based on characters and situations from Takahashi Rumiko, Fujishima Kosuke, 
and others.
	C&C welcome, send to Greggsharp@aol.com

PART 2: I DREAM OF KASUMI 

Kasumi watched the crackle of the fire and fingered the 
cross she often wore. The past few days had been even more
chaotic than the vast majority of times she had seen since 
Genma and his son had come to call a few short years ago.
	One set of disasters after another, and now this. She
had liked, really liked, Dr Tofu. She'd pretty much given up
on him due to his complete inability to deal with her presence,
but she'd still had a thin amount of hope. Now she knew
that relationship wouldn't go any further. This latest in
the series of bizarre events had taken him from her, and
she was still feeling a bit numb from it all. She remembered
the little speech by Cologne.

	"This is all the fault of that damn ring," Cologne
managed as she wrung water out of her garment. It still
smelled like wet rat.
	"What ring?"
	Cologne looked up to see that everyone had immediately 
surrounded her, anxious for some explanation of what had
actually occurred here, and why now EVERYONE had some sort of
Juusenkyo curse.
	"The Ring Of Toltiir, an ancient ring of a forgotten god
of mischief, which was recently found by some adventurers and
brought back to the Amazon Village as a prize. It was sent on
to me for inspection, and was stolen recently with a number of my 
underthings."
	A brief RPG-style CG image appears of four amazons in SD
mode crossing a landscape and entering a cave. A little blue box
appears that reads "Found Ring Of Toltiir, each party member gains
300xp."
	"AUUGGHHHH! I knew that couldn't have been Shampoo's lingerie
when I saw..." Happosai slowed down at the number of glares he was
getting. At least six of the people there were building up battle-
auras.
	"Shampoo no wear bra, silly pervert." 
	"So this is YOUR fault!" Akane's ki summoned forth her mallet.
	"Once again," Nabiki snarled. "Now you've gotten me into
this Juusenkyo mess too."
	Kuno had been wanting to hit someone for quite some time,
and was overjoyed to have found a target. Ukyou felt the same way.

Kasumi had turned her attention elsewhere, though even Kasumi was
ready to do SOMETHING to the little old pervert. One should practice
forgiveness, it was true, and she'd always been very spiritual in 
nature- mere physical or monetary considerations being so ephemeral.
That didn't mean that deep down, on a purely visceral level, that
she didn't want to drop kick Happosai into the Musk Dynasty where he'd
most likely end up as sweet & sour pork.
	"As I was saying," Cologne said a few moments later. "Ranma
found the ring somehow and must have activated it while Akane was
yelling at him. The ring responded by placing us here."
	"It's some sort of wish ring, then?" Ryoga, permanently male
and human again, was feeling happier about Ranma than he had in
a very long time. Now, maybe he could pursue Akane (though her image
kept changing to Akari's in his mind.)
	"Yes, but more a _want_ ring. It takes whatever it perceives
you wanting, then comes up with a number of wishes that _might_ give
the desired result. Then the victim, I mean wielder of the ring, 
can choose one of the options and gain that particular wish."
	"But being the creation of a god of mischief, none of the 
results are going to work out." Nabiki nodded. "Figures."
	Kuno was still thinking about getting his hands on a 
working ring that granted wishes and missed this statement. Not
that he would have heeded the words anyway.
	"Well, I _did_ always want to meet Ukyou," said a burly
6'10" man as he flicked a lock of purple hair back from his face.
	"That reminds me," Cologne fixed the strange man with a slitted
gaze. "Who are you?"
	"I'm Zen," said the Southerner. I got here through a Cursed 
Deck of Ani-mayhem cards. I ended up in King Kai's Bungalow."


	Kasumi poked the fire with a stick, glancing over at 
the strange travelling companions. There were much fewer of 
them left. The Amazon Village had been the worst disaster.

	"We'll just stop here briefly, get supplies, and move on."
	"You may try," Cologne said with a puff on her pipe. "Neither
I nor Shampoo will continue on at this point. There is some business
that we must attend to while we are here. Mousse?"
	"I will remain here as well."
	Nobody was really surprised, but that was three down of the 
original group.
	The amazon village was primitive by some standards, which was
what got Tatewaki into trouble. A few comments about the poor primitive
barbarians, and he found himself challenged. Currently in male form,
he started raving about how he would allow the challenger to date with
him if she won.
	Kuno Tatewaki had been knocked down and was about to be dragged
off to a life of slavery when Tofu caught the eye of another villager.
	That was disaster, as the spear-carrying amazons
came rushing up to block anyone from helping Tofu. Unfortunately for
him, Tofu managed to hit the accupressure sleep spots on his first
opponent. Four others dragged him down and he was given the "kiss of
marriage" a few moments later.
	Konatsu, Sasuke, and Principal Kuno met very similar fates 
in short order. (The first two becoming slaves, Dan managed to get
in a lucky punch and knocked out his opponent. Whether it was good 
luck or bad luck was mainly a matter of perception. The Principal 
apparently tried to give a particularly long-haired amazon a haircut,
and had joined his son.

	Without much choice, they'd had to leave the village. Shortly 
after all this, Kodachi flew off, a black duck, trying to make it to
Japan under her own power.
	Nabiki realized that Kodachi wouldn't get there, and pointed
out that she was heading into the sunset. Ryouga got lost while 
crossing a stream. Tsubasa had hidden inside a garbage can in one of
the other villages, unfortunately discovering that the garbage was 
transformed via a philosopher's stone. 
	Somehow the idea of lugging a coldcast porcelain statue of
Tsubasa through the wilderness didn't appeal to anyone, and the 
general consensus was he'd end up a broken man.
	Eleven now were left.

Ranma watching the TV, saw the worry crushing down on Kasumi.
The camera played over them.
	"Who will survive?" The announcer sounded like the somewhat
annoying announcer from "Hokuto No Ken" -Ranma frowned at the thought.
That was _not_ a happy series and he hoped this wasn't an omen. 
	Images of each of the characters popped up with a text message
at the bottom.
	"Kasumi Tendou, Juusenkyo Curse: Spring Of Drowned Hentai"
	"Soun Tendou, Juusenkyo Curse: Spring Of Drowned Child" Soun was
asleep and in child form.
	"Nabiki Tendou, Juusenkyo Curse: Spring Of Drowned Drunk." Like 
her father, Nabiki had apparently gotten splashed recently. Her face
was flushed and she was sprawled out over a few backpacks.
	"Akane Tendou, Juusenkyo Curse: Spring Of Drowned Man." Akane was
in her normal form, but snarling in her sleep.
	"Happosai, Juusenkyo Curse: Black Piglet." Happosai was pretending
to be asleep and was watching Akane.
	"Zen, for once lucking out as saiyajin are not affected by the
curses of Juusenkyo." Zen was wrapped in his black duster style coat, 
sound asleep. 
	"Nadoka Saotome, Juusenkyo Curse: Spring Of Drowned Panda." She
had the sword between her and her husband.
	"Genma Saotome, Juusenkyo Curse: Spring Of Drowned Panda."
	"Ukyou Kuonji, Juusenkyo Curse: Spring of Drowned Akane." Ukyou
was asleep by her spatulas, which were obviously arranged for quick
access.
	Ranma watched the screen fade. Disengaging the ring from the
TV, he thought about what he had seen. "Hey, ring, anyway to get them
out of that fix?"
	*ONE, YOU COULD WISH THAT ANOTHER ARTIFACT WAS HERE. THAT _IS_
WITHIN MY POWER LEVEL. THE LAMP OF THE ANTI-DJINN NEGATES THE EFFECTS OF
ANY SINGLE WISH. THERE ARE A FEW OTHER ITEMS THAT COULD SIMILARLY ALTER
THE PAST, HAPPOSAI'S MIRROR FOR EXAMPLE. TWO, YOU COULD WAIT TILL THE 
END OF THE WEEK THEN SIMPLY WISH FOR THE EFFECTS OF THE FIRST WISH TO BE
CANCELLED OUT. *
	"Waitaminnute. Could you cure my curse?"
	*JUUSENKYO CURSE FIXES ARE POSSIBLE. MIND YOUR WORDING OF THE
WISH VERY CAREFULLY AND REMEMBER MY LIMITATIONS.*
	"How's your power level now?"
	*CONTINUING TO CHARGE. ROUGHLY ONE MAJOR WISH PER WEEK, 
MINOR EFFECTS LIKE USING THE TELEVISION AS A SCRYING DEVICE POSSIBLE
WITHOUT MAJOR DRAINING OF THE MANA POOL. ANOTHER TWO DAYS REQUIRED
BEFORE I CAN DO A WISH. THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE THE TELEPORT WAS FAIRLY
SIMPLE.*
	"I see." Ranma was deep in thought, something that usually was
interrupted by a fiancee, Happosai, or some other disaster. He didn't
usually get this much peace and quiet. "How much detail can you get
when scrying, anyway? Like there's some stuff I've never been able to
figure out on my own."
