[Aboard a Galaxy Police Shuttle]

Bravo:  Ukinojo?

Bot:  Yes.

Bravo:  Can you bring up the latest spamfic...the one that we intercepted.

[A screen appears in front of the cockpit]

Bravo: Who did this?

Bot: A certain Anand Rao.

Bravo: Hmm...[brings out a cube] Might as well have me a cup of Hersey while
I'm at it.

Bot: Anand Rao, fanfic writer...loves Belldandy, hates Akane, currently
writing on Neon Genesis Evangelion.  Shall I continue?

Bravo: Naah...probably nothing.  Let me see that spamfic.

Bot: As you wish.

Ranma 1/2 is owned by Rumiko Takahashi

The Perfect Man
---------------

By: Anand Rao

"Hey everyone!  I think Nabiki is in love!" Akane exclaimed as she burst
into the house.

Bravo:  Ukinojo?  Where is this story happening?

Bot: Due to lack of data, there seems to be something about the Tendo dojo,
somewhere.

Bravo:  Ukinojo?  Are you dumb?

Bot: Not on a good day, Bravo.

"Oh My!" Kasumi exclaimed, standing by the dining table.

"How can ya tell?" Ranma asked in a bored voice as he sat in front the
television.

Bravo:  Yes, how can Akane tell anyway?

Bot: It would seem that she too had been in love before.

Bravo:  With whom?

Bot: No Data Available.

Bravo: Ukinojo, are you stupid?

Bot: Haven't seen stupid since 03/10/98.

Bravo: Dumb bot!

"Well, she has this really dreamy and dazed look on her face, and she keeps
blushing and
giggling," Akane said, giggling herself.

Bravo: What's this?  Wrapping problems?

Bot: All data support that conclusion, Mihoshi.

Bravo: [trows cup of Hersey at bot] What the...Who the hell is Mihoshi?

Bot: Aren't you...Oh, oh.

Bravo: Shut up.

"She probably found a 100-yen coin on the sidewalk," Ranma muttered.

"Ranma!  She's not -that- bad!  Besides, she'll be here soon, you can see
for yourself,"
Akane challenged.

Bravo:  This I got to see.

Bot: How can you see?  These are only text.

Bravo: . . . right, almost forgot.

"Oh,  I'm so happy for my little sister!  It's about time she found
someone," Kasumi
gushed.The front door opened and Nabiki walked into the house.  Just as
Akane had described,
her face was flushed and her eyes had a glazed look to them.

Bravo:  See.

Bot: No, I didn't.

Bravo:  What do you mean you didn't?  Can't you figure out these
descriptions?

Bot: I thought I was dumb.

Bravo: Oh, that's right.

"Nabiki, are you alright?" Akane asked, supressing a small grin.

"Oh, I'm just fine Akane," Nabiki replied dreamily as she sat down on the
soft next to
Ranma.

"You seem a little. . . excited," Akane pointed out.

"Yeah, are ya sick or something?  You didn't eat any of Akane's cookin' did
ya?" Ranma
asked.

Bravo:  Why, is Akane's cookin' that bad?

Bot: Galaxy Police record nos. 200312-A, Class A criminal Akane's Cooking.
Wanted for destruction of stomachs, annahilation of appetites, mass
corruption of the alimentary cannal and esophagus, and is responsible for
over 5,000 peptic ulcers and indigestion, mostly on a certain Ranma
Saotome...and is capable of destroying a rather large force of Galaxy Police
ships.  Had never been captured, nor prevented from running amok in Nerima,
Japan.

Bravo: So, why don't they arrest the cook instead?

Bot: Galaxy Police record nos. 3020234-B, Class A criminal Akane...wanted
for use of illegal hyperdimensional weapon, most of the time a huge mallet
that originates from a region of subspace called Hammersphere.  Capable of
wanton destruction, and a huge jealousy feud.

Bravo:  And...

Bot: The statute of limitations...

Bravo: Eep!  Not that again.

Bot:  The statute of limitations...

Bravo:  I heard ya!  Stop it already.

"Ranma! You- you-" Akane sputtered.

"Oh, it's nothing like that Ranma-kun.  I just met the most wonderful man
today," Nabiki
replied.

Bravo: What do we have on Nabiki?

Bot: Nabiki Tendo, private civilian.  No criminal record on file.  History
record shows no significant misallignment on the law.

Bravo:  What? She's clean?

Bot: I didn't say that.

"You did?  See!  I told you!" Akane exclaimed smugly, her anger forgotten.

"So, in the guy rich or something?" Ranma asked suspiciously.

Bravo: Is the guy...right, Ukinojo?

Bot: I'm a dumb bot, what do I know?

Bravo: Shut up then!

"No, not at all,  He only had 5630 yen on him," Nabiki replied, in the same
dreamy voice.

Bravo: Maybe he's not Japanese.

Bot: Your theory is supported by the ship's computer with the approximate
degree of probability is at 90 to 95 %

Bravo: Really, how is that?

Bot: Well, there are over five billion people on colonized planet 315,
Earth.  5% of that would be...would be...um...

Bravo: That's kinda dumb...

"So, is he connected?  He knows the right sorta people, right?"  Ranma

asked.

"No, not really.  He has a few good friends, no one influencial," Nabiki
replied.

Bravo: Check on the background of this fellow as soon as we get his name,
will ya.

Bot: Five billion...divided by..no, times...

Bravo: <sigh>

"Ranma! Stop that!  Nabiki doesn't care about things like that!  He must be
a really
intelligent and nice guy, right Oneechan?" Akane asked.

"He's a really nice guy, and fairly intelligent, but he hasn't been living
in Japan for very
long," Nabiki admitted.

Bravo: I guess that means he is in Japan.

Bot: I thought this story was happening in Japan.

Bravo:  Are you telling me I'm the dumb one here?!

Bot:  Um...where was I...five million...plus...

"Oh my, does he go to your high school?" Kasumi asked.

"No, he doesn't go to school anymore," Nabiki replied.

Bravo: I think he's in your league, Ukinojo.

Bot: Huh, I never went to school.

Bravo: Exactly.

"Oh!  An -older- man!  Details, Nabiki details! What does he do?" Akane
demanded girlishly.

Bravo: Does this mean Akane likes older men too?

Bot: No.

Bravo:  How do you know?

Bot: I don't.

Bravo: Where the hell did you come up with that answer.

Bot: From all the other fanfics I have logged and archived.

Bravo: Huh? You keep these sort of things?

Bot: Yup, my favorite pasttime.

Bravo: No wonder you're becoming dumber than dumb.

Bot: I don't know if I should resent that.

Nabiki turned her star-filled eyes towards Akane and took a deep breath.
"He's a fan
fiction writer."

Bravo:  Hey, who's the guy? What's his name?

Bot: I don't suppose there is one.

Bravo: Then why the hell did we investigate if no name was going to be
mentioned?

Bot: Dumb, I guess.

********************
The End
********************

Bravo: Reporting, supervisor.

Supervisor:  Did you check out the leads?

Bravo: Nothing came up, chief.  The Perfect Man wasn't mentioned in that
piece of transmission we intercepted on the FFML.  We'll keep on looking
though.

Supervisor:  Nothing at all?  You didn't have any new clues, or evidence?

Bravo: There is one thing.  The Perfect Man is an out-of-school fanfic
writer, living modestly in Japan, and is quite old.

[End of Transmission]