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Kunou's Rebuttal

by Chris Jones
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	It is said that hell is an eternity in the same room with loved
ones. Those whom we would on any other day cherish become loathsome to
our sight and cacophoneous to our gentle ears.
	Thusly has my wicked sister demanded, at some length, to know
why I so despise the fiendish cur Saotome, whom she considers to be
second, or better, to the kamis.
	On and on she ranted her discourse. On and on, I informed her of
Saotome's numerous and heinous sins. Little in common do we see.
	Now, as I am alone with my art, my meditation gives rise to my
flesh's question, erupting again like a wound thought long closed,
worse, a weed which doth destroy the sanctity of a rose bed no matter
how many times it is plucked from the earth.
	'Why', she asked. 'Why do you hate him so? Can you not see his
glory?'
	And why do I hate Saotome? It is not for his skill. Were he a
kendoist, his defeat at my hands would be simple and regular. Saotome
fights without honor or couth. Neither is to be borne, and neither is
of concern.
	Do I so begrudge him his family? With my sister, who is only
partially a member of our world, and our father, who left long ago on
the same path, I do find loneliness and the weariness of solitude.
Even then, I would not suffer the torment that has so twisted Saotome.
His father, an honorless thief and breaker of promises, and his
mother, a lonely, deadset, regressive woman have made his life a hell
that I will never have to experience and his mind a place just as
foul.
	Is it for his appearance? That which is sweet to the fairer sex
is just as fragrant for myself as it is for the cur. Any asked would
have to reply truthfully that Tatewake Kunou is a dashing young
example of manhood.
	Some unknown variable, however, draws those gentle bumble bees
to gaze and hover around the blossom of Saotome's youth.
	I believe it is this injustice for which I hate him so. Saotome
could choose, to his eye, the fairest of his admirers and rest secure
in the knowledge that a beautiful, devoted wife would be his for as
long as he desired.
	Instead, he allows them to cling to him like too many kittens,
suckling at their mother's drying teat. Oh, the injustice! He
dishonors them, injuring them all with his very presence. How can such
a heinous act be endured?
	And yet, I must endure. For two reasons.
	The First is the fair Akane Tendou.
	It was four turns of the seasons past when first we met.
Foolishly, I was then called the 'Purple Tide' of Karuhito Junior
Highschool by my peers, and Akane, like the rose, was no less sweet
even when not fully bloomed.
	Her demeanor was sweet and her manner was that of a lioness on
the hunt. Most men feared her, and those that did not soon learned to
at the expense of their dignity and worse. Such fire as to scorch the
heavens themselves was contained within her. I knew before our first
day had passed that her husband would be a man who could best her in
all things. He would have to be not only strong enough to calm the
raging earthquake that was her passion, but swift enough to outrun the
lightning strike of her fury and endurant enough to cushion the
avalanche blows of her frustration.
	I loved her from the first moment I laid eyes upon her. Seconds
later, quite by accident, she broke my nose. Her first words to me
were 'Sorry about that. Are you okay, Sempai?'. Never to mine ears
have sweeter words been spoken.
	It became my sacred duty to win her heart. While all the others
tried to win her, they failed in disgrace. Time and time again, she
rejected them all. I alone was strong enough to bear the brunt of her
disapproval. No sacrifice would have been to great to win the heart of
the beauteous Akane.
	The year we were apart was the hardest I have yet to endure.
She, still toiling away at Karuhito, and I, bearing the standard for
Furinken. My heart did die every day when I knew that she was not
going to be there. No sun-dazzling smile to grace my day, I found
myself quite lost. I spent the time perfecting my beloved Kendo so
that I could hope to be a stronger lover for her.
	Then she came! Separated by the ocean between classes, we were
together again. I swore to her that, as was my holy duty, I would
never voluntarily leave her side.
	In her honor, I stated my terms at the contest. I shared with
them all the secret of the measure of the man who would win Akane's
heart. Not a one could meet the challenge. Even I could not bring
myself to dash the young goddess.
	And then he came, engaged to wed my goddess in an arrangement so
base as to be vile. Saotome dishonored her with his every word and
step, yet, of us all, with his dishonorable skills and vile magicks
against women, he was the only one who could hope to stand against
her.
	Once I saw this, I vowed that he must die.
	Then... as I was fulfilling my duty, I chanced upon a scarlet
haired pigtailed dryad, wet with morning dew. Her manner was coarse
and her spirit wild like an untamed horse. She defeated me with but a
single kick and swore allegiance to the fiend, Saotome.
	In another second, I knew my heart was torn.
	Torn between the two loveliest things I, or any other lowly
creature upon the earth had ever beheld. When first did I hear her
true name my heart burst open as wide for the Dandelion as it did for
the fair Akane Tendou.
	I began to see how the sorcerous Saotome held the pigtailed
goddess away from me. Even in my tender embrace, he would displace her
in some attempt to dishonor me.
	And yet I am expected to believe that they are one in the same?
It doth pain me greatly that every time that I speak her name I must
also speak his. It is true that her spirit is identical to his, but my
pigtailed goddess is required to fight to overcome the slightest
obstacle while Saotome merely sets back to allow his harem to fight
for him.
	I cannot... Nay, I *Will Not* believe a curse separates my
goddess from the foul sorcerer. Twouldst instead be a blessing that
would bring her to me! In my heart and mind, she is separate from him,
even if she is imprisoned in a cell so foul.
	Ah, Akane and the pigtailed girl, Ranma. I must have them both!
They are both so dear to me that it would kill me to choose between
them. Yet I fear that one day I must. Saotome will be with one or the
other, and I will never see her again.
	Could my love forgive me, knowing that she could only ever
occupy half of this warrior's heart? Damn you Saotome. Can't you let
us have a shred of happiness?
	Oh, how you disgust me, you vile monster. You string them all
along like newborn babes desperate for their mother's suckle, even
those in whom you have no interest. Instead of weaning them away as 
you should, you debase and degrade them, forcing them to prove over and
over again how much you mean to them. How much must they endure before
you show them the kindness or the respect that they deserve?
	Saotome, until the day I am rid of you forever, I shall fight
you. For Akane and the pigtailed girl, I will fight you. For my poor,
misguided sister, I will fight you, and for myself and all that is
decent, I will fight you.
	Tremble, Saotome, for Blue Thunder rumbles his warning. I will
haunt you to your dying breath.
	I will have what is rightfully mine.

* * *

Characters of Ranma 1/2 and the likenesses thereof are used without
permission.

Has anyone ever done this before?

Chris
* * *
Chris Jones, brand new for '98  - hamster@arn.net
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The Ranma 1/2 Gallery - http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/6413