My story took the characters and put them in the other universe.  BEkane

found

the beginning of healing in the warm, loving TIL-Ranma.  TILkane found the

ultimate

consequences of her violent tendencies in BEnma's grave.  This helped her to

make

sure that the cycle was not begun anew with her own son.

Leaving aside the debate on the direction of this story (which I very
much liked btw) and instead going to some (hopefully) constructive
criticism:

The BEkane story was well developed except for a couple of minor,
niggling things:  I found Tofu's instant diagnosis unbelievable, given
the amount of information he is given and his limited interaction
with BEkane at that point.  Ranma's reaction is also odd;  TIL-Ranma
would rush his wife to the hospital if he thought things were as
serious as Tofu was saying.  He needs to have some better reason for
believing something's going on (even if you have to rely on that old
literary standby of omens, foreshadowing, and portents).

The BEkane story was very suspenseful... Thanks to the excellent
setup Zen gave you, your readers are writhing in their seats the
whole time BEkane is talking with Ranma; we also know he is in
*serious* danger of being hurt in some way, from losing his
innocence all the way to serious bodily harm.  It makes that part
of the story a real page turner.

The counterplot of what is happening to TILkane is weak in
comparison.  There is no corresponding element of suspense except
for the scene with Nodoka.  She could have been wandering around
in her universe for a week.  Her growing angst over her realization
just where her anger could have taken her (nothing is worse than
an outrageous accusation with a germ of truth to it for gnawing at
a person) is interesting, but it doesn't have the same 'page turning'
potential, shall we say.   Some story pressure needs to be applied
on her;  there is no sense of imminent recapture for example.
More interesting would be a developing situation (a la the
Fugitive) where she begins to be forced (knowingly or unknowingly)
to fall into the behavior patterns of BEkane (thus putting her also
in danger of bodily harm and/or loss of innocence).

--- Janet