Seravi <Seravi@aol.com> wrote (in another thread):

I also wanted to take this
chane to say that I want more C&C on Nabiki's Diary!!

You asked for it... :)

As I see it, a major problem with this story is that it zooms by a lot
of things way too quickly. We're told what happened, but not much about
*how* it happened. We especially need to be told (either directly or
indirectly) what was going through the minds of the people at the time.

For example, how did Ryoga and Nabiki end up having sex, and later
falling in love with each other? You need to work hard to get us to
believe that such an unexpected thing could actually happen.

As another example, Nabiki's selling Genma to the zoo comes off to me as
just silly -- the sort of thing that would happen in a parody. You
*might* get us to believe it with some work, but as it is, my reaction
is "yeah, right."


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics