Cut Wood, Carry Water
A Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction by Bob Barnes
Last modified 2/4/98
Part 1:
What Was The Face You Wore Before You Were Born?
- = O = - - = O = -
Ranma 1/2 characters and situations are the property of
Rumiko Takahashi and licensees. They are used in this story
without permission.
Acknowledgements:
I'd like to thank Susan Doenime, Dave Eddy, and Chris Jones
for extensive help in pre-reading this and for giving so
many suggestions that invariably helped to make it better.
If this story is better than simply ok, a lot of the credit
goes to them. Thanks folks.
As is usual for me, much that is correct and accurate in
this story came from helpful suggestions from others.
Mistakes and inaccuracies are all mine.
Any and all responses, comments, suggestions and/or
observations (including flames) are very much appreciated.
I'll try to respond to them all and will at least consider
incorporating any suggestions for changes I receive. Despite
all the effort, I know there are still errors in
spelling/syntax/usage lurking in here as well as possible
continuity conflicts. I've tried, hard, not to violate
canon, but you should know that I have my own ideas as to
what canon actually is.
About usages:
I write in English and have only a
passing knowledge of Japanese. I will occationally insert a
Japanese honorific or term in order to give a cue that these
are Japanese people and this story could be thought of as a
translation, but it's mostly going to be in English. Since
the medium is ascii text, I've had to cheat a little on
typography. Underlines denote both _bold_ and _italic_ text.
An exception is that single quotes denote interior thoughts
when these are verbal... (should actually be italics).
Asterisks denote sound effects like *bang* and also
languages one or more of the characters in the scene don't
understand such as when Shampoo uses Chinese in front of
Akane.
*You really are a stupid and ugly girl, you know,* said
Shampoo.
"What did you say?" asked Akane.
"Shampoo say she really admire Akane," said Shampoo
with a smile.
Looking up from her careful study of a Japanese/Chinese
dictionary, Nabiki also smiled and thought to herself, 'I
can see we'll have to keep an eye on Shampoo.'
- = O = - - = O = -
The Tao of Paradox
Heed me by Calculating the advantages
and reinforce them by Directing them outwardly.
Those who Direct, follow the advantages and adjust their formula.
Those who Strategize, use the Tao of Paradox.
Thus, when able, they appear unable.
When employed, they appear idle.
When close, they appear distant.
When distant, they appear close.
They lure through advantages,
and take control through confusion.
When complete, they appear to prepare.
When forceful, they appear evasive.
When angry, they appear to submit.
When proud, they appear to be humble.
When comfortable, they appear to toil.
When attached, they appear separated.
They attack when the opponent is unprepared
And appear where least expected.
This is the Strategist's way of triumph.
It must not be discussed beforehand.
-- Sun Tzu: The Art of Strategy
Translation by R. L. Wing
- = O = - - = O = -
Ranma and Akane sat very close to each other during
their train ride back to Tokyo and Nerima. They looked just
like a pair of teenagers returning from a camping trip,
which they were, in a way. They talked and joked together in
whispers and showed an easiness in each other's company that
would have been surprising, even shocking, to anyone who
knew them. They felt safe in their anonymity, and wanted to
enjoy the conclusion of this delightful time of solitude.
Ranma noticed as the train passed the stop just before
Nerima. Regretfully, he pointed this out to Akane.
Akane sighed. "I guess we better get back into the act.
I'm getting so tired of this, Ranma-kun. I miss you
sometimes when you are right there in the room with me. Do
you know what I mean?"
He thoughtfully stroked her face with his finger tips.
She half-closed her eyes and shivered in response. "Do you
mean the times when a touch like this would feel good, and
we can't do it?"
"Oh yes," she sighed. They were in public and couldn't
kiss, but she wanted to. She really wanted to. She had to
settle for taking his hand in hers and squeezing it. "I'm
starting to _need_ this to end... this play we're in."
"We are going to end it, Akane-san. We start tomorrow.
Do you remember that Winston Churchill quote from English
class? It seems appropriate right now."
"Which one, Ranma-kun? There were a lot of them."
With an ease that would totally shock most people who
thought they knew him, Ranma recited in accented but correct
English: "This is not the end, nor is it even the beginning
of the end, but it may, perhaps, be the end of the
beginning."
"Oh yes, Ranma-kun. I hope so. I truly hope so." Akane
glanced furtively around at the other passengers. "Let's do
it now, Ranma-kun. We may not have a chance if we wait." She
held out her hand expectantly. Her little finger was
extended.
Ranma looked deep into her eyes and hooked her little
finger with his. They both paused and savored the familiar
bittersweet feeling of this shared moment. Then they said
the words, together: "Whatever happens we will be better
parents than ours were. No matter what, friends for life. I
promise."