	*RANMA, I DON'T COMPLETELY KNOW MY OWN LIMITS. I HAVEN'T BEEN A
MAGIC RING FOR VERY LONG. ALL I CAN DO IS TRY. THAT SAID, I AM TRYING
TO HELP YOU OUT HERE, AND WILL DO WHAT I CAN FOR YOU.*
	"Why are you being so helpful, anyway? I understand you're a
human who was turned into the magic spirit inside the ring, but I seem
to remember some stories about evil spirits always being in rings."
	The ring actually seemed to give a long painful sigh. *RANMA,
YOU'VE GOT ENOUGH PROBLEMS, DON'T YOU THINK? YOU'VE GOT FOUR CURSES,
SEVEN FIANCEES, AND GENMA SAOTOME FOR A FATHER. YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH
AKANE TENDOU, WHICH IS PRETTY PAINFUL IN AND OF ITSELF.*
	"Four curses? Wait a minute, SEVEN FIANCEES?"
	*GENMA HAS NOT EXACTLY BEEN A WONDERFUL FATHER NOW, HAS HE? OH,
YES, AS A MAGICAL RING I CAN SEE THE CURSES QUITE CLEARLY. THERE'S YOUR
AILUROPHOBIA - A NATURE SPIRIT POSSESSION THAT PRODUCES THE CAT-FIST
TECHNIQUE. THERE'S THE "MAY YOU LIVE IN INTERESTING TIMES" CURSE. THERE'S
THE JUUSENKYO CURSE THAT TURNS YOU INTO A YOUNG GIRL. FINALLY THERE'S
THE WATER MAGNET CURSE, THAT'S ONE RELATED TO THE JUUSENKYO CURSES.*
	"So THAT'S why I'm a water magnet. Akane doesn't get splashed
nearly as often."
	*HER CURSES ARE RELATED TO HER INABILITY TO LEARN TRADITIONAL
FEMININE SKILLS AND ALWAYS ATTRACTING THE WRONG KIND OF BOYS.*
	"Figures, her cooking is a curse." Ranma sat back down and
regarded the ring. "How come we got all these curses anyway?"
	*WHO'S THE FOUNDER OF THE ANYTHING GOES MARTIAL ARTS?*
	"Happosai." Ranma covered his face with one hand. "You mean that
any practitioner of this brand of kempo gets curses up their..."
	*NO. ANYONE WHO IS ACTUALLY TRYING TO MASTER IT OR CONSIDERS 
THEMSELVES A MASTER WILL ATTRACT A LOT OF CURSES. HAPPOSAI MADE A _LOT_
OF ENEMIES, RANMA, AND SOME WERE PRETTY POWERFUL.*
	"So it's all that old lech's fault." Ranma popped his knuckles.
"Well, at least now I know some of it."
	*RYOUGA'S DIRECTION SENSE IS AN ANCESTRAL CURSE, DEALING WITH 
NEVER KNOWING A HOME. IT'S GOTTEN A LOT WEAKER OVER THE CENTURIES, BUT
IS STILL FAIRLY POTENT.*
	"Wonderful," Ranma said sarcastically. "What about those cursed
cards things?"
	*THINK OF MULTIPLE UNIVERSES. HERE'S A DECK OF TRADING CARDS
FROM ONE OF THOSE 'MAGIC-THE GATHERING' TYPE GAMES. THE PROBLEM IS THAT
THESE ARE MAGICAL AND CURSED. THE LOCATION CARDS TAKE YOU TO THE LOCATION
DESCRIBED ON THE CARD ITSELF. THE CHARACTER CARDS TURN YOU INTO THE 
LOOKALIKE OF THE CHARACTER OF THE CARD, ALMOST AS IF YOU'D TAKEN A DIP
IN ONE OF THE SPRINGS. DISASTER CARDS SUMMON SOME PROBLEM TO YOU. ITEM
AND EQUIPMENT CARDS BRING THE THING DEPICTED INTO YOUR SPACE, OR A 
REASONABLE FASCIMILE. SHIELD AND FLASH CARDS DO SIMILAR THINGS BUT ARE
EVEN SHORTER TERM.*
	"So he's stuck wandering through various universes, looking
for a way home, eh?" Ranma thought he understood, he'd seen a TV series
like that the other night.
	*ZEN DREW A CHARACTER CARD WHEN HE AND THE OTHER WANDERERS WERE
FIGHTING AN EVIL SORCERER. NOW HE LOOKS ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE AN INDIVIDUAL
NAMED 'TRUNKS' AND HAS ENORMOUS CHI POTENTIAL.*
	"Okay. Let's get back to this 'Six Fiancees' thing. What did Pop
do NOW? How much detail can you give me?"
	*QUITE A LOT ACTUALLY. YOU WANT TO KNOW THE PLUSES AND MINUSES
AS I CAN SEE THEM?*
	"Yeah. I don't even know why I keep getting into these problems.
Unless it's another curse." Ranma sounded a little depressed.
	*YOU WANT THE FIANCEE PROBLEM FIXED? MARRY ONE. USE A WISH AND
MARRY MORE THAN ONE, OR USE A WISH TO MAKE ALL BUT THE ONE YOU CHOOSE
FIND SOMEONE ELSE. THE MAIN CAUSE OF THE PROBLEM HERE HAS BEEN YOUR
LACK OF A DECISION. NOW, ABOUT YOUR POTENTIAL CHOICES, I'M ABLE TO 
SCAN THINGS PRETTY THOROUGHLY AS LONG AS THEY'RE WITHIN ABOUT A MILE
OF THE RING.*
	Behind Ranma the TV flicked on. Akane's image appeared on it.
The TV Akane looked a little startled, as she could see and hear what
was going on quite clearly.
*FIRST, THERE IS AKANE TENDO. ON THE PLUS SIDE YOU CONSIDER HER TO BE 
CUTE, ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE SMILES.*
	Akane looked quite startled and her mouth closed with a snap.
*SHE IS ALSO IN THE SAME MARTIAL ARTS STYLE AS YOU AND IS ATTRACTED TO
YOU THOUGH SHE HAS THE SAME PROBLEMS DEALING WITH HER FEELINGS AS YOU
YOURSELF DO, RANMA.*
	Akane flushed slightly and shook her head denying it. Ranma still
wasn't looking at the TV and didn't notice.
	*ON THE MINUS SIDE, SHE'S VIOLENT, GIVEN TO EXTREME MOOD SWINGS,
AND DOESN'T BELIEVE OR LISTEN TO YOU.*
	Akane shook her head and was yelling (though for some reason
the sound was turned off on the TV) about how it wasn't her fault
that he was such a pervert.
	*SHE CONSIDERS YOU TO BE AN INSENSITIVE JERK AND A PERVERT,
THOUGH SHE HAS TENDENCIES TOWARDS LESBIANISM HERSELF, WHICH MAKES HER
A PERVERT BY HER _OWN_ STANDARDS...*
	Akane looked around the campsite and now almost EVERYONE was 
bigsweating. Her father broke that off to go into yet another
Soun Tendo Wail #3 "Now the schools will never be united."
	*BUT ALSO LIKES YOU ON A DEEPER LEVEL. JUST ADVICE, MIND YOU,
BUT EITHER USE A WISH TO GIVE HER BETTER CONTROL OVER HER TEMPER OR
DUMP HER BEFORE SHE "ACCIDENTLY" KILLS YOU. AS A PLUS, YOUR MOTHER
LIKES HER, AND THE TWO HAPPOSAI DISCIPLES SUPPORT THE ENGAGEMENT.*
	The image on the TV changed, with Akane's picture becoming a
tiny square on the lower right. Now revealed was another of the
fiancees who was just as startled to be getting such a spotlight.
	*UKYOU KUONJI. NICE GIRL, COMPARED TO YOUR OTHER FIANCEES 
THIS ONE IS A TOWER OF SANITY.*
	Ukyou grinned and considered sticking her tongue out at Akane.
	*WELL, RELATIVELY AT LEAST. GOOD COOK, THOUGH SHE 
OVERSPECIALIZES WITH HER OKINOMIYAKI. ON THE MINUS SIDE...*
	Ukyou looked pensive.
	*SHE RELIES OVERMUCH ON HER WEAPONS AND TENDS TO OTAKU HERSELF-
FOCUSSING ON ONE THING SO MUCH SHE LOSES SIGHT OF EVERYTHING ELSE. 
ALSO ON THE NEGATIVE SIDE IS THAT YOU ARE SO INTO HER AS A FRIEND, AND
FOR SO LONG, THAT SHE IS MORE YOUR SISTER THAN A POTENTIAL WIFE.*
	"Yeah, Ukyou's my pal," Ranma agreed.
	Ukyou looked hurt.
	*UNLIKE MANY OF YOUR FIANCEES, UKYOU SEES YOU AS A PERSON- NOT
AN OBJECT OR ONLY SEEING ONE FACET OF YOU. ANOTHER DRAWBACK IS THAT
SHE DOES HAVE HER SNEAKY MOMENTS AND HER SENSE OF HONOR ISN'T QUITE
UP TO YOUR STANDARDS. AGAIN, JUST ADVICE, BUT YOU COULD DO A LOT 
WORSE THAN UKYOU. JUST BE SURE TO TRAIN HER TO USE OTHER WEAPONS AND
FIGHTING TECHNIQUES OR SHE'D BE KILLED WITHIN THE FIRST FIVE YEARS
DURING THAT UPCOMING FIGHT WITH THE...SORRY, CAN'T REVEAL THAT.*
	Ukyou and Ranma both made a mental note to start crosstraining
the okinomiyaki chef.
	Ukyou's image became a little square next to Akane's. The two
figured out how to glare at each other. Shampoo (in cat form) was now
the main image. Thankfully for Ranma, he still didn't know the TV was
on. He felt a slight chill, but put it down to the situation.
	*SHAMPOO OR XIAN PU. ON THE PLUS SIDE, A GOOD COOK, SHE'S IN 
EXCELLENT SHAPE, AND IS SMARTER THAN SHE LETS ON.*
	Shampoo looked rather surprised, but was quickly figuring out
what was going on.
	*SHE ALSO IS SEXUALLY INSATIABLE, BUT I'M NOT SURE WHETHER YOU
WANT TO COUNT THAT A PLUS OR MINUS.*
	Now Akane and Ukyou did the big sweatdrop trick.
	*ON THE DEFINITE MINUS SIDE SHE'S OF A CULTURE THAT HAS A MORAL
AND HONOR STRUCTURE UNLIKE WHAT YOU ARE USED TO. SHE ALSO USES POTIONS
AND HAS A VIOLENT STREAK. FURTHER, SHE VIEWS YOU AS A TROPHY HUSBAND, MORE
PROOF OF WHAT A GREAT AMAZON SHE IS. ADVICE, IF YOU'RE GOING AFTER
SHAMPOO, USE A WISH TO MAKE HER A NICER PERSON AND CURE HER OF HER CAT
FORM.*
	Shampoo meowed but the sound was still turned off. Her image shrunk
and became the lower right square. The image now was of the Black Rose in
her human form.
	*KODACHI KUNO, WHO CONSIDERS HERSELF YOUR FIANCEE, REALITY 
NOTWITHSTANDING.*
	Ranma gagged slightly.
	*IN FAIR PHYSICAL SHAPE. HAS SOME COOKING SKILLS BUT COULD YOU
REALLY TRUST ANYTHING SHE COOKED? INSANE, USES DRUGS AND CHEMICALS,
HAS THAT INSANE LAUGH, AND IS RELATED TO THE REST OF THE KUNOS. DID
I LEAVE ANYTHING OUT?*
	"No, I think you got the basics."
	The Black Rose's picture moved to rest atop Akane's. Neither
Akane nor Kodachi looked happy about this.
	*KAORI DAIKOKUJI. GOOD OVERALL COOKING SKILLS, MUCH CUTER AND A
SNAPPIER DRESSER THAN KODACHI.*
	Kodachi looked mortally offended. Kaori looked pleased.
	*IN MOST SITUATIONS, HER FIGHTING SKILLS ARE WORSE THAN TATEWAKI
KUNO'S. SHE GAVE UP ON YOU ONCE, BUT WAS PLANNING A REMATCH. COOKING
SKILLS ARE LESS THAN UKYOU OR SHAMPOO.*
	"Ugh." Ranma looked ill. "I still can hardly believe that my old
man traded me for a fish, a bowl of rice and two pickles."
	*YOHKO HARENCHI* An image appeared of a girl with long hair,
wearing a leather outfit and carrying a whip. she appeared to be standing
on a rooftop. Kaori's image was now the square above Ukyou's. Neither 
were happy about this.
	"Her, I don't know."
	*YOUR FATHER MADE A DEAL WITH HER FATHER WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER. IF
HE EVER HAD A SON, THEN YOHKO WOULD MARRY THAT SON. IN RETURN, GENMA
WAS ABLE TO GET OUT OF JAIL FREE.*
	Back at the campsite, Genma was attempting to sneak off. The sound
of a katana sliding from its case impelled him to exchange stealth for
speed.
	*SHE'S JEALOUS, DOMINATING, OBSESSIVE, AND INTO S&M STYLE MARTIAL
ARTS, PARTICULARLY USING WEAPONS LIKE HER WHIPS AND CHAINS. SHE'S BEEN
LOOKING FOR YOU FOR THE PAST YEAR, RYOUGA TOLD HER ABOUT YOU ONCE WHEN
HE WAS LOST AND TO HER THE IDEA THAT YOU CAN CHANGE SEX TO BE AN ENORMOUS 
TURN ON.*
	Everyone except Yohko looked disgusted. Yohko merely smiled an
evil sadistic smile and fingered her whip. Her image shrank to a small
square and filled the last place on the second row. Another image came 
up, of a well dressed young woman with long hair.
	*BIIKO DAITOKUJI IS ANOTHER CASE OF YOUR FATHER MAKING A FIANCEE
DEAL WITH SOMEONE'S FATHER. THIS WAS FOR SHIP PASSAGE. BIIKO WAS
RECENTLY SOLD INFORMATION ABOUT YOU BY NABIKI.*
	Nabiki, now awake and sober, spread her hands wide and shrugged.
	*AS BIIKO DOESN'T LIKE GUYS BUT FINDS YOUR GIRL FORM TO BE BOTH
SEXY AND DESIRABLE, MARRIAGE TO YOU WOULD BE SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE AND ALLOW
HER TO INDULGE HER TASTES. HAVING ONE'S CAKE AND EATING IT TOO...*
	Ranma gagged. It should be noted that Akane and Ukyou looked a 
little green as well.
	*SHE'S INTO MECHA, ELECTRONIC RESTRAINING DEVICES AND THE LIKE.*
	"Next!" Ranma realized he'd have to eat later and didn't want
to even think about this girl.
	*MARIKO TAKAOKA.* A woman with shoulder length hair and a haughty
expression was the new main image. *DIRTY INFIGHTING MARTIAL ARTS. IF
THERE'S A WAY TO DO SOMETHING NASTY AS A REPLY, SHE'LL COME UP WITH
SOMETHING EVEN WORSE AND USE _THAT_. CAN BE COUNTED ON TO TEAM UP WITH
YOUMA GIVEN HALF A CHANCE. CONSIDER HER PERSONALITY TO BE A COMBINATION
OF THE WORST ASPECTS OF KODACHI AND NABIKI. WANTS TO MARRY YOU SO SHE 
CAN CONVERT THE TENDO DOJO INTO A "HOUSE OF ILL REPUTE."*
	"What's that mean?" Everyone at the campsite facefaulted as they
heard Ranma's question. Except Ryouga who was wondering the same thing
himself.
	*IT MEANS SHE'S AN ASSASSIN AND MORE MERCENARY THAN NABIKI, 
BESIDES SHE HATES THE TENDO FAMILY FOR A SLIGHT COMMITTED THREE
HUNDRED YEARS AGO AGAINST HER OWN FAMILY.*
	"Oh," Ranma said. Revenge he understood.
	A devastatingly attractive young woman in shinto priestess garb
was the next one appearing on the television. She was deep in
meditation before a roaring fire.
	*KOTONO MITSUBISHI. YOUR FATHER WAS HIDING FROM A GROUP OF
OUTRAGED FEMALE MARTIAL ARTISTS AFTER STEALING WHAT HE THOUGHT WAS
A SCROLL ON SECRET MARTIAL ARTS TECHNIQUES. HE PROMISED THE SPIRITS
OF THE SHRINE ANYTHING, IF THEY WOULD CONCEAL HIM FROM THOSE WOMEN,
PARTICULARLY AFTER HE HEARD SOME OF THEIR PLANS AS TO WHAT TO DO
WITH HIM WHEN HE WAS CAUGHT. HE WAS HIDDEN, AND MARRIAGE TO 
THE SPIRITS' CHOSEN CHAMPION IS THE PRICETAG.*
	Genma was running from the campsite now, and giving serious
thought to the possibility of not stopping until he reached safety.
Maybe Tibet.
	"What was actually in the scroll?" Ranma had to know.
	*AN ANCIENT LOVE LETTER BETWEEN THE CHILDREN OF TWO CLANS
OF WARRIORS DURING THE EDO PERIOD. MIND YOU, I'M NOT 100% SURE, BUT
THAT'S WHAT THE SPIRITS ARE TELLING ME.*
	"Figures."
	*SHE'S A GENTLE SOUL, CUTE, AND HAS SOME MYSTICAL ABILITIES
AS BOTH AN ESPER AND SOMEONE OF A SUPERNATURAL ORIGIN. ON THE DOWN
SIDE, SHE ALSO SPECIALIZES IN WEAPONS. HAVING RECENTLY LEARNED OF
YOUR EXISTENCE, SHE HAS ALSO LEARNED OF YOUR CURSE AND VIEWS YOUR
FEMALE SIDE AS A DEMONIC SPIRIT POSSESSION AND IS GOING TO BE 
TRYING TO CURE YOU OF THAT EVERY TIME SHE SEES YOU.*
	"Cure me of my curse, or no, cure me of this possession? 
Well, that's something to worry about when she gets here. Anyone
else?"
	*WELL, HOW ABOUT THE OTHER TENDO GIRLS? YOUR PARENT'S 
AGREEMENT AFFECTS THEM AS WELL, AND THEY MIGHT HAVE ENDED UP
BEING YOUR FIANCEE.*
	"Naw, Kasumi's got Dr Tofu, and Nabiki's never been interested
in anything but money."
	*NOT QUITE CORRECT IN EITHER CASE.*
	"Huh?" Ranma thought about this. "What do you mean?"
	*NABIKI TENDO. REMEMBER HOW SHE WAS INTERESTED IN BEING WITH A
CUTE BOY AT THE BEGINNING? PART OF HER FOISTING YOU OFF ON AKANE WAS
HER REACTION TO THE EXTREME DISAPPOINTMENT IN FINDING OUT YOU WERE A
GIRL. PART OF HER INVOLVING YOU SPECIFICALLY IN ALL THOSE EXTORTION
SCHEMES AND OTHER PLOTS WAS JEALOUSY DIRECTED AT YOU AND AKANE.*
	"Jealous? Nabiki? Are you sure you're talking about the same
Nabiki Tendo?"
	The image on the television was a very startled looked Nabiki,
who wasn't sure she wanted to listen to this. She was also beginning
to redden significantly.
	*SHE'S VERY VULNERABLE EMOTIONALLY, RANMA, HER KEEPING THE
ENTIRE WORLD AT ARM'S LENGTH BY ACTING THAT MERCENARY IS A DEFENSE
MECHANISM, MUCH AS YOUR BICKERING WITH AKANE IS PART OF YOUR DEFENSE
MECHANISM. THOUGH SHE CONVINCED HERSELF OTHERWISE, THE REASON SHE
BROKE UP YOUR WEDDING TO AKANE WAS BECAUSE OF JEALOUSY.*
	Akane looked thoughtful. Nabiki looked like she wanted to crawl
under a rock if she could find one of the right size.
	*SHE'S ALSO KEPT A NUMBER OF PICTURES OF YOU IN YOUR MALE FORM,
JUST SELLING THE ONES OF YOU AS A GIRL, OR DIDN'T YOU NOTICE THAT SHE
TOOK PICTURES OF BOTH FORMS?*
	"Yeah, but...she's _kept_ them? Why?"
	*LATE NIGHT FANTASIES.*
	Nabiki started looking for a bigger rock. Akane glared at her
sister from across the campsite.
	*OF COURSE, THERE'S THREE SHE'S MISSING THAT KASUMI TOOK.*
	Nabiki stopped looking for a rock and started staring at Kasumi.
Akane facefaulted.
	"Kasumi?"
	Kasumi's startled picture replaced Nabiki's.
	*HAS BEEN LUSTING AFTER YOU FOR QUITE SOME TIME. SHE'S BEEN
DRIFTING AWAY FROM DOCTOR TOFU DUE TO TOFU'S INABILITY TO DEAL WITH
HIS OWN FEELINGS. BESIDES, DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT WOMEN WHO ARE STRONG
SILENT TYPES NORMALLY HAVE ENORMOUS SEX DRIVES?*
	Kasumi found herself wishing that she'd spent more time in
martial arts training. Ninjitsu would be good. The ability to 
suddenly disappear was very attractive right now. Everyone else in the
campsite was simply petrified.
	*THIS IS WHY FALLING INTO THE SPRING OF DROWNED HENTAI HAS
ONLY MINOR EFFECTS, AND THEN ONLY FOR A FEW MOMENTS. SHE'S USED TO
HAVING CONTROL OVER A SEX DRIVE THREE TIMES WHAT HAPPOSAI'S IS.*
	"Good lord." Ranma twitched. The sentiment was being echoed
all over a certain campsite. "No wonder she seemed so out of it so
much of the time. That must have been terribly distracting."
	*THAT AND HER FOCUS IS SPIRITUAL, WHERE NABIKI IS MATERIAL
AND AKANE IS EMOTIONAL. THE THING IS THAT NOW BOTH NABIKI AND
KASUMI ARE BEGINNING TO REALIZE THAT AKANE AND YOU MAY NOT BE THE BEST
OF MATCHES.*
	"Oh my." Ranma winced as he realized he'd just quoted Kasumi.
