BLOODY CRAZY:  WHAT DO YOU WANT ON YOUR TOMBSTONE?

	BY JUSTIN FRASER, BRIAN CLARK, DEREK BRUNT, AND OTHER DEITIES OF
DESTRUCTION


	Moonlight shone and waves washed up on the beach, taking as much  sand
as they could and making a...wait for it...*break* for it.  The ocean
was calm,
except for that part of it over there.  Oh, and over here, too, where
ripples began forming in the water.  It was horrible tasting water, Evil
Skuld decided.
	And it was full of a race of Bastard Fish, and even some Taunt Sharks. 
She couldn't decide which she hated more; the Taunt Sharks had
repeatedly swam up next to her, brushing her side and saying,
"I'm...GONNA GETCHA!!!"  One had finally bitten her leg and swam off
merrily shouting, "Ah!  I gotcha, didn't I?!"
	The Bastard Fish stole her shoes.  It was a real tough call.  It wasn't
as though she had any reason to be in the ocean in the first place, but
they should at least be courteous hosts.
	Picking bits of seaweed and camel feces from her hair, she pulled
herself ashore.  Evil Skuld had an appointment tonight, one that would
ultimately end with her ruling the world and owning The Clapper.  There
was a body halfway up the beach.  It was a real mess, and further
description would be completely innappropriate, even for a Bloody
Crazy.  It's just *nasty* what can be done with a mallet in trained
hands.
	Evil Skuld bent over the body of Dead Gohan, as we'll call him for the
moment.  She shook her head with pity when she noticed one of his feet
was in his mouth.  But now to business!  She pulled a pouch of assorted
Dehydrated Animals and, waving the pouch over the dead body, began to
chant strange Invocations of Hygiene.  This wasn't necessary, but Evil
Skuld was a traditionalist.
	Pouring the contents on to the body, she  stood up and took three 
paces back, leapt into the air and came screaming face-first into the
sand.  When she finally managed to pull her head from the ground, Evil
Skuld saw a young Gohan standing before her.  But she was here before
him, no matter what he did.  He would just have to think about that
first.  She picked him up bodily and placed him after her.
	The young Gohan looked up at her.  "Who are you?" he asked, raising an
eyebrow.
	"I am the epitome of evil, and you are one of my Raving Ostrich
henchman, who obey my every command and aid me in my righteous quest for
ultimate dominance of this world!"
	Gohan thought about this.  Then he shrugged.  "Okay."
	He thought some more, and suspicion began to dawn.  "Alright, then who
am I?"
	Evil Skuld was taken aback.  "Well...um...Ah!  Hold on!"
	She bent down and rummaged through the blood-soaked pockets of Dead
Gohan.  She found his wallet and looked through it for some ID.  Having
found some, she stood up, slipping three small green pieces of paper in
her skirt.
	"You are..." she looked at the ID card, "Gohan.  Evil Gohan."
	The boy's eyes grew wide.  "Am I one of the good guys!?"
	"No.  You're evil."
	The boy looked disheartened, but Skuld patted him on the shoulder. 
"Don't worry.  It means you get to break stuff!"
	Evil Gohan brightened.  Evil Skuld smiled...uh...*evilly*.
	"Now," she commanded, "get an axe and cut Goku up into small, bite-size
pieces!!!  We're going to eat him!!!"
	Gohan nodded.  His eyes glowed red, and he produced an axe from
nowhere, running off to meet his destiny, which consisted largely of the
same destiny Wile E. Coyote had.  Skuld watched him go.  When he was out
of sight, she smiled again.  Then the smile turned to a frown.
	She began looking around in a confused manner.  "Where the hell did I
park?"


	"Aggghh!  My tooth!"
	Goku was bent over the distressed Piccolo.  He was facing the biggest
crisis of his life:  a toothache.  As it stood, Nameks didn't even have
teeth.  They had baleen.  But Piccolo was already considered an outcast,
and he was going to make a *damn* good job of it.
	He hammered on the table as the pain grew.
	"Calm down, calm down!" Goku said to The Mutant Roshi.  He turned to
Piccolo.  "You shouldn't have eaten all them Irishmen."
	"Argh!  Is there no one who can end this pain!?"
	"I'm ya' huckleberry."
	They all looked up.  A silhouetted figure was standing in the doorway. 
He stepped into the light, and they saw that he was a cowboy, so
naturally everything was going to be all right.
	It was Doc Holiday, one of the most powerful entities in the universe. 
He lowered his cigarette from his mouth and narrowed his eyes at them. 
"Why that's jus' my game..."
	"It's this damn molar!" Piccolo shouted from across the room.  Everyone
made room for The Man to do his work.  Even as they did, he leapt
forward, knocking Piccolo from his chair and onto the floor, where he
proceeded to shove an assortment of metallic dental instruments into his
mouth, all the while shouting, "Aw, Molar!  C'mon!  *C'mon!*"
	He yanked the offending tooth from the Namek and looked at it, victory
written all over his face.  Someone wiped it off for him, as a sort of
thanks for a job well done.
	Doc Holiday held the tooth up.  "Your no daisy.  Your no daisy at ALL!"


	Pen-pen stared out the window some more.  He had just hurled the
Titanic from his apartment behind The Biddle Hall.  Decaprio had met an
untimely but honorable end as it crashed to the pavement, quickly
ridding the world of one of the most horrible actors of the century. 
Nobody really ever gave a shit about him once he had passed away.  As
certain little  brothers would put it:  "It was just a phase."
	Pen-pen reached behind him and pulled Misato, screaming, from the
bathroom.  He tossed her out the window.
	The penguin stared down at the mess once again.  He turned to find
something else to throw from the window, but this time he did a doubled
take and stared wide-eyed.  Misato had landed in the anchor-hold
face-first, and he could see up her skirt.  We should leave now and come
back later, since Pen-pen could stare for hours at the absolutely
mundane.  There could be a new record in this.


	This has nothing to do with the story, but hell, what DOES?
	Akane Tendo was giving a concert.  For no reason at all, she had become
amazingly pissed.  She'd gone into a heavy metal riff that consisted
largely of her shouting "Baka!" over and over again.  Slash was playing
guitar, and Akane'd run up in his face, taking him by surprise (though
no one could tell behind his hair (did I mention he's just a skeleton
behind his hair (I needed to put at *least* one more parenthesis in
here))).  She shouted the Baka chorus at him until he became fed up and
impaled her with his guitar.


	Well, Slash was out of work now.  Having impaled his latest lead
singer, he needed to find another job where he worked with animated
women, having used up the world's supply of *real* women.  He wandered
the recording studio, looking for studio 2b.  He wandered into a back
door, looking for anyone who could direct him, and stumbled upon the
Ranma � opening theme studio, where they were currently recording "Ja Ja
Uma Ni Sasenaide".  They were nearing the end of the expanded version,
and he felt a bit out  of place.  He looked to his left.  He looked to
his right.
	Slash plugged his guitar in and began to play.
	Across the room, the director looked at him and nudged the man next to
him.  "What's the guy with the hair doin' here!?  Call security.  He's
scary!"
	Security was called (long distance).  They surrounded Slash, holding
their deadly ninja weapons at the ready.  But they couldn't stop him. 
He began swinging his guitar madly, smashing the face of the nearest
security guard.  He butted another in the chest and smashed the neck
over the man's head.  He turned to one of the guards who had been sure
Slash hadn't seen him, and spit a guitar pick in his FUCKING eye! 
Slash  picked up his amp and hurled it mightily, knocking over three
more guards.  He grabbed his  posessions and bolted for the door.



-- 
Brian Clark, Ranma Rose, Florence, The Death Face, etc.
http://www.ili.net/~ranmar    ranmar@ili.net
#ShAS#: Shampoo Appreciation Society- Our Favorite Femaline!
Have you had your Gohan today?
MICHIGAN ROCKS!!!