Reply at akun16@hotmail.com <A-kun>
[In outerspace, a stapler-shape ship is flying in geo-syncronized orbit
over a certain place on Earth. This is the Satelite of Anime. We float
up to it and enter, curious as to where the opening theme song went...]
[A-kun turns to greet us.]
A-kun: Greetings. This is an MSTing that I've been meaning to get
around to, but various things have kept me from it. 1) I'm trying to
get my effing webpage up, 2) I've got a bazillion other fanfics to work
on, 3) I've got weird friends who need monitoring and 4) my hard drive
is getting full, so it took 2 hours to keep booting this sucker up.
But, I declared that I WOULD do this MSTing for Theo Mintesnot (well, to
myself), who sent out a prime cut a while ago, so I decided I'd rip on
the guys who wrote it. Hehehehehehehehee....
Ami: So, we're all heading into the theater. Come on.
[The MAT 2K crew races to their access ports.]
[The dogbone door opens and Cambot floats through, with us trailing.]
[Door 6: It's a box. You 'oooooh' and 'aaaaah', roll your eyes and
continue.]
[Door 5: It's Indiana Jones standing across a pit. He swings his whip
to you and you swing across.]
[Door 4: It's the losers who wrote the fanfic. You pull your ACME
Annihilator and blow them away.]
[Door 3: It's a shower curtain. You open it, revealing....nothing.
You frown and continue.]
[Door 2: It's Ifurita. She knew you'd try to peep. She smacks you
about for a bit, then toss you down the corridor.]
[Door 1: It's a vault door. You smack against it as it opens. Dazed,
you enter the theater.]
[Ifurita enters first, followed by Ami, A-kun and Ranma. They sit in
that order.]
A-kun: Roll 'em!
Subject: [FFML] Here's some MSTing material....
From: capn.bungie.prattle.net@juno.com (Theo Mintesnot)
A-kun: Thanks, I'm looking forward to this.
This fic is a piece of rabid-dogshit written by 2 jerkofffs >on AOL
who've
never seen Sailormoon before(_N_O_T_M_E_!_!_!_), and is >therefore
perfect
for MSTing purposes.
Ami: [growling] They better hope they've got a good chiropractor and
proctologist....
WArning: Ultra-violence, stupid plot, inane sex, lots of >swearing.
Enjoy.
Ami: Oh yeah, these guys are gonna get it.
Prologue 2
All:....the hell?
Sam Burke was in dire straits.
Ifurita: [Sam Burke] AAAAH!! THESE STRAITS ARE TOO DIRE!! AAAAAAAHHH!
He was stuck in Japan,
Ranma: Someone must've put gum underneath his shoes.
where everyone
A-kun: Laughed at his dumb-ass for getting stuck to the ground by
bubble-gum.
called him _Guy
All: [snickering] THOSE _FIENDS_!!
-jin�
Ami: No, no, they aren't CALLING you Guy-jin, they're asking if you HAD
Gin...and a few thousand other kinds of liquor...
or something.
A-kun: He doesn't even KNOW what it means? Yeesh, I have friends who
think Japan is somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico who know Japanese better.
It was a few years after he had lost Twitch.
Ranma: Shouldn't you be rejoicing? I'd LOVE to get rid <twitch> of this
<twitch> twitch. <twitch>
After losing
Ranma: all his money in single a game of poker...
A-kun: all his clothes (thus giving the Japanese a better reason to
laugh at him)...
Ifurita: his dignity...
Ami: his last bit of pride...
another partner to crime,
Ifurita: Sam has to finally admit that maybe pouring scalding-hot coffee
in the crotches of his partners in crime ISN'T the best way to wake them
up.
he had decided to leave New York for a while.
Ranma: He was going to move to that Pen-sil-vine-ia.
That old fart,
Ifurita: still reeked. Even after six years, that ONE fart he let loose
after those triple-chili-bean burritos STILL wouldn't leave.
Cog,
Ami: HEY! Don't blame him! He's only a COG in a larger machine...
had only shook his head and said,
A-kun [Cog] You've just killed your career. You'll never write
fanfiction in this universe again!
_You�ll be back.�
Ifurita: Yes, unfortunately, all BAD fanfic writers DO come back.
Like that meant anything.
Ami: [rolling her eyes] GEE, that might actually be a THIRD grader's
attempt at FORESHADOWING...but it wouldn't qualify even as THAT.
