Mommy? Make the ideas go away mommy... they're scaring me...

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 and the commercial spoofed are copyrights of their
respective creators and all distributors of their work, and are used without
permission. The product advertised is, to the best of my knowledge, fake.

Camera directions are in... no! I'm going to do something different this
time! Camera directions are in ][. Eat nonconformity and DIE!

*****

]Open on a shot of the Tendo Dojo, with a few koto plucks in the background
now and then. There's a twenty-foot pole in the center, and Ranma, Ryoga,
Shampoo, Mousse, Kuno, Kodachi, Ukyo, Akane, Taro - do I need to go on? -
are all standing in a loose circle around it.[

]Nabiki slides down the pole from off-screen and backs out of the circle, to
the entrance of the dojo. She raises her arm, and brings it down in a
sweeping motion.[

Nabiki: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH!

]Cue grunge-band music as a hideous melee erupts. The standard anime fight
sequence with rushing-line backgrounds is interspersed with shots of the
melee... among the featured players are Ranma (amaguriken on Taro's back),
Ryoga (bakusai tenketsu to knock away Kuno and Kodachi), Shampoo (beautiful
two-handed bonbori smash which Ukyo barely manages to catch on her spatula),
and Mousse (unleashing a massive hail of weapons on no one in particular).
After this last sequence, cut back to the melee to reveal a weighted chain
arcing upward and knocking off what looks to be the top of the pole. The
melee continues, unabated.[

]Cut to a shot of the Tendo kitchen. The grunge band music is reduced to
background noise. Kasumi is relaxing in a chair when something smashes
through the roof and lands in her lap. Kasumi picks it up, looks at it
curiously, then goes to the cupboard and brings out a teacup. She opens the
can.[

Nabiki (v.o.): Rush. A fully loaded ginseng tea with carbos...

]Kasumi pours steaming liquid from the can into the teacup, rinses the can,
tosses it into a recycling bin, and heads for the dojo. The grunge band
music sort of dies down as she reaches the entrance... everyone is on the
floor, unconscious or in extreme pain. The dojo is trashed, to say the
least. Kasumi takes a sip from the tea, then her eyes go wide and she downs
the rest of the cup in one gulp.[

Nabiki (v.o.): ...and ancient Chinese chi-enhancing herbs.

]Kasumi's entire body begins to glow.[

Kasumi: Oh...my....

]The grunge band music starts up again as a light blue blur races around the
dojo. Fade out as the grunge music dims, and fade in on the Tendo kitchen
with birds chirping in the background. Kasumi hums to herself as she rinses
out the cup, and returns it to the cupboard. She then walks back to the
dojo.[

]Fade out, and fade in on Kasumi's POV... a slow, sweeping pan around the
dojo. The walls almost gleam, the "Iroha" sign has been mended, the weapons
on the walls are completely free of any tarnish, the pole in the center has
been polished and re-stained... the whole place almost literally shines.
Then pan back, revealing a few dozen comatose forms lying on the floor, with
bandages, casts, slings, etc. Kasumi goes over to one of them and crouches
down in front of it.[

Kasumi: Saotome-san? Dinner will be ready in three hours.

]The bandaged figure mumbles, and Kasumi stands up, smiles, and walks out of
the dojo, humming to herself. The can of tea appears on the screen.[

Nabiki: (v.o.): Rush. Fuel the surge.

]Fade to black.[

*****

Don't hurt me!

--G. Falconar

Postscript: 15 of these things, and it's been less than twenty-four hours...
I need help. And yes, I do have them all saved... anyone who wants any of
these is free to use it with proper credit.