And now for the inagural episode of Shinseiki Science Theater, a sick
little concept I came up with a few months ago. As usual, the Eva
characters contained herein belong to Gainax, may their tax records be
found to be spotless (fat chance). The following fic, "Sweet
Rememberance", was written by Sailor Alpha. He didn't seem to mind too
much when I sent HIM a copy, so I'm taking that as permission...
If, for some twisted reason, you wanted to have another Evangelion fic
run through this mill, send it to akent@pdq.net and I'll have a look at
it. If you wish to prevent these from continuing, send money. I'm not
above bribery. ^_^
EVA 01, Earth Orbit, 2100 24.11.15
<We see Eva 01 hanging limply in Earth orbit... if you don't know how
that happened, go watch the movie. Now. Okay, now you know. The camera
cuts to an inside shot of the entry plug, which has all three (3!)
pilots inside. Asuka sits in the seat, looking grumpy, while Shinji sits
crosslegged at the bottom and Rei rests on the top of the seat. All
three have a small Eva screen in front of them...>
Gendo: And so...
Asuka: <annoyed> Lemme get this straight... you did ALL that, ALL those
people died, just so we could be up here to review... what?
Rei: Fan fiction.
Gendo: Exactly right. <The image folds white gloves in front of his
mouth, concealing his smile.>
Shinji: That's monstrous! It couldn't have been worth that.
Gendo: On the contrary... trapped aboard an Evangelion in orbit, you
have no choice but to review all of the fanfiction that we send your
way. We just have to monitor your reactions until we find the fiction
that will enable us to complete the Human Instrumentality Project.
Asuka: <sarcastic> And what's that?
Gendo: <sweatdrop> I have no clue whatsoever.
Asuka, Shinji: <sweatdrop>
Gendo: Anyway, we'll start you off with something easy... it's called
Sweet Remembrance. Shouldn't be any taxing stress... well, not much
anyway.
Shinji: No, wait, TOUSAN! <the window flickers out of existence>
Rei: Acknowledged.
<A new screen pops up...>
A Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfic,
Sweet Remembrance
Asuka: Neon Genesis Evangelion?
Shinji: Um, I think that's us.
Asuka: Stupid name for a series...
Rei: ...
Written by Sailor Alpha
<DarkAlpha2@aol.com>
Sorry, but AlphSailor@aol.com will be down for a month. ^_^;
Shinji: Flu?
All rights pertaining to Neon Genesis Evangelion and characters involved
belongs to GAINAX/Project Eva * TV Tokyo * NAS. However, this fanfic is
of my creation. It wouldn't be worth it to scold me for this because
I'll keep on writing. ^_^
Asuka: <beeda> So THERE!
Shinji: Isn't it against the point to put a defiant author's note at the
beginning of a fic?
Rei: It's a parody. Mocking that which is.
Shinji: That was almost poetic, Rei.
Asuka: You remember how she got the LAST time she was in here?
Shinji: <covers face> oh, no...
About the blasted time I finished an EVA fanfic! I've got to change my
writing habits. This is the fanfic I've always wanted to write, about
Asuka (my favorite character) and Shinji. You can guess from my remark
about what's going to happen.
Asuka: <blushes furiously> Ohhh no. No no no.
Shinji: Um... <Asuka slaps him> OW!
Asuka: You're not saying "no no no" fast enough!
Don't worry, this fanfic does not contain any spoilers for those who
haven't seen any of NGE. Yes, you heard me right- *no* spoilers - so
stop gawking! ^_^
Rei: No spoilers. Less than the MST.
This fanfic may or may not take place inside the continuity of EVA
series. It's up to you.
Oh yes, C&C and MSTings will be greatly appreciated. I don't know about
flames, though...
Sailor Alpha
<DarkAlpha@aol.com>
---
"No, no, no. It wouldn't work, Hikari- Shinji and Asuka are like
cats and dogs. They just don't mix."
"Maybe they do. We just never know, do we?"
-A conversation between Hikari and her friends
Asuka: She's WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG!
Shinji: Jeez, good to know that you care too.
Asuka: Hey! I didn't mean that either.
Sweet Remembrance
"What is with these idiots, anyway?" Asuka muttered as she tore
up yet another 'You're beautiful' and so-so card. She had lost count of
cards she had received, along with occasional gifts which she promptly
trashed.
Shinji: You could have at least kept the money.
Asuka: And let one of them think that I was playing favorites? No thank
you.
She let pieces of the card flutter to the ground as she turned to Hikari
who was jumping with delight.
Rei: Commas. Separators of "Hikari" and "who".
Shinji: I get it. Rei's the one who does the grammar mistakes.
Asuka: What, are you stupid?
"I can't believe it! Touji actually asked me out for a date
tonight!"
Asuka: No way!
Shinji: That Touji. Never knew he had it in him.
Asuka: What does she see in that useless... <Shinji clamps a hand across
her mouth>
The Class Representant held her card to her heart, smiling blissfully
before regarding her friend with puzzlement. "What's matter, Asuka?"
Rei: The. The matter. What's the matter?
Asuka: The matter is that I'm getting all those darned cards!
Shinji: My God. Somebody's happy in an Eva fic. It's unnatural.
Asuka pulled out the last of cards from her locker, gesturing to
them as she spoke angrily, "It's these damned cards! They keep on piling
up
on me all the time, no matter what I do with them!"
Shinji: Just hang around with the guys for a bit. That'll stop 'em.
Asuka: <menacing> And what do you mean by that, Shinji-baka?
Shinji: Well, it worked with Touji and Kensuke, right? <ducks>
"Why? You should be happy! You should consider yourself lucky to
receive this much attention. I wish I'd gotten as much attention as you
do. Every girl in this school wishes the same, too."
Rei: ...
Asuka: Every GIRL, not whatever you are, Wonder Girl.
