Hmm, how is this revision different from the original one, other than a
few grammar corrections?  You're still leaving a lot of ideas up in the
air, like: 

If the Neko personality can communicate coherently, why doesn't it do so
when it's taken over Ranma's body?

Why aren't the other human personas scared of it?  Unless somethings been
done to take away Ranma's... fear of cats (bleh, I'm not even gonna TRY
to spell it), you'd kinda expect the two human personas to be deathly
afraid of Neko.  Or is it because the female persona has never been
trained in the Neko-ken?  You have to explain it or else the fic will
seem incomplete.

Are you going to explain this later in your series?  If so, I guess
there's really no problem, but if not, then you're going to be starting
on very shaky ground.  Umm, some suggestions, since I didn't do too good
of a job last time...

Try describing how the cat looks.  It's a little ambiguous when you say
"a huge cat."  What does it look like?  Is it all black?  Is it
half-human, half-cat?  

The smell of breakfast told him he should get up 
and eat before the fur-covered one got it.

Awkward sentence.  "the fur-covered one"?  How about "his fur-covered
father"?

Anyway, it's hard to really draw too much of a conclusion or to make
comments on this because it's such a short prologue.  Hopefully the next
chapter will be coming out soon.  Ja.

doKuSHInsHA
Member of the #AAS#: Achika Appreciation Society

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