On Fri, 26 Jun 1998, Mark Page wrote:

That might also have contributed to the misinterpretation by people of the
conclusion.  Sailormoon/Serenity didn't choose to destroy the world....
That was enforced on her by Pluto.  If she dies, then nothing will stop
Deathmaster porking his way through the local population.  So she set up a
way in which to take him out with the rest of us.

The thing of it is, that's never been Usagi's way.  Setsuna *might* try to
set up something like this -- the Outer Senshi have always been more
machiavellian and pragmatic than the Inner -- but Usagi would never go
along with it.  She's always convinced that there is another way, a way to
save everyone, even the villains -- and usually she's right.

Where did Pluto get the power to do this, anyway?  It doesn't seem to fall
into the sphere of mastery of time.  Further, I don't think she'd have the
power to affect Serenity like that without her consent (which, as I've
said, I don't think she'd give) -- if nothing else, the Ginzuishou could
sever the tie.  For that matter, the Ginzuishou is usually Usagi's weapon
of last resort, not self-destruct deadmans switches -- why isn't it even
mentioned?

Basically, I don't see that there's actually very much of anything in this
story.  It can basically be summed up as 'This senshi dies, then this
senshi dies, then this senshi dies in a particulary gory way, then the
villain brags, then Sailor Moon dies, then everything blows up.'  It
attempts to play on the heartstrings, but substitutes slasher-movie
violence for emotional connections and sacrifice.  It's not too
interesting in terms of plot, and there's little in the characterization
of note.  As far as 'let's kill everyone to destroy the main villain'
plots go, I felt far more genuine emotion and even shock from the last two
episodes of the first season, which have ten times the impact with less
then a tenth of the gore.

Oh great dark and silent one....  I beseech thee to be my muse to come up
with more and more darkly inventive fics....  Om mane padme hum om mane
padme hum.....  Ahem, excuse me....  ^_^;;

The problem with this is that it's dark, but not innovative.  It's even
only vaguely believable in its darkness.  If you want to do believable
Sailor Moon darkness, I recommend keeping everyone in character for it,
and starting by reviewing the darkest episodes of the actual series.  The
end of the first season, Haruka and Michiru at the Marine Cathedral, the
final story arc against Galaxia -- all times when senshi go willingly to
their deaths, that involve the viewer far more than any gruesome
descriptions of skulls getting caved in or flesh being flayed from bones.

You do have a certain amount of skill as a writer.  However, you still
need to work on craft issues, such as constructing an involving plot,
creating genuine emotional resonses, and selecting a subject matter that
is both satisfying to you and interesting to your audience.  You've got
potential, but you'll have to really work to realize it.

-- 
Scott Johnson |
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