[The Lurkerdrome, Sickbay. Chichiri stands by, looking solemn, as
Hikaru kneels beside one of the treatment beds. Upon the bed is
Lurker. Lurker lays there, motionless. The vital monitors show that
he's breathing, and has a heartbeat...and that's about it.]

Hikaru: <sniffling> Lurker-kun...please be alright. <looks up>
How...how could this happen?

Chichiri: <sighs and shakes his head> I wish I knew no da. I've
called for Mitsukake to come help him, but it's going to be a while
na no da. 

Hikaru: <nods, sighs> I just hope he'll hold on long enough...

Chichiri: <removes his mask and smiles> I think he will. He's a
Saiyajin, remember? His kind are pretty tough.

Hikaru: <sniffles, nods> You're right...he should be just fine...

[The intercom beeps.]

Computer: Bridge to sickbay. We've just received the next assignment.

Hikaru: <groans> Just great. How can we think about that with
Lurker-kun down?

Chichiri: <puts his mask back on> The show must go on, no da. [The
two leave sickbay.]

[On the bridge, Hikaru and Chichiri take their seats just as the two
transporter pads hum to life. Red XIII and Yuffie Kisaragi
materialize, and take their places beside the two reviewers.]

Yuffie: Hey, what's up with the redhead? Girl, you look like someone
just died...

[Hikaru bursts into tears. Chichiri whacks Yuffie upside the head
with his staff.]

Yuffie: Ow! What'd I say!?

Red XIII: <sweatdrop> Perhaps we should just get to work...

Yuffie: Okay, okay...what're we doin' today?

Oh! My Brother!

Chapter 9

Yuffie: Cool.

COLIN:

My best friend's become a god!  Suddenly the world no longer is the
orderly, predictable, and logical place I'd always believed it to

be.

Red XIII: It never was, Colin, it never was...

So I went along when, totally to my surprise, Chris shows up after

eight

months without a word and uses that tired joke.  Back in second

year,

another friend of mine started going "I blame Simmonds" when

anything

bad happened to him (which was often).  Somehow, my other friends

picked

it up, and I wound up getting half-seriously blamed for all sorts

of

things that were never really my fault.

Chichiri: It could be worse no da. You could be Bill Gates na no da.

Red XIII: <chuckles> Yes, when things go wrong, they *are* his
fault...

Yuffie:  <snickering> No, no, they're not! They're just unexpected
features!

<Everyone including Hikaru laughs.>

"Um, not around here, I guess." I said, still reeling from the

shock.

In case you hadn't already noticed, I don't react well to

surprises. "I

rode my bike to the exam, and I'm done for the day, so we could go
somewhere.  I gather you drove up to the University?"

Chichiri: More like he was *driven*...

Yuffie: <singing> Have you driven a Lord lately?

There was a woman and a girl with him.  The former was

breathtakingly

beautiful, and had the attention of all the guys around (since this

was

an Engineering exam, there were a lot).  The girl was short and

cute.

Both were dressed, well, oddly, to say the least, and their hair

was

pretty wild.

<Hikaru sags slightly at the mention of wild hair.>

I blinked, as I suddenly noticed something.  Was that a tricorder

that

the girl was pointing at me?

Yuffie: No, she's just happy to see you.

"Colin, meet Urd and Skuld." Chris introduced the woman and
girl, respectively.  Urd gave me a scarily appraising look from

head to

toes, and Skuld glanced up briefly from whatever it was that she

was

doing on that tricorder-like thing.

Red XIII: Of course, in the instant that she looked up, her
Tamagotchi died...

Chris gave a little smile, and then just disappeared.  I mean,

literally

vanished before my very eyes.  Before I had time to even think

about him

no longer being there, I felt his hand on my shoulder and heard him

say

"Boo!"

Yuffie: Oh, *wonderful*, give the guy a heart attack...

I leaned carefully back against the table.  "How did you do that?"

I

asked nervously, my voice wavering.

All: Very Carefully!

"I'm a god," he said matter-of-factly, obviously enjoying himself.
"See?"  And then suddenly he was in different clothes, armor I

guess,

with these metal things on his arms.  I had no idea what they were,

but

they sure looked nasty and sharp.  "Nice outfit, hey?"

Red XIII: Well, it's no tuxedo, but...

At this point, my legs decided they didn't want to support me

anymore.

I quickly grabbed the table before I fell to the ground again, and
carefully swung myself around and settled into the reassurance of a
chair.  Somehow I had a feeling I'd want to be sitting down for

what was

to come next.

Yuffie: Hey! You need to be sitting on a *toilet* for that...

Chris continued, telling me about how he'd answered his first wish,

and

wound up with two possible girlfriends as a result.  I wasn't quite

sure

how to take that.

Yuffie: Just laugh at him. Everyone else does.

Skuld looked uncomfortable.  "There was a runaway wish-handling

process,

so anything you said that may have been phrased as a wish could

have

been granted."

Yuffie: Well *that* simplifies things...

"Boss?" I asked.

"God."

"God?"  I'm sure my eyebrow must have been raised to Spock-like

levels.

Yuffie: Hey, have they got some kinda Star Trek thing goin' or
*what*?

"God.  Kami-sama.  Buddha.  Odin.  Jupiter.  Zeus." Chris paused

for a

second as he tried to think up more names.  "Ra-wait is it Osiris?
Damnit, I can't ever remember the Egyptian pantheon."

Urd sniffed.  "Bunch of stuck-up twerps anyway."

<All snicker>

"Well, I was playing on the Playstation yesterday, and I got stuck
fighting this one boss.  No matter what I did, he kept killing my

party.

So, I might have said something like 'I wish I had Chris around. 

He'd

know how to defeat him.'"  In all of the years I'd known Chris,

he'd

been a computer game player extraordinaire, and I'd grown to rely

on him

as an info source for games.

<mass facefault>

Of course, it is a little embarrassing that the only reason I'd

missed

my best friend was wanting his help on games, but I'd had a heavy

course

load at university the past two semesters.  I didn't have time to

worry

about anything besides getting my homework done.

Hikaru: And playing FF7.

Yuffie: <blinks> What's FF7?

"Why did He set up Bell-chan to live with Kei-san?" Chris

countered.

"Why did He set me up so that I've got not one, but two girls to

deal

with?  Why have I been getting portfolios of guys I should

introduce

Urd to in my email?"  He threw up his hands in frustration. 

"Because

He's a matchmaking busybody, that's why!"

Chichiri: Uh-oh. It's not nice to talk about God behind....err, under
his back no da.

*CRACK-THOOM!!!!!*  A bolt of lightning came through the ceiling

and

struck Chris, and he was lit up like a bulb for a second.  He stood
there for a moment, and then crashed to the ground.

All: STRIKE!!! 

At least this "Boss" was being thoughtful in squashing Chris like a

bug.

The last thing the university needed now was another building in

need

of repair.

Yuffie: Yeah, enough of that and it could start lookin' like Midgar
around there...

"Wait a minute.  With this wish, I could have gotten just about

anything

I wanted, right?"  Chris nodded, and winced as he finally made it
completely to his feet.  "I mean, you got to become a god, this

Keiichi

guy gets a beautiful goddess as a girlfriend, and all *I* get is

the

magical equivalent of a bungee cord tying me to you.  I feel

gypped,

somehow."

Chris laughed weakly and the goddesses burst into laughter.  Life

isn't

fair, sometimes.

Yuffie: You expect life to be fair? <busts out laughing. Red XIII
whaps her upside the head.>

I nodded.  "I know this won't be something Colin regrets, hell, I

never

regretted my wish, but is it really fair to just pick him up and

force him

to move to Japan just to fulfill some plan?"

"You can never second guess Kami-sama, 'Niichan," Urd sighed.  "You

know the

hell he put Belldandy and Keiichi through over their relationship."

Yuffie: The thought of God putting someone through hell scares me
somehow...

"Yeah, but where does Colin fit in?" I demanded.  "I mean, to be

honest, if

anyone deserved a wish, it was Colin, but what kind of crap does

the Boss

have planned?"

Chichiri: You'd think he'd have learned by now no da...

I'd tell you about my visit to my parents place, but frankly,

that's none of

your business.

Yuffie: <flips Chris off>

Red XIII: <whaps Yuffie upside the head again>

COLIN:

I biked home in shock.  I spent the whole trip thinking over the
conversation, and reeling over what I'd seen.  My whole worldview

of a

nice orderly universe without gods or divinities of any sort had

been

completely overturned.

Chichiri: That's what you get for not believing na no da.

Cars rather pale in significance next to divinities and the nature

of

the universe, right?  And the fact that a mere slip of the tongue

made

Chris a god, and another was threatening to wreck my life, really,
really disturbed me.

Yuffie: Get used to it. That's standard operating procedure around
here.

I didn't want to think even a little bit about the almighty ruler

of the

universe personally meddling in my life.  Just the tidbit that was

Chris

was now a god didn't exactly inspire much confidence in the

universe on

my part, either.

<all snicker>

I recalled what happened before I begged off and frankly, fled the

trio

of divinities.  Chris had insisted that I'd be coming back to Japan

with

him, and gave an annoying knowing smile when I told him how

unlikely

that was.

<Hikaru perks up, and looks around at the rest of the group>

Chichiri: <smiles> We gotta do it, no da. 

Yuffie: <confused> Do what? <Chichiri whispers it to her, and she
giggles>

Hikaru: <nods> Alright, on three...

All: NOT BLOODY LIKELY!

<the four of them fall on the floor laughing>

So I was really ticked off when I found a letter from Japan waiting

for

me at home.  Especially when I opened it up and found out that some
place called the Nekomi Institute of Technology was offering me a

full

scholarship, including room and board, starting the next week.  To

add

insult to injury, under that was a letter telling me that my summer

job

had just been canceled.

Yuffie: <still laughing> Bloody likely! <all bust out in laughter
again>

"Why those sneaky..." I started to curse Chris and his "sisters",

until

I noticed the date on the first letter.  Had my wish actually

propagated

back in time far enough for a letter to come to Canada from Japan?

Yuffie: Depends.

Red XIII: On what?

Yuffie: On whether it came by Kami Express, or Kame Express.

<the others groan>

"Looks like I'm coming with you to Japan after all."  I said
reluctantly, staring at the letter I held at arm's length, still

not

fully believing what it said.

I guess that sums up my life now.  I don't know what to believe

anymore.

Red XIII: I know the feeling...

Hikaru: Good chapter. 

[Red XIII and Yuffie leave the Lurkerdrome. Hikaru returns to
sickbay.]

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The Eternal Lost Lurker
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And beans and disease to you.
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