Ranma: Pre-school level. On a stretch.
Sam had tracked a suspect named Flynn to here.
A-kun: If I see one more name from an RPG or Fighting Game, I'm going to
flame the crap out of the authors.
You could name the case
Ami: "The Bad Fanfic".
Ranma: Too broad-based. Besides, too many would be filed under that
name. "The Lame Attempt at Being Cool".
Ifurita: Too broad-based again. How about "The Incredibly Lame Fanfic".
A-kun: Too broad-based again. How about "Yet Another Crap-Fic that's so
Lame that it wouldn't even get into the Bad Fanfic File".
ACs: Oooooh, good one.
as
a conspiracy theory, but it was the only thing he had
Ranma: Because he was a lame-o.
going at the time
Ifurita: Because he was a lame-o.
and decided to follow it.
Ami: Again, because he was a lame-o.
Sam had also heard of an urban myth,
Ranma: [Sam] That was such a myth, that it was URBAN...
one about
magical girls that fought with the power of love or some >shit
Ifurita: [snickering] Hmmm, [Sailor Moon pose] In the name of Some Shit,
I will punish you!
like that.
It sounded a little too much like the spice girls fad from >last year,
Ranma: Hmmm, Rei would be Posh, Usagi would be Baby, Makoto would be
Sporty, Minako would be Scary and Ami would be Ginger? Nah, wouldn't
work. *WHAP* Ooooww! Ya didn't have to hit me, Ami.
Ami: I wouldn't sing, so don't bother.
but
after all that business with Spawn,
All: ?O_o?
A-kun: [snorting] As if THIS guy could defeat Spawn. Hell, this guy is
so lame, he couldn't even get into the Live-Action Movie.
however, it didn�t seem so bad.
Ranma: [paling] I hope he and Spawn didn't do what I think that line
means....
A-kun: [paling as well] So do I, so do I...
Not
compared to guys who ripped
Ifurita: -off-
mafia hitmen
Ami: To pieces?
�s hearts out.
Ranma: I don't recall any hero doing that.
A-kun: Wait, maybe it's Ghandi 2. You know, this time, he isn't Mr.
Nice Guy. He's back to kick @$$.
And so now here he
was,
Ifurita: A bigger lame-o than before.
in Tokyo, looking for the guy who may have instigated the >whole
damn media mess
Ranma: [Sam] I bet it's me again. I'm such an @$$hole. And so is the
guy writing me.
that had been the presidential sex scandal
a few years
ago.
Ami: What does this have to do with anything?
A-kun: Okay, first he's a criminal, then he's an under-cover detective?
This is a bigger load of bull$^!+ than even all those "Sailor Earth"
stories.
Why Flynn did what he did was obvious:
Ifurita: Could you make that a LITTLE more confusing.
he had all the markings of an
abused child.
Ranma: Well, maybe if you TOLD US a few DETAILS, we'd understand what
they were, ya dork!
Sam didn�t care much for that.
Ifurita: [Sam] I like my criminals without markings.
He knew from years of
experience that child abuse was a curse passed down from >abuser to
abused, and that sometimes the only cure was a bullet.
Ranma: [chomping on bullets] Nope, still doesn't work.
But that was the least mysterious of the case he had on >this guy.
All: ??O_o??
A-kun: What the hell are you talking about?
For
one thing, he moved like he wasn�t human. He had to.
All: [in unison] That has to be THE stupidest follow-up sentence I have
ever seen.
After using up all
his favors and using a couple that _weren�t_ his,
Ifurita: [Sam] Hehehehe, that Demon-Prince won't be able to figure out
_I_ was the flaming twit who used that favor.
Heheheheheheheh-AAAAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKKK!!!! X.X He's dead. The End.
All: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
he had gotten a file
on how he
Ranma: was a flaming dolt.
had escaped custody.
A-kun: Okay, Sam got a file on how Sam had escaped custody? What the
hell?!
According to the file, the agents sent to
patrol him were massacred. The thing of it was that both >had gotten
off
at least a full clip each;
Ami: What would a paper clip do against anyone?
and there was a lot of Flynn�s blood on the
wall.
Ranma: That or a lot of Flynn's ketchup. After all, Flynn WAS holding a
bottle of Heinz.
But the psycho still managed to kill them and be out of >there
within 5 minutes. When looking for the deceased agents� >files, there
was
nothing.
