A Totally Non-sensical Tripe production

Of an AUHP film

The Full Monty!


THUD
THUD
THUD
THUD
THUD
THUD
THUD 
 Nabiki lazily woke up as she heard the loud noises which seemed to be
coming from
the dojo. She put on some clothes and went to see what the racket was all
about. When
she got to the dojo and opened the sliding door she wasn'y surprised at what
she saw.
 Ranma and Ryouga were fighting. What a shocking event! That's when Nabiki
noticed
that they weren't hitting each other with their fists or feet. Just their
heads?
 Ranma reared back his head and smashed it right upside Ryouga's head. The
lost boy staggered
back a few steps, but ran at Ranma and did they same to Ranma. It went on
like that for a while
and Nabiki really was hard pressed to figure out what was going on
 She stepped forward and 'ahemed'. The two martial artists stopped their
routine and looked 
at Nabiki. She said,"Okay, just what exactly are you two doing?"
  Ryouga said,"We're butting heads."
  "I can see that, but please tell me why."
  Ranma said,"Well, you see Nabiki it's about Akane. We got into this whole
argument about who
would be a better fiancee so we decided to do some scientific testing."
  Ryouga said,"Yeah, we figure that the one who has the hardest head can
take all of Akane's malletings."
  Ranma said,"So you can see all of our testing is based on rational
observations. Shall we continue?"
  Ryouga head-butted Ranma and they were at it again.
  Nabiki covered her ears and knew she wasn't going to get any sleep if
these two idiots weren't stopped
immediately. She said,"Hey Ranma since when did you like Akane?"
  "Hey I don't I just want to show that I'm better than this moron-OW! That
hurt!"
   She looked over at Ryouga and said,"But Ryouga why would you need a hard
head? You don't make Akane
angry."
   "Yes, but if she finds out about um.... this thing... I think that she
would be pretty mad at me-ARGH! Ranma, you
bastard! Prepare to die!"
  Nabiki needed her sleep so as in her nature she came up with a plan which
would make her money and solve
he problems. She said,"I know a way that you two can find out who is the
best man for Akane."
  Ranma and Ryouga stopped their actions and looked at Nabiki quizically.
  "Yes?" They said in unison.
  Nabiki smiled and said,"The best man for Akane would obviously be the one
with the best body."
  Ranma said,"No contest. I have the best body!"
  Ryouga snorted and said,"Yeah, right. You have the best FEMALE body!"
  Nabiki interrupted them before there could be another idiotic
altercation,"No, no. You have to have someone
else judge on who has the best body."
  "Okay, who?"
   Nabiki said,"Well actually it's a lot of people. I think I can set up an
appointment for Friday night. Okay?"
   Ranma and Ryouga said,"Okay."
   Ranma asked,"So where is this thing going to be?"
   "Well that's for me to know and you to find out," she said with a
maliscous grin on her face. 
---
   As Nabiki led Ranma and Ryouga down the alley they were continually
whining about the clothes they had to
wear. 
  Ranma said,"Why the hell am I dressed up like a cowboy?!"
  Ryouga asked,"Yeah, and why do I have to dress up like a consturction
worker? And why do we have to wear these
gi-strings?"
  Nabiki waved them off and said,"All will be answered once you go onstage."
  Ryouga scratched his head and asked,"Why do we have to go onstage anyway?"
  She said,"No more questions! Just go in through this door!"
  The trio went through the door. Inside Ranma and Ryouga saw several other
young men who were also in 
various costumes. The three kept walking until they came up to a weasly guy
who looked like a reject from
'Saturday Night Fever'. 
   The weasly guy looked Ranma and Ryouga over and said,"Very nice Nabiki.
Very nice indeed."
   "Thanks Shiro. When do they go up?" She said. 
   "Right now. You can take a seat in the back. See you later."
   With that the weasly guy left. Nabiki put her arms around Ranma and
Ryouga's shoulders as she led them
to the stage. A lot of women who could be heard screaming and shouting.
   Nabiki said,"Okay there are two things you guys should know. One you're
going to have to dance in front
of all of those women."
   Ranma and Ryouga nodded their heads. That didn't seem so bad.
  "Two you're going to have to take off all of your clothes."
   Ranma and Ryouga nodded their heads. That didn't seem so- What?! 
  "Good luck!" Nabiki said before shoving them onstage.
  The duo were like deer trapped in the headlights of a car as all the women
shouted for them to strip. After a while
Ranma began to dance. Ranma did the robot and all the women went wild.
Ryouga not wanting to be outdone even
though he was incredibly embarrassed started to do the jerk. The women
screamed.
  Ranma liked the attention he was receiving. Than again Ranma always liked
being noticed. He unbuttoned his
shirt and threw it to the crowd. Ranma went over to some of the women and
began to girate his hips and the shoved
 dollar bills down his pants. This was so exciting! Then again if Akane
found out she would probably kill him.
  Ryouga followed suite and took off his shirt and flung it to the audience.
Gone was his self-doubt as the women 
oohed and ahed at his muscular frame. He really liked hearing them shout for
more and he wanted to give it to them.
A woman stepped forward and opened up the front of his pants so she could
put a dollar bill down it. She fumbled a while grabbed certain privated
parts while placing the bill in his pants. He would have complained, but it
felt nice to
have someone besides himself put their hands down there. Not that he put his
hands down there though.
  Ranma shook his groove thing for the audience and he tore off his pants
leaving only his gi-string to be removed.
Ryouga tore off his pants and showed off his ass to the crowd. Ranma and
Ryouga stopped dancing and came to
the conclusion that the next article of clothing removed would reveal their
hiddent weapons. Ranma gave the lost
boy a look that said,'I don't want to do that!' 
  Ryouga gave the pig-tailed martial artist a look that said,'I definitely
don't want to do that!' They just stood there
and the crowd was booing and jeering them. A lot of the women were calling
them names and one woman stood
up and said,"Hey are you men or what?!"
  That was the last straw. Ranma and Ryouga tore off their gi-strings and
the club went silent.
---
  Nabiki was getting a little worried when her two stars did not go all the
way. She had promised Shiro a good show
and if she didn't deliver her reputation would be ruined. Nabiki heard a
woman sout,"Hey are you men or what?!"
  Then Ranma and Ryouga revealed all. Nabiki fell out of her chair at what
she saw. She regained her composure and
looked back at the two. Ranma really lived up to his name and she noticed
that the umbrella Ryouga had on was as
big as the one he carried around in his hand all day. Although he might
carry both umbrellas around all day.
   There was a hush over the crowd and then all of the women jumped up and
chased the two offstage.
---
  Ranma and Ryouga were sitting on the floor of the dojo with their clothes
back on. They were talking to Nabiki
who was flipping through the money she had gotten from Shiro. Ranma said,"So
which one of us has the better
body Nabiki?"
  Nabiki stopped drooling over the money and said,"What? Who has the better
body?"
  "YES!" Ranma and Ryouga shouted.
  She shrugged her shoulders and said,"I really couldn't ascertain the
audience's response. I guess we'll have
to do it again."
  Ranma said,"Wait a minute! You're just using us so that you can make a ton
of money while we shake our
stuff for a bunch of horny women!"
  Nabiki raised an eyebrow and said,"So you don't want to do it?"
  Ranma said sheepishly,"Well, I didn't say that."
  Nabiki said,"Good, very good. Although there is another industry that you
might want to break into."
  Ryouga asked,"What's that?"
 "Pronography," she answered bluntly. Nabiki pulled out a movie camera from
hammer-space and set it up on
a tripod.
  Ryouga said,"WHAT?!"
  Ranma said,"Bu-but we're virgins Nabiki!"
  "There's a first time for everything Ranma!" 
  Ranma said,"So who did you fet for this movie?"
  Nabiki said,"Well, she's the only girl who I could get to do it on tape on
such short notice..."
  Ranma said,"WHO?"
  "She's a very nice girl although she is a little-"
  "HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
  "-disturbed."
  Kodachi leaped into the dojo dressed in dominatrix wear and glomped onto
Ranma. She said,"Oh, Ranma-sama
I know that you can survive my tough loving."
  Ryouga looked at Kodachi and took in the full view of her body and decided
that virginity was over-rated
and began to strip. Ranma just stood there dumbfounded. He could remain
fatihful to Akane and probably not
have sex for awhile, but end up having a deep and meaningful relationship.
Or he could have wild animal sex 
with Kodachi right now, but end up having a life full of debauchery and
pointless affairs.  He looked over to
see that Kodachi was now naked. 
   He looked her over and knew what he had to do. He took off his clothes as
fast as possible. Nabiki said,"Okay
everybody!  Lights! Camera! Action!"


Until I find better things to write about. Ja ne.