* * *
Standing in the hallway outside Nabiki's room, Ranma
was trying to stifle a wry grin as he remembered the
emotional impact of the familiar words they had shared in
the train as it arrived in Nerima. They had said them,
together, countless times before, but they still tugged at
his heart.
He reluctantly put those sweet thoughts away, and with
practiced ease shifted mental gears. He located his "there"
and put on the "face" in preparation for yet another
improvisational performance. 'This had better be good, Baka.
Nabiki is no dummy, and the only way to pull this off is to
want it.' He recalled his favorite mental image of a ski
lift and figuratively allowed it to pick him up and
effortlessly pull him into the flow of his role.
*knock* "Nabiki, can I, uh... talk to you?"
Nabiki closed the ledger and slid it into her desk
along with the rest of the papers she was working on. "Come
in, Ranma."
Ranma knew it would take days for the Baka to work up
the courage to do this, and it still wouldn't be easy to say
what he needed to say. Standing straight, staring at the
floor with his hands clenched into fists at his sides, Ranma
tried to get the difficult words out. "Nabiki, you know,
since we got back from China... well what with the wedding
and all... ya' know, since then things haven't... umm...
that is... well things ain't... I don't want you to think...
ahh... I need... I... and then maybe... err... I..." Ranma's
hand drifted up to the back of his head as he spoke and he
blushed and tried to laugh as his prepared but forgotten
speech stumbled to a halt.
"This is a fascinating performance, Ranma, but you're
going to have to give me more clues so I can figure out what
the hell you're trying to say. You _do_ have something to
say, don't you?"
"Damn it, Nabiki! This is really hard for me," Ranma
shot back. "Besides, I don't want anyone else to hear this."
After over a year in the Tendo household, Ranma knew there
was no privacy to be had, here. "Can we go somewhere..."
"Are you offering to _treat_ moi?" asked Nabiki in
surprise, pointing to her face. Behind her poker face,
Nabiki's thoughts were racing. 'Is he finally going to do
something about this mess? Gods, I hope that's what this is
all about. I'm really starting to worry about Akane. She's
so stressed out I'm beginning to think she might just
explode or something. Even that training trip didn't seem to
calm her down.'
"I guess so." Ranma winced as he, again, mentally
counted the yen in his pockets. 'I hope I've got enough
money. Damn, I knew this was going to cost me.'
"Let's go, then. I know just the place." Nabiki walked
to the door and pointedly waited for Ranma to open it for
her. Ranma stared at her in confusion for a few moments
before he got the message and held the door for her. He
followed her as she led him out of the house and down the
street. Luckily, there was no one in the living room to ask
any questions.
* * *
Nabiki seemed relaxed and confident as she stirred her
coffee and looked expectantly across the coffee shop table
toward Ranma. "So, Ranma, what do you want to say to me?
What could you have to say to me after this latest disaster
at the wedding? I was almost hurt, you know."
"I'm real sorry about that, Nabiki, but that's why I
need to talk to you. Ya know, things haven't really changed
at all. Akane ain't talking to me, and all the other
fiancees are still after me. All the rivals still want to
kill me, too. Our parents still want me and Akane married
right away, no matter what. Only thing that's changed there
is Mom and Dad don't seem to talk much neither since she got
that little apartment and moved out. Right now, I don't know
what Akane wants or how she really feels about things. I
don't even know what _I_ want. Except... I want things to
change for the better. I ain't got no idea what 'better'
would be, though. I'm completely confused."
"So, you want my advice? That's expensive, Ranma."
"No... I already got plenty of people telling me what
to do," he sighed and stared at his hands on the table. "It
wouldn't do me any good, nohow. How could you tell me how to
get what I want when I ain't got no idea what that really
is?" After a year of being pounded on, Ranma felt safe
revealing this much insight. "I think I gotta figure it out
for myself, Nabiki."
He had to convince her that he was sincere. Easy to do,
in theory, because it was all the _truth_, in a way. Nabiki
could be so suspicious, though.
Ranma leaned forward and lowered his voice a bit.
"Look, Nabiki, just today Akane hammered me twice, I had
three challenge fights, and got chased all over Nerima by
Happosai and a mob of mad women. Shampoo was maybe trying to
drug me or something when she showed up with some food for
me, then Ukyo showed up with some food, too, and started a
big fight over me. All I wanted to do was get away. ...and
it's not even dark, yet. Kodachi will probably show up
tonight and try something, and I'll probably end up running
all over again to try to get away. Akane will probably
hammer me a couple more times, too."
Ranma leaned back in the booth, looked to the side
while playing with his pigtail, and chuckled a bit. "I ain't
trying to get you to feel sorry for me or nothing. I can
handle all that, but I can't get any time to _think_ about
things... and I need to."
This was the hard part. Would Nabiki help? For free?
Leaning forward again, Ranma took a deep breath and,
finally, got to the point. "I need to go on a training trip
by myself. I need to get all this straight in my mind. I...
I... c-care about Akane, Nabiki. She can't be happy with all
this, and there just don't seem to be no way out of the
whole, huge mess. Mostly because of me."
Ranma dropped his eyes to the table top in
embarrassment. "I don't know what to do or what I want
except for Akane being happy. I want that, but I don't know
how to get it."
Now he looked up into Nabiki's eyes. "I need you to
help me do this. I need to get away for a while by myself,
and I don't know how to do that, either. If I let anybody
know I'm going, my old man will want to come, too. Your Dad
will want to send Akane along. All the other fiancees and
rivals will end up sneaking after us, and it'll be like I'm
at the head of a big parade. All the fights and distractions
and stuff will just keep after me where ever I go. I need
you to give this letter to Akane after I'm gone and tell her
what I'm trying to do. I also need you to come up with a way
to cover for me, and also maybe send everybody off in the
wrong direction so I can get clear. I was just going to take
off in the middle of the night, but everybody would go crazy
if I did that. They'd all think I was running away."
"Isn't that what you're talking about, Ranma? Running
away?" Nabiki asked, disapprovingly.
"No! err... no." Ranma tried to calm down as heads
turned toward their table at the noise. "It's like the
Saotome Secret Technique, Nabiki. I need to get clear,
figure out a new strategy, and come back. I _will_ be back!"
"How long are you talking about, Ranma?"
"I don't know, exactly. More than a week, less than six
months. However long it takes, I guess. I don't want to miss
too much school, but the holidays are coming up..."
"Why should I help you, Ranma?"
Ranma jumped in surprise. "I just _knew_ you were going
to ask me that. I figured I had to be able to answer that
question before I could even talk to you about the rest of
the idea. "
He started twiddling his fingers together and stared at
them as if this were the most fascinating thing he had ever
seen. "I been thinking about this for a long time, now.
Look, Nabiki, you're probably the smartest one of us, so I
know you can probably do this, even though I ain't got no
idea how. Your family is important to you, just like mine is
to me. I know that. The future of both our families is
involved, here. The way things are now, there ain't no
future except what we got now, only worse. Things have been
getting worse, Nabiki. You know that. Akane almost died this
last time in China at Phoenix Mountain. _You_ could of got
hurt, at the wedding. If this goes on, somebody's going to
get hurt, Nabiki. Maybe Akane, but you or Kasumi could get
hurt, too. I... I'd hate that..." Ranma's voice trailed off
as he sat, looking at his hands on the table. His hands drew
up into fists as he thought about what he had just said. Was
he getting through to Nabiki?
Nabiki had to lean forward to hear Ranma's final, quiet
words. She was surprised to realize she very much wanted to
hear what he had to say. Ranma was just full of surprises
today. Did he really care about her and her sisters this
much?
"Look, ummm... If our parents have their way, you and
Kasumi will be my sisters. I... I ummm... don't mind that
idea very much. I don't know what you want for the future,
Nabiki. Maybe what you want is just for me to be gone. Maybe
you want the same thing our parents want. Maybe you don't
even care about any of this and just want some peace and
quiet. I don't know. Thing is, any way you want it to be,
this idea of mine could be the beginning of the way for you
to get it... Because, I can't _believe_ you like things the
way they are, and this is maybe a way I can figure out how
to change them or start to change them. That's why you
should help me."
Nabiki settled back and thought for a moment. A wry
grin lit up her face after a time and she said, "Wow, Ranma!
You actually do have a brain, even if you hardly ever seem
to use it. You're saying I should help you because it's in
my own best interests. That's almost thinking like a
business person. I'm impressed, Ranma. The question is: Can
I believe you?"
Ranma started to sputter, but Nabiki held up her hand
to silence him. "My turn now... ok... the best books about
business warn of a classic mistake that a business person
can make. It can be the worst mistake. It's not trusting
someone when you should. It's how you miss the biggest
opportunities of all."
She rested her elbow on the table and cupped her chin
in her hand. Staring intently into Ranma's eyes, she thought
for a few moments. "Ok. I'll do it... But!" She fixed Ranma
with her hardest glare. The one that had been known to make
people who couldn't pay what they owed her faint, from time
to time. "You'll do this my way, no questions asked, and
you'll give me two promises. Promises on your honor, Ranma."
"What do you want me to promise?" Oh boy, this could be
bad.
"First, no excuses, Ranma. Your father is real good
with excuses and I notice you are too, sometimes." Ranma
winced and tried to look appologetic and innocent at the
same time. "Ok, first promise: Unless you are dead, you will
come back. Second, when you get back, you will work hard...
HARD, Ranma... to make sure that Akane isn't unhappy once
this is all worked out."
"I can promise that. I do promise to do those two
things... on my honor as a Saotome."
"Good! Give me the letter for Akane. Do you have a
destination in mind?"