Ami: [Sam] But maybe I should've looked in the filing cabinet instead of
the Men's Bathroom.
And, Sam had found a bug on his car 2 days later.
Ifurita: [Sam] EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeekk!! A GNAT!!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekk!
The whole thing smelled coverup.
A-kun: So the 'Whole Thing' was as high as a kite.
When Sam Burke added all the other info
he had gathered to it,
Ranma: If that was supposed to make sense, it failed.
it all stank of government conspiracy, the kind of
stuff even A-6 didn�t even handle.
Ami: A-6 is the codename for the bathroom.
A-kun: Inversely, Z-94 is the codename for the coffee and donut shop.
And the only way he could prove
anything was to find this killer.
A-kun: [Sam] Otherwise, how can I ever prove that I am a total LAME-O!!!
Sam took a bite out of his huge sub, silently wished those
Ifurita: Damn metal bolts would stop holding the damn thing together.
magical girls
luck, and waited for the victims to start piling up.
Ami: So....he wants them to win, but he wants more victims from
failure?!...the HELL!?
Chapter 1
Ami: of Prologue 2, in the 7th position, of the 20th century of this
existence, for the 895th bad fanfic.
It was a beautiful sunny day in Tokyo.
Ami: So, the author decided to be a real S.O.B. and make it a s#^tter.
Ranma and A-kun: AMI!!!
At the mall, a group of friends
A-kun: [singing] %I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to fall,
I'll be there for you-yadda-yadda-yadda%... damn, can't remember the
rest of it.
ate lunch and watched the people skate on the skating rink >a level
down.
Ranma: [Minako] Hey, watch me hock a loogie! [Spits on the skaters
directly below her] Hehehehehehe!
Usagi looked at her friends(altogether; Usagi, Ami, Mamoru, >and
Makoto)
Ranma: [Edger Allen Poe] Nevermore....
fondly, and took a huge bite out of her food.
[Ifurita makes a fart noise.]
Ifurita: [Rei] HAHAHAHAHA!! Gotcha with the old
Whoopie-Cushion-Sandwich gag!
Makoto bigsweated.
Ami: Because if she smallsweated, it would sound weird.
_Um,
Usagi-san, don�t finish that all in one bite.�
Ifurita: 'cause it costs 4000 yen.
Ami: Who's talking?
[A-kun, Ranma and Ifurita shrug.]
Ranma: I'd guess Makoto.
<what a great day,> she
thought.<Friends with me, a sunny day, and I�m even >getting used to
being
a superheroine. Maybe, everything is finally going to be >alright from
now
on.>
Ami: Who's thinking?
Ranma: Usagi?
A-kun: Makoto?
Ifurita: Mamoru?
******************************&**&&**&&>**&&**&***********************************
Ifurita: Expect major flurries in the fanfic. Warning, do to the
blizzard of *s, the fanfic may be crushed into oblivion.
_Okay, this is it. I want Sytiracon�s group to cover any >and all
exits.
Ami: Again, who's talking?
Ranma: Mommy, what's a Sytiracon?
Ami: It's a stupid name created by the idiot authors.
The rest of you, cover Joel while he sets the charges. _I_ >will take
care
of any, heheh, opposition."
A-kun: [mystery person] My @$$-Cannon will take care of anything with
two nostrils.
Ami: [Lackie] What if they only have one?
Ifurita: [Lackie #2] What if they have three?
Ranma: [Lackie #3] What if they breathe through their skin?
The person who spoke this to his small army
A-kun: Knife.
Ami: No, it's a bunch of plastic figurines. The 'person' is psycho.
[Mad Grin]
was wearing civilian clothes:
Ranma: A diaper and some shaving cream on his head.
a Korn t-shirt and some baggy jeans.
Beavis: Korn! Cool! Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!
His forehead had a tattoo of a
Ami: Teddy bear?
Ranma: The words 'Tube Steak Central'?
Ifurita: full-length photo of Bill Gates?
A-kun: Dork? Whoops, that's him.
blood-red upside down crescent on his forehead,
[The MAT 2K crew groan.]
Ami: WHY must EVERY BAD GUY in these STUPID FANFICS _HAVE_ to have a
STUPID UPSIDE-DOWN CRESCENT OR A STUPID BLACK CRESCENT MOON!?!?! GET
_ORIGINAL_!!!!!
however, and it had red
teardrops running down to his eyebrows.
