Since you've already been C&Ced on your grammer, I'll do some on the plot
side of the story.

  Springtime. A time for rejuvenation of both the earth and plants. The
time when new life is born, and the cold snap of winter is but a memory.
The forests of Japan are filled with the sounds of life. On this day in 
particular, they hold the sounds of one martial artist echoing his 
battle cry through-out the forest.

  "Where in the world am I, NOW??" cried Ryoga Hibiki as a flock of
birds took to the sky. He always hated Ranma for calling him 'The 
Eternal Lost Boy', but it was an depressing truth. Trying to escape his 
problems, he sat next to a tree and started thinking about his true 
love, Akane Tendo.

  "Oh, Akane. I bet Ranma's making you angry again. If only I had some 
way to show you how much I feel about you. Then maybe you would leave 
that low-life fiancee' of yours for me," he said aloud.

  Feeling frustrated, Ryoga got up and started training. He started his 
workout on the tree he had been sitting under.

  "It's all I ever hear from Akane when I'm her pet P-chan about how 
Ranma ruined her day." Without thinking, he started hitting the tree 
harder. Chips of bark started to fly off.

  "Then I have to hear Ranma call me pig-boy all the time and he tries
to blame me when Akane gets upset at him."

  Ryoga has started to glow, and pounded the tree harder. Loud 
cracking could be heard coming from the tree. Ryoga doesn't seem to 
care and continues to pound on it. Ryoga then starts mumbling to himself 
about how unfair it all is. In moments, he is glowing an intense blue.

  The tree, having tried its best to stay standing, shattered.

  Having still not relieved all his stress, Ryoga sees a boulder 
nearby.

  Ryoga steps in front of the boulder. In his minds eye, he pretends 
that it is Ranma's face he sees.

  He pulls his arm back, tightens his hand into a fist, extends his 
index finger. He stand motionless. Then pointing his finger at the 
boulder, he releases a mighty yell of "Bakusai Tenketsu" and he gently 
touched the boulder.

  A fraction of a second later, the boulder exploded.

  With the boulder destroyed, Ryoga let out a deep sigh and let any 
remaining depression soak back into himself. Most likely for later use.

  Just as he was about to turn around a glint of reflected sunlight 
caught his eye. 

  Lying on the ground, in the center of the shattered boulder, was a 
ring. Ryoga bent down and picked it up.

  Looking at it, he noted its intricate design. It had two dragons 
wrapping around the center jewel, each trying to eat the other's tail. 

  The jewel itself was a marvel to behold. It seemed to be made like a 
marble. It was two toned , and looked almost like a yin yang symbol. But 
instead of opposite colored dots in the middle, it had two diamonds.

  Ryoga decided that it would make a splendid gift for Akane.

  He could see it all now. He would be running up to her and she would
be running up to him. They would embrace each other. Then he would pull
out the ring and, on bended knee, present it to her. Tears would form in
her
eyes and they would embrace again. Ryoga started to get a dreamy look on
his face. "Yes," he thought," that's exactly how it would go."

  Now that he had what he thought to be the best luck in the world, he
started for Nerima again. He should have turned around.

Interesting how Ryoga just 'happens' to find the ring.  If there's a
conspiracy of some sort involving the ring, maybe do a bit of an allusion
to it just after this scene instead of waiting for the end.

  A couple of days later, Ryoga finally found the dojo. It was 
mid-afternoon on Saturday, with sounds of people working out floating
through the air. From his point on the wall, he leaped down and headed 
for the dojo.

  In the dojo, Ranma and Akane were doing their usual sparring session.
Usual meaning Akane was throwing punches and kicks, while Ranma just 
avoided getting hit. He merely tapped Akane when she left herself open.

  "Why don't ... huh...you ever ... huh ... really hit back. Huh...
You know it ... huh ... really ticks me off ... huh ... when you do 
that!" Akane managed to puff out.

  "Geez, Akane. How many times do I gotta tell ya? I don't hit girls. 
Face facts Akane. I'm just faster than you, slowpoke."

  Akane stopped and started glowing a red aura.