Shinji: That's not fair, Asuka.
Asuka: No, it isn't. <grins>
Asuka muttered as she dumped the torn remnants of cards into a
nearby trash, "That's what you think, Hikari! Boys are all idiots!"
Rei: Can. Word of ability. Word of action. Word of what the garbage goes
into.
Asuka: An astute observation.
Shinji: But you made it!
Asuka: Of course.
"But at least Touji's asking me out for a dinner." Hikari smiled
broadly, hugging the invitation card to her heart. "What should I wear?
Do you think he'd like the new dress I recently bought? You know, the
green
one with a pink bow?"
<Shinji and Asuka both gag at the visualization of Hikari in that dress>
Red-haired female shook her head sadly, "I still don't
understand how you see in that simple-ton..."
Rei: Simple ton. An elementary unit of weight.
The Class Representant raised her nose a bit, "At least he's
decent enough to ask me out! You ought open yourself up once in a while.
You'll
be amazed at what happens. I'm going out and see Touji! See ya later!"
Asuka: My, isn't she perky today.
Shinji: You know, she's kind of cute.
Asuka: <demon face> WHAT!
She waved at her friend before she left through the exit. As the
doors closed, Asuka heard a commotion outside. She sighed, it must be
the boys again. She had been dogged by animals all day without mercy.
One
would think she was leading them on a wild goose hunt. Or to put it
another way; she was leading a flock of goose.
Rei: One goose lands. Another goose lands. The geese fly away. Plurals.
Asuka: I must have meant "ganders".
Asuka finished putting final touches on her school uniform and
picked up her school briefcase, heading for the exit. When she opened
the doors and looked out, she was suddenly greeted with white envelopes.
More than two dozen boys had stacked up against the girls' locker room
doors,
waiting for her to come out.
Shinji: <pained smile> Must have been quite a pile-up.
Asuka: Yeah, they were packed in like sardines.
Overwhelmed, she quickly retreated into the locker room again,
slamming the door shut. She realized that it would be impossible for her
to escape boys. She was now trapped with no way out except the way she
had tried to leave.
Asuka: No way! Try harder!
Shinji: <shakes head> Yeah, like there's another way out. Right.
Cards began to stack up under the door as Asuka frantically
racked her brain for a way out.
Shinji: Oh no! They're planning on asphyxiation!
Asuka: Don't be stupid.
Disguise wouldn't work, the perverts kept track of whoever went into
the locker room, hoping to catch a glimpse of girls at their most
vulnerable moment. Thankfully it never happened to her.
Shinji: Um, not true. <wince>
Asuka: WHAT? <slaps Shinji> What the hell do you mean?
Shinji: <wordlessly displays Kensuke's "candid locker room photos">
Asuka: The pervert! I'LL KILL HIM!
Shinji: It's a bit late for that...
Since the boys knew she was the last one in the room, the idea wouldn't
work. Besides, she had nothing to hide her auburn hair which flowed to
her shoulders.
Asuka: I could have put a bag over my head.
Shinji: Please.
Asuka: <smacks Shinji>
She even considered waiting for boys to depart, but gave the idea
up when she saw how large the pile of cards by the door had grown.
"Think,
think! You've got to get out of here!" Asuka pounded on her head, pacing
forth.
Rei: Forth. Back and forth. Sallying forth. Two different things.
As she was about give up and face the inevitable, she glimpsed a
tiny window.
Shinji: That's how Kensuke got those photos.
An idea popped in her mind and she ran over to the window.
Pushing the window open, she peered out and saw that she was on the
third floor, above the patch of overgrown weeds and flowers.
Asuka: How'd he get photos through the window if it's on the third
floor, stupid?
Shinji: Motivation.
Asuka: <blushes>
It would be a tight squeeze, and her uniform would certainly get dirty.
She didn't mind, "Better to have my clothes and hair dirty than go out
and meet those
perverts."
Asuka: VERY tight. I've really filled out.
Shinji: Could we not talk about that? I mean...
Asuka: What's the matter, Shinji? Not in a manly mood?
Shinji: No! But this isn't a lemon MST anyway, so...
After making sure that nobody was in the vicinity, she dropped
her school briefcase to the ground and proceeded to exit the window. She
decided to exit by rear, so she grabbed a nearby chair to assist her
departure.
Asuka: What, rear first or the rear window?
Shinji: There's only one window.
Asuka: Oh joy. What was that phrase that Niven used?
Shinji: <coughs> "Ass backward into the unknown."
The window was smaller than she had thought; either that or she
had grown bit taller.
Rei: "A". First letter of the alphabet. Indicates a single thing. A
single bit.
She had a some difficulty in trying to squeeze her hips
out of the frame.
Asuka: No way! It's the chest that should get stuck.
Shinji: Well, you're always eating stuff.
Asuka: <smacks Shinji> Liar!
After few minutes and some grunting, she found herself
holding on to the ledge, unsure about her choice. She was still pretty
high and the ground didn't look soft enough. She heard something below
her
and glanced downwards. Shinji was walking below her.
Asuka: Oh good, I can land on him!
Shinji: Great. I'm not only a doormat, I'm a landing pad.
"Oh no, of all perverts--" Asuka grated when her fingers slipped
and she fell.
"Oh damn!"
Asuka: I slipped? How!?
Rei: Subconscious decisionmaking process.
Shinji: <edges away from Asuka>
"Shinji-idiot! Look out!"
Shinji: Actually, by the time you say this, you'd have hit me.
Asuka: This is anime. Gravity doesn't work like normal.
Shinji: This is EVA anime. Gravity works just blippin' fine.
Rei: What about that jump Unit 03 did?
Shinji: <sweatdrop>
Shinji was confused, there was nobody around him when he heard
unusual noises. Then a familiar voice rang out. He instinctively glanced
upwards and saw blue panties heading for him.
Shinji: Blue?
Asuka: PERVERT! <smacks>
The naive boy's eyes widened for a moment, realizing what he was
seeing, before the girl landed on him. The force of Asuka's fall
overpowered Shinji's light frame, driving him to the ground. He saw
stars when his head knocked against the ground.
Shinji: Great. I'm "naive" too.
Asuka: Sucker.
Asuka groaned as she recovered from her fall and rubbed her sore
ankle. She must've had twisted it when she hit... Shinji?! Her eyes
snapped open as she realized what had happened and glanced over to
Shinji's
body. Sure enough the pervert had his head under her skirt.
Asuka: <smacks Shinji>
Shinji: This is getting old, you know.
Incensed, she pulled her skirt away from Shinji's head, and
screamed at the poor boy, "You pervert! You peeped up my skirt again!"
Shinji: AGAIN? What was the last time? <nosebleed>
Asuka: You know, on the ship?
Shinji: Yeah, you really should have worn shorts in that wind.
Unfortunately (or should we say fortunately?)
Asuka: Who's WE?
Rei: Author and reader.
since Shinji was still seeing stars, he didn't hear Asuka's outburst.
Still boiling red, she
crawled over to the Child's face and saw that he was still knocked out.
This
infuriated her even further, "You're not getting away with that easily!
Wake up, Shinji!"
Rei: It. Thing of indeterminate origin. With it, one can not get away
easily.
Asuka: Rei, are you all right? Those things are getting weird.
Shinji: I dunno, it kind of makes sense.
With that, she got up and sat over Shinji, pining his body
between her legs and the ground.
Shinji: <nosebleed> Yow!
The redhead then grabbed his torso and started
shaking him. She continued to rant even as she banged the boy against
the ground, "Wake up, you pervert! I knew you were always peeping at me!
Are
you listening to me? WAKE UP!"
Asuka: Yeah! Go, beat the tar out of him!
Shinji: Um... that would be bad.
Asuka: Why?
Shinji's field of vision turned red as some object approached
his eyes. "What?" Shinji slurred.
Rei: Slurring... "Whaaaa...?"
"Oh great, he's in coma." Asuka grated and began slapping his
face.
Rei: A coma. Unconsciousness.
Asuka: Why would I think he was in a coma if he just said something?
Shinji: I have no idea.
Asuka: More than normal, you idiot.
"OW!" Jolted to the reality with sudden pain, Shinji's eyes
snapped open. And saw furious Asuka. His mind shifted gears as he began
stuttering, "I-I'm sorry."
Shinji: Well, THAT reflex is still functioning.
"Sorry! That's what you always say! You won't be sorry-ing
yourself out of this mess this time! Not when you keep peeping up under
my
skirt!"
Shinji: I still want to know about these other peeping incidents.
Asuka: Shut up and take your medicine.
"What?" Shinji blinked, confused. He felt something else, then
realized the predicament he was in and his face began to warm; Asuka was
pinning him to the ground, her legs was hugging to his body warmly and
her face was very close to his face. Very close. Shinji was in a
rather...
unusual position, and apparently Asuka was unaware that she was
subconsciously caressing him in this way, her hands clutching at his
chest.
Shinji: Oh, crap, THAT reflex is working just fine too.
Asuka: Shinji no HENTAI! <slaps twice>
"What are you two lovebirds doing?"
Shinji: THAT'S why it's a bad thing.
Asuka snapped up to the source of the voice, dropping Shinji's
head back to the ground. Somehow Touji and Hikari had stumbled upon them
while her focus was on the idiotic boy.
Asuka: And she notices US? Not realistic here...
Shinji: Yeah, you'd think she'd be on cloud 9 by now.
"What are you doing here, Hikari?" Asuka asked her friend as she
sat up.
"I think I should be the one who should asking that question.
What are *you* doing?" Hikari smiled mischievously.
Asuka: Just beating on a poor, defenseless, attractive...
Shinji: HAH! You said it!
Asuka: Said what? I didn't say anything!
Rei: You said it.
Asuka: <blushes furiously>
Asuka blinked for a moment, trying to grasp her meaning. She
felt Shinji fidgeting under her body and looked back at Shinji who was
blushing furiously, protesting loudly to Touji who was laughing.
Shinji: Yeah. Fidgeting. That's what I'm doing. Just fidgeting.
Asuka: Good, because I'd have to slap you cross-eyed otherwise.
Hikari added, "It looks like you've been up to something..."
Shinji: <Hikari voice> "That I'd like to try! C'mere, Touji!"
Asuka: You have a lousy Hikari voice.
Shinji: She's YOUR friend.
"No!" Asuka yelped, realizing what she had been doing and
scrambled off the boy. Her face burned crimson. She felt nauseated, but
a part of
herself had actually... enjoyed it.
Asuka: A very SMALL part.
She pushed that feeling away. "No, that's not what it looks like!"
Shinji: Is it ever?
Asuka: You shut up.
"If that's so, then why did you do that?" Touji snickered. "I
knew you two'd make a nice couple."
Shinji: Um, at this point the Touji that I know would be praying for my
soul or something.
Asuka: Keep reading.
Shinji: <gulp>
"You've got it wrong!" Asuka got to her feet, protesting and
gesturing to the third floor window above, "I fell on top of Shinji!"
Rei: Yes, they can see that right there.
Asuka: And now YOU! Aargh!
"Come on, don't be embarrassed! We know what you're--"
Realizing what her friend was about to say, Asuka quickly
clamped her hands over Hikari's mouth with a look of fear in her face.
She then
whispered something into her friend's ear.
Shinji: So, Asuka, what did you say, hmmm?
Asuka: None of your business, idiot.
