I have received multiple requests to continue this fic, so here's an
expanded version.  This is a draft version; C&C welcome, appreciated,
begged for, and so on. ;)  Since this is a draft version, please e-mail me
first if you wish to repost this in any form, including MSTs.

[Insert standard use-of-Ranmaverse disclaimers here]

******

Some call me insane.  They may be correct.  But, if I am, it is only
because I am crazy for one man.  Those who said I was crazy even before I
met him...well, let us just say that they no longer speak of it, at least
not to me.  Except for my father and brother, and, sometimes, HIM, but I
know they only do it out of affection.

What I am is wise.  I know how to get what I want.  That was why I did not
assist his other two fiancees when they disrupted his near-wedding.  I
knew that they would prevent him from getting married to A...

Aka...

...I hate her so much, I can't even THINK her name sometimes.  How DARE
she contest my claim on Ranma's heart?  Ukyou and Shampoo, at least,
travelled to seek Ranma, even if their only claim on him was just as
forced as hers.  She just happened to live where he wound up staying.
True, I have not spent that much effort either, but then, my affections
for him come only from my heart.  I have no law, no Genma-bought
"engagements", nor any other excuse to ask my competition to leave.  I
simply love him.  Is that not enough?

Anyway, I knew they would stop his wedding, but I also knew they would
earn his mistrust.  And now, I know how to turn that to my advantage.

******

"Hello, Ukyou.  How's Ranma?"

Ukyou has never really trusted me, and I suppose she has her reasons.  If
I were in her position, I might not trust me either.  But I have to break
through her silent treatment if my plan is to work.

"Is he as quiet to you as you are to me?"

That touched a nerve.  I hope I've hidden my smile well enough; the anger
on her face would mean a fight for sure if she saw it.  Not that I would
not enjoy a little sparring, but right now, I have other concerns.

"I see.  You have, of course, tried to apologize to him...right?"

"No."  This is a surprise.  "I...I don't know if I can apologize.  I mean,
the thought of him living in a marriage he doesn't want...surely, he can
see why I..."

"Are you sure he does not want it?"

She says nothing, but I can see that she has been wrestling with this
question.  Oh, Ukyou, your face is like a book to me!

"Ohohoho, I see.  And your pride won't let you..."  No need to conceal my
smile now; taking joy in slowly tossing pearls of wisdom to the swine
before me an innocent pleasure.  "...just...ask...him?"

She was not fully listening.  "What?"

"I said, are you going to ask him if he loves Akane?  I mean, if he does,
and she loves him, then there's no reason for you to stop him, now is
there?"

She knows, but it took my words for her to convince herself.  "I suppose."
The resignation in her voice is sweet victory, but I can not waste time.

"And, if that is the case, do you have anything left to live for?"

"Excuse me?"

"I said, if Ranma and Akane love each other, you have nothing left to live
for."  Here's hoping that the chemicals work, but just in case...  "Is
that not right?"

"I...suppose..."

Yes!  The formula said whoever breathed it would be open to suggestions.
And only I would think to put it in my perfume...after taking liberal
quantites of the antidote myself, of course.

"...but I only have to ask Akane.  I know who Ranma prefers."

The poor, deluded girl.  She honestly thinks she no longer has a chance
after the wedding.  Oh, well...if one gives up on life, one becomes a
legitimate target for the rest of the world.  "So, why don't you ask Ranma
and Akane if they love each other?  If they do, then show Ranma how much
you still care."  Drag one finger across my throat to make my point.
"Take yourself out of the running, and end your heartache forever!"
Anyone who saw me now would assume my grin is just my insanity...it does
make a convenient excuse at times.

******

If Ukyou knows that I have shadowed her back to the Tendos', she shows no
sign of caring.  Certainly, I've hidden myself so well that no one inside
can see me.  Not that it would really matter, I suppose, but no reason to
give anyone a reason to suspect me.

Whatever spirits are watching, thank you!  Akane's answering the door, and
it looks like no one else can see them.

"Hello, Ukyou."  She has not forgiven the chef.  Nor will she get her
chance.  "Come to hit on Ranma again?"

"No, actually, I came to ask you something."

"What?"  She would listen if Ukyou were to apologize right now.  Too bad.

"D...do you l-love Ranma?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"I mean, if Shampoo and I...hadn't interfered, would you have married him?
And, would you have kept your vows?  Would you really have loved him
forever?"

"Of course."  Simple, short, to the point...

...and precisely the wrong thing to say.  Or the right one.  "Then I
really do have nothing left."

"Ukyou?"  You know, if Akane was just a bit sharper, she might have
realized what the chef was about to do in time to stop her.  But, as I
knew it would be, she does not.  Akane does see Ukyou pull a throwing
spatula, and, thinking that it is intended for her, puts up her arms to
block.

She does not see the spatula slice Ukyou a new smile until it is halfway
across her neck.

Oh, this is too perfect!  In her efforts to snatch Ukyou's spatula out of
her hand, Akane grabs the implement just after it leaves her throat,
leaving her to watch helplessly as Ukyou collapses.

One second, two seconds, three...

"Oh, my!"  "Growf?"

Kasumi and Genma.  Not the ones I wanted to see her in this position, but
the more witnesses, the better.

"Akane?"

THAT is the one I wanted to hear.

"UKYOU?"

"W...wait, Ranma, I can explain..."

There he is.  You know, I do not think I will ever forget the look on his
face as he kneels next to Ukyou, or when he stands up and snatches the
bloody spatula from Akane's hand.  He just looks too cute like that,
thinking that his true love has just murdered his best friend.

"Don't bother."  Correction.  His FORMER true love.  "I thought I knew
you, but obviously I was mistaken."

"It's not what it looks like..."

"Have you ever believed me when I said that?"

Yes, yes, YES!  Thank you, guardian spirits, this is my day!

Nothing more is said as he leaves, possibly for the last time.  Now, one
more part to play.  Wait for him to step off the Tendo grounds, and...

"Ran...ma...?"

He does not want to talk to me.  He would probably like to blame me for
what just happened, but he "knows" that I could not be responsible.

"I overheard Shampoo plotting to make Akane kill Ukyou."  Glance towards
the dead body.  "I just got here...oh, Ranma, I'm so sorry...if only I'd
been a bit faster..."  Bet he never learns a martial arts technique that
teaches control over the tear ducts.

"Shampoo...?"  I can not have him going after her right now, I just need
to cut him off.  "That...that..."

"Ranma..."  Hug him, and hold him tight.  Cry on his shoulder.  I know, he
should be crying on mine, but if it draws him into my clutches...  "I
never wanted our fights over you to kill anyone.  Not for real."

"Kodachi..."  Even his fear of me crumbles before his urge to comfort
those who are hurt.

"I'd give you up if I thought it would bring her back.  I know what she
meant to you."  Just words; harmless unless someone really does find a way
to bring her back from the dead...and the only one around here who is
likely to be able to is Cologne.  Somehow, I do not think I have to worry
about her.

"Thanks."

Ok, enough is enough.  Cut the melodramatics, but not too fast...ease off,
just slow enough to make it look natural.  "But, where will you stay now?
I mean, you can't stay at the Tendos, and I don't think you'd like it at
Ucchan's..."  A slight grin.  "With your luck, it'll be haunted within a
week if you try."

"I suppose Genma and I could go training again..."

If I act like I just thought of it, it will seem suspicious.  "I have
always dreamed of you living with us, Ranma.  Would you accept if I were
to offer you my family's hospitality?"

"Your family?  Your brother hates my guts."

"I will...have words with him.  Do not worry; if you come to us under my
protection, you and he will cease to fight."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that."  He probably thinks he knows something
that I do not.

"Could you at least try it, Ranma?  Please?"

"I suppose..."

Have I thanked you enough, spirits?  If not, thank you again!

******

Not even an hour alone with my Ranma, and already Nabiki has come up with
a way to profit.  Why else would she be at the door of my estate, wanting
to talk to me about her sister?

Whatever her plan is, I had better make sure no one else hears of it...
yet.  Only Ranma and I are here, and I have asked Ranma not to eavesdrop.
Not that I could tell if he tried, but he is a man of honor, and I did
remind him that if Nabiki had wanted to speak with him, she would not have
specified that she wished to speak with me alone.

The direct approach is, on occasion, the best.  "What scheme have you
concocted this time, oh Mistress of Yen?"

I thought she would like that title.  Oh, well, perhaps she is too
distraught over recent events.  "I saw everything."

Oops.

"You are responsible, aren't you?  You set everything up.  You hurt Akane.
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't tell Ranma everything right now."

"I'd kill you where you stood before you could get two words out."

I am bluffing - she could tell Ranma when I was not nearby, and I could
not stop her - but she might assume that I intend to stay by Ranma's side
just to enforce that threat.  What she does not realize is that I know
that would poison Ranma against me, just as Shampoo's and Ukyou's efforts
harmed their own chances.

It took me a long time to learn that.  A very painful long time.  But,
learn it I did.  If Nabiki thinks I have not, then I will manipulate her
with that misinformation, just as she as done to so many others.

"I...don't deal...with terror..."  Yes, you do, Nabiki.  You are terrified
of me right now, but you are dealing with it.

"I will also give you my brother."

She has been after him for a long time, for the money of our estate.  Even
this might not prove enough, though...

"And, one last thing, Nabiki."  Lean close, stare daggers.  "I.  Was.
Not.  Responsible."  Lean back.  "I pity the loss of Ukyou just as much
as you do.  More, probably, since I actually care about Ranma's
feelings, not just his impact on my bank account.  But I was NOT the one
who hurt Akane.  That is not just a story."  Well, it is, but why let her
know that?  "That is fact."

Good.  She believes me.  A little asking around and she might have found
out the truth, but my act was sufficiently convincing that she will not
ask.  "What do you mean, give me your brother?"

"Any assistance you want.  A kind word, a love potion..."  She is now on
my side, so offer her a predatorial smile.  "...anything I can.  Just so
long as you let me know what you want, of course."

"Deal."  She is still scared of me, but whenever I see her smile like
that, I must admit, she scares me, too.

******

Dinnertime, and my brother finally comes home.  I had expected him to be
upset.

I did not expect him to draw his blade against me.  Maybe that is why I
let him get it up to my throat.

"Sister mine, hast thou fallen to the vile Ranma's sorcery as well?  The
knave hast informed me that you invited him to befoul our noble estate."

"You've been reading too much Shakespeare, brother.  But, yes, you could
say I've fallen under his spell.  I did it for you."

"How can subjecting yourself to his ways be of assistance to me?"

"In so doing, I have freed Akane from his influence, and possibly your
pig-tailed girl as well.  It is better that only one fall victim to him
instead of two, is it not?"

"But...but sister mine..."

"Ahem."  Ranma!  "Actually, I've been meaning to speak to you about the
pig-tailed girl.  I've been trying to tell you two this for some time, and
you'll have to know it if I'm living here."

"Release your sorcery over my sister first, fiend!"

"I can not."  Is he playing along?  "My 'sorcery', as you call it, is not
entirely under my control.  But it has no direct effect on anyone else."

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that my own flesh and blood would
willingly take you in?"

"Honestly?  I don't know what you believe.  But I do know that you
really should take your bokken away from her throat before she punches
you."

Oh, Ranma.  I would not have killed him.  Crotch strikes can be very
painful for males, yes, but they are hardly fatal.  Even so, Tatewaki's
blade does leave my neck when he sees the position of my fist.

"Very well.  Now tell us your lies, scourge."

"Tell?  It's much easier to show."  He should not have said that.
Tatewaki knows a threat when he hears one, and now he's attacking...

...why is Ranma reaching for a glass of water?

*SPLASH*

...

"Pig-tailed one?"

"Like I said, my 'sorcery' only affects me."

My mouth can barely work.  "R...Ranma?"

"Yes, Kodachi.  Cold water changes me to this form.  Hot water changes me
back.  That's the only 'sorcery' I have, other than martial arts."  Now it
is his turn to stare daggers, at my brother.  "Don't say it.  I can not
release my hold over this body, any more than you could over your own
hands.  I wish I could be rid of this; of course, your pig-tailed goddess
would then be gone forever."

Tatewaki's impression of a goldfish is rather ill-timed, but
understandable.  How dare this...this...THING speak as if it were my
Ranma.  Even if it is standing where Ranma just was...and now it reaches
for the tea kettle...

*SPLASH*

Ranma!  Whatever happened just now, my brother does not seem to be
amused.  I had better calm him down.

"Brother, consider this.  I have always loved him.  Even if he is
'controlling' me, it makes no difference.  Akane is now free of his
influence.  Although I do not think she is the Tendo you should pursue."

"Why not, sister mine?"

"Because Nabiki loves you."  Well, she loves his money, but close enough.
And I did promise to help her.  "I don't think Akane will accept your
advances, knowing how her sister feels, regardless of Ranma."

He is not buying it.  "Ranma, I beg of you, stop putting words in her
mouth!"

"Don't believe her?  See for yourself.  Ask Nabiki out on a date."  Are
you still friends with Nabiki, even after what you think her sister did?
Oh, Ranma...