  "Slowpoke! SLOWPOKE!! RANMA NO BAKA!!!" She yelled as a mysterious
huge mallet appeared in her hands. Akane then proceeded to mallet 
Ranma's head into the floor.

  "Humph. That should teach you to call me a slowpoke." Seeing
Ranma lying on the floor, with each in hand in a warding pose.

  When Ranma finally regained consciousness, He looked out the open
doors and saw Ryoga looking lost as usual. 

  "Lost again, P-Chan?" Ranma said with a grin on his face.

  Ryoga ,who had been looking for the front door, had heard Ranma's 
little taunt and had stood strait up. A faint blue aura could be seen 
as he turned towards Ranma's voice.

  "And just who are you calling P-Chan?" Ryoga angrily retorted. He 
hoped Akane wasn't close by to hear Ranma's statement.

  "I was hoping you would show up. Pop isn't here right now so I
need someone who can take a pounding," he said with a slight smirk on
his face.

  "As much as I would like to pound your head in, I'm not here to see
you,
Ranma. I'm here to give Akane this ring," pulling the ring out his
pocket 
to show Ranma.

  Ryoga was left with an empty hand as Ranma had snatched it away from 
him.

I guess Ryoga will never learn not to reveal things to Ranma.  Maybe he
should read the 'If I was an Evil Overlord...' post :)

  Ranma inspected the ring for a moment before tossing the ring over
his shoulder. "I don't think she would be interested in some stupid
ring like that. Knowing you, I bet you found it in a cracker jack box."

  Ryoga was peeved. He knew Ranma was a jerk and a pervert, but he 
didn't think he was that big of a jerk. He was going to teach him a 
lesson after all. " DIE Ranma!!!"

Maybe do a bit of a build up.  Something like:

	Ryoga seethed at Ranma's treatment of him.  "Ranma, you give that back!
That's for Akane!  You keep you hands off of it!"

  Ranma just smiled and got ready to give Ryoga the beating of a 
lifetime. There was no way he would have let Ryoga give that ring to 
his fiancee'.

  Unknown to them both, the ring had bounced outside and landed in the
yard. Akane was heading towards the sounds of fighting when she saw the 
ring. 

  'What an odd looking ring,' thought Akane as she picked it up.

  Akane looked at it for a moment and was just about to put it on
when Kasumi, Nabiki, and Soun walked into the yard. 

  "Look what I found," said Akane as she showed her sisters the ring. 

  Ranma came out of the dojo at that point, having knocked Ryoga's head
through the dojo wall. Ryoga was trying desperately to get unstuck as he 
wanted to tell Akane where the ring came from but couldn't in his
current
situation.

You know, seeing Ryoga trying to pull his head out of the wall creates a
funnier image in my head that you'd think :)

  "What's the big deal? It's just a stupid ring," said Ranma.

  "It's not stupid, Ranma. I think it's a very nice ring." With that 
said, Akane put the ring on her right hand. Just as she got finished 
putting on the ring, everything got quiet. 

  Then a small light came forth from the ring. The light grew bigger 
and brighter. Ranma, while trying to shield his eyes, started towards 
Akane. 

  The air got thick and the feeling of heavy static permeated the yard. 
Soon, The light had totally blinding and a loud pop was heard. Then 
everything stopped. 

  When everyone stopped seeing spots, they looked towards where Akane
had stood. Ranma was unconscious on the ground. Akane was no where to 
be seen, but her clothes were beside Ranma. 

  Ranma slowly sat up and grasped his head as he waited for his 
vision to clear. On Ranma's right hand was the ring Akane had
just put on.

  "Where is Akane, Ranma? What have you done with my little girl?" 
Soun asked as tears started flowing from his eyes.

  "Huh?" Ranma intelligently replied. Suddenly, he seemed to be 
staring off into space. After a few moments, his vision snapped
back to the present but his face turned a good shade of red.
"Ah...Could someone get some cold water?"

How did Ranma know that cold water would bring Akane out?

  Nabiki had already come out with a glass of water. She handed 
it over to Ranma (without charging him for it as she was curious).
"Thanks Nabiki. Uh...I know where Akane is, but I think it 
would be easier to just show you." With that he poured the water
on his head. 

  Everyone was expecting his normal female side. They weren't 
prepared for what they saw. Akane was sitting in Ranma's place, in
his clothes, with the now empty glass in her hand, and the ring was
on her right hand. 

  "Hi Daddy," Akane said sheepishly. Soun, and everyone else for
that matter, fainted.

For humor's sake, maybe have everyone faint except Kasumi how says.  "Hello
Akane, do you still want to help cook dinner tonight?" :)
  

  @This is all your fault, Ranma!@ Akane was ticked off royally.
This had to be the most perverted idea Ranma had come up with, she
thought. She was certain he was behind this latest problem in her
life. As if not wanting a fiancee was bad enough, now it looked like
they were sharing a body.

  *MY fault?! How is it my fault you sexless tomboy. I wasn't the 
one who put on that stupid ring! Blame Ryoga. He's the one who found
the stupid thing.* 

  @Right Ranma. Nothing is ever your fault. You always blame everybody
else for your problems. And now your blaming Ryoga for this. Why can't 
you for once quit picking on him?@

  *How is it that everything is always my fault. Why can't you for once
just believe me?*

  @And just how should I do that, Ranma?@

  *I can prove it to you. Just let me out and I'll get Ryoga to prove
it.*

  @All right fine. I'll let you out as soon as everyone wakes up as
I don't want to repeat anything,@ she said with a exasperated huff.

That's it.  I'm finally conviced.  Even when they can read each other's
mind, Ranma and Akane can't get along.  Ranma should hook up with Ukyo
instead ;)

  Soun was the last to wake up, as usual, from the latest shock 
that was Ranma's life. Everyone was waiting for Soun before asking 
questions (plus they weren't quite sure what to ask). Soun of course
asked the obvious "What happened?"

  Akane had gone to the kitchen and got a kettle of hot water while
everyone was out. At the moment, she had the kettle sitting on a hot
plate beside her. 

  "I'm not real sure, Dad, and Ranma sure doesn't have a clue,"
said Akane.

  *HEY! That's not fair*

  @Well do you?@ challenged Akane.

  *Well not right now, but...*

  @Then shut up Ranma,@ quickly cutting him off.

  Soun had a perplexed look on his face.

  "Ranma can see and hear everything. We seem to be able to talk to
each other with our minds," Akane explained. Remembering her promise,
she took the kettle and poured the water on herself. In moments, her 
hair grew a ponytail and her facial features stretched out until Ranma's 
face appeared.

  Ranma's first action was to give Ryoga a look that was normally 
reserved for Happosai, that of pure rage. "Ryoga, I think you've got
some explaining to do," he said through gritted teeth.

  Ryoga gulped loudly and took a step back. He eventually gave in
and told all he knew of the ring and where he got it from.

  After Ryoga had finished  explaining, Ranma's eyes went blank and
he seemed to be in a trance. Then in a quick as lightning move, Ranma
had in his hand Akane's mallet and screamed "RYOGA NO BAKA!!!" 

  Ryoga sat like a deer caught in headlights. 

  Ranma swung the mallet like a golf club and caught Ryoga under the 
chin, sending him into L.E.O. Ranma stopped and fell to his knees, 
gasping for breath and sweat coming from his forehead, the mallet 
having disappeared.

That's gotta *REALLY* hurt! :)

  The others were again surprised at this. Nabiki went over and 
kneeled next to him. "I didn't know you knew Akane's hammer trick,"
she said.

  "I don't," after getting back on his feet. "That was Akane and I 
don't think I'm going to let her do that again anytime soon."
Ranma blanked out again and when he refocused his face was nearly 
ash white.

  "What's wrong, Ranma?" Kasumi asked.

  "The reason Akane did that is she found out about Ryoga turning into
P-Chan and isn't to happy about it," Ranma explained. Kasumi and Nabiki 
looked to Ranma for further explanation. "I, uh.., was thinking of 
Ryoga's curse when I was yelling at him, and Akane was able to 'see' 
it," Ranma said with a grimace.

  Nabiki turned to look where Ranma, er Akane, had sent Ryoga. 

  "I don't believe that that pervert had fooled me all this time. If 
he ever steps into this house again I will take every dime I can out of
that bacon hide of his." Nabiki's rage was so apparent, she had started
glowing a bright red aura.

Personally, I don't think Nabiki would be all that mad.  After she's
swindled everyone, even her sisters, on rare occasion.  I can see Nabiki
admiring Ryoga for pulling the biggest swindle of them all, though.

  Everyone wisely backed off as Nabiki headed up to her room. More than 
likely to draw up a bill for everything she could pin on being Ryoga's
fault.

  Ranma sat staring into space for a moment before getting up and 
talking to Soun and Kasumi. 

  "Akane isn't speaking to me right now. Look, I think I'm gonna go 
out and try to get her to talk to me again." With that, Ranma jumped up 
to the outer wall and took to the roof tops.


  It was now late afternoon and Ranma was sitting in the park
staring off into space.

  *Are you still ignoring me?* Ranma asked

  @Although I don't want to, I guess that we do need to talk. 

  @Why didn't you tell me about Ryoga's curse? That hurt you know. 
I can't believe that all this time, Ryoga was P-chan. That pervert 
heard everything I thought was private. Ooooh, It makes me so mad that 
he even watched me change clothes. And you knew all along what he was 
doing. You probably were asking him my measurements, didn't you, you 
pervert!@ Akane's reply ringed in Ranma's head.

  *Hey! I left plenty of hints about him being P-chan. You were just to
dense to figure them out. Believe me, I wanted to tell you from day one 
about that pig. It was that stupid promise I made to him that kept me 

>from telling you,* he was not going to let her get the best of him.

  @Why did you make it in the first place? Let me guess, that macho
pride of yours, right?@ she said indignantly.

  *No. It was because I was the one that knocked him into the spring.*

  That made Akane think twice for a second.

  @Oh.@

IMHO, I think Akane would get mad at Ranma again.  

	@So Ryoga's problem is *YOUR* fault!  RANMA NO BAKA!!@!

  They sat in silence for a moment before Akane started talking again.

  @How did it happen, Ranma?@

  *It happened shortly after Pop and I got cursed. I had been chasing 
Pop around the cliffs when I bumped into someone. At the time, I was so 
mad at Pop that I didn't look to see who it was or what happened to 
them. 

  I only found out later that Ryoga had a curse that night when he 
attacked me, and Pop knocked us out into the rain. He told me that he 
had chased me to China and that's when I figured out he had a curse, 
though I didn't know what he turned into. Then you hit him with a 
dumbbell and he dropped his umbrella and ran off.*

  @So that explains Yamani's dog that night, you thought it was 
Ryoga,@ happy that she remembered that part.

  *Yeah. Then when I went to take a bath, you gave me that pig you
found in your room to give it a bath also. And that's when I found
Ryoga.*

  @(snort).... (giggle)...Bwahahahaha haaa ha!@

  *What's so funny,* Ranma fumed.

  @Just that when you told me that, the image appeared in your
mind. You have to admit it looked kind of funny you sitting there
naked, as a girl, staring at an angry Ryoga whom you thought was a pig.@

  *Ha. Ha. Can we talk about something else?*

  Akane was quiet for a moment before replying.

  @You know we won't be able to keep secrets from each other while 
we're like this. Maybe we should get everything out so it isn't a 
surprise,@ she suggested. She hoped he would tell her his true feelings
about her, as she didn't want to be rude and search his mind. Besides
it wasn't exactly easy to read his thoughts.

  Ranma sighed. *I guess you're right. It came as a shock to me when 
you 'read' my mind when I confronted Ryoga. By the way, don't take
over like that again. It was extremely nerve-racking and draining.*

  @Believe me I won't. It was draining on me, too. 

  Ranma, I was wondering, where did your female side go?@

  *I don't know. Best guess is that this curse and my normal curse
have merged also.*

More like disappeared, unless Akane has red hair and a bigger chest. :)

  As Ranma and Akane sat 'talking' a bicycle bell could be heard 
getting closer.