"Not really. When I was real little, me and my old man
spent some time on Hokkaido. I thought maybe I'd go there,
first."
"North, hmmm... I can do it. Alright, I'm going to
assume that you want to leave as soon as possible...?" At
her raised eyebrow and significant look, Ranma nodded.
Nabiki nodded back and said, "Pay the lady, and let's get
out of here. I've got things to do. Come see me again
tomorrow after school, in my room. ...and remember, Ranma,
no questions. Just do what I tell you to do."
Ranma nodded, just a bit stunned at this side of Nabiki
which he'd never seen before. When he turned back to ask her
something, after paying the bill, she was gone already. 'I
hope I don't regret this,' he thought to himself.
* * *
As Ranma walked northward along the country road
outside of Kisarazou, a small town across the Bay from
Tokyo, he wondered to himself if maybe Nabiki had watched
too many spy movies. Still, as bizarre as her plan had been,
it seemed to be working. It felt good to be on the road,
again. Maybe he'd even be bored, after a while. Boredom
would be a wonderful thing. Few people in the world were
able to appreciate better than Ranma how that famous Chinese
curse about interesting times really _is_ a curse. Despite
the weight of his pack on his shoulders, he felt light
enough to fly. He began to whistle, badly. Now to get to
Hokkaido...
* * *
To be continued...
*HEY!*
Huh?
We're from the fiction police, and you aren't going to get
away with that!
Get away with what?
That was a cheap trick, bucko. Trying to skip out on telling
about Nabiki's plan. No way! Tell it, lad, or else you'll be
spending quality time, very low quality time and a hell of a
lot of it, in the Bulwer-Lytton Institute for the
Fictionally Challenged.
Gods, no! Not that. Please not that. Ok. Ok. Let's see, the
plan... Let's see... It was a dark and stormy night.
Suddenly a shot rang out. No. Wait. That's not the plan. The
plan was....
* * *
*knock* "Nabiki? It's me. You in there?"
"Come in, Ranma."
As Ranma entered Nabiki's room, she leaned over and
turned up her stereo. She motioned him over to her and began
to whisper in his ear. "You have more than one set of those
Chinese clothes, don't you? The red shirt and black pants?"
Ranma nodded. This was amazing. Nabiki was crackling
with energy. It was that 'other side' that he'd never seen
before yesterday. If this was the 'business' Nabiki, it was
easy to see why she was so successful. It was almost
impossible to imagine saying "no" to this person.
"I need a set of those clothes, then."
With a puzzled expression, Ranma began to unbutton his
shirt.
"Jeeze Ranma," whispered Nabiki, slapping his hands
away from the buttons. "Not now. Idiot. Give me one set
later tonight and be sure to wear the same thing to school
tomorrow. Also, pack your back pack tonight and leave it in
the closet in the dojo before you go to bed. Don't pack any
personal stuff like your toothbrush or pictures. Leave it
all here. You can buy replacements once you are on your way.
Leave most of your clothes, too. It'll all be here when you
get back. This envelope has your instructions for tomorrow.
Read them tonight. If anyone sees them, the plan is blown.
I'm serious. You better be careful about that. I don't
know... eat them or something after you read them, but you
better be sure you remember what you are supposed to do.
There's no second chances here. Got it?"
"Yeah. I got it. I leave tomorrow, then?"
"Yes you do, and that's your last question, Ranma.
Remember, just do what I tell you."
"O-ok, Nabiki. Thanks. A lot."
"You're welcome, possible future brother-in-law,"
Nabiki chuckled. "That really got to me, you know. Still..."
she said, fixing him with one of _those_ stares, "...it
might be pretty handy having a brother-in-law who is a world
class martial artist, and who owes me a B*I*G favor, hmm?"
The usual big sweat drop formed on Ranma's head.
"One last thing: take this thermos and put it in your
book bag. Fill it with hot water at school tomorrow morning.
When you get to the train station tomorrow you _must_ be in
your male form. This is in case of emergencies." Startling
herself and shocking Ranma right down to his toes, Nabiki
impulsively leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss on the
cheek. "Come back to us as soon as you can, Ranma. I sure
hope this works out." She then grabbed his shoulders, spun
his unresisting body around and pushed him back out the
door.
* * *
Ranma stroked his cheek thoughtfully as he walked
toward Nerima station. Nabiki had thought of everything, so
far. Kuno's crazed attack just at the end of lunch period
had given him a reason to leave school early. Naturally he
had been splashed during the fight and gotten glomped, which
was bad, but then he had to go get hot water, which was
good. Ranma wondered if Kuno's attack was part of the plan.
He was almost to the station and was congratulating
himself on avoiding water all the way there when a passing
truck splashed him. He ducked into an alley near the station
and used half the water in the thermos to change back. 'Save
some, just in case,' he thought. 'Gods, would anybody
believe it could be this hard to avoid water?' He continued
on his way, vowing as he went that he would try to avoid the
common male problem of premature congratulation in the
future.
Ranma, still male if a bit damp, got to platform three
and found the (unisex as is usual in older train stations in
Japan) bathroom. "Let's see, third stall from the left...
got it." The stall was occupied so Ranma waited outside
after dumping the thermos and filling it with cold water. He
noticed an eye peering out at him through the gap at the
edge of the door. Then the door opened and a girl in a
Furinkan High uniform; who he vaguely recognized as a
classmate of Nabiki's, came out, nodded to him and walked
out of the bathroom.
Ranma entered the stall and looked around. First change
form, then change clothes. There was an unfamiliar girl's
school uniform hanging in the stall along with a cloth band
like Ukyo's to flatten his breasts. The notes had said it
was for a private girls' junior high in Yokohama. That was
just after the part about this being serious disguise, not
stupid stuff that would only fool Ryouga, so shut up and
wear the damned girl's uniform.
Sighing, Ranma climbed into the girl's clothes.
Surprisingly it fit well. Still, he _was_ fairly small in
his girl form, maybe he could pass as junior high age. The
blonde wig helped, as did the glasses. Tuck the pigtail into
the fuku in order to hide it. Oh man, the book bag resting
on the toilet was pink and green and had pictures of
bunnies(!) on it. 'Gods, I hope no one recognizes me. I'd
die of embarassment!' Ranma thought. It came as a shock to
realize that was the whole point (dummy!), and that this was
probably Nabiki's little way of making him really get into
the part. 'Ok. I'll do like the note said and skip a little.
I. Will. Not. Say. Tee hee, though!' thought the cute little
girl to herself. "And if anybody tries to give me candy,
they die!" she muttered darkly in her high, feminine voice.
Ranma-onna stuffed the clothes he had been wearing into
his own book bag along with the empty thermos, and read the
note that was inside the new book bag along with a soft side
attache case that just fit. Depart bathroom, leaving his old
book bag on the shelf above the sinks. Walk down the
platform (Remember to skip a bit. You are a happy little
school girl, after all.) and when you find the crowd of
girls wearing the same uniform you are, join them. Board the
train to Yokohama with them, but get off at Sakarakacho
station for the next change of disguise. Catch the express
train to Yokosuka.
'How the hell did Nabiki know this school was going to
have a class field trip to Nerima today? No... don't ask
questions. Just do what she says.' Ranma-onna stifled his
questions and tried to concentrate on playing the role and
on blending in with the rest of the girls without being
questioned by them as the train pulled away from the
station.
The watching eyes of the patient, if slightly inept,
ninja barely noticed the little blonde girl who exited the
bathroom and rejoined her classmates further down the
platform. They did, however, notice the damp young man with
black hair in a pig tail wearing a red shirt and black pants
who left the bathroom a few minutes later carrying a school
book bag over his shoulder. Because of the crowds of people
on the platform and in the station, Sasuke was unable to get
close enough to overhear what the young man said as he
bought his ticket, or to get a good look at his face, but
questioning the ticket agent (after an appropriate bribe)
revealed the young man had purchased a one-way ticket to
Nagasaki via Osaka. "Saotome has left Nerima! Master Kuno
must hear of this!" thought the ninja as he hurried away to
do his duty.
* * *
As she walked through the courtyard to the front door
of the house, Akane's thoughts were a chaotic jumble. She
paused outside the door to collect herself and to focus her
thoughts. 'Just imagine this door is the curtain, and I'm
about to step onto the stage... and give the performance of
my life! Oh no, can I do this? I miss Ranma-kun, already!'
Three slow, deep breaths. 'Calm. Cool. I do this every day.
I can do this in my sleep. This is going to get pretty
embarrassing, but I can do it. I will _not_ fail Ranma-kun!
I _am_ the Tomboy.' Step forward and open the door.
"I'm home!" said Akane, as she removed her shoes.
'Where's Ranma?' she thought, getting deeper into the old,
familiar role as she walked down the hall to the living
room. 'It's so typical. I waited and waited for him at
school and he never came to get me to walk home together.
Inconsiderate baka. He's probably off chasing Shampoo!
Grrr... When I get my hands on him!...'
Akane looked around the living room. Genma-panda and
Soun were playing shogi, as usual. Nabiki was talking on the
telephone. She could hear Kasumi working in the kitchen.
There was no sign of Nodoka. It looked like she wasn't
visiting tonight. No Ranma, of course. "Where's Ranma! Has
anybody seen him?" Akane asked sharply.
Soun frowned and shook his head while the panda held up
a sign, <haven't seen him (flip) since this morning>. Kasumi
came out of the kitchen carrying a tea tray, and said,
"Hello, Akane. I haven't seen Ranma since this morning.
Would you like to have some tea?"
Nabiki's hushed voice rose to audibility, "...so call
me when you get back. And thanks. Bye bye." She hung up the
phone. "Akane, I need to talk to you. Soon."
"But, have you seen Ranma, Nabiki? And yes, older
sister, I'd like some tea, please."
Nabiki, looking a bit annoyed, said, "I haven't _seen_
him, exactly. Not since lunch time, anyway. Look, can we
take the tea upstairs and talk?" Nabiki took a cup of tea
from the tray, thanked Kasumi, and stood expectantly waiting
at the bottom of the stairs. Realizing that Akane was simply
standing there looking confused and doing nothing, Nabiki
gestured toward the tea tray in Kasumi's hands and toward
the stairs while raising one eyebrow enquiringly. "Shall we
go, Akane?"
Nabiki had, of course, lived her entire life in the
Tendo household. After all that time, she was quite familiar
with the early warning signs of what she had come to call,
to herself, a "Tendo Chaos Storm." Realizing that Akane's
next words would either abort or trigger the crisis that
Nabiki could sense brewing, and further realizing that
Akane's stability and good sense were pretty weak reeds to
base any hope for near term peace and order; Nabiki sighed
deeply and took a gulp from her tea, and sighed again. She
went to Kasumi and replaced the cup on the tea tray. "Thank
you so much for the tea, dear older sister, but I don't
think we'll be needing it just now. Will you please take it
back to the kitchen for now? Please?" At her final word, she
put her hands on Kasumi's shoulders, turned her and gently
pushed and urged her toward the kitchen. Meanwhile, her
mental countdown clock expired.
Right on schedule, Akane spoke the words that would set
the emotional tone for the rest of the evening: "Do you know
something about Ranma? What has that Baka done, Nabiki? Tell
me! Tell me what that pervert is up to now!"
Nabiki walked to the stairs, again, and abruptly sat
down on the bottom step. 'Oh jeeze, Akane!' she thought to
herself, as the final few moments of peace and calm expired.
'Even for you, that was a dumb thing to say. I wonder if
there is a way to run a betting pool on something like this.
We should be hearing from Father about now...'
"RANMAAAA!!!" Soun Tendo bolted to his feet and did a
magnificant standing broad jump from no information
whatsoever to a totally erroneous conclusion... figuratively
speaking of course. Literally speaking, Soun bounded across
the room and fell to his knees in front of Nabiki. His face
twisted with equal measures of anger, fear and concern. He
raised his trembling hands to Nabiki's shoulders. Tears
began to track their way down his cheeks. "Oh my poor, dear,
darling, little girl! What has that boy done to you? Tell
me, so I can punish him for it!" He began to weep in
earnest. "Oh, tell me, tell me, my beloved daughter! It
doesn't matter what it is. I'll always love you, anyway!
Waahhh!"
Across the living room the panda, now standing,
gesticulated wildly while making incomprehensible grunting
and growling sounds. No one paid any attention.
Kasumi burst from the kitchen, wringing her hands. "Oh
my! Has Ranma done something to Nabiki?"
Akane stood in the middle of the room, arms thrust
straight down and rigid at her sides, fists clenched and
knuckles whitening. She was trembling. Shadows of emotion --
puzzlement, fear, anger (naturally, this is Akane Tendo,
after all) -- flickered across her face like lightening
dimly flashing across the looming side of a distant but
approaching thunder cloud. Her head twisted and jerked as
she locked her eyes in turn on each of the people in the
room.
Nabiki, the quiet center of the building storm, was
trying to think of a way to calm things down. Her eyes were
fixed on Akane's face, trying to make contact. 'Let's see. I
don't think I can _say_ anything at all that would make a
difference. Accurate communication is nearly impossible in
this environment. Ok, it'll have to be misinformation. If I
can just make Akane start to think more about talking to me
than getting mad and hitting someone, I might be able to...'
Finally, Akane's face turned to Nabiki. Their eyes made
contact. Nabiki smiled a droll, ironic little grin, rolled
her eyes and shrugged her shoulders struggling to project
the message: "Isn't this all just too silly and dumb to
believe?"
Baffled incomprehension began to dominate the emotions
on Akane's face. Nabiki began to feel faint hope that
something might be salvaged from this mess. At that moment
the sound of the front door crashing open was heard in the
living room with the dramatic inevitibility of a body
falling out of a closet in a badly written murder mystery.
'Shit!' thought Nabiki. 'I forgot. It's the Worst
Possible Moment(tm). Someone else _has_ to arrive to make
things worse. I wonder who it could be? That was the door,
so it's not Shampoo.... Oh, damn! the list is so long. Oh
well, time for plan 'B'. *sigh* It looks like dinner will be
late, again. And I'm hungry, too. Ranma, you better
appreciate all the work I had to put in on this thing when
you get back.'
