It may be a little late in the game, but here's another:

(Whoops--forgot the subject line last time!)

***

[The Tendo dojo, interior. Ranma and Akane sit together at the table, 
holding hands, having just made an announcement. Genma-panda capers 
madly, throwing confetti amd holding up a sign that reads [FINALLY!!!!] 
Soun bawls with uncontrollable joy. Nabiki pats him on the shoulder. A 
smiling Kasumi wipes away a tear. Ranma and Akane exchange a look that 
simultaneously communicates the tenderness of young love and a deep 
sense of incipient dread. Akane mouths silently to Ranma, "What are we 
getting ourselves into?"]

James Earl Jones (Voice Over): You're getting married. Some of the 
wedding party have special outfitting needs.

[Interior of a tailor's shop. Ranma is being fitted for a tuxedo. He 
looks annoyed. Akane is trying to explain to the fitter, with careful 
hand gestures, that the groom may need a second tuxedo, of rather... 
different proportions.]

JEJ: This makes your life harder. 

[Ryoga sneaks up behind Ranma, holding a bucket of water. Wordlessly, 
Ranma spins, kicking the bucket out of Ryoga's hands. By the time Akane 
turns around, Ranma is looking up, hands clasped behind his back, 
whistling innocently. A very wet P-chan is chomping on his ankle.]

JEJ: But you find a specialty tailor.

[Focus on a storefront sign: "Man's Best Friend Fashions." A smaller 
sandwich-board sign on the sidewalk reads: "Pet Formal Wear Our Forte!" 
Inside, Akane is holding P-chan, who is being fitted for a tiny little 
four-legged tuxedo. He looks VERY annoyed. In the background, Ranma is 
trying not to crack up with laughter.]

JEJ: This makes your life easier. You hire a photographer.

[Tendo dojo, interior. The family is composing itself for a group 
portrait. The photographer stands behind a tripod camera, his head 
beneath a black cloth. He waves, indicating the family should move 
closer together. They do. Suddenly, instead of a flash lamp, the 
photographer holds up a spluttering bomb. He lifts the cloth. It is 
Hikaru Gosunkugi, pale, eyes sunken, lit candles sticking out of his 
headband. He giggles insanely.]

JEJ: This makes your life harder. But you find a reputable mental health 
care provider.

[Tendo dojo, exterior. Two burly men in white uniforms haul away a still 
giggling Gosunkugi, bound in a straitjacket, and toss him in the back of 
a van. "Happy Acres Sanitorium" is written on the side. The Tendo family 
waves good-bye as the van pulls away.]

JEJ: This makes your life easier. You look for a good caterer.

[Tendo dojo, interior. The front door opens. In walk three women with 
trays of hors-d'oeuvres for the assembled residents of the dojo to 
taste-test. The women are "disguised" behind face masks, but it's 
obvious to anyone with an IQ higher than their shoe size that they are 
Ukyo, Shampoo and Kodachi. Happosai appears out of nowhere, gooses the 
women, and snarfs down the okonomiyaki, shumai, and miscellaneous baked 
goods in an instant. His eyes widen and go spirally. He asks, "Does it 
suddenly smell like paisley in here, or is it just me?" He then does a 
triple backwards somersault, barks like a dog and chases an invisible 
tail, sings "Now I am the ruler of the Queen's Nay-Vee!" and falls over 
unconscious. Everyone else sweatdrops.]

JEJ: This makes your life harder. But you make a few calls...

[Tendo dojo, exterior. The "Happy Acres" van departs; from inside it you 
can hear faint voices protesting: "Let me out of this thing, you 
jackasses!" and "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO...!!!!". Another van pulls away, this 
one marked "JSPCA". A fluffy pink cat can be seen meowing furiously in 
the rear windows. Dr. Tofu arrives with a portable stomach pump. 
Finally, a pizza delivery car arrives.]

JEJ: This makes your life easier. On the day of the wedding, a few 
unexpected guests arrive.

[Tendo dojo, panoramic exterior. Every single character from the series 
with a grudge against Ranma or Akane, or just a naturally bad 
disposition, storms into the dojo, though doors, windows, holes in the 
wall, holes in the roof, holes in the floor... There is a tremendous 
explosion. The roof heaves and lifts clear of the dojo, then settles 
back down. There is an ominous creaking. The roof sags, then collapses 
into rubble. The walls follow, falling inward and kicking up clouds of 
dust.]

JEJ: This makes your life harder.

[Nabiki and Kasumi are clear of the wreckage. Nabiki is dialing numbers 
on a cell phone. Kasumi is turning pages of a phone book. It is open to 
"C", for "contractors". Or would you look under "construction"?]

JEJ: Make your life easier. Use the Yellow Pages!

***

Jim Champagne
jwc70@hotmail.com

[ERIC CARTMAN sidles on screen, looks right, and pitches his voice all 
innocent and sugary.]
Eric: Excuse me, I am a lost little boy. Can you help me?
[Pan right to reveal RYOGA, holding a map of the greater Tokyo 
metropolitan area--upside down.]
Ryoga: What do you expect ME to do about it?!
Eric. Aw, CRAP...!!!

- Just another day in South Nerima...





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