After few moments, Hikari nodded and she let go of her friend
hesitantly. Hikari only giggled, "Oh you mean--?" Asuka shushed her.
Shinji: That doesn't make any sense.
Asuka: If you weren't suffering from blood loss to the brain, you'd
understand.
Rei: I don't get it either.
Asuka: Whoo, big surprise there!
Unnoticed by girls, Touji walked over to Shinji and knelt beside
him, "So how did it go?"
Rei: Touji's unnoticed by girls? What's Hikari?
Shinji blushed again, stammering, "It's not like that..."
But Touji continued to press him and Shinji was becoming even
more uncomfortable than he had been with Asuka few minutes ago.
"Oh really? I could've sworn that you were..."
Rei: Lying under Asuka on the lawn.
Asuka, Shinji: <sweatdrop>
Asuka chose this opportunity to interrupt the conversation and
kicked Shinji in his shins. Shinji winced in pain and she replied hotly,
"That's for you-know-what! If you ever do that again, you'll be sorry!"
Shinji: I DON'T know what!
Turning around to face Toji, she slapped him across the face.
Incensed at Asuka's deliberate attack, Touji stood up to Asuka, "What
the hell was that for?!"
Asuka: Fun. Why else do you slap somebody?
Asuka only shrugged. "I wanted to." She retorted.
She gave him a cold shoulder and began pulling Hikari along with
her from the place. She didn't get far with her friend when Touji
accused
her of being a bitch and something else which would have better left
unsaid.
Asuka: ?? If you're going to use those words, go full out. What did he
say?
Shinji: It's about your mom.
Asuka: <breaks down in tears>
Shinji: Just kidding! Really!
Yui: PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!!
Shinji, Asuka, Rei: Huh?
What followed was repeated sounds of contact between two flesh that
left Touji with multiple red marks on his face. Asuka then shoved him
over Shinji who was still on the ground, causing him to fall backwards.
Rei: Shinji, who was still on the ground, and who Touji fell over.
Shinji: I'd say that "flesh on flesh" sounds better, although the whole
idea's a bit ecchi.
"Come on! Let's go!" Asuka quickly grabbed Hikari as she ran
off, leaving a tangle of an angry boy and confused one.
Asuka: There you go, Shinji. Happy?
Shinji: I am NOT GAY DAMMIT!
As usual, Touji was ranting at several boys for lagging behind
during their clean-up schedule while sitting lazily on his desk.
Asuka: This obviously isn't the Touji we all know and... um... detest.
Shinji: Yeah, no kidding.
Rei: They've been replaced by pods!
Shinji, Asuka: <boggle>
Rei: Sorry. Voice actress joke.
Shinji wondered for a moment when Hikari, the Class Representant
Rei: Representative of what? The class?
would realize what Touji was doing and banter him into his task.
Rei: Banter is two-way; one-way would be chivvy or such. Orders.
He glanced over to the Representant, who was still giggling along with
several other girls while Asuka seemed to be upset over something.
Probably about that incident
few hours ago.
Rei: A few hours ago, the Representative dropped in, while Asuka was
still upset.
Shinji: Wow. Three comments in one line.
He resumed mopping the floor, not noticing the group of girls
splitting up as Hikari realized that several boys were trying their best
to evade their duties and set out to scold them verbally.
Shinji: Preferable to scolding them in other ways.
Asuka: You sure?
Shinji: <goose bumps> Um... no.
He did not notice Asuka walking quietly towards him until she tapped on
his shoulder,
catching him by a surprise.
Rei: An "a" that's out of place. Is there a more empty thing?
<Asuka taps Shinji on the shoulder>
Shinji: YAAAA! Don't DO that!
Asuka: Wow, it really works.
Asuka quickly covered his mouth before he could yelp
involuntarily and hissed into his ears, "You're off the hook for now."
She let go of his mouth, "What do you mean?"
The girl glanced around to make sure nobody was looking at them,
then whispered again, "Remember what happened this morning? Well, I
told Hikari that what happened was that I was trying to help you out
after you ran into me."
Shinji: Help me out. Uh huh. You know how she'd take that, right?
Asuka: <blushes> Idiot.
"But I didn't-"
"Shh! I made her believe that you ran into me while in a hurry
to someplace and banged your head against the ground. Since it was my-"
Asuka gritted her teeth as she pushed the words out of her mouth, "My
fault. Like I said, since it was partly my fault that you hurt your
head, I tried to help you out."
Shinji: PARTLY? You jumped from the third story onto me!
Asuka: I slipped.
Shinji: Whatever! It's ALL your fault.
"Um, but that's not the truth, is it?"
Asuka: Man, you ARE stupid. You don't even remember the truth.
Shinji: Not my fault... I got distracted.
Asuka: Pervert.
Asuka was silent for few moments before she finally replied,
"No. Well, not entirely."
"But why'd you tell Hikari a story like that's half a lie?"
Shinji blinked at her.
Rei: If Hikari had been told that the story was half a lie, would she
have believed the wrong half?
Asuka frowned at Shinji, almost as if she was having some
unwelcome thoughts to say to him. Finally, she narrowed her eyes and
whispered harshly again, "Listen, you dumpkomft-
Rei: ...
Asuka: Well? Is it right or not?
Rei: I don't know any German.
<A screen pops up>Gendo: It's close enough.
Shinji: You know German, tousan?
Gendo: Of course. NERV, SEELE, all that jazz. <the screen flicks out>
if I had told Hikari the truth, she would have gone off spreading
gossips about me and you around the school.
Rei: More than one gossip is a gossip. One plus one equals one?
No way am I gonna let that happen! At least I told her that it
was *partly* my fault. Satisfied, aren't you?"
"I don't know. What about Toji? He saw us too..."
Rei: Touji is correct. Toji is correct. -Both- are not correct. How?