"Very well."  Good...putting a blade away always leads to more peaceful
situations.  "I will see.  But, be warned, if you lie..."

He never saw my ribbon until after it was around his throat.  "You will
fight with Ranma only over my dead body.  Clear, brother mine?"

"Oh, I don't know, Kodachi."  Why are you questioning me, Ranma?  "I could
use someone to spar with, and unless you're willing to invite Pa over..."
That freeloader?  He can go back to his wife.

"Very well."  Release the ribbon.  "You two may...spar.  But that's it."
A slight smile.  "If anyone's going to injure Ranma, it will be me."

"Uhh...Kodachi..."

Wink.  "And I won't unless you let me.  I wish you could enjoy the pain,
Ranma...I only do it to pleasure you."

"Right..."

Great.  Looks like I will not get to use that rack after all.  Not until I
get him adjusted...and that could take a while.

But that is just another type of training, is it not?  And, Ranma, I do so
wish to train you.

******

Ranma has been so patient, I really should reward him.

*SPLASH*

Going to all this trouble, just to get me to believe her.

*SPLASH*

It took half an hour for me to be convinced, but he put up with me active
naive for another half hour.

*SPLASH*

She came up with a simple way to prove his curse to me.  A bath, at just
the right temperature to trigger neither change, and two bowls of water,
one each hot and cold.  I would have had Sasuke refill the bowls when they
drew close to room temperature, but some things are too private to allow
anyone to help.

*SPLASH*

Beneath the waterline, I can see a definite sign that he - definitely he,
at the moment - has enjoyed my caresses, as I felt his body change with
one hand while ladling the water over him with my other.

*SPLASH*

Perhaps I should ask for the ultimate proof...but, no, Ranma would take
offense if I took advantage of her current state of arousal.

*SPLASH*

Besides, there are so many possibilities, I really must give the matter
some thought before seducing him.  How does the saying go?  Love is
chemistry, sex is physics, kinkiness requires engineering...I wonder if it
is just a coincidence that, when I go to college, I intend to study
chemical engineering.

"That's enough, Kodachi.  You believe me."

Smile.  "What gave it away?"

"You're anticipating my changes.  You wouldn't do that if you really
thought water would not affect me."

Pout.  "But...don't you want to keep pretending?"  Smile again.  "I mean,
I could ask you to let me make you feel like a man...AND a woman..."

"Kodachi..."  Oh, well, I tried.  "Look, thank you for inviting me, but
I'm only staying here until I can figure out what Akane's up to.  I mean,
I just can't believe she'd kill Ukyou, even if I did see..."

"Look, Ranma, just forget about her.  Anyone who would murder your friend
doesn't deserve you."

"And, Shampoo's not the type to use other people.  Even if she did want
Ukyou dead, she'd just take her on herself."

Uh-oh.  That part of my story was a little weak.  Time for a little repair
work.  "Tell you what, Ranma, I'll get Shampoo to come over and apologize
in person.  You deserve at least that much."

"How are you going to do that?"

Wink.  "Trust me, Ranma."

Trust is not something I have earned a lot of.  Especially with Ranma, it
seems.  Perhaps I should work on that...but it is not so much more fun to
break people's trust, and other parts of their minds.

"Just this once?  Please?"

"Ok."  Ranma, I will have to teach you how to strike fear into your
enemy's soul with your smile.  That smile just looks too...peaceful.
"What have I got to lose?"

You?  Nothing.  Shampoo?  Her heart...and stomach, and liver, and...

******

"Hello, Cat Cafe."

Hello, target.  "Hello, Shampoo."

Someday, I will have to learn how to project hatred over the phone as well
as she does.  "What insane ribbon girl want now?"

Insane ribbon girl want uneducated Chinese bimbo out of way.  "Have you
heard what happened to Ukyou?"

"No.  Did pervert spatula girl apologize to husband yet?"  What, and you
have nothing to apologize for, Shampoo?

"She's dead."  Two seconds is enough of a pause to let that sink in.  "By
Akane's hand.  I'm hiding him from her, for his own protection.  I thought
you might like to talk to Ranma about it, and console him on the loss of
his best friend.  You were closer to Ukyou than I was."

"...dead?"  For someone who turns into a cat when wet, you sure sound like
a mouse when you squeak.

"Dead.  Gone to join her ancestors.  A state of being that I'd like to
help keep Ranma OUT of."  Technically true - although the implication is
not.

And, sure enough, she gets the hint.  "HUSBAND IN DANGER?"  Ok, so she is
not a complete bimbo.

"Not at this second.  Mainly because he isn't near Akane.  Although, I
must say, I am a bit surprised by her actions."

"Shampoo too.  No know violent tomboy THAT violent."

"I did.  I just thought I'd be first on her list when she started killing
us."

"Wait.  How Shampoo know insane ribbon girl telling truth?"

"You don't believe me?"  What a surprise...not.  "Call the Tendos.  Ask
for Genma.  He saw it happen, too."  So did Kasumi, but Kasumi would not
believe that her sister was evil even if Akane were to torture her to
death.  Hmm...perhaps I should test that theory by disguising myself as
Akane and...

...later.  I have other things to plot right now.

"Shampoo will do.  Then you bring husband to Cat Cafe, yes?"

Then I waste golden opportunities, yes?  "No.  When you want to see Ranma,
come to my estate.  Alone.  If Akane tries to take Ranma back tonight,
there will be a fight, and we have better security here."  Actually, not
true in this case.  I would trust Shampoo to stay up twenty four hours a
day, and take on entire armies by herself, if she thought it necessary to
keep Ranma safe.  All we have is a household servant or two, my father, my
brother, myself, and our wealth.

But, then, it is not Ranma who is in danger right now.

"Agreed.  Be warned: if Shampoo find violent ribbon girl lying..."

"Would I do something like that?"  Yes, in a heartbeat.

"Yes, in heartbeat."

I am fairly certain that Amazonian magic does not include telepathy.  I
could be mistaken.

******

Hello, Shampoo.  Shall I plant a rose on your grave now, or would you
rather I wait for the formalities first?

"Lazy panda glutton back up insane ribbon girl's story.  Shampoo here for
Ranma."

"This way."  I asked Ranma to wait when Sasuke told me of Shampoo's
approach.  I hope he does not mistake the room for a prison...it is a
little barren, and the walls are reinforced.  Tatewaki had it modified
when he thought he might have to confine me, under the guise of preparing
for an unruly guest.  I would have no trouble escaping and inflicting
vengance on him if he dared to attempt it, a fact which I made very clear
to him when I learned his true plan.  The resulting discussion was very
inspired...and I have never seen chains as a mere decoration since.

"Husband!"  Back to the present.  Shampoo seems very glad to see Ranma.

"I'll leave you two alone.  If you need anything, knock."  Close and lock
the door...and only then take out and put on the headset connected to the
hidden microphone inside.

"Kodachi?  You're leaving us alone?"

"Violent ribbon girl tell Shampoo about pervert spatula girl.  Ranma's
father confirm.  Violent ribbon girl ask Shampoo to help Ranma feel
better.  Shampoo sorry."

"You're sorry?"

"Yes.  Shampoo no want others dead.  Shampoo...Shampoo scared, Ranma.
Husband live with murderer all along.  No know until now.  Ranma could
have lost life, and Shampoo no know Ranma in danger until too late."

"Wait...what, exactly, did my father say to you?"

"Ranma's father saw violent tomboy holding spatula over dead body.  Look
like she kill.  Police come, but refuse to arrest after peaceful sister
said tomboy innocent."

"Kasumi would do that..."

"Peaceful lady said spatula girl kill self.  Ranma's father no believe,
point out holder of weapon.  Big argument.  Ranma's father no welcome at
dojo.  Ranma's mother coming to pick up.  Shampoo tell where Ranma at.
Ranma's father promise to visit when mother arrives tomorrow."

Well, this is unexpected.  But, Shampoo, you have said too much already.

"Ukyou killed herself?"

Far too much.  I had hoped that that possibility would never occur to
Ranma.  Time to trigger the electrical short I asked Sasuke to rig
eariler...

*THUNK*  The door locks to contain the result of all this.

*FISSSSSS...*  The sprinklers activate, and just to make it look like a
real accident...

*BWEEE-BWEEE-BWEEE-BWEEE*  I still think that having our household alarm
system sound like P-Chan screaming was a bit much.  Will my brother never
give up on trying to charm Akane?

"Meow?"

"C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c..."

And now, the moment I've been waiting for.

"CAT!"

I do not have to see inside to know what happens.  Aside from Ranma
himself - herself, now - there is only one object in the room that can be
a target for Ranma's cat-fist.

*CRUNCH*

Correction.  Could have been.

The electrical short is easy to undo, and a few seconds later, I am at the
door, my headset conveniently hidden away.  Fortunately, the realization
of what she has just done has snapped Ranma out of the cat-fist...very
fortunately, for I knew no other way, so I had to hope that it would.

"Ranma?  We had an electrical problem and...you're hurt!  Sasuke, get some
bandages!  Ranma, where's Shampoo?"

No response.

"Where's Shamp..."  'Notice' the remaining more-or-less intact half of a
kitten, and the large amount of blood on the walls, on Ranma's hands, and
on her face.  "...oo...no...you didn't...tell me you didn't..."

"I...I must have..."

"Oh, Ranma!"  Rush forward and hold her tight.  Tears of joy look exactly
the same as tears of sorrow.  Ranma certainly can not tell the difference,
especially when she is shedding her own.  I so want to kiss her, and
congratulate her, but she would never forgive me for cheering her up that
way.  Instead, I put my cheek on hers, and let our opposing tears mix into
one stream.

Is that a hint of happiness I hear in her sobs?

******

When your father is the principal of a school, getting approval for one of
that school's students to stay home is easy.  Especially when something
genuinely "bad" has happened, like witnessing the murder of two close
friends.  (As if I would need even a minute to "cope" if someone else
knocked off my Ranma.  I would just hunt down the person responsible,
teach them the error of their ways, and leave the pieces of their corpse
to rot without getting too emotional.  Ok, so maybe it would take a couple
days to do a thorough job, but I digress...)  Good thing he can pull
strings at my school, too, to let me stay and console Ranma.

Luckily, the police could not be bothered to investigate the accidental
death of a cat.  Cologne did not say a word when, at my brother's request,
she came to take Shampoo's body.  From the looks she gave me, she must
have suspected that I was somehow responsible, but she did believe Ranma's
story as far as it went.

I win.

Ukyou and Shampoo can not contest Ranma's heart from beyond the grave.
Ranma has enough doubt about Akane's role that he will stay with me at
least one more night, and I have dosed his bed with drugs that will, among
other things, poison him against Akane forever.

An interesting thing about the drugs I use.  I have long known that the
human body is but a collection of chemicals; marvelously complex in their
interactions, but utterly simple in basic concept.  The only reason we are
more noble than the dirt on which we walk is because we think we are.
Brains, especially, are very delicate mixtures.  For millenia, people have
known drugs that can give euphoria, or depression.  When refined with a
good understanding of how these chemicals truly work...

"Oh, Ranma!"

...they can even alter one's soul.

How can I tell for sure?  This may be just a hunch, but I do not think
that the Ranma of last night would have surprised me while I ate
breakfast, tied me up, and begun to torture me.

"Yesssohohohohohohoho..."

Now, I will grant that I would have preferred to be the one giving the
torture, I would have started with something a little more serious than
the feather duster, and I would have removed at least one piece of
clothing by now had I been able to.

Alas, it seems I will have to up his dosage.  No more than ten minutes
into the session, the effect is wearing off.  I had hoped it would be
permanent, too.  At least I know that I can turn him into my dream lover.

"Kodachi?  I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

Oh, great.  He will suspect that I am drugging him, and if he does not
like the effects...

"Don't apologize.  I have been given leave to cheer you up.  You certainly
seemed to enjoy that."

Judging from his blush, perhaps a few effects have yet to wear off.

"Mistress Kodachi, Ranma's parents are here to see him."

But I will have to wait to see exactly which effects those are.  "We will
meet them in the foyer."

"Yes, Mistress."  Sasuke has always been loyal.  When the time comes for
him to retire from our service, I shall be gentle.  A simple overdose of
cocaine should make his last moments blissful beyond his dreams.

"My parents?  Just like them to drop in unannounced."

"You were told they were coming last night, Ranma."

"I was?"

"Yes."

"I...can't remember."  Phew.  He had seemed to shaken up to think last
night; my drugs now keep him from recalling Shampoo's last words, and from
guessing the truth on his own.  Ukyou's true fate is barred from his mind.

"Don't worry about it."

"Umm, Kodachi?"

"Yes, Ranma?"  What is he so nervous about?

"There's something you should know about my mother."

"Besides the fact that she's such a traditionalist that you were scared to
let her know about your curse?"

"Kind of.  You see, she made me promise to either become a man amongst
men, or die.  My curse didn't exactly fit the first part of that..."

"But now that she knows, does she still want you to be a man?"

"Well, yes, but..."