A-kun: [?O_O?] So, the tattoo's crying? OH!! It must be disgusted at
being put on such a LAME-O!!
He had blond hair and
Ranma: SURFER BOY!
A-kun: [hissing] Ranma! Do you wanna get us LYNCHED?!
bluish-green eyes that were rapidly glowing dark emerald , >changing
back,
Ifurita: Into what? NON-CIVILIAN CLOTHES?!
and pulsing again, which showed just how excited he was.
A-kun: [Mystery Person] I'm warm and I'm very moist...
For today, he
would strike back at that queen bitch Serenity,
Ifurita: HEY! I thought he was informed that Queen Bitch Tiamat would
be the one to attack Queen Bitch Serenity.
Ami: Too bad Usagi's going to miss this. She'd want to know who this
'Queen Bitch Serenity' is.
which had tormented him
so long, saying that it was to _heal� him. What bullshit!
A-kun: FINALLY! Someone in the story acknowledges what the story really
is!
And to top it
off, she had left him to die during the black moon crisis.
Ami: Uh?!
But now, it
was
Ranma: Miller time!
payback time.
A-kun: FINALLY! I've been standing in line for HOURS trying to return
this Dubbed Bubble Gum Crisis video. (BLAME THE PEOPLE WHO HIRE THE
VOICE ACTORS, NOT THE VOICE ACTORS THEMSELVES! THEY'RE ONLY TRYING TO
EARN A BUCK! IT'S THE PEOPLE WHO HIRE THEM WHO ARE RESPONSIBLE!!)
He had escaped after a painfully long time,
Ami: [Mystery Person] Oooh, I've got such a rash from that!
and had
trained offplanet.
Ifurita: Offplanet went on to conquer the galaxy!!
Through a lot of work,
A-kun: That should be 'Slacking off and playing Doom II'.
he had gotten all he needed,
Ami: A Sony Playstation with FF7?!
Ranma: A gigapet?
Ifurita: A beer?
A-kun: A remote controlled car?
Ranma: A roll of toilet paper?
A-kun: Confetti?
Ifurita: A lucky clump of fur?
Ami: Magic Lucky Charms?
not to mention that his family
Ami: Was mentioned!
was sure happy to see him
All: die. The End!
home 2 weeks
A-kun: after he was dead. Or were they terrified? He couldn't tell
anymore.
Ranma: missing and presumed stupid.
later in _their_ time.
Ami: Huh? Is this a rip-off of Crono Trigger?
Sytiracon, a dark-haired, stocky and well built man with
A-kun: two amputated legs,
Ranma: two missing kidneys,
Ami: no brain,
Ifurita: and no ribcage or spine AND...
a collar around
his neck, stepped forward.
Ami: How'd he do that?
" Sir, I would rather lead the attack alongside
you."
Ifurita: Saaaaaayyy.....
"Why? So you can stab me in the back?
A-kun: [Mystery person] Didyoucallmeparanoid?I'mnotparanoid,
you'reparanoid,no,I'mparanoid,noI'mnot,yesIam,okayIamparanoid,what'syourpoint?!
Ranma: Remember, even paranoids have enemies!
Ifurita: And it's not paranoia if they really ARE out to get you!
No, I know you too well for
that, my slave_,"
Ami: And he's calling Serenity a bitch? Pot, kettle, black, I say.
Ranma: [?O_O?] He's a bitch?
the hell-bent
Ifurita: That's not ALL that's bent for this guy.
commander sneered.
A-kun: SNEEEEEER!! SNEEEEEEER!!
Sytiracon attempted to control himself
Ami: Why not just use that joystick that all men have?
A-kun and Ranma: AMI!!!
and suppress the urge to rip out his throat.
Ifurita: Oooookaaaaay, so Sytiracon is attempting to control himself
with his joystick and suppress his urge to rip out his own
throat?.....the hell?!
<He DARES call me slave!!!>
Ranma: [Sytiracon] IN PUBLIC OF ALL PLACES!!! I WARNED HIM NOT TO
MENTION OUR RELATIONSHIP THIS LOUDLY!!!
The people of his race never, under any circumstances,
A-kun: picked up the tab!
Ifurita: called the day after!
Ami: picked up their filthy underwear!