"That stooge? Forget him- he won't remember a thing about it
anyway. I'd better get started on my work before anybody start getting
ideas about us again."
Shinji: Oh, great.
As Asuka was about to depart, allowing him to breathe a sigh of
relief, she turned back to him abruptly, "But that does not give you any
excuse for peeping under my skirt, you hentai!"
Shinji: <pulls out a hank of hair> What's with you and peeping?
Asuka: See? You're doing it right now!
Shinji: You're in a plug suit! There's no panties to peep at?
Asuka: <murderous glare> And how do you know that...
Shinji: <voice cracks> I'll just sit back down now.
Shinji blinked as Asuka strolled off as if their conversation
never took place. He didn't understand what Asuka was doing. He shrugged
off
the remark, aware that Asuka was only bantering him again.
Rei: Baiting? Bothering? Banter can't be done by one.
Asuka: Wow, that actually rhymed for once.
Rei: Rhyme?
Asuka, Shinji: <boggle>
But he was also confused; why would Asuka admit that it was at
least her fault? This wasn't the usual Asuka he knew. She would always
place full blame on him, which he passively accepted every time.
Shinji: Darn right. I'm nothing if not consistent.
How different she was from Rei, he mused as he drifted his gaze to the
quiet girl who was washing the floor with a cloth.
Asuka: Very different.
Shinji: Yes, and how.
Asuka: What's that supposed to mean?
Shinji: How should I know?
He had given up trying to figure out why Rei was so...
emotionless. She simply did everything she was told to do, and sometimes
what she did would surprise him. Like she had last month during the
Valentine's
day....
Shinji: I don't get this. What did she do during Valentine's Day?
Asuka: It doesn't appear anywhere else in the fic.
Shinji: Yeah, but with the giving of chocolate on Valentine's...
Asuka: I'd have to give YOU the chocolate, which won't happen in a
million years, you idiot.
Shinji: Oh. Sorry.
There was a sudden uproar as Hikari caught Touji gallivanting
around, "Date or no, you're not getting off that easily!"
Shinji groaned inwardly and resumed mopping the floor.
Nobody noticed the boy leaving the class earlier than unusual in
the afternoon.
Shinji: Earlier than unusual? You'd think they'd be used to me cutting
out early.
Asuka: Really? Why?
Shinji: Synch tests, Angel attacks, running away, you know. Stuff.
Shinji paused outside the door to his apartment, regarding the
gift he was holding. Was it a good idea to stop by a gift shop and
purchase a
gift box for a girl who frequently picked and took advantage of him?
Shinji: NO. It's never a good idea.
Asuka: I think it's sweet.
Rei: <stunned look>
He wondered what would happen if he gave Asuka the gift box.
"She'll probably scream, 'Anta-baka!' and pummel me. If that's
so, then why did I buy this box?" Shinji muttered as he entered the
apartment with his usual greeting, "I'm home!"
Asuka: The evidence suggests that you're stupid.
Shinji: Yeah. In this case, I'll agree.
He did not expect a reply when a familiar voice rang out, "Oh,
welcome back, Shinji!" He traced the source to the kitchen where Misato
was happily gobbling down her instant ramen meal.
Shinji: The woman has no taste buds.
Asuka: They're just pickled.
Shinji: Whatever. That stuff is awful.
"You're bit late, aren't you today?" Misato asked slyly with a
glint in her eyes, slowing her food intake so she could take a swig from
her
beer.
Asuka: Swig! Yes! I always wanted to see somebody use "swig" in a fic.
Shinji: Um, Asuka, are you feeling all right?
Asuka: Sorry, I think the author just took me over for a second.
Yui: SORRY. WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
"Um..."
"Come on, why are you late?"
"Um, it's nothing, really."
Shinji: <hits self on head> Stupid! Nobody ever believes that.
Misato put down her can of beer and turned to Shinji, relaxing
slightly with a grin on her face, "Well I'm sure you know what today is,
right?"
Shinji: No, what IS today?
"Um, yeah... oh no, wait that's not it!" Shinji held up his
hands, backing away a bit.
"Oh yeah? Then what's that box you're holding in your hands?"
Shinji: Valentines' chocolate?
Asuka: We went over this... in Japan, girls give chocolate to guys.
Shinji realized that he had inadvertently held up the box for
Misato to see as he tried to defend himself. Embarrassed, he quickly hid
it
behind him, stuttering, "N-nothing!"
Misato grinned like a tiger, "It sure looks like a box of
chocolates to me. Am I right, Shinji?"
Shinji: Wait, maybe if I lie she'll believe me!
"No!"
The boy continued to protest, backing away as Misato pressed on,
"Come on, don't be shy. Tell me who it's for, it's for a girl, right? A
girl like..." Misato batted her eyelids slightly, " Rei?"
Shinji: Or not.
Rei: That last sentence was profoundly disturbing.
Shinji: Tell me about it. I'm a walking Oedipus complex.
Asuka: What?
Shinji: Watch episode 24 and THEN you'll understand.
"N-no!"
"Or Asuka?"
"NO!"
Asuka: NO!
"Tell me, Shinji- who's it for? Rei or Asuka?"
Flustered, Shinji screamed, "No, it's not for them! It's- it's
just a box of pencils! That's it!"
Asuka: Oh, really creative, stupid. She'll believe that.
Shinji: I should have had an excuse ready.
Misato inclined her head, "Just pencils? If that's so, then why
is the box gift-wrapped?"
"Stop pestering me! I've had with it!"
Rei: "I've had with it!" What does that mean?
Asuka: Search me.
Shinji: I mustn't run away... I mustn't run away...
Asuka: Cut that out. It's spooky.
With that, Shinji turned away and ran out of the room, leaving
Misato alone.
She held up her head on her arm while stirring around her beer
can as she sighed, "Aw, poo! Can't handle a tiny joke?"
Rei: POO?
Shinji: It's Misato. I can see that.
Asuka: Still.
ENTER THE ROOM AND I'LL KILL YOU!
Shinji ignored the warning on the door and stepped inside
Asuka's room.
Asuka: How dare you ignore the warning on my door?
Shinji: <hands over box of chocolates>
Asuka: Where'd you get those?
Shinji: Dunno, the fic author didn't say.
It was fairly messy- well, as messy as a girl's room could be for
Asuka. He could feel his heart beating inside his chest as he closed the
door behind him, breathing bit quickly.
Rei: The extra "a" can go here.
He was inside Asuka's room, of all rooms!
Asuka: Yeah, yeah, I get the picture already.
Asuka would be furious if she ever found out, and she probably would if
he did his task.
Asuka: Am I furious?
Shinji: No, you're just ticked.
"A 'task'? So that's what it's to me?" he muttered under his
breath, "Delivering a gift to a temperamental girl like Asuka? Well,
maybe not
so temperamental, but highly capricious one at that."
Shinji: That's me? Man, I must have swallowed a dictionary.
Asuka: I am NOT capricious. I'm tempramental.
Shinji: And psychotic.
Asuka: That too. <double take> Hey!
He lowered his voice as he whispered, "Why am I doing this?"
No answer came to his mind as he held up the gift box in his
hand. Misato had been right about the box all along, it was a box of
chocolates. When he left earlier from his school, he made a quick stop
at a small
store and purchased two boxes of chocolates. Delivering the first box to
Rei
was easy enough; he only had to step inside the room and place it on her
bed
then leave. He didn't really expect any reaction from Rei, who was as
out-of-the-world as a girl could get.
Rei: What does chocolate taste like?
Asuka: <hands her a piece> Here.
Rei: <munch> Hm... ... ...
Asuka: Well, there's that.
Asuka was a different matter, though. He had no idea how she
would react to his gift. He had seen so many different sides of her that
it
was becoming difficult to predict her behavior, as several recent
occasions
had proven. Like receiving a card from her.
Asuka: I sent the twerp a card?
It had surprised him when he had received a card from Asuka on
Valentine's day. Oh it didn't say anything much, nothing major, but a
simple 'Happy Valentine's Day' card signed by her. He was caught
completely by surprise, even more than when he had received a similar
card from Rei Ayanami earlier that day.
Rei: !!!
Shinji: This is turning into a Tenshi Muyo fic.
Asuka: That pun was unbelievably bad.
Shinji: Blame Andrew Huang, not me. <g>
He could never figure out the reason why Asuka gave him a card,
and Asuka had explicitly threatened to kill him if he ever told anybody
about it. So he kept his mouth shut despite his confusion.
Shinji: Who would I tell?
"So why am I doing this?" Shinji asked himself again. Again,
there was still no response, and his mixed feelings only served to
compound
his predicament further. He had originally thought of Asuka in not-so
gentle
terms, but over the time his thoughts gradually changed until he wasn't
so sure about himself. It seemed that he was beginning to like-
Shinji: Piloting Eva. Yeah, that's it.
Yui: LIAR.
Shinji shook his head rapidly, denying the thoughts. "Why
bother? It won't change anything."
However, his actions proved otherwise; when he left Asuka's
room, the gift box was no longer in his hand.
Asuka: Yeah, it would be unbelievably cheap to keep the chocolate.
Rei: This is good.
Asuka: Yeah, well, you've got your own box to eat.
Asuka was still furious when she finally returned to her 'home'
as the sun was about to set. She had only recently left Hikari and
Touji
on their 'date,' disgusted. They were planning on watching a movie and
Hikari had suggested that she go on a double date with them.
Asuka: It's been done, sort of. Evanjellydonut 3.
Shinji: But we haven't looked at any other fics yet.
Asuka: It'll be done. Believe me.
"What?!" She had shouted at her friend who didn't flinch.
"Come on, you've been moping around all day! It wouldn't hurt;
you should go out and have some fun with a boy, maybe with Shinji? God
knows
he needs some change in his life."
Asuka: Is it just me or is Hikari wavering between perky and loose
today?
This was the last straw for her as she exploded, "I. AM. NOT.
GOING. OUT. ON. A. DATE! Especially with that pervert!"
Hikari faced her, "It's only fair- you hurt him this morning,
remember? You should take him out as an apology."
Shinji: Oh, well, gee, how can I ever thank you?
Asuka: You should appreciate your good fortune.
Shinji: <edges further away from Asuka>
"No! I'm not going out with anybody, not even with Shinji!"
"Why?"
"I don't need anybody! Boys are all perverts, and I don't want
to do anything with them!"
Shinji: Now that's a dumb generalization.
Rei: But accurate.
Asuka: Of course.
"Wait, Asuka!" Hikari had shouted as Asuka ran off.
And here Asuka was, still fuming as she entered her room,
slamming her door shut. Misato had overheard her rants and wisely
refrained from
greeting her, choosing to drown herself in beer until her cellphone
rang.
Shinji: There's not enough beer in the world for that.
Asuka: I dunno. Five hundred gallons would do it. Probably.
"Katsuragi here- oh! Is that you, Kaji?"
Misato nodded for few moments as she conversed with her
'boyfriend' before agreeing, "Why, I'd love to. Where? 'Utsukushii
sakura'? Sure, I'll be there in fifteen."
Asuka, Shinji: <cracking up>
Rei: ... it's funny in Japanese. Really.
She hung up the phone and grabbed her red jacket off the coat
rack, shouting, "I'm leaving for a dinner with Kaji! You guys be good
while
I'm gone!" With that, Misato left.
Shinji: Oh, sure, RIIIIGHT.