"Then let's convince her that you are."

******

Why is Nodoka staring at me like that?

So I came down the stairway in Ranma's arms, clinging to him like a wet
suit.  She should not be that put off by my nuzzling his neck.  Nor by the
undone strap of my leotard, even if that corner of my outfit is showing
off a lot of cleavage as a result.

"Hello, mother-in-law."

"You..."  Go on, Nodoka.  Hate me.  Despise me.  See exactly how far that
gets you.

"Ranma told me about your little...arrangement.  You know, the one where
he grows up to be what you want him to be or dies?"

"The term was 'a man among men'."

"Which is what he is.  Who else would try to make his parents happy up to
the point where he almost died from it?"

"You have no right to my son."

"Right?  Ohohohohohoho..."  Leap down, fix up my uniform, and look her
straight in the eye.  "I have exactly as much right as you do to determine
his fate for him."

"You have no right..."

"Exactly."  Is that how you project hate, Shampoo?  Answer me, if your
spirit has not gone home already.  "A man among men chooses his own fate.
He - not his parents, not his friends, only HE - decide who he marries."

"Ranma, is it your intention to marry this..."  Thing?  Tramp?  Lunatic?
I have heard them all, Nodoka.  "...woman?"  Ooh, that is almost a
compliment.

"Well, I haven't decided for sure..."  Thanks for the support, Ranma.

"What kind of a man disobeys his own parents?"  You've been taking
waterworks lessons from Soun, right, Genma?

"A man that is still alive.  Need I remind you what happened to Ukyou last
night?"  Ranma, for your sake, follow my lead.  "Shampoo also met with...
an 'accident'."

I know what comes next.  Nodoka says it, right?  "What kind of accident?"
Genma.  Oh, well.

"An 'accident' similar to Ukyou's."

Word of Shampoo's death has not spread, it seems.

"We do not know who caused it, but I'd put Akane high on the suspect list.
I only saw the body."  I know what disgust is, even if I almost never feel
it.  I hope my face convinces them otherwise.  "How Ranma survived Akane's
mallet, I'll never know."

"You realize that, if things are as you imply, you're next."

"Yes, Genma.  But I have Ranma to protect me.  Even if Akane were to
strike me down right now, my only regret would be that I could not care
for him any longer.  For his love, I am willing to give my life."

Nodoka...smiling?  "You love him that much?"

"Yes.  Enough to protect him from anyone who would harm him.  Including
you."

"In that case, you need not raise your guard around us.  Ranma,
considering the circumstances, I release you from your promise.  You have
proven yourself to truly be a man among men.  I am proud of you."

You do not wish to hate me, Nodoka?  You do not wish to see me as so many
others have, as a madwoman out to posess whatever I want?

"No, Kodachi.  I see you as someone who my son may marry.  That being the
case, I would rather not be hostile to you without reason."

I have got to learn never to think out loud.  At least, from the group
hug, it would appear that I have new resources.  Now, the question is, how
best to use Nodoka and Genma.

******

Other familys' pleasantries can be so boring, but for Ranma's sake, I
pretend to enjoy the visit.  Is it any wonder why my family chooses to act
as not much more than three people who just happen to live under the same
roof?  Sure, we look out for each other, but obeying one's elders just
because they gave birth to you is insane.  Even Ranma knows that.

Yes, there are things that I consider insane.  Surprised?

Even so, I can not fault him for wanting to reward those who raised him,
unlike me: Tatewaki and I were practically left to raise ourselves after
our mother died.  The only reason we tolerate father's presence is
because he has money.  The sooner that that Hawaiian wannabe joins mother,
the better.  I would speed the process up, but I would not be allowed to
touch father's money if I were suspected in his demise.

Ranma seemed to agree with that future.  He insisted that I not lift a
finger to prepare lunch, when the visit dragged on.  Although, he did not
clean the dishes either, so why is he scrubbing so hard in the sink?  And,
what is he scrubbing?

"Kodachi?"

"Yes?"

"I can't get this stain out."

I see no stain, and tell him so.

"I meant, this red blotch on my hands."

...oh.  "Shampoo's blood?"

"Yes.  I'm surprised my parents didn't see it.  I didn't even see it this
morning."

"You can't get it out."  Restrain his hands - in time, too; a few more
minutes, and he really would have been bleeding.  "But only you will ever
see it, Ranma."

"But..."

"It's psychological.  You're feeling guilty for her death.  Don't.  It was
an accident."

