[Ricki Lake logo swirls around in the way it usually does (hey, see
the show, or better yet *DON'T!!!*), and words in the episode theme
zooms in from left, right, up, down, in, out, ana and kata.]

   MY FIANCE HAS THREE OTHER FIANCEES
   (and changes sex when splashed with water)!

Ricki: *walks in, to the applause of the audience* "Has your boyfriend
ever made you really, really jealous? Did you try to return the favor,
only to find that the men were more attracted to him in female form
than to you? Then you know what we'll be talking about today! Let's
meet our first guest, Akane Tendo."

Akane: *walks in and sits on a chair, again to the applause of the
audience*

Ricki: *claps her hands to stimulate the applause* "Welcome, Akane!"

Akane: "Thank you, Ricki."

Ricki: "So, you say your boyfriend has other engagements as well?"

Akane: "Well..." *angry scowl on her face* "It's not like he's my
boyfriend or anything! We're just engaged, it was all our parents
idea. It's not like I like him."

Ricki: "But still, you get jealous?"

Akane: *defensive* "I'm not jealous! It's just that, well he keeps
hanging all over the girls! The pervert!"

Ricki: *interested* "Oh, and he claims he's engaged to them too?"

Akane: "Yeah, and he insults me all the time and says the others
are better. He even refuses to eat my cooking after I've spent so
much time on it!"

Ricki: *sympathic* "Well, I can certainly see why you're upset, don't
you agree ladies?"

Women in audience: *nod knowingly*

Ricki: "Anyway, it's time to bring in our second guest, Akane's
fiance, Ranma Saotome. Give a warm applause for mr. Saotome!"
*claps hands*

Ranma: *enters, flashes a winning smile, and briefly sticks out
his tongue at Akane as he sits down*

Women in audience: "Oooh, what a hunk!" "Ooh, I wish I was his
fiancee too!" "Ooh, did you see those muscles!" *whistling*

Ranma: *not in the least embarassed, shows off his biceps*

Ricki: *smiles widely at Ranma, blushing slightly and stutters
over the first few words as she catches her breath* So, Ranma,
you hit on other girls even though you're engaged to Akane?

Ranma: "I don't hit on no girls! It's them that keep trying to
glomp me!"

Akane: *angrily* "You could try to stop them!"

Ranma: *defensive* "Better them than an uncute tomboy like you,
anyway!"

Akane: *furious* "SAY THAT AGAIN!?!"

Ranma: "Better them than an uncute..."

Akane: *mallets Ranma*

Men in audience: *wince sympathically, feeling his pain*

Ricki: "You're engaged to three other women, you say?"

Ranma: "Well..." *shuffles his feet* "I guess I am, but, it's
all Pop's fault! He engaged me to Ukyou even though I didn't
know she was a girl at the time, and he ate Shampoo's victory
dinner so I had to challenge her!"

Women in audience: *mumbling among themselves* "Gotta find his
father, you think he'll do it again if he's paid enough?"

Ricki: *smiles, mentally noting that she must remember to ask
the show writers for Mr. Saotome's phone number* "Well, anyway,
you change into a girl?"

Ranma: *nods, scowling* "That's Pop's fault too. We went to this
cursed training ground, Jusenkyou, even though he couldn't
read a word of Chinese!"

Akane: "It wouldn't have happened anyway if you weren't such a
stupid macho guy!"

Ranma: "Oh yeah? Well, better a macho *guy* than a macho *girl*
like you!"

Akane: *fumes*

Ricki: *interrupts* "Well, Ranma..."

Audience: *looking forward to fight, heaves a collective sigh*

Ricki: "...you say you turn into a cute girl when you're splashed
with cold water. Is that really so bad?"

Ranma: "You just can't imagine." *grins at Akane* "It could've
been worse, though, I could've fallen into the spring of
Drowned Akane instead!"

Akane: "I bet you like being a girl you PERVERT!"

Ranma: "You're just jealous than my chest is bigger than yours!
But then, yours is flat as a board!"

Ranma/Akane: *fists fly*

Men in audience: *cheer for Akane*
Women in audience: *cheer for Ranma*

Ricki: *tries to get the camera attention, weakly* "time for a
break..."

[COMMERCIAL]
Do *you* need silly anime-spoof commercials? Try the adfic challenge
archive, probably somewhere on Lurker's site:
"http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Garden/9502/"
[/COMMERCIAL]

Ricki: "So, now that we're back, some questions from the audience.
You there?"

Man: "Ranma, don't you think it seems like you're trying to pin all
your problems on your father? Do you dislike taking responsibility?"

Ranma: *irritated* "You..."

Akane: *interrupts* "Yeah! You irresponsible pervert! You should
take charge of your situation!"

Ranma: "If I did, I'd start by getting rid of my engagement to
you!" *sticks out tongue*

Akane: *angry, but tries to seem uncaring* "Sure, go ahead, it's
not like I care about the stupid engagement."

Ricki: "How about you, who do you want to ask?"

Woman: "Ranma, what's your phonenumber?"

Ranma: *blushes* "Um... Err..."

Akane: *naturally, glares at Ranma, not the woman* "YOU PERVERT!
FLIRTING IN THE STUDIO ON *MY* SHOW!" *pulls out mallet; Ranma
repeatedly dodges and the set is demolished bit by bit*

Ricki: "Err... a little preview for our next episode; 'I Write
Fanfics But Can't Meet Deadlines!'"

[blur]

Ricki: "So, Ronny, you don't get your work out on time?"

Ronny: *in navy blue suit and yellow tie; near tears* "Well,
you see, yesterday was not only my graduation day but also the
one year anniversery of when I first sent a message to
'fanfic-request@fanfic.com' to subscribe to the FFML, and I
really wanted to get something out, but I didn't even manage
to finish this spamfic on time ... but at least it will
reach most of you americans while it's still June 3rd, I
hope..." *bursts out crying*

Women in audience: *semi-collectively* "Get that fat crybaby out
of here! Couldn't you bring that Ranma guy back again?"

[ending credits]
---
Ronny Hedin, thark@swipnet.se, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/