"Hmmph!" Asuka snorted as she heard Misato depart for her dinner
with Kaji, however she was still too furious to be angry that Kaji had
chosen to have dinner with Misato instead of her.
Asuka: You have to admit, he IS cool.
Shinji: Do not. Besides, he sleeps with Misato.
Asuka: <menacing> How do you know?
Shinji: <pulls out the Kaji-Misato video, courtesy of Kensuke>
She was laying back on her bed, grumbling in German.
"Verdamnt..." It did not take long for Asuka to begin trashing her room
again. "Damn it, why did it have to happen to me, of all the people? Why
must boys hound me
all the time? Can't they see that I am *not* interested in anybody!"
Asuka: No, because they're BOYS!
She quickly got up and knocked several things off her table, "Oh
sure, Kaji wants to go out with Misato, not with me! And Hikari's
smooching
around with that stooge, Toji! And Shinji-- ooh!"
Shinji: Oh, great. I guess I'm third fiddle here.
Asuka: What? Third?
Shinji: Yeah, you know... Kaji, Touji, Shinji.
Asuka: <dark look> I could kill you, you know.
Suddenly furious, Asuka threw her pillow the shelf across the
room. It bounced right off the shelf, rocking it a bit and shaking
several
contents off it. A small picture frame fell over flat, revealing a small
white
envelope with Asuka's name on it. The card went unnoticed for few
minutes as Asuka continued to rant.
"And if I ever catch that smart-ass Kaji, I'm gonna wipe his
stupid smile off his face! I'm not going to stand for this any--" She
suddenly
cut herself off as she spotted the envelope.
". . ."
Rei: Is that my line?
With her curiosity cutting in, she calmed herself down
unwillingly and got up slowly, reaching for the card. With the card in
her hand, she
hesitated. She was afraid of what would be inside, she didn't need
another one. She just had enough of them, yet her hand slowly opened the
cover
despite her protests.
Asuka: That's funny, I thought I had way more than too many of the
darned things.
The card itself was blank except for few simple designs of
greenery on the front. When she turned the cover, words were written on
the blank
area inside:
Shinji: Tasteful.
Asuka: Quite.
Asuka-
Since you were feeling bit -um- moody today, so I thought this
might help cheer you up.
Asuka: MOODY? I am NOT moody.
Asuka stood blinking, staring at the signature, which was signed
'Ikari Shinji.' It took a while for her to finally register the fact,
and when she did, it was not a very cheerful thought.
Shinji: Oh, great.
"W-why, why y-you IDIOT! I don't *need* 'some cheering up'!"
Asuka flustered angrily, preparing to crumble up the card.
Asuka: And I'm NOT moody!
"I don't need some sympathy from you, idiot!" As she crinkled
the paper into a ball, she glanced upon a box she had overlooked,
momentarily startling her, "What the-?"
Shinji: Mental note... in the future, tape the card to the box.
The box had been gift-wrapped in red-brownish colored paper with
simple ribbon. Distracted from the ball in her hand, she eyed the box
warily before removing it from its resting place.
Asuka: Gawd, but that paper is ugly.
Shinji: You try finding gift wrap at Misato's place!
Asuka: <sniff> And the ribbon smells like...
Shinji: So I got it off of one of her liquor bottles. Gimme a break.
Returning to her bed, she sat down and slowly removed the
wrappings. The wrappings revealed a box of chocolates. She blinked in
surprise as she recognized the brand- it was one of the most popular
type of white chocolate and had the best quality in taste. No other
brand
could match its taste- they were poor imitations. However, Asuka also
knew
that the brand had carried a quite price.
Rei: A quiet price? Quite a price? Doesn't sound like my price.
Because of this, the white chocolates she had were usually reserved for
a special person or as a very formal present.
Asuka: I don't give formal presents, nor do I have a "special person".
Shinji: Of course not.
Asuka: Except for you.
Shinji: WHAT?!
Asuka: Just teasing you, moron. Man, that's fun. <smiles>
On the impulse, she quickly ran over to where she had dropped
the ball of paper and smoothed it out so she could reread it. She
lowered
the card in shock.
Asuka: What, like it was going to have changed?
"You did this...?" She blinked and went over the card again
before a slight sigh came out of her mouth, then finally a chuckle. "Oh,
you
idiot. Why'd you do that for? You're so gullible..."
Shinji: I know. Tell me about it.
Asuka: Gullibility can be cute... sometimes...
Shinji: Really?
Asuka: But YOU...
Asuka returned to the box of chocolates and sat down again.
Plucking out a mound of chocolate, she regarded it silently before
popping it
into her mouth. As she savored the taste, she thought about Shinji. "You
know, when you think about it, he isn't really that bad..."
Asuka: Great, I'm under the influence of chocolates.
Shinji: That's what it's FOR.
Feelings began to swirl around inside her as her angry thoughts
abandoned her mind, leaving her in a state of tranquillity. She laid
herself down on her bed after retrieving her pillow, picked up another
mound of
chocolate and devoured it. How relaxing it was for her!
Asuka: Ah... bliss.
Finally when she had consumed nearly half of the chocolate, she
smiled, shaking her head slowly and whispered, "You knew it, didn't you
Shinji? Looks like I was wrong about you after all..."
Asuka: No, I was right all the time, but hiding my feelings because of
my insecurities. Yeah, that's it.
Shinji: Admit it, you were wrong.
Asuka: You'll never prove it.
Shinji kept still, breathing quietly on his bed in dark. He was
unsure about what to do now that Misato had left for her dinner. He
settled for
listening to Asuka's usual rants and crashing sounds which were muffled
by the walls until it receded. It took while for him to realize that it
had ended abruptly.
Shinji: Shouldn't I be listening to some light jazz right now?
"Did she find it?" He wondered.
After a few minutes of total silence and straining his ears to
the wall, he shook his head sadly in disgust. He couldn't figure out
what
was going on in the room- for all he knew, Asuka had probably went to
sleep,
exhausted from all of ranting.
Shinji: Man, I'm stupid.
"I'm such a fool." He admonished himself as he covered his head
with his pillow.
Asuka: Wow, prophetic.
"SHINJI!"
Shinji: Ow, not so loud!
Shinji winced as he turned around to face Asuka who was
presently screaming at him for his attention, "Shinji, wait!" He had
hoped that he
would avoid the confrontation with Asuka for as long as possible, which
was why he left home earlier. He wasn't looking forward to being chewed
up again by her. There was also a matter about his 'gift' last night,
which he hoped that he would avoid...
Asuka: Yeah, right. You've got some explaining to do, buster.
"Hey, Shinji! I want to talk with you!" Asuka panted as she
slowed down, approaching Shinji.
"So much for that thought." Shinji thought silently, bracing
himself as he stopped walking.
Asuka approached him slowly, "Um, there's something I need to
say..."
"What?"
"Um..."
Shinji: Well, go ahead...
Asuka: You first...
Rei: <looks from one to the other> ...
Both of them remained silent, avoiding each other's gaze. For
once they were not interrupted by any unfortunate events which had often
manifested in form of Rei Ayanamai or Touji and Kensuke. The passerby
remained oblivious to them as they walked on by while the birds chirped
happily in cool morning breeze.
Shinji, Asuka: Darn.
Already uncomfortable with the situation, Shinji attempted to
back away and turn around so he could leave. However, Asuka quickly
grabbed
Shinji's arm on an impulse, holding him fast.
Asuka: You cannot run away, you cannot run away...
Shinji: That's not funny!
Surprised by her own boldness, she hesitated before speaking again, "Um,
it's about
yesterday..."
Asuka: Boldness? I'm acting like a wimp!
Shinji blinked, "What do you mean?" But inside he dreaded the
mention of the gift.
"It's the, uh, gift. You gave it to me,... didn't you?"
"Uh oh, I'm in for it this time" Shinji thought as he stuttered,
"Um, y- yeah I did."
Asuka paused before mumbling something that Shinji quite
couldn't hear.
"What did you say?"
Asuka: Thanks, you moron. Clean the <expletive> out of your ears.
"T-thanks. Thanks, it h-helped me a lot..." Asuka began to
redden slightly, as she wasn't used to thanking people, especially to a
boy.
But she still felt that she had to do something in return, something
more
than a simple thank-you.
Shinji: Oh no.
"Dumfkoft! What are you doing, girl?!
<a small screen pops up>
Gendo: I'm almost certain that it shoud be Dumbkopf, there.
" Asuka railed against herself, another side of herself almost whined,
"But he has been nice to me, no matter how badly I treated him. He got
me the chocolates..."
Gendo: You got her chocolates, Shinji? What were you thinking?
Shinji: I dunno, tousan.
Surprising herself, she moved in closer to Shinji, smiling
sweetly, "Thank you for the gift yesterday. That was very nice of you."
Shinji was flabbergasted and didn't quite know how to react to
her actions, backing slightly and stammering, "Um, you're w-welcome..."
Once more again sized by her impulse, Asuka quickly gave him a
peck on his right cheek. Blushing more furiously and still smiling
timidly,
utterly surprised by her own courage (or was it her foolishness?), the
readhead stepped back a bit, "Thank you, Shinji-idiot," Asuka crossed
herself, "No, I mean Shinji Ikari."
Gendo: OH. Well, there you go. <the screen flickers out>
Asuka: He's one to talk.
Before Shinji could respond, she ran off. As he watched wind
blow at her red hair, he raised his hand to now slightly-warm cheek.
Just held
on to it in wonder.
"Asuka?"
Just what is going on?, he wondered. This wasn't the usual Asuka
he knew. No, the Asuka he saw was different from the Asuka who called
him
pervert only yesterday. She was actually nice to him, no screaming or
anything like that. She had even kissed him! Only a peck, but a kiss
nonetheless. This was the special side of Asuka he was seeing.
Shinji: Wow! Gotta remember that brand of chocolate.
Asuka: Don't count on another kiss, though.
Shinji was about to pinch himself, believing that it was all a
dream, when Asuka shouted some distance from him, "Hey, Shinji-idiot! Do
you
want to be late for school? Hurry up!" She then turned around and
continued running.
As if he had been snapped from a trance, he blinked at the
diminishing figure. Slowly, a smile came to his face. "So, if that's how
Asuka wants it to be..."
He shook his head to clear away some cobwebs in his mind,
mumbling something. He kept on grinning, understanding the irony in his
situation, and broke into dash after his friend.
It was only a sweet remembrance, after all.
Shinji: Well, that was good.
Asuka: Are you kidding? I had to -kiss- you.
Shinji: Yeah, but at least we didn't go insane or kill anybody or lose
major extremities; Tokyo-3 is still standing...
Asuka: Although Hell has frozen over...
Shinji: And there wasn't even an Angel to interrupt things.
Yui: AWWWWW...
Asuka: Who is that, anyway?
Shinji: Don't ask, you don't want to know.
Rei: She likes poetry.
<the screen returns>
Gendo: So, how was it?
Asuka: Not bad. I could get used to this.
Rei: <mouth full> Um humpfh.
Gendo: Is that chocolate?
Rei: <nods>
Gendo: <shakes head> Whatever. Good job, Shinji. <the screen flickers
out>
Shinji: Did you hear that? He said, "good job"! WOW!
Asuka: Don't let it go to your head, Shinji-baka.
And thus concludes the first episode of Shinseiki Science Theater. Hope
you all liked it... any comments, flames, or sacrificial Eva fics can be
sent to akent@pdq.net.
Andy Kent