	The image on the screen flicked showing a pair of individuals.
The woman was short, slender, and wearing an outfit that looked like
Kasumi's usual sort of clothing. The guy was Huge, a gaijin, and 
dressed in construction clothes.
	*THEN THERE'S HIKARU SUGAYUBI, HOUSEKEEPER MARTIAL ARTS, AND
RICHARD LYRON.*
	"I know Richard, he's one of the construction workers that 
comes by all the time to fix things up. He's got a crush on Kasumi,
don't he?"
	*ACTUALLY KASUMI REMINDS HIM OF HIKARU. HIKARU WILL SEE YOU
AS HAVING ALL THE THINGS RICHARD DOESN'T HAVE. RICHARD WILL SEE HER
GOING AFTER YOU, AND WILL WANT TO CAUSE YOU SEVERE PAIN.*
	"He's nearly twice my height, but he's slower than Akane."
	*HE'S BEEN LEARNING CONSTRUCTION STYLE MARTIAL ARTS. NOT IN
YOUR CLASS, PERHAPS, BUT HE'S A BETTER FIGHTER THAN MOUSSE. GIVEN
TIME, HE'D EVENTUALLY GIVE UP ON HIKARU AND START PURSUING NABIKI.*
	"Well, I guess...AHHHHGGGHHH!" Ranma glanced up and saw all the
little square pictures on the television. Some of whom were glaring at
him or at other pictures on the screen. Trembling slightly, he hit
the volumn control.
	"Ranma no baka!"
	"Ranma-honey, I think the ring's made it clear, I'm your best
choice here."
	"Meow! Meow!"
	"Ranma-darrrrrlliiinng!" <Splash>. "Quack!"
	"Ranma, I _will_ make you mine!"
	"Both a boy and a girl, huh? Where did you say you were?"
	"Ohohohohohoho. Ranma, I shall show you the pleasures of the
female form."
	"I SHALL DESTROY YOU TENDOS!"
	Kotono, still in deep meditation, did not add her input.
	"I don't suppose you'd accept a bribe to stop doing this?"
	"Oh dear, oh dear, oh my."
	"Genma, get your fuzzy butt back here, and explain this!"
	"SAOTOME! What kind of loose morals did you instill your
child with!"
	"You're going to steal my Hikaru?"
	"What do you mean _your_ Hikaru, baka!"
	Ranma touched the off button on the television and sat down
shaking. "Maybe a nice long training journey before they get back..."
	Ranma reached for the phone, still shaking. "Ucchan's is out,
Nekohanten is out, Ramen Rider isn't open at this time, Sailor 
Burger is too expensive, maybe..."
	Ranma punched in the number. He knew the takeout place a few
blocks away...
	"Hello, Goddess helpline..."
	*UH-OH.*
	"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

	THE "ORIGINAL" CHARACTERS:

ZEN: Anime fanfic writer, Dirty Pair fan, struggling with the El-Hazard
 ability to generate chi-shields. Was turned into a saiyajin when he
 ventured into Dr Weelo's library in his journeys and drew a character
 card- adolescent Trunks- so that he now physically resembles the
 character depicted on the card. 
RICHARD LYRON: Oh come on, can't you see some of the repair people
 developing relationships with Nabiki and Kasumi off-camera? Richard
 is intended as one such possible, who probably knows the dojo quite
 well after having to fix so much of it. Probably gives them a discount
 for keeping him out of the madness. Character is based on some
 misconceptions of what an American really looks like that I ran into
 in Japan. (Americans are all really tall blonde guys, etc.) Uses
 Engineer-style martial arts.
HIKARU SUGAYUBI: A nice young girl who has a martial arts style 
 dealing with the various tools found in a typical household, esp
 the kitchen. One of the few people who can actually hurt Richard,
 though it is more from emotional impact than physical.
KITCHIRI: Goddess third class, limited license, probationary status.
 Goddess of Punctuality. Very orderly, very inexperienced, very prone
 to explosive temper tricks. Currently working over in the Divine
 Retribution Office (DRO), though she had applied for Goddess Relief
 Office. 
RING OF TOLTIIR: Ring grants wishes, sort of. Problem #1: the wish
 will be twisted in such a way that it is worse than the original
 condition or so that there is a hidden cost. Problem#2: the ring
 automatically scans the ringbearer and comes up with a number of
 options based on the ringbearer's desires and innermost feelings.
 Problem #3: at least one of the options will be really really bad.