Nice job of writing in this one. The level of detail is quite
impressive. 

Thanks, it took lot of work but I think it all paid off.  

Typo-wise, the only mistakes I spotted were a couple of okonomiyaki's
that shouldn't have had the apostrophes. (With the apostrophes, it means
that something belongs to an okonomiyaki, not that there's more than
one.)

Noted and fixed. 

Story-wise, I think you're laying it on a bit thick trying to show how
courageous and loyal and loving and kind and faithful and [continue with
your own favorite adjectives] Ukyo is. There were times when this almost
seemed like it was going to segue into a commercial. "Yes, *Ucchan's
Okonomiyaki* has the great taste that even finicky cats go for!"

You are right, in a way. I wrote this part with the idea that it was 
Ukyou's moment to shine. At the same time though I tried to balance
that by spotlighting what I think are her two worst character traits. 

1: Her arrogance and over-confidence as shown with the easy dismissal 
of Akane right before the truck appears. 
  
2: Ukyou's tendency to ignore the facts in pursuit of her goals as shown by
the way she ignores Neko-Ranko's pointed reaction to her using the 
dreaded F-Word (Fiance <G>) and Neko-Ranko's very different reaction 
to the invocation of their friendship. 

But I'm biased, of course, so the above may be just due to my own
perceptions of things.

Understood. 

Anyway, looking forward to seeing how it ends up!

Hopefully it'll be worth the wait. 

Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics

Carlin