On Sat, 10 Jan 1998, Deuce wrote:

Hi all... well, this is my first post, and I'm kind of new to this
"scene," so to speak.  I've been lurking for a day or so now, and I
really like what I've seen so far... some very nice content.  I like
it here already. :)

You've only been here a day and you can already write so well? Not bad. :)

Anyhow, I've got my own little 'fic in the works, and I did post this
chapter to RAAC a day or so ago, but given that my news spool sucks
and the server's been having problems, I don't know how well it got
propagated (if at all), and you folks seem willing and able to give
good C&C. :)  So, feel free to offer commentary/suggestions.  I like
where it's going so far.

It takes a while for posts to rec.arts.anime.creative to actually show up.
I think they had a FAQ somewhere where they implied that it could take up
to two weeks.

BTW, once your fic is completed you might want to consider adding it to
the fanfic remailer here. The instructions are in the FFML faq I believe.

Warning, this is something of a dark fanfic... I hope you enjoy it.

I hope you don't write a dark twisted ending where Ranma finally snaps and
kills someone. :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
                       The Domino Effect
                     A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction
                by Deuce (deuce@classicgaming.com)
----------------------------------------------------------------------

	It was an unusually quiet morning in Nerima.  No victims of
Jhusenkyo had appeared, wanting revenge on Ranma for some reason or

I'm pretty sure "Jhu" is not the correct way of writing this in romaji.
For that syllable, either "Jyu" or "Ju". In the Viz Video subtitles, it is
written as Jusenkyou (the last syllable has a long o, thus the ou).

	Shampoo hummed quietly to herself.  She decided to make the
most of the free time she suddenly had, and decided to cook up
something nice for Ranma, to take to him when he got out of school.
Hopefully she could get him away from Akane for a little while.  She
was certain that once he saw the great food that had been prepared
for him, he would gladly agree to go on a date with her.

One would wonder why Shampoo rarely tries an intelligent approach like
this, opting instead to glomp onto Ranma (after smashing his head into the
pavement with her bicycle).

customers, she made sure everything was perfect for her meal.  She
was also very careful to make sure that Mousse didn't eat any of it.
She did eventually have to splash him with cold water when he kept
trying to peek into the kitchen.

*cackle* Well, Mousse had to slip up at some point.

	He snorted.  "It's not bad enough I have to endure that
teacher's droning, I also end up with a faceful of chalk dust, sore
arms, and then I get you lecturing me?  Happy day."

Go Ranma. Let Akane know that you don't have to take her verbal abuse.

	He stopped and looked at her.  "Can't you mind your own
business?" he asked impatiently.  "It's not like my grades have any
impact on YOUR life."

That's telling her Ranma.

	Akane reached up and poked the swordsman on his bruise.
He immediately passed out from the pain.  She grinned up at him.
"See, what would you do without me?"  The other members of the

^_^

Kendo Club suddenly appeared and dragged the hapless poet back to
their building.
	"Fine by meEEEEEEAACK!!!" said Ranma.  His affirmation of
Akane's sentiments had been cut off by a large hoop of rubber which
was grinding into his face.  The hoop was attached to a spoked
wheel.  The wheel was attached to a shiny red bicycle.  Atop the
bicycle sat a bubbly purple-haired Chinese girl.
	"Ni hao, Ranma!" she said cheerfully, and hopped off.

Now if only Shampoo could learn to stop doing that, and be a little less
violent...nah its like telling someone not to breathe. :P

many hours on it!"  She held it out to him, and suddenly her voice
took on a slight note of menace.  "Ranma eat and enjoy," she said
sternly.

One of the annoying attributes of Shampoo; the fact that she threatens
Ranma one way or another at times.

(Akane and Shampoo's arguing skipped)

	"Will both of you just SHUT UP?" yelled Ranma.  They both
blinked and looked at him curiously.  His head was now pounding
fit to burst, it seemed.

The frustration builds up, bit by bit, and then suddenly...

	Akane didn't understand him.  Shampoo kept trying to
manipulate him into marrying her, or at the very least, go out on
dates.  Kodachi simply kept trying to drug him.  His father didn't
care about him, only about food.  Kunou wanted him dead, as did
Mousse and Ryouga most of the time.  He'd occasionally wondered in

What about Ukyou, Ranma's cute fiancee? Who cooks delicious okonomiyaki
for him, who understands him and is usually there to cheer him up when
he's down, who is no where near as pushy as Shampoo is, who doesn't try to
drug him, who DOES care about him, etc.

I noticed that Ukyou was not in this part at all. I hope you'll write her
into the next part. Perhaps Ranma is feeling depressed or something, and
walks into Okonomiyaki Ucchan. They can talk about all the problems Ranma
has been having since he came to Nerima, and Ukyou can cheer Ranma up and
let him know she'll always be there for him. :)

(I REALLY hope you don't have Ranma push Ukyou away, like he did with
Akane and Shampoo.)

