Sachs <sachss@db.erau.edu> wrote:

Here is the revised version...
Thanks for the C&C... Keep it coming!

The problem with this is one that's very common to alternate universe
stories: It repeats too much of the original series.

Pretty much everything in this chapter is unchanged from the original
Ranma 1/2. The only difference seems to be that Ranma's thoughts seem
less emotional and more rational -- though that doesn't seem to affect
his behavior.

You don't need to show us all these scenes -- and, frankly, you risk
boring off the readers. Just give us enough information so that we know
the important plot points, and get to showing us what's *different* in
this version of things.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics