet.  Akane's voice was turning dark 
and ugly.  Angry and hateful.  It chilled Ranma to the 
bone and set off all sorts of warning bells.

A touch of alarm colored Tofu's voice.  "It's all right, 
Akane.  Relax."

"He spent all his time with her!  They were lovers and 
laughing at me, and he's mine!  And then she showed up 
and they stood there and laughed at me while they held 
hands.  Flaunting it!  They WANTED ME TO DIE SO THEY 
COULD BE MARRIED BUT I WOULDN'T GIVE THEM THE 
SATISFACTION!"

"Akane, please-"

Tofu's impassioned plea was cut off be the sound of 
something crashing.

Ranma ran into the room to see Akane standing on the bed, 
her arms in a position that indicated she had just thrown 
something.  Tofu was on his hands and knees, the remains 
of the bedside table around him.  Ranma put himself 
between him and Akane, quickly ascertaining that Tofu had 
no serious injuries.

"YOU!"  Ranma looked up into the face of fury.  "YOU STAY 
AWAY FROM HER!"

Ranma stepped onto the bed, carefully watching her.  
"Who?  Who should I stay away from?"

"DON'T PLAY GAMES WITH ME, RANMA!"  She opened her mouth 
to yell at him some more and froze.

Ranma took a quick look behind him.  Tofu was now on one 
knee, preparing to stand up.  He had one of his hands 
pressed to his forehead, with blood dripping through his 
fingers.  Ranma knew enough about such things to know 
that Tofu would be out of it for a minute or two.  He'd 
have to do this alone.

He looked back at Akane, whose face was melting from fury 
into shock.  "Ranma?"

"Yes.  It's me."

Akane's lower lip began trembling violently.  She flung 
herself at him.  Ranma caught her and they fell on the 
bed, Akane burying her face into his chest.  "Ranma."  
She began to cry, sobs that were half screams.

Ranma tightened his grip on her and let her cry.  This 
was at least different from her previous reactions to his 
presence, but he wasn't sure if it was a good one or not.

But at least she was letting him try to help her, and 
that had to be all right.

---

"Dammit, Ryoga, just tell me.  What's going on?"

"Akane-san, your sister Kasumi called me and told me that 
you had escaped.  That you had been to her house, and 
would likely try to visit Ranma's parents."

"Her house?  Since when is it her house?"

"Akane-san..."  Ryoga sighed, at a loss on how to 
proceed.

"Akane."  Akari was standing slightly behind Ryoga, 
clearly keeping him between them.  "What is the last 
thing you remember before this morning?"

Akane glared at her.  Akari paled slightly and Ryoga put 
his arm out to cover her.  This only made Akane angrier, 
but she attempted to control it.  "The last thing I 
remember is going to bed, of course.  What does that have 
to do with anything?"

Akari still look frightened, but she continued to speak 
gently.  "Where did you go to bed?"

"At home of course.  *My* home.  The Tendo home.  The one 
Kasumi thinks is hers."

"And... and was there anyone else in the house with you?"

"Of course!  Ranma and Nouma.  Who else would there be?  
Dad's in Kyoto this week."

Ryoga looked confused.  "Nouma?"

"My son, idiot.  Where is he?  Where is Ranma?"

Akari and Ryoga looked at each other for a long time.  
Finally, Ryoga turned back to Akane.  "We'll take you to 
him."

Akari drew in a sharp breath but said nothing.  The three 
of them moved down the street.  Ryoga began to turn in 
one direction but Akari quickly pulled on his arm and 
pointed another way.  Ryoga nodded impassively and moved 
where she indicated.

Akane growled.  "Tell me, Ryoga.  Tell me what's going 
on."

Ryoga didn't look at her.  "This morning, Akane-san, you 
escaped from a mental hospital where you've been staying 
for almost two years."

Akane froze.  Ryoga stopped but didn't turn to face her.  
Akari looked up into Ryoga's face, concern etched onto 
her features.

Akane tried to get her brain to work.  "M-mental 
hospital?"

"Yes," Ryoga spoke into the air in front of him.  "Kasumi 
tells me that they were quite surprised by your attack.  
That you've been so completely passive for so long that 
they were fooled.  They need to get you back inside 
before you hurt someone."

"Hurt someone?"  Fear everywhere she looked.

"Yes."  Ryoga began to move forward again.  Akari stayed 
with him, and after a moment Akane ran to catch up.

"How did I end up in...," it was unbelievable, "...a 
mental hospital?"

"It began after your marriage to Ranma."

"What did?"

Ryoga spoke with a touch of anger.  "You don't remember?"

"Remember what?  What started?"

"The beatings."

"Beatings!"  Akane shook her head.  "Ranma would never 
lay a hand on me in anger.  And if he tried, I'd knock 
him silly."

"You misunderstand, Akane-san.  Ranma never beat you.  
You beat Ranma."

Moisture fled Akane's mouth.  "I... I beat him?  As in 
hit him?"

"At first it was just hitting.  Then it became assault.  
Ranma was never without bruises somewhere.  The beatings 
increased in intensity and frequency."

"No!"  The denial sounded false for some reason, even 
though she knew it was genuine.  "I... even if I were 
to... beat on him, he'd never allow..."

"He allowed it because he loved you, and he thought that 
if he was passive enough that you would stop.  He was 
wrong, of course."  Ryoga clenched his jaw.  "That damn 
support group should have told him that.  They didn't.  
Either that or he wasn't listening."

"Support group?"

"Yes.  Ukyo took him.  She was hoping that it would help 
him to deal with your abuse.  It did absolutely nothing.  
Months and months of ineffectual talking before you found 
out about it."

The pause seemed significant.  Akane forced herself to 
ask.  "And what did I do when I found out?"

"You beat him so hard that he was in the hospital for 
days.  He stopped going to the meetings after that."

Her head was buzzing.  The unreality of the conversation 
was making it hard for her to think.  "And... and what 
happened to my son?"

"You don't have any children, Akane.  You never did."

"That's a lie!"  Akane found a bit of relief in her 
anger.  "He's six months old, and beautiful, and his name 
is Nouma..."

"You never got pregnant, Akane.  You were too busy 
fighting with Ranma all the time."

"No!  That's not true!  Wait until we get to Ranma, he'll 
tell you."

"Yes, I suppose that's true.  We're nearly there."

Akane blinked and looked around.  She had been so intent 
on the conversation that she had paid no attention to 
where they were going.  What she saw froze her heart.  
She wanted to deny what she was seeing, but she couldn't.  
"Mother's buried here."

"Yes."  A bit of sympathy was beginning to leak into 
Ryoga's voice.

Akane reached and grabbed Ryoga's arm.  "Tell me.  Tell 
me now.  What happened to Ranma?"

Ryoga pointed.  Akane followed his arm, and saw two new 
markers next to her mother's.

Her breath came in ragged gasps.  She meant to stay still 
but her feet carried her along.

Ryoga spoke softly, sadly behind her.  "You were 
practicing one day.  Both of you were.  Ranma with just 
his fists, you with your katana, as usual.  Ukyo came by, 
we think to try and convince him to leave you.  We think 
that's what set you off."

Akane looked at a marker, a marker with a letters that 
should spell a name, but somehow she couldn't make them, 
there was a name on them that couldn't be there.

"You started shouting.  And then you took your katana and 
stabbed Ranma in the stomach.  And when Ukyo tried to 
help him, you stabbed her, too.  They both died very 
quickly."

And now the words formed, they told of Ranma Saotome and 
how he had been born on one day and died on another.

Akane fell to her hands and knees, staring at the ground, 
underneath which Ranma was buried.

It wasn't true.  It was a lie, it had to be a lie.  Ranma 
was alive, I slept with him last night.

And all during the engagement you hit him, didn't you?  
Beat on him with your fists or whatever weapon was 
convenient.  And sometimes he didn't deserve it, 
sometimes you did it because you got mad at the world in 
general and he was a convenient outlet.

But it never hurt him.  He healed so quickly, he always 
recovered and went on and lived.

Not so easy to recover from a stabbing wound, is it?  And 
if a sword had been available, would you have used it?

No!  I love Ranma, love him so much.  After we got 
married I stopped hitting him so much.

But you didn't stop, did you?

But it never hurt him!  Never!  I never beat him so hard 
that bruises appeared.  I never sent him to the hospital!

That's the way you remember it.  What if reality is 
different?  What if you *did* hurt him, but you don't 
want to remember it that way?  What if you created a new 
fantasy world in your head, one where you and Ranma had a 
wonderful marriage, and a son, and happiness.  An idyllic 
world where everyone lived happily ever after.  Certainly 
more pleasant to remember than a life of misery and pain 
that ended with you murdering two people and winding up 
in a mental hospital, isn't it?

"NO!"  She lifted her head to yell at the marker with her 
husband's name on it.  "It *is* true!  I remember you, 
Ranma!  I can feel you lying next to me as I fell asleep 
last night!  I can smell our baby, feel the softness of 
his skin, listen to him crying and burbling, *see* him 
being carried in your arms!  It's real, it *has* to be, 
*no one* can create a fantasy world that elaborate!  DO 
YOU HEAR ME, RANMA!"  She grabbed the marker with her 
hands.  "YOU'RE ALIVE!"

She felt the grip on her shoulder again.  She looked over 
her shoulder at Ryoga.  "Yes, I got angry at him.  Yes, I 
hit him.  Yes, I got jealous for no reason sometimes.  I 
won't make excuses.  But it never got out of hand.  If it 
had, Kasumi would have gotten help for me, or Nabiki, 
or... or *anyone*."

The stone in her hands threatened to crumble under her 
grip.  She released the marker and stood up to face 
Ryoga, putting her hands on his chest in an effort to 
make him believe her.  "And I would never have killed 
him.  Never.  I love him, and I would never... never 
hurt..."

And she leaned forward and sobbed into Ryoga's chest.  
She *had* hurt Ranma.  Beaten him.  Pounded him with 
mallets and rocks and whatever was handy.  How far a step 
from those weapons to katanas?  How far from a temporary 
bump on the head to a marker in the ground?

But Nouma was still set firmly in her mind, and she 
grabbed at him like an anchor.  She controlled her 
sobbing.  "I'm not lying and I'm not crazy.  I *do* have 
a son.  I remember him too vividly for him to be a 
delusion.  No matter what, Ryoga, I am not going to let 
go of that."

Ryoga sighed and put his arms around her.  "All right, 
Akane-san.  But we do need to get you back to the 
hospital.  Please."

She lifted her head to look into his eyes.  She saw in 
them sadness and disbelief.  And... hope.  Akane decided 
she liked the hope.  "Okay.  But first... give me a few 
moments here."

Ryoga nodded, released her, and stepped back.

Akane turned back towards the markers.  She looked at the 
other new one and saw Ukyo's name on it.  A sad sigh 
escaped her lips; Ukyo was so happy with her new 
boyfriend.  They'd had dinner, the four of them, and it 
had been wonderful, Ranma and Ukyo acting like old 
friends, Ikaru being drawn out almost despite himself, 
Akane feeling a wonderful peace at how great everything 
was going for everybody.

She ignored the two new markers, because they were false 
and painful.  Instead, she prayed to her mother for 
strength and help, in the hope that the truth would find 
her again.

---

Akane's sobs slowed and eventually turned into sniffing.  
During that time Tofu had come over long enough for Ranma 
to nod slightly at him to let him know he was all right.  
Then Tofu had left, presumably to treat the gash on his 
forehead.

Ranma waited until Akane had stopped trembling, then 
spoke.  "Are you okay, dear?"

A muffled, tired voice came from his chest.  "You are not 
Ranma."

Ranma's first impulse was to insist that he *was*.  He 
stopped himself and tried to remember how Tofu had dealt 
with this.  "Why not?  Uh, why am I not Ranma?"

She began quivering again.  "Because... because Ranma... 
Ranma..."  She clutched him tightly.  "Blood, so much 
blood, everywhere, on the ground, on the katana, on my 
clothes, on my hands, blood blood blood..."

"Akane."  Ranma tried to cut her off before she could 
become hysterical again.  "Hush, the blood is gone."

"No it isn't."  Agony in her voice.  "It's everywhere.  
It covered my eyes when I got angry.  It welled up in 
your body if I hit it hard enough.  I couldn't stop until 
I saw blood.  And then it was too much, I needed to see 
*all* of your blood, and I did, and it's everywhere."

This was so confusing.  Ranma tried to work it through.  
"Akane.  I'm not bleeding now."

Akane pushed him away.  She grabbed the bottom of his 
tank top and lifted it up.  Her hand rubbed his stomach 
for a few seconds.  Then she looked into his face.  "No 
blood?"

Ranma nodded.  "No blood."

"Ranma.  Ranma."  Tears began to well in her eyes.  "I'm 
sorry.  I'm sorry.  I... I *knew* that you were good and 
nice and honorable but... but I couldn't get past the 
anger, the anger lived inside me and made me think bad 
things about you and made me hit you, harder and harder 
and..."

"I'm fine, Akane."

"No you're not."  Akane's eyes lost focus.  "I got too 
mad, and... and I had a katana in my hands... and *she* 
was there and I hate her, but she didn't deserve my hate, 
but I didn't care and... and..."

"What?"  Ranma prompted gently.  She was on the verge of 
something, something important, he was certain of that.

"And... I stabbed forward.  And the blade went in.  And 
the blood came, so much of it, but it wasn't enough, I'd 
seen all of your blood already.  But her blood... I had 
never seen her blood.  So I stabbed her, too, and her 
blood joined yours.  And you died and she died and blood 
was everywhere..."

She began wailing, and Ranma hugged her again.  "Akane, 
it's okay, I'm here."

Akane spoke through her sobs.  "No, you're not here, 
you're dead, dead and buried and I killed you, I was so 
angry and it was my fault, I killed you I killed you 
you're dead oh God you're dead..."

"Akane appears to be describing a mental illness of some
sort."  Tofu's gentle voice came from the foot of the 
bed.  "Something fairly severe, I'd say."

Ranma called out gently to him.  "Like what?"

"Intermittent Explosive Disorder.  Also known as rage 
disorder.  It is often indicated by several discrete 
episodes of failure to resist aggressive impulses that 
result in serious acts of assault or destruction of 
property.  The degree of aggressiveness expressed during 
the episodes is grossly out of proportion to any of the 
precipitating psycho-social stressors."

Ranma blinked at the clinical tone in Akane's voice.  "Is 
that what you have?"

"I don't know.  Words, just words that they say 
sometimes.  All I know is I killed you, you're dead, and 
it's all my fault, I wouldn't listen I wouldn't believe 
you, you were trying to help and all I saw were reasons 
to be angry and then I saw your blood..."

"Akane."  Ranma had at least figured out when to cut her 
off.  "If... if you were suffering from this... this rage 
thing, then... then it's not your fault."

Akane shoved him away.  She looked up into his face, 
anger coloring her features.  "If it's not my fault, then 
whose fault is it!  It has to be somebody's fault!"

"No, it doesn't."  Tofu spoke a little more insistently.  
"You could just as easily blame yourself for having the 
flu.  It's a mental disease, and they can be the most 
difficult to diagnose and treat.  And it's not your fault 
that you developed one."

"Yeah."  Ranma felt good about Tofu's words.  "That's 
right.  No one came blame you."

Akane studied him closely, her face fearful but with a 
kind of hope in it.  "You don't blame me?  For killing 
you?"

Ranma suppressed a twinge and instead smiled gently.  "Of 
course not."

"Or Ukyo?"

"Didn't you hear Tofu-sensei?  It wasn't you that did it, 
it was your disease.  I would never blame you.  I love 
you."

Akane once again drew him in and began sobbing.  "I'm 
sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't want to kill you, I just 
wanted us to be in love and it all went so wrong, oh 
please please I want to die..."

"NO!"  Ranma was surprised at the anger in his own voice.  
He swallowed it and spoke again, more gently.  "No.  I 
forbid you to kill yourself, Akane.  If you feel like you 
owe me something, then make it up to me by getting 
better.  Only when you get better will... will you 
have... put the ghosts to rest."

"But it hurts, it hurts too much, I need to run away so 
the pain won't find me..."

"Akane, that's not the way a martial artist acts.  
Eventually we have to face our enemy."  Ranma reached 
down and lifted Akane's chin until she was looking at 
him.  "For me, Akane, please.  Get better.  I know it 
will be hard and I know it will hurt, but I'll always be 
with you, helping you.  Depend on that."

Akane looked from one of his eyes to the other.  Ranma 
hoped she could find what she needed in them.

Then she smiled, a small, happy smile that lit her whole 
face and made her beautiful.

Ranma smiled with her, putting all his love in it.

And then she rolled her eyes up and collapsed back onto 
the bed.

---

Ryoga let out a breath.  This was the hardest thing he'd 
ever had to do, and he had no idea if he was doing it 
right.

A hand was gently placed over his.  He looked at Akari, 
seeing reassurance in her face.  He relaxed and smiled, 
thankful for her presence.  He'd never have been able to 
do this without her.

He looked back over at Akane, who was still kneeling in 
front of her mother's marker and praying.  He wondered 
how much time he should give her.  Already it had been 
half an hour.

Ryoga shook his head.  Akane was so... ill.  She had 
caused so much damage, devastated several lives and was 
completely unaware of it.  Instead she went out and hurt 
more people.

If only she would get better.  Then maybe healing would 
begin.

Suddenly Akane fell forward.  Her head hit her mother's 
marker and she lolled on the ground.

Ryoga sprang over to kneel at her side and cradle her in 
his arms.  "Akane-san!"

She fluttered her eyes open.  She spoke in the detached, 
distant voice he had come to know when he had visited her 
in the hospital.  "Oh.  Hi."  She frowned slightly.  
"You're Ryoga, right?"

Ryoga nodded sadly.  "Yes.  Ryoga."

"You keep coming to visit me.  You're so nice."  She 
struggled to her feet with Ryoga's help.  She looked 
around, frowning.  "Where am I?"

"You don't remember?"

"I don't like remembering."  Her eyes found a marker.  
"Mother's grave."

"Yes."

Her eyes moved over to the other markers.  "Ranma.  Ukyo.  
Dead and buried here."

Ryoga nodded again.  At last she was acknowledging it.

Akane went over to Ranma's marker.  She smiled and put 
her hand on it.  "Ranma.  Thank you for your kind words.  
Thank you for helping me.  I promise I'll try.  Try to 
remember, even when it hurts.  I'll get better because 
you want me to.  And we'll go from there."  She leaned 
forward and kissed Ranma's marker.

Ryoga wasn't sure what to make of all that.  He was 
seeing Akane behave in so many different ways, trying on 
personalities like clothes.  Yet she had never seemed 
so... rational.  Not since she'd been in the hospital.  
Despite the desperate illusions she'd created for 
herself, she'd at least been willing to talk about them.  
She could hold intelligent conversations of a sort, and 
that had to be good.

He stepped up to her.  "Akane-san.  You must go back to 
the hospital now."

"Okay."  She looked at the marker for another second, 
then turned and began to leave the graveyard.  "Will you 
keep coming to visit me Ryoga?  I'd like your help.  I'm 
not sure, but I think you're the only one who can look at 
me without hating me.  Other than Ranma, of course."

"I will keep coming to visit, Akane-san.  Um, how can I 
help?"

"By reminding me."  She looked up at him and smiled.  
"Making me remember.  Ranma will always be with me, 
helping me to remember, but sometimes I'll need to see a 
friendly face, too."

Ryoga smiled back at her.  "Okay."

Akane looked forward and begin humming softly as she 
walked.  Ryoga looked over at Akari, finding relief in 
her eyes as well.

Ryoga felt good.  For the first, he held some hope that 
Akane was going to come back to herself.  And, no matter 
what else had happened, that had to be good.

---

Ranma gently released Akane, and turned to look at Tofu.  
He was about to ask him a question when Akane spoke.  
"Ranma?"

Ranma turned back.  "Yes, Akane?"

"Ranma!"  She grabbed him and hugged him fiercely, 
pulling him back into the bed with her.

Ranma grimaced slightly, wondering how many times he 
would have to play this scene out.

"Ranma."  Akane spoke in a rush, fear in her voice.  "I'm 
sorry.  I'm sorry that I was unfair to you, that I hit 
you all the time.  I was so mean to you, I would get so 
angry and beat on you, but I never... I never..."

"Hush, Akane."  Ranma shook her.  "I forgive you.  I 
mean, it's not like I didn't deserve it sometimes.  
And... well, I'd insult you all the time, so I think we 
were even."

"But your insults never drew blood.  Your insults 
would... would never... kill me."

Ranma drew a big breath.  "Akane, you'd never kill me.  I 
know that.  If you were to ever get carried away, I could 
stop you.  But you never did.  Even in your rage you had 
control.  Please, don't worry that you'd ever really hurt 
me.  You haven't.  And you won't."

Akane sighed loudly.  "Still, I'm sorry, Ranma.  I will 
never... never strike you in anger again."

Ranma chuckled.  "Don't worry about it, Akane.  Don't try 
to change the way you... express yourself sometimes.  I 
can take it."

Akane reached up to grab Ranma's face with her hands.  
"Tell me.  Do we have a son?"

Ranma sobered.  "Yes.  Of course."

"I never want to hit him, Ranma.  Never.  Promise me 
you'll stop me before I do."

Ranma swallowed.  "I don't think you ever will.  But yes.  
I promise."

Akane sighed again, this time in relief.  "Oh God, Ranma, 
I had the most horrible dream."

"Yes.  I know.  I heard some of it."

"Everyone was afraid of me.  Even Kasumi.  Your parents 
hated me."

"And I was dead because you killed me."

Akane nodded miserably.

"Well, it didn't happen.  I'm here.  And glad to be 
married to you."

Akane smiled up at him.  She moved her head up and kissed 
him passionately.

Tofu coughed slightly.  "I would still like to have Akane 
undergo some tests, Ranma."

They separated in a rush.  Akane smiled a promise to him.

Ranma smiled it right back.  Then he turned to Tofu.  
"Well, I got no more objections.  But I'm sure you'll 
find nothing wrong.  She's okay now."

"More than okay."  Akane grinned affectionately at him.

The sound of the front door opening interrupted the 
conversation.  "Kasumi's back."  Ranma turned to Akane.  
"She's got Nouma with her."

Akane needed no further encouragement.  Together they ran 
past a smiling Tofu so they could be reunited with their 
son.

~*~

AUTHOR'S NOTES

This didn't come out as well as I'd hoped.  In fact, it's quite stilted.  Had some fun with a few of the parts, though.  :)

I didn't spend a lot of time justifying the crossover, mostly because I don't think it can be.  :)  Just a deus ex machina to get the ball rolling.

A better version will appear probably after the New Year.