	It finally became too much for him.  The long months of
nonstop fighting, misunderstandings and arguments finally broke down
the mental barricades that Ranma had kept up to maintain some small
vestige of his sanity.

(sound of a volcano erupting)

	He grabbed Shampoo's arms tightly.  She cried out in pain,
but before she could protest or ask what he was doing, he pried her
arms off of him and threw her back.  She landed hard on her rear
end, and looked back up at him, tears in her eyes.  She noticed that
she had fallen halfway onto the packages of food she had cooked,
ruining them.

Eep! What ever happened to Ranma not hitting girls? Although I suppose his
violence towards Shampoo could be justified by the fact that Ranma just
can't take it anymore. You might want to think about this carefully,
though. This seems a bit too forceful for Ranma, IMHO. Especially against
Shampoo.

<Shampoo's heart cracks a bit>

	"Ranma," said Shampoo, "Why you do that?  You hurt Shampoo."
	He didn't answer, he just glared at her balefully.

<Shampoo's heart cracks some more>

	She withered under his gaze, now crying audibly.  "Shampoo
only want to be with you, Ranma.  Why you hurt me?"
	Ranma was too far gone to care.  "Did it ever occur to you,
Shampoo, that maybe I don't want to be with YOU?"  Akane gaped,
and Shampoo practically went into shock.

<A large crack starts forming down the middle of Shampoo's heart>

	"R-Ranma...," she said.  "Why you say such mean things?"
	His voice rose to a shout, "Because you won't leave me
alone!  You come around every other day, grabbing onto me like I'm
some kind of toy.  You keep trying to trick me into marrying you,
with the help of that goddamned old woman."  Shampoo was cowering
under his wrath, looking up at him helplessly.  She gradually inched
her way back, wanting to find somewhere to run, to convince herself
that this wasn't really happening.

<.....>

	But he swept on regardless.  "You keep getting my hopes up
that I might be cured of this curse someday, with all these old
medicines.  And nothing ever works.  You get Akane and Mousse both
pissed off at me, and I'm fucking SICK OF IT!"  He was panting, his
eyes full of rage.

<The crack widens...>

	Akane looked at Shampoo.  She'd never seen her so upset, not
even when Ranma had first revealed to her that he was also female,
and that the Kiss of Death could never be fulfilled.  Akane thought
that the Chinese girl might simply attack him to make him shut up,
but she sat there and took it.  Akane was speechless.
	"Ranma," Shampoo said, trying to choke back her sobs,
"Sh... Shampoo sorry.  No mean to upset you."
	He held up a fist and cracked his knuckles, "Well, it's a
little late for apologies.  Just leave me alone."  He turned his
back on her and started to walk away.
	She blinked and stood up, reaching after him.  When her
hand touched his shoulder, she suddenly felt the sharp pain of a
strong blow on her forearms, knocking her away.  She fell down
again, her tears coming with renewed fervor.
	Ranma glared at her, his ki flaring up around him.  He
spoke to her one last time, this time enunciating each word slowly
and clearly, with an unmistakable undertone of menace.  "I...
said... LEAVE ME ALONE!"

<Shampoo's heart breaks into a million pieces!>

	Finally unable to withstand any more, Shampoo leapt to her
feet and ran off crying.  Ranma didn't bother to watch her go.
His ki no longer burned around him, but he was still incensed.  He
turned back around and started to walk off, not even paying any
attention to Akane.

Well, I think this may have been a BIT to sudden, although I suppose it is
justifyable. Just remember that this is the Ranma who has trouble hitting
girls. In the OAV series "Akane and her Sisters", Ranma did not consider
fighting Natsumi and Kurumi in his male form as an option, even when he
had a lot of trouble doing it in his girl form.

	Akane was confused.  She certainly couldn't say that he
was trying to sneak off for a date with Shampoo, which was her
original plan of action.  The food which Shampoo had prepared for
him lay on the ground, destroyed and tainted... both by the dirt of
the concrete and by the betrayed love which had gone into preparing
it.  It was unbelievable.

Ouch. That hurt. :(

	After a moment's indecision, Akane came to the conclusion
that she had to find out what was going through his head, but now
probably wasn't the best time.  She wrestled with her conscience
for a moment, and her curiosity won out.
	She ran after him and called his name.  He ignored her.
	"Ranma!" she said again, growing irritated.  "Are you even
listening to me?"  It was a stupid question and she knew it.  He was
not paying her any heed, and evidently had no intention of starting,
as he slowly broke into a jog, leaving her behind for a moment.

"Akane, you better leave Ranma alone before you get the same treatment as
Shampoo...ahh what am I babbling about...we all know what's going to
happen next anyway."

	She sprinted for a second to catch up to him, then matched
his pace.  For a long moment, neither said anything.  He made a few
sudden turns, evidently trying to throw her off.  She continued to
dog his movement, and eventually he slowed down, and finally stopped.
	"Well," said Akane, panting for breath a bit.  "Are you going
to talk to me?  I think what went on back there merits some form of
explanation."  He kept his back to her and still said nothing.
	She felt her anger boiling up within her.  "RANMA!" she
yelled.  "Talk to me!"

And again, Akane lets her temper get the better of her. (Judging from some
episodes in the anime series, she spies on Ranma a bit too much for his
comfort. Especially when she beats him up afterwards because of something
she saw.)

	His eyes narrowed as he stared her down.  "I said... you're
no different," he repeated, speaking so distinctly that it was

-snip-

fingers curling into claws.  "It means," he began, barely keeping his
voice in check, "that you're no different from Shampoo.  You don't
trust me, you never believe what I tell you, you get angry at me for
no reason."
	"It's so fucking EASY to blame Ranma, isn't it?" he said.
"Ranma's irresponsible, a pervert, insensitive, callous, mean-
spirited, whatever.  You name a bad trait, it's a safe bet that I
have it, isn't it?"

Ooh, looks like our poor Ranma has finally snapped. HELP!! HE'S GONNA KILL
US ALL! ONLY KAWAII UCCHAN CAN CALM HIM DOWN NOW!!! Right? :)

	He turned his back on her and spoke what she feared would be
the last words he ever said to her.  "I don't want to see you again.
Goodbye, Akane."  Before she could respond, he turned and leaped
away.  She watched him until he was a mere speck in the middle
distance, and then turned to walk home, still in shock.

I felt sorry for Akane for a moment here, then I remembered all the times
she has beat up Ranma... 

	Shampoo looked at her would-be suitor, who was hugging a
very large statue of a ManekiNeko (Good Luck Cat).  Normally, she
would have hit him, or said something abrasive to him.  But she
hadn't the energy for the emotional expenditure.  She'd never felt
so drained in her life.

Kawaisou Shampoo-chan...(Poor Shampoo...)

	"How DARE you hurt Shampoo so!" he bellowed into the empty
air of the upstairs hallway.  "You will die a thousand deaths for
this!"  He ran downstairs and was out the door in a flash.

No Mousse, YOU will die a thousand deaths for attacking Ranma when he's
lost his control like this. :P

	He looked up at her with his wide eyes and snuffled at her
as she sat down.  She picked him up gently and held him close.  "At
least I know that YOU'LL always be here for me," she said.

Ryouga, take care of Akane. ^_^

	"Why can't men be more like you, P-chan?" she asked aloud of
the little pig.  He blinked at her, confused.  "People never have to
wonder how pets feel.  You love unconditionally, you never play
games, you never say anything to deliberately hurt anyone."

*nod* When it comes down to it, Ryouga is basically a pretty caring guy
(if you can look past his behaviour towards Ranma..."Ranma, prepare to
die!")

	She scratched between his ears.  "If you were human, you
would make a perfect boyfriend, you know that?"  She could swear she

Exactly! :)

	"Nabiki-oneechan," Akane said.  "What can I do for you?"  She
hoped that none of what she had been saying had reached Nabiki's ears.
	Nabiki looked at her calmly and said, "We need to talk, little
sister."
	Akane's heart leaped into her throat, and she knew that she
would be unable to avoid telling her sister what had happened.  What
if her father found out...?

Uh-oh. I wonder what Nabiki knows about this. Perhaps she knows P-chan =
Ryouga?

	Ryouga stepped out of the furo and looked around.  The night
was darkening, but he knew Ranma would be somewhere.  He wasn't going
back to the Tendo Dojo.  And rats like him tended to be most active
when the sun went down.
	Hibiki Ryouga charged off to find his longtime rival... and
to give him a beating he would never forget.  Nothing could make up
for what he had put Akane-san through.  Nothing EVER.

Ryouga, I hope your life insurance is payed off, going after Ranma when
he's that angry. Heh.

I had always wondered what might happen if Ranma finally got sick of
the way his life was, and decided to do something about it, but not
in the way that most people predict.  At least, in theory.  I have
not PERSONALLY read any other Ranma fics of this nature, but as I
said, I'm kind of new to the anime-fanfiction writing world.  Be
gentle, please. :)

Overall, a well-formatted story with good grammar and spelling, although
Ranma may have been acting a bit too violent (hitting Shampoo like that,
for one thing); a point to think about. I'm no expert at characterization
though, unfortunately.

You mentioned at the beginning that this is somewhat of a darkfic. Maybe
I'm overreacting, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't make Ranma go berserk and
kill someone. :)

For Part 2, I'd really like to see a scene with Ukyou and Ranma having a
heart-to-heart talk about how things have been going for him in Nerima.
Ukyou seems to be the one fiancee who Ranma can count on.

If Akane finds out that Ryouga is P-chan, I hope she doesn't beat him up
and tell him that she never wants to see him again. It is conceivable that
after her violent temper pushed Ranma away from her, she will try to
control her temper more. I'm one of the believers of the Ryouga/Akane
matchup, FYI.

I look forward to reading Part 2. BTW if you are looking for pre-readers,
feel free to add me to your list. :)