Nick here was nice enough to give me some comments on ADD so I thought I'd
return the favor... Here we go!

Disclaimer:  These are my opinions.  Your opinions may differ.  This is
normal, so calm down.

[Shortfic][R.5]Dandelion Wine

<fic>
"You -really- are a jerk, Ranma!" Akane yelled, kicking the fence again,
harder.  "When are you going to grow up and realize-  Oh never mind!"

Akane

said, kicking the fence once more for good measure then stalking off
towards the Dojo.

Hmm -- I've found in my experience that only one 'akane said' type statement
is nessecary. When the next set of quotes comes around in the same paragraph
we know who is talking.  The second 'akane said' in this paragraph caused
you to write the last third of the text in the present tense.  I'd have
jumped right into kicking the fence as it gives the reader a mental image of
her kicking the fence as they absorb the meaning of her dialog. Ex. below.

"When are you going ot grow up and realize-  Oh never mind!"  Akane kicked
the fence once more for good measure then stalked off toward the dojo.

"Ranma, the thing with the bread feud, and even the Jusenkyo curse became
meaningless when I fell in love with Akane.  I fought you because you were
my rival.  I hated you because you took for granted what I so desperately
wanted.  Now, well, I don't love Akane anymore, and I can't find a reason
to hate you.  Believe me, I've tried!  You are and idiot and a jerk!  And

I

-still- think Akane deserves better than you, but I just can't hate you,"
Ryoga explained.

Hehe, no need to tell us that Ryouga was explaining something... by the time
I got there I'd figured that part out ;)

"You just don't get it, do you?  You have no idea what its like to love
someone and -know- that they love you.  It's wonderful.  Heh, I haven't
been able to perform the Shi Shi Hokudan in months, ever since Akari

agreed

to marry me.  I just -can't- get depressed.  Looks like I'm going to have
to learn your way of do it,"

do it = doing it

"...." Akane said, staring at Ranma with a stunned expression on her face.

Akane said *what*?  Unless there is actual dialog I'd snip the 'said' part.

<after reading the end>  I haven't read the story that this is based on, so
I must be missing something.  The ending got me interested in exactly what
Ranma was going to do on that training trip but alas you ended the story
before I got to find out.  Pretty interesting -- if you ever have the free
time I'd like to see you write a longer story.