Nabiki disengaged herself from Soun, rose to her feet
and began to move toward Akane who had turned expectantly
toward the hallway. Believing she was the only one present
who _knew_ that this was not Ranma arriving gave Nabiki a
certain advantage which she intended to exploit for all it
was worth. 'I'll trip Akane and hog-tie her if I have to, in
order to keep her here. Damn! All this crap just so I can
get her alone for a few minutes to talk to her. Is this the
nuttiest family in the world? I wonder if anyone would want
to bet on that...'
Trying hard to make a grand entrance, Kuno bounded into
the living room. "Forsooth! It is I, the Blue Thunder,
having recently learned that the cowardly Saotome has fled
the scene mine heart is fixed upon a celebratory date with
thee, my fair Akane Tendo, and my precious
Pig-Tailed-Goddess that we may joyously proclaim our
passionate love to the very heavens abov... URK!" His rush
to embrace Akane was interupted by her fiercely driven fist
impacting on his jaw. Kuno staggered back a step and visibly
collected himself. "That didn't hurt, you know."
Nabiki, arriving behind Akane and putting her hands on
her sister's shoulders, thought, 'Oh good. Kuno. I can use
this.' She waited as a few key words of Kuno's speech
percolated through the minds of the others like bubbles
through cold molasses: Saotome. Fled. Recently. Nabiki was
so focused and keyed up that it seemed to her as if events
were moving like a slow motion replay in a televised soccer
match. She carefully and critically observed the responses
of the most stupid person present in order to time her
interjection properly. (In an effort to promote peace and
harmony we will not identify which person among her family
and acquaintences currently present in this scene is
considered by Nabiki to be the _most_ stupid. In all
honesty, though, it must be said that she wasn't
particularly impressed by the mental vigor of _anyone_ in
the room.)
That (carefully unnamed) person's body first relaxed a
bit and then began to tighten up as their lungs began to
fill with the air needed for a certain to be incredibly
stupid and inappropriate exclaimation. Judging the moment
carefully, Nabiki fired her first shot, so to speak, in a
very loud and very clearly articulated voice, "Kuno! The
Pig-Tailed one is with Ranma! Go to him and you will also
find her!" Isn't it amazing what the literal truth can do,
sometimes?
The lungs of everyone in the room abruptly deflated.
"Huh?!?" the battle cry of the mentally challenged rang out.
"UNTHINKABLE!" Kuno thundered. (well he is the Blue
Thunder, after all) "I will punish thee, Saotome, for this
unspeakable, unbearable... Un!... Un!!... ARGHHHH!!!!" The
rich, red, wine of rage rose in Kuno's cheeks (Gods! Can
Shakespeare turn a phrase or what?) as his effective
intelligence inversely plunged to near houseplant levels.
A bit worried that she might not get it in before Kuno
became unable to comprehend spoken language, and still...
with the careful, meticulous skill of a picador goading an
enraged bull in the ring, Nabiki planted her penultimate
barb: "Catch Ranma and save the Pig-Tailed-Girl! Run like
the wind and rescue your love!"
Moving with difficulty, Kuno forced his adrenaline
flooded, rigidly locked muscles to turn his body toward the
hallway. With the slow majesty of a steam locamotive
departing the station, Kuno began his exit as he also began
to gobble the inarticulate accompaniment of a classic
running conniption fit. "UNSPEAKABLE! FIND! PUNISH! MY LOVE!
SAOTOME! RESCUE! HONOR!" and so on.
Nabiki quickly shifted her grip on Akane as she let
loose her final arrow of confusion and hoped for the best.
"KUNO MUST KNOW WHERE RANMA IS! FOLLOW HIM AND GET RANMA!
GO! GO! DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!"
Soun Tendo and the Panda, emotionally battered and
shaken as they were by these events, lusting to take action,
_any_ action, driven nearly insane by the urgent need to
_do_ something... fell for it.
They stampeded out the door determined to catch up with
Kuno and what?... Well, who knows? Where did they all think
they were going? What did they think they would do when they
got there? Is the exact content of the emotion wracked mind
of a truly stupid person doing totally dumb things a
territory we want to explore very deeply? I think not.
Except to note this: unknown and unnoticed by the three left
in the the house, the small stampede of morons pouring out
of the Tendo home attracted the attention of two unseen
lurkers listening outside the house who quickly decided to
follow. Thus did two leaping, flitting forms comprised of an
attractive, leotard clad woman gymnast and a purple haired
young woman of Chinese ancestry join this cavalcade of
mental incompetency.
Perhaps others would also be drawn in. Maybe every
stupid person with violent tendencies in Nerima would join
in gasping, straining, stubborn, relentless pursuit of...
nothing at all. Maybe they would all just keep running and
running and running far off into the misty distance, lose
their way and never be able to find their way back.
Nope! Too much to hope for, even in a story.
Meanwhile, back at the Tendo home a few moments later
(I've always wanted to say that in a story), Nabiki was
lying on top of Akane who was struggling to get up and join
in this celebration of total idiocy. When Akane had
predictably lunged toward the door after her father, Nabiki
had, to put it bluntly, tripped her and fallen on top of
her. She was now whispering urgently into Akane's ear:
"Akane, it's all bullshit. They don't have a clue. I know
what's going on. Calm down, sister, and I'll tell you."
Akane flipped over onto her back, leaving Nabiki kneeling
over her stomach. She was almost weeping out loud in anger
and shame and confusion and who knows what all as she
flailed her arms and kicked her legs trying to get away. Her
red face and tear tracked cheeks melted Nabiki's heart. "I
don't normally do things like this, but you need some shock
treatment, sister mine." With those words, Nabiki leaned
down and planted a kiss on Akane's lips.
Akane's body first stiffened in shock then lolled
loosely as she relaxed under this final onslaught of
weirdness. 'Nabiki!' she thought to herself. 'What the hell
are you _doing_? Oh yeah, she's trying to give me a shock
and get me to calm down. What would the Tomboy do? Oh,
yeah...' At least this part wasn't all that unpleasant, if
the truth be told. The momentary release of days, weeks even
months of stress left Akane weeping like a lost child.
Kasumi rushed forward, dropped to her knees by Akane's
head and began to stroke her hair. She didn't understand
what was happening, but felt she must do something to help
her distraught sister. Nabiki backed off a bit and knelt
over Akane with her forehead pressed against that of her
sobbing sister gazing lovingly down into her blurred face.
In a choked, high pitched, little girl voice, Akane asked,
"What's happening, Nabiki? Oh I'm so confused. Things have
just been so awful since the wedding. What's happened to
Ranma?"
"Kasumi, I think we can all really use that tea, now.
Would you please get it for us?" Kasumi nodded silently and
left to get the tea while Nabiki helped Akane up and walked
her to the table and sat down next to her with her arm
around Akane's waist. Nabiki grabbed a napkin from the table
and gave it to Akane who wiped her face and blew her nose in
it. When Kasumi returned with the tea, she settled down at
Akane's other side, poured three cups and leaned into Akane
with her arm around Akane's shoulder.
"Now, Akane, I want you to listen carefully to this,
and think about it, a lot, before you decide anything. First
of all, understand that Ranma feels the same way you do. He
loves you, I think. He is also just as confused and bothered
and mixed up by all this as you are. He hasn't been able to
figure out any way to fix things, either. He had an idea of
something to do to maybe help things get better and came to
me to help him get started. This is what happened...."
* * *
Still whistling cheerfully (if badly) as he hiked
northward toward Chiba Prefecture, Ranma wondered if the
second change in gender and clothes (thank the Gods) at
Sakarakacho Station had really been necessary. Still, who
would notice another salaryman in a cheap suit riding the
train and then the passenger ferry from Yokosuka to
Kisarazou among literally hundreds of thousands of similar
salarymen in the Tokyo area? As promised, his backpack was
waiting for him in a locker at the ferry terminal at the
other end. Ranma stifled a wry grin as he thought of the
'other' items in the locker and the suggestion in the last
note. Then he realized he was all alone and let the grin
grow into a cheek stretching smile. He laughed out loud.
Presumably someone would steal the softside attache
case with the cheap suit in it that he'd left in a trash can
at the ferry terminal and also that disgusting pink and
green book bag similarly abandoned at Sakarakacho Station,
or not. It didn't really matter. Anyone good enough to
follow his faint trail was welcome to find him. After all,
this hiker is not Ranma Saotome. Oh no, he is just another,
typical wandering martial artist with a bandanna tied around
his head and carrying an umbrella on the top of his large
backpack. The umbrella for fending off the inevitable water
and the bandanna to hide his hair in case the umbrella
failed. A young woman hiking in the country wasn't an
unusual sight, but a young woman with red hair...? 'Even
Ryouga can have a good idea. I should have started carrying
an umbrella a long time ago. I wonder if I can do that trick
he does with bodies of water,' Ranma thought to himself.
'Hokkaido _is_ another island, after all.'
To be continued...
- = O = - - = O = -
Any and all responses, comments, suggestions and/or
observations (even including flames) are very much
appreciated. I'll try to respond to them all and will at
least consider incorporating any suggestions for changes I
receive. Despite all the effort, I know there are still
errors in spelling/syntax/usage lurking in here as well as
possible continuity conflicts. I've tried, hard, not to
violate canon, but you should know that I do have my own
ideas as to what canon actually is.
If any kindly readers would like to read any of my
other stories, other parts of this story, or occationally
rough draft versions of my works in progress, they can be
found at David Eddy's web site (Thanks Dave!) at:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/8341/
Or you can request directly from me at rbarnes@moscow.com
Please don't spam the FFML by requesting it through the
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