Ranma: declared that no one, under any circumstances, declared something
under any circumstances.
called another
slave.
Ifurita: Soooo, his race, which are all slaves, should never call
another slave? How do they communicate to each other over long
distances or contact relatives?
The slave-collar, now encircling _his_
Ami: pen-
A-kun and Ranma: STOP!!
neck, prevented him from polymorphing into his true form,
Ifurita: Ummm, why the hell did you change out of it in the first place?
and the
elf-stone in his heart let the hell-spawn practically give >him a heart
All:.....the hell?
Ami: Giving Sytiracon a heart...you sick, perverted WEIRDO!!
attack whenever he wanted.
A-kun: Yeah, that bastard always scares the crap out of everyone when he
bursts into their rooms screaming just as they're about to fall asleep.
And he had done that as well, as sadistically
curious as a child ripping the wings of a fly,
Ranma: Soooo, let me this straight. Basically, this Mystery Person used
a slave collar to keep these people from doing their 'Business' in their
true forms and put an elf stone in them, thus giving them a heart, and
he didn't know what the hell they did? And it's likened to be as
sadistically curious as a child ripping the wings of a giant fly?
bringing him to the edge
of death.
A-kun: And now he's complaining about being on the edge of seeing Death
naked too! What a whiner!
Sytiracon stepped back,
Ranma: Trying to fart was extremely painful with that ELF STONE giving
him a heart so he wouldn't rip one in a crowd!!!
his eyes promising revenge,
A-kun: So he WANTS to rip @$$ in a crowd? This guy is a certifiable
weirdo.
while the accursed
demon's eyes followed his, mockingly.
Ami: [Sytiracon] Dammit! This Demon's eyes in the picture follow you
where ever you go! Is THERE ANYWHERE WHERE IT WON'T FOLLOW YOU?!?!?!?
Ranma: To the bathroom. It's shy.
"Well, now that that's in order,"
A-kun: HELLOOOO! FANFIC!!!
the hellspawn known as Flynn said after Sytiracon >withdrew,
[Ami and Ifurita look around frantically trying to figure out what they
missed while Ranma and A-kun run to the bathroom.]
" Go out there
and have fun!
Ifurita: No thanks. I think I'll just stay in this clock tower and pick
off random people.
Kill as many civilians as you want, we're gonna bomb the
place anyway,
Ami: Yes, they've been saving up their gas for three years, and now, as
they stride into battle, they plan to fart in unison, thus blowing the
city to pieces...what sickos!
but leave the Sailors to me. Now, let's
Ifurita: Stay here and lounge some more....
go!!!!!!"
He followed his men out,
Ifurita: then ran back in and locked the doors, giggling like a school
fish.
[A-kun and Ranma return, looking pale.]
practically quivering with anticipation.
A-kun: [quivering with disgust] Bleeaaahhh....just what I DIDN'T need to
know....
Ranma: Please tell me that someone shoots him. I don't need the image
of a warm and moist Mystery Person trying to look triumphant....
<I always looooove killing peoples, heehee!>
A-kun: Can we have a LITTLE lamer dialogue, please? I think some of our
readers AREN'T disgusted at the horrible writing.
**************************&&&*****&&&am>p;*******&&&****&&&*****&&&>amp;*******************
Ranma: Yes, I wish this fanfic WAS buried in the Antarctic before that
Angel blew up, causing the second impact... [watch Neon Genesis
Evangelion for more...]
Usagi felt something tap her shoulder.
Ami: It's the Mystery Person!
Ifurita: With their Mystery appendage tapping her on the shoulder.
It was Makoto.
All: GYAAAH!! Makoto is the Mystery Person?!!?
"Usagi, there are
people
Ami: Over there. We should kill them.
-with guns-
Ranma: [Usagi] Duh! That's SWAT.
at the doorways.
A-kun: No, I thought they'd be on the CEILING!
We better transform."
Ifurita: Can we, A-kun?
A-kun: Oh, all right. Just this time.
Usagi took a
quick glance and nodded, numbly.
Ranma: When hasn't she been?
Ami: Ranma, I'm warning you....
Ranma: Sorry...
Any minute now, someone would see the
thugs, start screaming,
A-kun: Because of the thugs' tacky outfits and afeminite costume
jewelry....
and they would have a situation on their hands.
Ami: I'm amazed at the combined wussiness of that crowds of people
display.
And someone did notice,
Ifurita: Well, if Makoto did, then she would be that someone.
as they all quietly snuck off to whatever
secluded corners they could find.
A-kun: [passerby] Thanks for the look at your undies, baby! *CHARBROIL*
And, in mid-transformation, they began to hear, at first >one solitary
Ranma: Cricket! Now, let's transform!
Ifurita: Demon-Goddess Power, MAKE UP!
Ami: Mercury Crystal Power, MAKE UP!
Ranma: Martial Artist Power, TRANSFORM DOO-HICKEY WORDS!!
[Ifurita turns into Sailor Demon-Goddess, Ami turns into Sailor
Mercury, and Ranma changes gender, then turns into Sailor Martial
Artist.]
scream, gunfire, and more horrible screams, and just as >horrible
gunfire......................
A-kun: That horrible, horrible, horrible gunfire....maybe they should
move away from the firing range that the NRA set-up.
********************&&&&******&&&am>p;&******&&&&*********&&&&a>mp;***********************
A-kun: ICE 3!!!
SMA: Ha. Ha, A-kun.
A-kun: Heh-heh-heh...
While the thugs picked off anybody that they thought might >become a
problem,
A-kun: [Thugs] LOOK! IT'S HAPPOSAI!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
A-kun: [Happosai] Pantiiiiiieeeessssss!!!!
Joel and his two guards set pipebombs on
SM: Their foreheads.
SDG: [Joel] Heh-heh-heh! Now, let's get outta here and back to base!!
walls. Some had
SMA: Brains and left, not letting the stupid authors control them.
gas
A-kun: Yes, they did. Phew!
oline canisters attached.
SMA: To their dumb-@$$es!
Joel, after wiring the whole place to blow(on his remote >command),
SM: HEY! That's from Tyco!
finally made it to the Ice skating rink.
A-kun: And noticed that all the thugs were skating and holding hands.
"Kill them," Joel commanded the
guards as he pointed to the fools who were stil on the >rink.
SDG: Hey, isn't that Urawa? And Usagi? And Umino? And Naru? And
Chibi-Usa? And Minako? And Mamoru? And Luna? And Artemis? And
Shingo?
SM: Yeah...
Like
shooting fish in a barrel, the grunts gleefully
A-kun: [O_O] Grunts? Joel is GRUNTING GLEEFULLY?!!?
disposed of the skaters,
who pathetically slipped around, trying to run away, until
SDG: Tanya Harding bashed the kneecaps of the Authors.
A-kun: Come ON! Anyone who can skate mildly would be off the ice by the
time the gunfire BEGAN! What stupid authors.
SMA: Hey, how come you didn't capatilize Authors in that sentence?
A-kun: 'Cause they don't deserve the appropriate title of Authors.
being bloodily
cut down by gunfire.
SM: What? Are they using automatic knife throwers?
Once they were all dead, their corpse
All: ;;;;????O_O????;;;;
Ranma: Their CORPSE?
All:.......the hell?
bleeding all
over the ice, Joel poured the rest of the gasoline >canisters onto the
bloodstained rink.
SMA: This may be a tad sick, but...LOOK! Ring around the rink!
A-kun: Joel, being just as pathetic at skating, slipped and fell on his
sorry ass and was killed brutally by his own minions, just like the
idiot authors should be.
SDG: Getting a tad edgy?
A-kun: Where the hell are the Senshi?! Come on! The transformation
takes only ten seconds for the Inner Senshi and Sailor Moon's takes a
maximum of thirty seconds. This is pathetic!
Joel smiled."OK, let's get the hell outta here!!"
A-kun: [Joel] On second thought, because this story is so lame, let's
just sit here.
********************&&&**&&&&&a>mp;******&&&&&&&************&am>p;&**********************
A-kun: FREEZE IN HE-ACKK!! LET GO!!! [A-kun is dragged out of the
theater and put in the Decontamination Tank.]
Flynn walked around, surveying the damage with glee.
Ami: But, unfortunately, it was cut short when he had to pee.
<But-where is _she_?>
Ranma: THAT'S what WE wanna know.
He soon saw a mall security guard run at him
Ifurita: [Mall Security Guard/Fanboy] Mister Flynn, I'm a really big fan
and everything, but could you be less of a dink?
and shoot.
Ranma: At the geese.
Flynn felt
Ami: A fart coming on.
piercing pain in his chest and thought he was going to
Ami: Explode....WAIT NO!!! DON'T!!! [A horrible stench fills the
theater.]
collapse.
Ranma: I think _I_ might....
Then, as
always,
Ifurita: He was crushed, the END!
ACs: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
the nano-bots in his bloodstream, with their horribly >defective
version of the kessen-chu,
Ranma: Made him fart again!
Ami: Nano-bots? Those Tamagotchi rip-offs that Tiger and a few other
corporations in America are making? THOSE NANO-BOTS?!
Ifurita: That means that either the authors intended something else
OOOOORRRRRrrrrrr Flynn has the biggest veins in the world.
began to slowly, painfully, repair the
Ami: damage done to the story's credibility.
Ranma: Ami, get real. That could NEVER happen. No Nano toy could hope
to repair this. It's beyond repair.
ruptured skin.
Ifurita: Nano-bots from the Ponds Institute.
He said,�Nice aim.
Ami: [Security Guard] Thanks! I practice once a year! [stupid laugh]
Here, play with this,�
Ranma: BLEAAAAAAAAH!! He better not be WHIPPING anything out!!!
and threw a
Ami: Temper-tantrum.
Ifurita: Grenade at the authors.
Ranma: Brain. His. [Flynn] Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh.....
spiked ball at the gurad,
Ami: That's nice, but what good is it to throw a spiked ball at a Gurad?
Those things are impervious to all physical attacks.
Ranma: But, they're also incredibly stupid, like Flynn. [Flynn] Here
boy, see spiked ball? Go! Go Fetch! [Throws spiked ball]
Ifurita: [Gurad] WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!
[The Gurad paused to wet on Flynn's pants, then chased after the spiked
ball.]
the spiked ball began to buzz,
Ranma: A passerby took out a rolled-up newspaper and squashed it.
Ami: Well, you know, other things buzz too...
Ranma: [shuddering] I hope it's not one of those...
Ifurita: You hope it's not one of those remote controlled airplanes?
and spinning
incredibly fast,
Ifurita: Yes, for $24.95, you too can have a lame spinning spiked ball!
Or, if you actually wanted to be respected, you can rent the Phantasm
Ball-o-Death for $2,235.95 per minute of use!
and moved into the guard�s crotch area.
Ami: HEY! I thought he threw it at the Gurad!
Ifurita: He did. He missed.
[Ranma covers himself.]
Ranma: Thank kami-sama he missed the Guard's crotch area.
Ami: Though, wouldn't you think that it would move in the guard's crotch
and not just the area?
As the guared
screamed
Ranma: Guared? Oh, those must be those INCREDIBLY BIG cicadas!
Ami: Of course. They LOVE to scream for no apparent reason!
and Flynn giggled,
Ami: [Flynn] Teehee! That's so funny! I wonder what the Gurad and the
Guard are doing now!
Ifurita: At least it can't get any lamer than this!
the buzzing morning star,
Ifurita:........
Ami:........
Ranma:........
completely
chunkified the guard�s
Ranma: [whimpering] PLEASE say it's his peanut butter....
genitalia,
Ranma: Whew!
Ami: Ranma, it wasn't peanut butter.
Ranma: [o_o] [O.O] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!! [XP-I-<] (If you don't
get the last one, tilt your head to the left)
putting it through the equivalent of a
meat grinder.
Ifurita: So, basically, it just pulled a Bobbit manuever.
Ranma: AAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!
Ami: You know, from Ranma's reaction, this isn't something that men like
to kid about.
Then it finished, as a shred of the dead guard�s testicles
*splat*-ted against the wall.
[Ranma races out of the theater as A-kun leaves the Decontamination
cell.]
Flynn emoved his spiked ball
A-kun: Emoved? Do you have ANY idea as to how LAME that is? Put that
TYCO remote control down and use your own damn powers! First it's
E-mail, then E-sex, now it's E-moving! For crying out loud, when is
everyone going to start doing their own crap again?!
[A-kun sits down.]
>from what was
left of the guard�s body and switched off the spikes,
A-kun: What is that thing anyway?
Ami: It's a spiked morning star.
A-kun: SPIKED morning star? First of all, you don't 'switch off' the
spikes on a morning star. Secondly, a morning star is always attached
to a stick or a chain which is attached to a stick. To remove the head
of a morning star would be to give you a fraggin'
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