It takes him a minute to accept, but eventually, he does.  "Thanks."

"You've never killed anyone before, have you?"

"What?  No.  Never."

Too bad.  "I underestimated you.  I thought, during your training trips,
you would have gotten careless and extinguished someone's life forever."
Smile as if that would have been a bad thing.

I have only read about it, but I know what he is feeling.  Certainly, I do
not see both Ukyou's and Shampoo's blood on my hands.  I never touched
them.  And they definitely did not haunt my dreams last night.  I am not
depressed about causing their deaths.  In fact, I feel like I am on top of
the world.

"Ohohohohohohohohohohohoho..."

Sometimes, I laugh just to remind myself of that.

******

"YOU!"

I had hoped to avoid this.

"TOOK!"

Death is merely a tool, to me.

"RANMA!"

Akane, how can you suffer if you are dead?  And, honestly, what do you
think the result will be...no, MUST be, can ONLY be...if you fight me to
the death?

"DIE!"

Then again, she never has been that intelligent.

I do not think I will ever know where she gets all those mallets from, but
they all break quite easily - if one gets out of their path fast enough.

Either she has a finite supply, in which case she ran out, or she really
did generate them from her chi, in which case she ran out of that.  Either
way, twenty minutes later, she is exhausted, battered, and helpless at my
feet.

I can not leave her here.  Ranma will surely find her.  I saw Sasuke
diverting him from the fight.  My loyal servant, you will be well rewarded
for your efforts.  Later.  Right now, I must dispose of some trash.

If I take her home, she will recover and fight me again, and I will
return to where I am now...or worse.  That is not an option.

Very well, Akane, you leave me with no choice.

******

"Ohohoho-"

"Stuff it, Kodachi!"

At least she is now awake.  And slowly realizing her situation.

"Akane, why do you pursue Ranma?"

"That pervert?  I'm not interested in him."

*WHAP*  "Don't lie.  If you were not, then you would not have made it so
difficult for the rest of us to take him off your hands."

"Yeah, well, he deserves better than you.  Shampoo, maybe."

"Or Ukyou?"

"Ukyou's dead.  Or hadn't you heard?"

"Shampoo's dead.  Or hadn't you heard?"  Oho, I can mimic her voice quite
well.

"...no...Shampoo, too?"  I should have told her earlier!  Such a
deliciously shocked tone.

"Ohohohoho...you really expect me to believe that you are not happy they
are both gone?"

"I don't expect you to-"

*WHAP*  "Save your breath.  You'll need it to make your dying scream
last."

I wonder, will her suprise go away in time for her to declare her lvoe for
Ranma?

"You have demonstrated, time and time again, that you would stop me from
having Ranma.  This will end in a few minutes.  Do you recognize the rack
that you are strapped to?  Oh, that's right, I didn't invite you to my
last use of it.  Pity...it was only yesterday morning, too, and you would
have so liked to have been there.  I'm sorry I didn't invite you."
Gesture to the remains.

Yes, she does recognize Happousai.  Or, rather, the pieces of Happousai.
Somehow, she does not seem as thrilled as I had imagined she would be.

"Say your goodbyes, Akane, but make them quick."  Start cranking the rack.
"I do not know exactly how long you will take to split apart, but I assure
you, your death will be short and painful."

*CRACK*

******

I'm sorry...so sorry...but you left me with no choice.

"A...Akane?"

She can't even see, with her eyes screwed shut from the pain.  Where's the
release?

"Please, Akane, tell me you're alright."

There.  Now she's free, and...

"Ranma, you IDIOT!  I could have died while you were playing around!"

There's just no pleasing her sometimes.

"Come on, Ranma, let's get her to Tofu's."

"No."

"What do you mean, no?  If you leave her like that..."

"She's already dead."

Go on, hit me.  I deserve it.

"W-what?"

"I killed her, Akane.  Just like I killed Shampoo."

"Ran...ma..."  Geez, Akane, you sound just like a mouse sometimes.  "I'm
so sorry."

Kodachi and Genma both insisted that Akane killed Ukyou.  I saw it with my
own eyes.  So, why can't I believe that we're both murderers now?  Why
can't I say it?

"After Ukyou killed herself, the whole world started going crazy and...
Ranma, I love you."

"What?"

"I know it sounds silly, but I just wanted to say it before something else
goes wrong."

Hold her.  TIGHT.  "I love you, too, Akane."

Sorry, Kodachi.  You had your chance.