  @Oh no.@ Had she had control of the body, she would have frowned 
right now.

  *What's wrong?*

  @I just realized, what are we going to do about school? What will
we tell our friends?@

  *I don't know, I hadn't thought that far. What about Shampoo and
Ukyo? What will they do?"

  As if to answer Ranma's question, Shampoo took the opportunity
to glomp him. She was wearing her usual delivery clothes, although it
looked as if she didn't have any deliveries with her. "Nihao, Ranma.
You here to take Shampoo to date, yes?" Shampoo's glomp and question
took both Ranma and Akane by surprise.

  "Get off of me, Shampoo," Ranma was starting to get annoyed.

  @You probably like this don't you?!@ 

  It was still so much easier to get mad at Ranma, although she 
wished the Chinese bimbo hadn't shown up. It was getting fun just 
talking with Ranma instead of fighting with him.

  *Come on Akane. It ain't like that at all.* The relaxed mood he was
getting into before slipped away as soon as Shampoo glomped him.

  @Yeah right. Like I could ever believe you,@ she said with a mental 
huff. 

  *You should be able to tell if I like this or not.*

  Akane decided to prove him wrong and was shocked to realize he 
actually didn't like Shampoo, or Kodachi for that matter, glomping him.
That in fact, he always tried to get them to let go but didn't want to 
hurt them to do it.

Akane sees the light!  (Bright light comes from heaven, illumiating both
Ranma and Shampoo.  Praises from a host of angels sing 'Hallelugah')

  Meanwhile, Ranma was trying to deal with a glomp-happy Shampoo. 

  "I said, let go of me Shampoo. Why can't you take a hint?" he said 
angrily. 

  "Shampoo just want to get close to Ranma. Don't get to do much."

  "Right now Akane is closer to me than you'll ever get, Shampoo."

  @As if I had a choice.@

  "How can Ranma get close to violent-girl? Akane no cook. Shampoo
great cook and wife. Why you no go with Shampoo?"

  @I may not be the greatest cook in the world but at least I don't
give drugged food.@

  *No we just need drugs afterwards.*

  @Humph! You just don't know talent when you see it Ranma@

  Ranma was starting to big sweat.

  "Shampoo it's not that I don't like you or nothing," Ranma tried 
his best to calm the now irritated amazon, but as usual he wasn't
having much luck.

  @Why not just go out with her, Ranma? Since you like her cooking 
so much.@ 

  *It's not like that at all, Akane. Instead of getting mad at me 
why don't you help me.* Ranma was slightly startled that he had asked 
Akane for help.

  @And how would I do that, huh?@ Akane couldn't believe he actually
asked for help so she feigned ignorance.

  *You're better with words than I am. And since Shampoo can't 
hear you, she won't know that you were coaching me.*

  @Well I don't know, but I'll try anyway as I can't stand this
either.@

  "You ok, Ranma? Ranma had funny look."

  "Huh? Oh sorry Shampoo. Look Shampoo, I have some things I want
to say to you."

  "Ok." She didn't know what was going on but when Ranma speaks,
Shampoo listens.

  @Ok. Tell her that you have been doing a lot of thinking lately@

  "Shampoo, I've been doing some thinking."

  @Tell her that with everything going on, you haven't been able to 
find time for yourself@

  "With everything going on, I haven't had time for myself."

  @And that you're a complete moron.@

  "And I'm a complete mor..." Ranma stammered slightly before 
continuing. " Er...what I mean is that I would be a moron if I didn't 
make a decision," he said with a sheepish grin.

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  *I'm gonna get you for that!*

  @Hehe. Sorry, couldn't pass up the chance. 

  @Now tell her that for you to properly decided who to choose,
you need time.@

  "For me to choose, I need time by myself." Ranma was hoping Shampoo
was buying all of this.

  "How long Ranma need?" Shampoo was sure she had finally wore him
down to make him come up with having to make a decision.

  @Tell her you need at least a month.@

  "I need at least a month, Shampoo."

  "Ok, Ranma. Shampoo know Shampoo will win heart. Bye bye."

  Ranma was stunned. It seemed too easy.

When did Akane suddenly deveope poeple skills?  She's almost as bad as
Ranma. :)

  *Do you think she bought it?*

  @Looks like it. If nothing else, it bought us some time to get
fixed back before we have to tell her we've merged.@

  *Thanks Akane. I wouldn't have been able to do that without you.*

  @Y..Your welcome..Ranma,@ said a very startled Akane.

 
  Back in the park, the sun was starting to set. Ranma and Akane both 
sat silently and watched as the sky changed colors.

  *Why can't it always be like this?* thought Ranma.

  @Hummm?@ Akane asked.

  *Opps, Sorry. I sorta forgot that you were still in my head," a goofy
grin sitting on his face.

  @I'm so touched you finally remembered me.@ 

  The sarcasm was not wasted on Ranma.

  *Could we for once not fight, please?*

  @Only if you explain what you meant by it being like this.@

  *I'm meant the peace an quiet. Just watching the Sun go down. You
know
stuff like that.*

  @Yeah I know what you mean. I didn't think you would like this.@

  *Well being on the road, most of the time you try to keep yourself
occupied. Plus Pop thought it was worthless, so I did it to spite him,
at first, but I came to enjoy it.*

  @Is that why you sit on the roof alot?@

  *Yeah.*

  Akane decided to switch gears. 

  @What are we going to tell Ukyo?@

  *I don't know. Why don't we think of something tomorrow? I'm tired
and a bath would sure help.*

  @Bath? What are we going to do?@

  *What are you getting upset about? Its just a bath,* he said with a 
quizzical look on his face.

  @Ranma think for a sec. We would be bathing together,@ she couldn't
believe how dense her fiancee' could be. Then again this was Ranma she
was thinking about.

  *URK. I didn't think of that.*

  Ranma sat for a sec before saying, *Well it's not like I haven't
seen a naked girl before. Plus we've seen each other a couple of
times before...I guess what I mean to say is, try not to think about 
it.*

  @Not think about it?! How can we not think about it?!@ she now knew
he was not only dense but completely clueless.

  *Well I figure once I splashed cold water on myself it would be you
naked. Then when you stepped into the furo it would be me that was 
naked. Well just try not to look when the other is present.*

  @That isn't a solution, hentai!@

  *It's not like we got a choice, do we?* he said with a slight
irritation.

  @I guess not. Just don't enjoy it,@ she said with an defeated huff.

  *Oh like I'd enjoy taking a bath with an uncute tomboy like you.*

  @Oh and I guess you think having to bathe with a jerk and a pervert
is fun for me?@ she said with a slightly irritated voice.

  Ranma was not going to get the last word if she had any say about it.

  *Look, I'm feeling a little tired and you have to admit this
ain't easy for either of us. You're not uncute, really. I just wish we
got off on a better foot when we first met.*

  @I'm feeling tired too, Ranma,@ she sighed.

  @I guess I haven't really been giving you a chance. We really need 
to work together for the time being so I'll try not to blow up anymore, 
ok?@

  *Yeah. And I'll try to think more before talking.*

  @Although I never thought I'd say this but let's go get a bath 
together.@

  Under normal conditions, both of them would have noticed the small
glow coming for the ring. And had they looked closely, they would have
seen the two diamonds moving closer together before the glow faded out.

For this next bit, I would use something to make the scene change a little
more obvious, like a short line of asteriks.  You use a single line in
between all your paragraphs, so doing so here doesn't tell the reader that
you're doing a scene change as opposed just a new paragraph.

  Meanwhile, the eyes of a red haired woman stood in front of a small
pool of water and was watching them very closely. A small frown on her 
face. 

  "It looks as if I'm going to be taking a trip to Nerima, Japan," said
the woman to herself.

Very good story!  I enjoyed it alot and am looking forward to the next
chapter.  Hoped the C&C helped.

Good luck and have fun writing! :)


Adam Brown aka Nighthawke

Fanfics available at

http://members.tripod.com/~Sharron_Apple/