What's this? A fic amidst the spam? :)

Chris Davies <cdavies@gpu.srv.ualberta.ca> wrote:

	Moroboshi Kinshou looked wearily across the ruins of her home,
which had, once again, been reduced to ruins by one or several of her

I'd just say "looked wearily at her home" or something like that, since
you tell us right after that it's in ruins.

	The one upside to having as a permanent houseguest the daughter of
the ruler of a culture with which the governments of the world were trying
desperately to stay on good terms was that they were generally happy to do
anything to make her life comfortable, with spin-off effects for the
host. 

I suggest simplifying this sentence; it seems kind of clumsy.

The upshot was that, early on in the insanity that her life had
become, Kinshou been given the number of the Japanese office of one of the

Kinshou had been given

	"Hello," said a throaty voice through the phone.  "Unless you've
misdialled, you *know* where you've reached.  One of our ... operatives
will be with you shortly to deal with the situation."

"You have reached 1-900-HOTSEX." :-)

	Kinshou blinked, and found herself standing in a crosswalk.  She
looked around, very startled, and realized from the fashions that everyone
else was wearing, that she was nearly seventeen years in the past.

That's an awfully quick deduction.

	The closed casket funerals for Kinshou Moroboshi and her unborn
child were held a few days later.

Frankly, I never really liked her anyway... and it's good to see Mara
actually succeed at something for once. In AMS/G her plans usually go
bad in about 4 panels.

All in all, a nicely done short. It didn't feel that dark to me,
probably because I've never found Mrs. Moroboshi to be very likeable.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics