Hi, everyone.  I just signed up for the list, and would like a little help
with this story I'm working on.  Mostly what I want is some commentary on
plot and character development, and a little prodding to keep my nose to
the grindstone.  Anything helpful will be greatly appreciated.




Ranma's Angels 

A fanfic work-in-progress by LarryF 

Insert favorite legal disclaimer here.  I don't own the characters, I'm not
trying to make money on 'em. 

 Chapter 1: 

    It was a lovely day to be outdoors for the lunch break, hot enough to
be comfortable in the shade without being too hot, with lots of white
clouds in the sky. 
"...and she to told him that he could just take his ring and..."  Akane
Tendo wasn’t really listening to her friends as they gossiped about
Natsumi’s latest boyfriend; she was content to let the sounds wash over her
as she paid closer attention to the activity across the field, where Ranma
was showing off for his classmates on the pull-up bars. She was admiring
the way he made every move of the high-bar routine he performed look so
effortless and graceful. He ended the show with three giant swings around
the bar, letting go as he swung upward on the last one, and spun twice
before landing lightly on his feet. He held himself in a pose like a
gymnast, then bowed to the applause of the boys who were watching. It was
at times like these that Akane remembered why she put up with their
engagement; he could be so handsome when he wasn’t trying to prove how
tough he was. She really did think he was attractive, deep in her heart,
and sometimes even hoped that they had a future together that did not
simply revolve around their Father’s wishes for the Dojo to be secure. She
slipped into a daydream, imagining what it would be like if Ranma would
just say... 

    "Dammit, Shampoo, let go of me!" Ranma shouted, trying to peel the
Amazon off. He had just finished demonstrating a gymnastics move he’d seen
on TV when she had, as usual, popped up from nowhere and tackled him to the
ground in sheer enthusiasm. "Shampoo bring delicious lunch for husband, see
him do wonderful trick," she gushed, "Wo ai ni!" "Jeez, Shampoo, how many
times do I hafta tell you I’m not your hus..." The words caught in his
throat as a shadow fell across his face and he looked up to see Akane
standing over them. She shouted "RANMA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! IT’S BAD
ENOUGH THAT YOU HAVE TO BE A PERVERT, BUT IN FRONT OF ALL MY FRIENDS?!"
Ranma stuttered "A-Akane, it’s not like it looks, I didn't..." As usual, he
could barely get the words out of his mouth before Akane kicked him hard
enough to send him flying halfway out of town. He had just enough time to
think to himself <why won’t she ever listen to me?> before he hit the
ground.  It took a few minutes for the stars to stop dancing around Ranma’s
head. He was rather pleased to note that this time he hadn’t landed in a
pond or the river. Usually when Akane drop-kicked him, he had to deal with
being soaked to the skin and female along with the pain. It took a moment
to realize, much to his surprise, that he did not recognize the street he
was on; Air Akane flights had taught him the neighborhood around the Tendo
Dojo much better than any other town he had ever lived in. He leaned up
against a fence while waiting for the wobble to leave his legs, and looked
around trying to figure out how to get back to school. It was still too
close to noon for the sun to be much of a clue, but there was a park not
far down the road. He started walking towards it, intending to find someone
to ask "where is Furinken High School?" <There’s a line! Wonder where I’ve
heard THAT before!> He snickered to himself, thinking of Ryoga.  There
weren’t very many people in the park, which was no surprise on a school
day, so Ranma paused a moment to see which ones might be helpful-looking.
The young couple snuggled up in the shade beneath one of the trees
definately weren’t a likely prospect, but there was an old man at the far
end of the park feeding pigeons who looked approachable.  He had walked
halfway over to the man when he heard sobbing behind a nearby bush.
Creeping up quietly to look around it, he saw a little girl curled up on
the ground, crying desperately into a balled-up sweater. 

    "...an’ he beats me up an’ takes my lunch money!" said the child, as
Ranma sat with one arm draped lightly across her shoulders. "Every day, I
gotta watch out for him an’ run away, or he picks on me!" The child, whom
Ranma had learned was named Kazuko Niwa, had calmed down considerably after
Ranma had reassured her he meant no harm. She had needed someone to tell
her troubles to so much that Ranma was actually glad he'd gotten lost here.
She had several bruises on her face, thanks to a bully who was making going
to school a daily torture for her. Ranma found himself deeply sympathetic,
thinking about how similar his own life was. He never knew when someone was
going to attack him for no reason, either. The thing that made a difference
was that HE was able to defend himself. That gave him an idea, however.  He
could change things for Kazuko, but first he needed her parent’s permission
for what he had in mind. Ranma stood up, and helped her to her feet as
well. "Kazuko-chan, I need to talk to your parents. Why don’t I walk you
home?"  Kazuko sniffled a
little, and brushed the last of her tears away.  She gave Ranma a
heartbreakingly sweet smile and nodded enthusiastically.  Taking him by the
hand, she tugged him along in her wake all the way to her home, only a few
blocks away.  As they walked, her natural good nature came back, and she
asked Ranma non-stop questions about himself, his friends, where he lived
and whether or not he had a girlfriend yet...  To Ranma's great relief,
they arrived before the conversation got too deep into his romantic life.
The Niwa residence was a modest middle-class house, but showed all the
signs of tender care in the tiny yard.  As Ranma and Kazuko walked up to
the door, it flew open and an attractive woman rushed out to gather Kazuko
into her arms. "Oh, dear, were you in a fight again, Kaze-chan? Does it
hurt? Let me look at you…" Kazuko squirmed a little in her mother’s
embrace, wriggling loose to take Ranma by the hand again and pull him next
to her. "Okasan, this is Saotome Ranma-san, and he helped me get home
today. He says he wants to talk to you about something."  Mrs. Niwa
released Kazuko and stood up to bow gracefully to Ranma. "Konnichiwa,
Saotome-san.  Thank you very much for taking care of my daughter.  Won’t
you come in for some tea?" 

------- 
    The next morning started out much the same as it always did, with
Kasumi preparing breakfast while the Ranma and Genma practiced in the yard.
No uninvited guests had shattered the peace (or the walls) the previous
night, and after a restful sleep, Akane was ready to forgive Ranma for his
indiscretions.  "Ranma, where were you yesterday afternoon? Everyone was
wondering what happened to you when you didn’t show up for class after
lunch." Ranma almost gagged on a mouthful of food. After he stopped
coughing, he said "Um, well, I kinda got lost and had to find my way back.
Didn’t get home until after school was already over. I stayed up on the
roof until dinnertime. Had a few things to think about." Akane looked at
him from the corners of her eyes. <Hmmm, that was awfully meek. I expected
him to start yelling at me that it was my fault he wasn’t at school.>
"Well, you better not be late today. Hinako-sensei says that if you’re late
to class on top of missing English yesterday, she’ll put you on detention."
Ranma stayed silent, concentrating on finishing his bowl of rice. Akane
thought to herself <He’s not fighting back? What on earth could make him
miss an opening like that?> During the rest of breakfast she deliberately
insulted Ranma, trying to get a reaction from him. Much to her surprise, he
never said a word, or even showed any sign of hearing her at all.  Akane
watched Ranma all day, but couldn’t figure out just what was going on. He
wasn’t doing anything the way he usually did; while he seemed to pay about
as much attention to class as normal (that is, almost none), during breaks
he didn’t hang out with any of his friends and seemed to be completely
distracted by something. Instead, he went off to a corner of the schoolyard
and seemed to be practicing a new Kata, but the one she saw him do was
really basic and simple, and seemed to be a much "softer" style than he
used at home, consisting mostly of defensive moves. It almost was like he
was trying to make a new routine for himself, but the style was so simple,
she didn’t see how it could possibly help him win against any of the people
he usually fought. Even Kuno wouldn’t have trouble seeing right through the
techniques she saw him practicing. At lunch, he ate in the classroom and
then went right back to the Kata. She was completely mystified. Where had
he gone yesterday, really? Why was he trying to come up with a new fighting
style? <Hmmf! Knowing that pervert, he was probably off with some girl!>
That afternoon, during a pop quiz, she found herself unable to concentrate
on the questions as her mind drifted into a daydream. Ranma and a girl,
whose face was shadowed, were sitting in a secluded bower, flowers and
hearts framing the scene. They smiled at each other, the girl
saying "Ranma-sama, it’s so good of you to spend the day with me." Ranma,
with a sappy expression on his face, replied "I can't bear to be apart from
you even for a single moment." The girl frowned "But Ranma, what will we do
about your fiancée?" Ranma scowled. "Akane? How can I think about such a
macho, sexless tomboy when you’re so cute? Once I’ve taught you to defeat
her, nothing will stand between us! (Falls to his knees) Forget about
Akane. Will YOU marry me?" The girl answered tearfully "Oh YES, Ranma-sama!
YES, my love!" As the two figures kissed passionately, the hearts and
flowers exploded around Akane as she jumped to her feet, her angry face
frightening her nearby classmates. The quiz paper was crumpled in her hand,
completely forgotten, as she shouted: "How DARE he propose to her when he’s
MY fiancé!" The classroom buzzed as the rest of the students started
whispering back and forth about her outburst, and Akane, realizing what she
had just done, blushed furiously. By the end of the school day, she was
feeling more than a little upset. She followed Ranma out of the school to
confront him, determined to make him tell her where he had gone and if
there was someone else he was seeing, but she was left standing with her
mouth open when Ranma jumped up on the school’s outside wall, and from
there to the rooftops of the nearby homes, without even noticing she was
behind him. In seconds, he was gone, bouncing from roof to roof in a
direction she had never seen him go before.  The next week went by in much
the same way, with Ranma withdrawn and concentrating on a martial arts
style more suited to a baby than himself, ignoring his friends. Akane
wasn’t alone in her confusion. Everyone noticed his odd behavior, and the
school gossip circuit was alive with guesses about why he was acting that
way. More than once girls approached Akane trying to find out if she was
the reason, or if he was sick, or if he had a new girlfriend, or even if he
had brain damage from her hitting him all the time. Every day after school,
he would disappear without anyone being able to follow him. Even Kodachi
Kuno was unable to keep up with him one day when she came to find him. He
lead her on a wild run around the city, and eventually she was left gasping
for breath, sitting on a tree branch in the forest outside of town after
chasing him for nearly half an hour. Ranma would be gone for several hours
after he vanished, only coming home in time to do a little of his homework
before dinner. Akane began to suspect more and more that he was going
somewhere to meet another woman, a thought that set her teeth on edge, but
she couldn’t figure out who it might be; Ukyo, Shampoo, and Kodachi were
all as much in the dark as she was. 

-------
    Ranma’s odd behavior continued straight through Friday. The only person
he spoke with for any length of time that afternoon was Nabiki, who passed
an envelope to him and then waved a cheery goodbye. Akane finally figured
that enough was enough. <Ranma, you’re going to tell me what’s going on,
and for your sake, the explanation had better be a good one!> She left her
last class early, and went down to the front gate to wait for Ranma. She
thoughtfully packed her book bag full of textbooks needed for her homework
that night (the fact that they added a of a lot of weight to the bag didn’t
figure into it at all, of course) and took her position. Her patience was
rewarded when he came out of the main doors of the school and headed
straight for her, not really paying much attention to his surroundings.
Akane took a deep breath, then stepped into his path. "Ok, Ranma. I think
you need to talk to me, right now. Who is the girl you go to see every
day?!" He gave her a startled look. "Huh? How did you know…(confusion
changed to annoyed outrage) It's none of your business!" Akane moved to
keep him from brushing past her. "Who is she, and where did you meet her?
Is it anyone I know, or just some bimbo you picked up off the street?"
Ranma took a step back, the look of confusion returning. "Huh? What d’ya
mean? I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about!" Akane, her already short
temper stretched past breaking by the way Ranma had ignored her all week,
moved up until she was only inches away from him, flames roaring in her
eyes. "You know exactly what I mean, you worthless pervert! Why I have to
put up with a jerk like you in MY HOME, always underfoot and wrecking the
place with your constant brawling with everyone who even walks by, it’s
beyond understanding! Sneaking off every day for some sleazy AFFAIR is the
LAST STRAW!"  Her voice was getting louder and louder with each word, and a
large crowd gathered, watching in amazement as she tore into Ranma, pushing
him back a step at a time by shoving him in the middle of his chest.
Ranma’s face clouded over as each word struck home, injuring his pride.
"Now wait a minute, I don’t go picking fights with…" Akane slapped him, not
letting him finish the sentence. "DON’T GIVE ME ANY OF YOUR LAME EXCUSES,
YOU LOWLIFE!" She screamed, and swung the book bag at Ranma’s head as hard
as she could. Suddenly, Ranma was moving, his eyes blank and his hands a
blur as training and reflexes took over from his conscious mind. The bag
went flying, an arm-block sending a numbing shock through Akane’s bones.
Ranma lowered his hands to his side, fists clenched tightly, his face pale
as a sheet and eyes wide. He silently shook his head "no" for a moment,
then ran blindly from the schoolyard. Akane stood open-mouthed in shock for
a moment, clutching her throbbing arm to her, but quickly recovered. Her
determination to follow him overrode her disbelief that he’d retaliated
against her; no doubt he would run straight to his new girlfriend, and this
was her chance to confront the bitch… 

------- 
    Ranma was not being very observant as he walked down the street, with
hands thrust in his pockets and his head down. His shoulders were slumped,
and he looked completely miserable. Akane had no trouble keeping him in
sight, although she was careful to always have somewhere to duck in case he
should look up.  She followed him as he left the neighborhood where they
normally hung out, and they soon arrived at a small park, where he sat down
with his back to a tree and wrapped his arms around his knees. Bowing his
head, he closed his eyes. <God,> he thought to himself, <what am I to do? I
can't face Akane after that. How can I tell her I never meant to hurt her?>
He gathered himself into a tighter ball, never noticing Akane slipping into
a clump of bushes near enough to hear anything he might say. She vowed not
to let him out of her sight until she knew what he was doing here.  She
hadn't waited very long when a young woman walked up to Ranma, holding an
eight-year-old girl by the hand. <Why, that hentai jerk, he picked up on a
married woman with a daughter?! It's even worse than I thought!>
"Ano...Saotome-san?" She said hesitantly. He looked up, then quickly wiped
his eyes with the back of one hand. "H-hello, Mrs. Niwa.  Hi, Kazuko-chan."
Mrs. Niwa got down on her hands and knees before him, Kazuko beside her,
and both bowed formally to Ranma. "Saotome-san, we wish to thank you from
the bottom of our hearts for what you have done for us. The training you
have given to Kazuko this week allowed her to finally face up to the school
bully." "Yeah," chimed in Kazuko, " I did it just like we practiced and
every time he tried to hit me, he went flying into the ground! After awhile
he ran away! [more subdued] He said he's gonna get me later, 'though."
Ranma gave Kazuko a half-smile. "You made a good start today, Kazuko-chan.
You’ll hafta fight a few more times before he gives up, but don't worry, he
will; bullies always do." He turned to Mrs. Niwa. "Have you thought about
my advice?  Kazuko-chan is a quick learner, and I enjoyed teaching her the
judo she used on that kid. I think she has real potential as a martial
artist, if she gets regular practice." "We don't want to be a bother,
Saotome-san. You are still in school yourself, so what would it do to your
grades if you had to take care of Kazuko every day?" She asked.  "Don't
worry about that stuff, Mrs. Niwa. Even when I can't train her myself, my
Pop, Mr. Tendo, and A-Akane..." a brief flash of pain crossed his face as
he said her name. Mrs. Niwa saw the way he looked immediately. "Your
fiancée?" She asked. "Yeah." Ranma drew a breath, then let it out slowly.
"She doesn't practice enough to go on the tournament circuit, but she knows
her stuff an’ has a lot of practical experience. I think she'd be wonderful
for Kazuko-chan to train with, and there's no one I trust more with her."
(They didn't hear the dull thud as Akane dropped on her backside behind the
bushes. <WHAT?! I NEVER thought I'd hear him say that!>) Mrs. Niwa nodded,
a smile on her face. "Then it is decided. I will enroll Kazuko at the Tendo
Dojo next week. Saotome-san, forgive me if this is an intrusion, but I
would have to be blind indeed to miss how sad you are when
speaking of your fiancée. Is it anything you would like to talk about?
(seeing Ranma pale slightly) Please, Saotome-san, I would like to hear your
troubles. It would be a very small way of returning your kindness to
Kaze-chan." Ranma sat for a moment staring at the ground, then sighed. "I
guess it wouldn't hurt to talk about it. Akane and I were engaged by our
Fathers before we were even born, and never met until about a year ago. We
kinda got off on the wrong foot, and can never seem to talk to each other.
We end up fightin' over something stupid, or something weird happens that I
can’t control. Right now, I got three other girls chasing me, and Akane
always treats me like its all my fault. I’m tryin’ real hard to straighten
it out without hurting anyone’s feelings, but nothin' seems to work, and
Akane won't listen to me even for a minute when I try to tell her what's
goin' on. She just gets mad and says I'm doin' it on purpose and hits me
and says she hates me!" Ranma said as a tear slid down his cheek. Kazuko
jumped to her feet and threw her arms around his neck.  "Don't cry,
Ranma-sensei! I love you!"  Mrs. Niwa reached out to briefly squeeze his
shoulder. "Saotome-san, do you think your fiancée really hates you?" She
asked, obviously concerned. "I just don't know," He answered. "She has this
way of looking at me sometimes that makes me think maybe she likes me, but
then a minute later she's yelling at me or sayin' things that hurt. What’s
worse is that I’m getting so upset about it, I’m losing my focus. Today I
got in a fight with her, an’ when she tried to hit me, I lost it. My
reflexes took over before I realized what I was doing. One of the things
I’m really proud about is that I’ve NEVER hit Akane before on purpose, but
today I did." Ranma gently pried Kazuko off his neck and stood up.
"Thanks for listening.  It's gettin' kinda late and I promised Akane's
older sister Nabiki I'd go to the bank and deposit some money for her. I
guess that'll give me a chance to do some more thinking and maybe sort
myself out. I’ll see you next week." Mrs. Niwa bowed once more as Ranma
walked away, then gathered up Kazuko and left. No one paid any attention to
the bushes, where Akane sat staring at her hands and feeling very much
ashamed of herself. 

------- 
    Ranma had to hurry a little to get to the bank where Nabiki kept her
accounts before it closed. The fight with Akane and his subsequent meeting
with Mrs. Niwa and Kazuko had caused him to lose track of time, and he had
almost forgotten his promise to drop off the deposit. One thing was sure,
Nabiki would make his life hell if the money were not in the bank and the
receipt in her hand by dinnertime. Not that his life didn’t already feel
like it had been scripted by Dante…  He arrived at the high rise building
he was looking for about fifteen minutes before closing time, and walked
into the Bank lobby. Joining the end of the line for the tellers, it seemed
to him to be pretty crowded considering how late it was. Chalking it up to
the payday rush, he opened the envelope to make sure the deposit slip was
inside, and saw for the first time how much it was for. <Holy cow,> he
thought with his eyes widening, <where the hell did she get this kind of
money? Do pictures of me as a girl sell THAT well?> He began to suspect
that if he had been a little smarter and insisted on a royalty, he’d be
pretty well-off by now. <On the other hand, a deal with Nabiki involves
checking to see if you have the same number of fingers and toes you started
with, so maybe I’d better just hold off on that idea. I’d end up in
pictures for Sports Illustrated by the time she finished with me... the
Swimsuit edition!> He then started thinking about what he was going to do
about Akane. As usual, her ability to jump to a conclusion astounded him;
if that sort of thing were a track event, she’d be a World Record holder.
<How can I ever explain that I’m not cheating on her? If she ever found out
I was meeting Mrs. Niwa every day, she’d think I was committing adultery,
with the frame of mind she's in right now.  She’d never believe it was
because I just wanted to help Kazuko.  It really feels good having her look
up to me; it’s like she’s my little sister or somethin’.> Ranma’s thoughts
were interrupted when he got to the head of the line.  He went to the open
teller and handed over the envelope with Nabiki’s money and deposit slip,
and was soon given a receipt.  Just as he was turning to leave, several men
rushed into the room carrying rifles and shotguns. Ranma could see many
more running into the main lobby of the office building; all of them armed
like the ones near him. The men in the bank began shooting over the heads
of the customers and bank employees, screaming at them to fall down on the
floor.  As Ranma looked around, shocked, he saw one of the men smash a bank
guard across the face with his rifle butt. Nearby, another of the men
grabbed a young woman by the front of her dress and shoved her up against a
wall. Ranma reacted to that without thinking, immediately jumping next to
the thug. He then pummeled the thug, striking him over two hundred times in
a heartbeat. As the thug went flying back, another fired a burst at Ranma
with his automatic rifle. Ranma wrapped his arms around the woman and dived
behind a couch placed near the wall for waiting customers. The
man with the assault rifle tracked his movement, and bullets sprayed a
trail of holes into the wall, eventually shattering a water cooler next to
the couch. Ranma was drenched by the water.  He felt the change come over
him and quickly looked around to see if anyone had noticed. <Thank God,> he
thought, <nobody saw me!> The young woman he had rescued had fainted beside
him. Ranma dragged her a little ways away from the spot where they had
landed, then gathered her into his arms just as two of the thugs looked
around the end of the couch. "What the ####," said one of them, "where the
####### hell did that bastard go?! You, girl! Where is that mother######
who jumped back here?!" Ranma shook his head, putting on his best wide-eyed
innocent-little-girl look. The thug knocked the couch over and then looked
around wildly, trying to see where the guy who had beat the #### out of his
partner, who was sprawled on the floor unconscious, could have gone. "Boss!
He vanished! There’s no sign of him!"   The rest of the building was being
occupied with ruthless efficiency, and all the exits barricaded. The
invaders seemed to show no interest in any of the money or valuables of the
bank customers; they just hunted down all of the building’s occupants and
collected them together in the bank, posting a sizable guard over them. The
leader of the force began to look more and more concerned as his
men reported back to him by walky-talky; each one reported no sign of the
black-haired bastard who had escaped from the bank after busting up one of
his men. The thugs weren’t very sophisticated men, for the most part, and
like their counterparts in the Yakuza, tended to be rather superstitious.
They were also all very fond of imported American movies, and remembered
very well what had happened to men much like themselves in a flick called
"Die Hard". As more and more of the searchers calling in with negative
results, the leader began to sweat, thinking of the horrible possibilities
he could be facing. A super martial arts master, loose in the building he
had to hold, who could vanish at will… 

------- 
    Nabiki Tendo sat at the dining room table drumming her fingers
impatiently. Ranma had run off after school after a fight with Akane, and
no one had seen him after that. Akane wasn’t home yet, either, and Nabiki
was growing concerned. <If that idiot forgot to deposit my money, he’ll
regret being born!> To
distract herself from her worries, she decided to turn on the television
set and watch the financial report on the evening news. As the set warmed
up and began showing the inevitable and seemingly endless run of
commercials, the sliding door to the yard scraped open and Akane walked in,
looking a little rumpled and
dirty. "Hi, Nabiki Onechan. Um, is Ranma home yet?" She said, staring at
the floor. Nabiki was about to tell her "no", when her attention was
diverted by the television.  "Our top story tonight is a Hostage Crisis at
the Nerima branch of Mitsubishi Bank. Reports have it that over 50 people
are being held at gunpoint by men who have barricaded the building." The
television camera, using a telephoto lens, panned across the exterior
window of the bank, getting a clear picture of the masked men, who were
standing around a large group of seated people. As the camera scanned the
group, one image seemed to leap out at the girls: a girl with distinctive
red hair, supporting a woman who looked like she was unconscious. "Oh, my
God," cried Akane, "that’s Ranma!"  At her horrified shout, Kasumi hurried
into the room from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel, as Genma and
Soun leaned into the doorway from the veranda.  Genma asked "What's this
about Ranma?", and Akane pointed at the TV screen as the camera panned back
across the window again.  Ranma was easily seen, still with her arm around
the young, obviously pregnant woman.  "Oh, my!" said Kasumi, "why would
Ranma have been at that bank?"  Nabiki, who had turned white as a sheet,
said "Uh, that's my fault... he was making a... deposit... for... me..."
her face suddenly took on a look of rage.  "Waitaminute!  That's MY bank
those creeps are robbing!  If those sons of bitches think they're gonna
steal MY money..." she fell silent, grinding her teeth together.  While she
stared in hatred at the TV,  the others listened quietly to the news
reporter interviewing a police representative.

_______
	

	 

  

Larry W. Fontenot
Senior Technician
Earthlink Tech Support
http://home.earthlink.net/~lfontenot/