Thomas Scroggs <trscrogg@unity.ncsu.edu> wrote:

As a final note Kasumi might be a little OOC, at least 

>from the cannon.

"Oh my! Load, aim, and fire!" :-)


There isn't really enough here for me to comment meaningfully on the
plot or characterizations. A couple of grammatical issues, though:

1: You were bouncing around between present and past tenses. Stick to
one or the other -- preferably past, as this almost always reads better
IMO.

2: When a speaker addresses a listener by name, ALWAYS set the name off
with a comma (or two, as appropriate). This may seem like a nitpicky
thing, but it can completely change the meaning of a sentence if you
don't get it right. Genma is very, very unlikely to say "I volunteer,
Ranma!" but he might well say "I volunteer Ranma!"


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics