Ryoucilo <bogue@oak.negia.net> wrote:

Secrets & Lies

Hmmm... interesting story; definitely a change from the usual Ryoucilo
fare. I've a feeling it'll take quite a bit of explanation to get us to
believe it, though. If these two are really an item, how did they get
that way, and why have they been fooling everyone else?

Like I told Morpheus, you need to do something to make it clear where
your paragraphs begin. Indent, skip a line, or both. Also, this was a
little heavy on the dialog; I think more descriptive detail and internal
narration would make it a better read.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics